My heart pounds out a violent tune, making my head spin and suddenly I need to get away, far away from all of these people and their unwarranted expectations. I never asked for this, I don’t want to be their paladin.
I’m not here to save them; I couldn’t even if I tried. I didn’t fight to save the people being murdered right before me. I closed my eyes, buried my mind far away from the nightmare that unfolded in front of me, until I had no other choice but to fight for myself, for my own survival, my own vengeance.
Karadese’s voice calls to me from a distance while shadows play on the edge of my vision. The room sways, warping to a twilight zone that I can’t escape from. My feet refuse to move as every muscle in my body turns to jelly and I know that any second now I’m going to pass out.
Chapter Thirteen
His hand wraps around my bare arm, holding me up before I can crumble to the ground.
“Just breath, you’re doing fine.” Blay’s calm self-assurance washes over me, chasing away the overwhelming inferiority which only seconds before threatened to take me down.
My heckles momentarily rise, hating that once again I needed his help, but unable to deny the truth that without him I would have choked and made a complete fool of myself, not the impression Queen Karadese would have wanted me to make.
Without another word he leads me to stand beside Karadese, as if that had been the plan the entire time, not one person in the audience thinking otherwise.
Blay releases my arm, quickly returning to take his seat and I can’t help but watch him go, my eyes glued to his lean body hiding beneath a black suit which transforms him from a ruggedly handsome warrior to a drop dead gorgeous ruler to be.
Karadese clears her throat, my attention darting back to her and I catch the almost puzzled expression filling her eyes as they flicker between the son she thought I despised and back to me again. Whatever she must be thinking is quickly hidden as she continues addressing her people.
“One girl survived the Zantronians wrath. She stood against their second in command, Garvien,” she pauses, looking out above the people, beyond into nothing but the approaching night.
Suddenly my anxiety doesn’t seem as great as I watch Karadese, her brow slightly creased, the hitch in her voice I’m certain no one but me noticed. She surges on, fuelled by a hate that matches my own.
“She stood alone, weapon-less, with no hope in sight. She didn’t cower away. Instead, she stood strong and brave and fought against a death governed by the cruellest of evil. Her fighting spirit is to be honoured, remembered and called upon in the direst of circumstances. It is my honour to present, Rayna of Earth.”
The applause echo’s around me like thunder in a storm. I don’t need to say anything; even if I did they wouldn’t be able to hear me above their own excited rumble.
I simply stand there, smiling with fake happiness, accepting unwarranted praise. None of them know the truth, that without the Prytorians attacking, without Blay finding me in the nick of time, I would never have survived.
I don’t tell them this, nor do I utter how I really feel, that if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t sit there, huddling in the corner of my metal cage, mute. No, I would make the most noise, scream and shout, hurl obscenities with as much power as I possess. I would do anything and everything so they would take my life first.
Kill me and let it be over with.
***
The evening has dragged on with me tirelessly being pulled from one person to the next. Shaking hands and dancing with the sea of faces, not remembering one name or bothering to engage in any conversation beyond a courteous ‘hello’ and ‘pleased to meet you’.
The celebrations had eventually spilt out into the courtyard allowing more room to move and thankfully allowing me to slip away unnoticed.
I had thought of asking Ellestra to go back to my room with me, knowing my chances of getting lost are pretty high, but one look at her pressed tightly up against a young man, while slow dancing under the fairy lights that adorn the ceiling and I knew that I couldn’t pull her away from her magical moment.
Her sweet face was full of happiness as she gazed up at the shaggy blonde haired boy who stared down at her with equal adoration.
Calasis had spent much of the night cruising between me and several other girls, dancing the night away as if the celebrations were in his honour, and truly it was nice to see how unaffected he is from what lies beyond his Realm. If he can live his life without fear then maybe there is still hope for the rest of us.
Blay hung back, only engaging with the elders in talks of battle plans and future training and never once returning to my side. Even though I had cast glances at him, hoping he would come and save me, whisk me away from the overly excited people and return me to solitude, he remained aloof, not bothering to provide the excuse I needed.
Secretly I had hoped that he would ask me to dance, it was a Ball after all, and if he liked me in any way, now would be the perfect time to show his interest. I felt the crushing weight of his indifference with every passing moment and scolded myself for being so fickle as to even entertain the possibility that he would want me in the first place. God knows I have bigger issues to deal with than a standoffish Prince.
The night was stolen when Karadese and Araton took to the dance floor, entwined together in a perfect fit, never once out of time as they glided around the room while lovingly gazing into each other’s eyes like they were the only ones in the world.
It was then, when everyone else was too preoccupied with the Queen and King’s obvious love to notice what I was up to, that I slipped out of a side door, leaving all the noise and anxiety behind me.
Kicking off my heels I sigh in relief when my tortured feet rest against the cold stone floor as I begin to pad down an empty hallway. I don’t know which way to go and I don’t care.
