“I wouldn’t be able to stop them, not even if I wanted to! You’ll gain nothing from killing me!” Sheila spat.
“At least I will have had some satisfaction. I hope you die a painful death, Sheila Douglas, for wishing Sarah in her grave.”
Sarah was horrified to hear him speaking like that. As if he were just like them. As if he were one of the Valaya, and no better.
The last thing Sarah saw as they walked out was Sheila sitting at her desk with her head in her hands, her eyes semiclosed, as if she were in the grip of a terrible pain.
The noise of traffic in Princes Street hit them like a wall. The heavens had opened. They ran to the car under the pouring rain.
“What are we going to do now?” Sarah dried her face with her hands, her long hair soaking.
“We wait. They won’t be long.”
No, they won’t be long. Maybe now, maybe this afternoon, this evening, tonight. There’ll be no rest, no rest until the Valaya has been defeated. And after that, there’d be something else. No rest forever.
No rest, until sooner or later something manages to kill us.
24
The Life That Could Have
Been Mine
Wait for me, I’m coming home
Light the fire and close the curtains
After love was gone
Love arrived
The phone rang while Sarah was practising her cello. She stopped, reluctantly, and dragged herself out of the state of grace she always fell into when she was playing – that suspended state of perfect concentration that had her mind, her body, her heart and her soul aligned with each other, like a constellation. For all the years she wasn’t allowed to tell anyone what really went on in her life, Sarah could speak through her music. Music was everything to her, her respite from constant fear, from loneliness and loss. Her refuge and her way to ask the world to be seen, to be loved.
“Hello? Hi Bryony. Yes, she’s here. Sarah!” she heard Harry say as he answered the phone.
“Coming,” she called, sighing. She was always happy to speak to Bryony, but she needed to practise. The audition was only seven weeks away, and with all that was going on …
“Hi … Better. I’m not sure … maybe another time … Yes, I know I haven’t been out in ages … Bryony, I have to practise, seriously. No, I’m not putting it off a year, of course I can do it. I know, I know. OK. Just for an hour, then. See you in a bit. Bye.”
She looked at Harry and shrugged her shoulders, as if to say what could I do?
“Sarah …” Harry’s voice was full of reproach.
“Oh, don’t give me a hard time now. I’ve got to go. We’re just going to the Royal Mall. I’ll be back in an hour or two.”
“You know it’s dangerous. If they attack you they could hurt Bryony too …”
“I haven’t been out in weeks, I haven’t seen anyone in weeks … Bryony sounded strange. I can’t lose her. I don’t want to lose her.”
“Does she not understand all that you went through?”
“Of course she does. But she doesn’t see why I’m not leaning on her. We always leaned on each other, all these years.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that you’d put her in danger.”
“I know,” Sarah sighed.“Oh, you’re right. I’ll phone her and say I can’t go. Once this nightmare is finished, maybe I’ll be able to have a life again …”
I’m like a curse. The thought weighed like a stone in her heart. Sarah looked so desolate that Harry felt for her. He thought for a minute.
“Listen, what if I follow you? Like I follow you in school? I’ll keep an eye on you all. If something happens, I’ll be there.”
“Oh, Harry, if you could do that …”
“It won’t take the danger away, but it’ll help.”
“You can follow me in that super-creepy