It’s nice being alone, not having to constantly present myself as some kind of hero and out of the ever present eye of one of my guards.
I’m sure the moment will be short-lived; someone will surely notice my absence and seek me out. In the meantime I aimlessly walk the halls, stopping every once in a while to gaze out of the windows at the empty town beyond.
It must be nice living there. Everything is clean and presented immaculately. Every person has a home and a job, the Queen ensures her people are well taken care of; no one suffers alone or struggles to make ends meet. They all work together, towards a common goal, they are not governed by a selfish need to have more than the next person, everyone - apart from the royal family - are classed as equal, no more or less important than the next.
Their equality shone through during the celebrations, especially when Queen Karadese embraced a simple caretaker like they were long lost friends.
A stab of guilt had consumed my clearly human heart right at that moment. The confronting truth that I have done nothing to deserve Karadese’s attention was like a slap to the face. Her help and understanding were given to me so freely, and she has asked for so little of me in return, all for the sake of soothing the fears of her people, to inspire them for future battles and bring some joy to their often troubled lives.
The differences between humans and the people of Prytora are vast and it saddens me how we don’t live a similar way of life.
Prytora may be a small planet but the people are especially strong in heart and soul. Perhaps it should be me who draws from their honour and not the other way around.
I come to the end of a long hallway when I hear voices far behind me. There is only one door leading off and since I’m not ready to be found yet, I open it, slipping inside and resting against the thick timber until I’m sure that the voices have drifted away.
A sweet fragrance tickles my senses and I turn, taken aback by what I see.
Light pours in through the glass ceiling from two full moons in the otherwise pitch black sky, illuminating a single light blue path weaving its way through a field of pastel coloured plants, no gre
en or brown in sight.
I find myself following the path, my fingertips brushing along the unusual plants, feeling the smoothness of the jagged leaves, not sure where the path is leading me, only knowing that I want to experience this oddity for as long as possible.
The further I go, the stronger the scent becomes. It’s almost like cherry, vanilla and coconut have been mixed together to produce a strangely familiar fragrance which somehow awakens my appetite.
Within moments the door is lost behind the thick, unique foliage and I keep going, my speed increasing until I come to a complete standstill, looking out in awe to the most beautiful sight I’ve ever witnessed.
The whole back wall of this colossal greenhouse is glass, giving a clear view of what lies outside, which unbelievably is even more breath-taking than this entire room.
This section of the castle has been built into the side of a cliff, embedded into the very rocks which create the walls of half the room. The rock face then falls away to mould into an almost bowl-like shape that holds a lake full of ice blue water which is being replenished by an ever flowing, tree-lined, waterfall.
I can only just make out the roar as the water crashes into the very lake that I plunged into merely days before. I stand there transfixed for the longest time, breathing in the intoxicating scents, watching the elegant beauty of this planet and wishing things were different.
If only I hadn’t taken Garvien’s ring, if I had left it to bury into the burning earth instead of placing it onto my wrist, then I might have been able to stay here, to pretend nothing bad ever happened and live the rest of my life in a purely selfless planet.
“Beautiful isn’t it?”
His voice doesn’t shock me, his presence no longer a cause for alarm. If anything I can’t help but be excited that he’s here, experiencing this moment with me before my tranquillity ends.
“I’ve never seen anything this magnificent before.”
As he comes to stand beside me his arm brushes my shoulder, sending shivers down my spine.
“There are many beautiful places here on Prytora. I can show them all to you, if you choose to stay.” The hope in his voice is at odds with how he has basically ignored me all night.
Why would he want me to stay if he isn’t interested in me in any way? Regardless it doesn’t matter now. I’ve made a plan and I’m going to stick to it.
“I have to go back, Blay, you know that.”
He shoves his hands deep into his pockets, remaining aloof while staring straight ahead, refusing to meet my eye.
With the Ball now over, my mind starts racing, knowing it’s only a matter of time until I leave this world and plunge back into my own and with that knowledge my mind relentlessly throws up scenarios of what my unstable future holds.
One thing I keep returning to, unable to decide upon, is whether or not I should return to my family or stay hidden for good.
The thought of never seeing my mother again twists at my heart, yet an underlying question stabs away at my conscience.
“How do I tell them?” I whisper, almost too afraid to ask.
“Tell who, what?”
“My mum, the parents of my friends who were killed, anyone who is desperate to find their missing loved ones. How do I tell them that they died a horrible death, that they were brutalised, tortured and then decimated.”
“Don’t,” Blay says simply.
I stare at him, stunned.
“Don’t tell them anything? How can you say that? They have a right to know.”
“Would you want to know?” He finally turns to look at me, sadness etched into his unlined face, mirroring my own.
“Even now, after all that’s happened, would you still want to know what’s out there, still threatening your existence, or would you rather be lied to, to be free from this awful truth?”
I don’t answer him, I can’t. I already know what I would choose, the easy way out - any way in which I could protect myself is the one thing I would always choose.
“It’s because of the bracelet that you’re leaving isn’t it?” His voice is cool, detached and once again hostile. I’m almost too afraid to look at him, but I can’t hide it from him forever, he already knows too much.
“Because of what the bracelet can do,” I say sadly, fiddling with the corsage which has stayed in place the entire night.
“Which is what exactly?” His narrowed eyes flicker over my wrist before landing on my face, watching me with such scrutiny I know I can’t keep the truth from showing.
“I don’t know, and that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.” I sigh knowing that I can’t keep the full truth to myself any longer. “It’s changing me somehow, making me do things, feel things that I can’t control. The only thing I’m certain of is that this bracelet is evil and I’m scared it’s going to turn me evil too.”
He lets my admission sit heavily between us, his mind turning over all of the possibilities, worry pulling the corners of his lips down.
“You got it while on Zantron, didn’t you?”
I nod, my stomach too filled with nausea to utter the words.
“How? Did they give it to you? Do they make you wear it before they kill you?” He struggles to understand, putting mismatched pieces together that never seem to fit. His horrendous thoughts are nothing compared to the horrifying truth.
“I took it, when I was dying,” I whisper, the memories of that moment flashing through my mind, my mouth opening to let the truth finally spill free.
“I saw it and for a moment I thought that by taking it I was proving something to him, hurting him in some tiny, spiteful way. I just wanted to hurt him, to get revenge any way I could, and the ring – he wore it as a ring - was the one thing that seemed important to him, and it was lying there on the ground next to me right after our fight, after I wounded him, and I was dying, there was nothing else for me to do, no other way to retaliate, so I acted. Now he’s punishing me, I know he is.”
Blay turns, putting his hands softly on my shoulders, twisting my body so I face him, unable to look anywhere other than his intense golden eyes, his brows pulled down into a deep frown.
“Who, Rayna, who did you take the bracelet from?”
“Garvien,” his name burns on my tongue as a single tear spills down my cheek and I know I’m going to lose it, the hard built composure I’ve been struggling to hold onto since being captured is about to crack.
I have broken down before, but that was from fear of what my unstable future could possibly do to hurt the people around me. Not once have I taken down the walls I erected since being thrown into that cage and succumbed to the overwhelming fear. Instead I’ve hardened my heart, built a fortress around it to protect myself, to keep me sane.
Now I feel those walls crumbling, the fear of being unable to protect myself from the worst possible fate – me.
My lips quiver as a soft moan creeps from my throat but before I have a chance to crumble in a heap onto the floor, Blay pulls me close, pressing my head into his solid chest and wrapping his arms around me, keeping me standing, holding me together with his very inner force.
“It’s alright, Rayna, you will be okay,” his soothing tone is not enough to chase away the escalating fear deep inside me.
I lean heavily into him, allowing myself for the briefest of moments to accept his offering of help, to draw from his effortless strength while I shatter inside.
“I will go to Father, he will know what to do.”
My muscles go as hard as the stone on which we stand, the same coolness seeping through my veins with his words. He only holds me tighter when I attempt to move away and I have to force my words out, muffled by his solid chest.
“No, Blay, you can’t tell anyone about this. They will kill me or hand me over to Garvien.”
“Don’t be stupid, I would never allow that to happen.”
I push forcefully against his chest, allowing me just enough room to put a sliver of distance between us, his arms still
not willing to let me go.
“Promise me, Blay, promise me you won’t tell anyone about what I did or what the bracelet is doing to me.” I keep my voice strong, no sign of the fleeting weakness showing through.
He looks away, his eyes scouring the landscape outside, his full lips parting to protest, to convince me of something I know will be a huge mistake.
“Promise me.”
His eyes flicker back to mine and I can see the internal struggle raging in his astute mind. Unconsciously I hold my breath, my lungs screaming out for oxygen, as I await his decision. When he nods I breathe freely, almost weak from anxiety.
“I promise.”
He trails his fingers across my chin, tilting my head up and leaning in closer until our lips are merely a breath apart. My heart stutters, only this time, it’s not out of fear.
“You have to promise me something too, Rayna.”
His breath tickles my cheek and I’m unable to look away, drawn into him so completely that everything else, all my worries, the sheer beauty of our surroundings, everything falls away, being replaced with a comforting sleepy warmth that seeps through my veins until all that is left is him, and without a doubt I know I will promise him the world if he wants it.
“Promise me that you will stay here on Prytora. Don’t return to Earth, not until I at least find out what that bracelet actually is and what it’s doing to you.”
I’m nodding even before he’s finished, a tiny voice in the back of my mind screaming out to deny him, urging me to listen, to think beyond this moment and remember I want to leave for his safety as well as his family’s.
But the little voice is drowned out the moment Blay’s lips brush against mine, the shimmering warmth turning blazing hot, consuming me completely and overwhelming even the heat which pulses out from the vile bracelet.
Paladin Rising (The Paladin's Curse Book 1) Page 14
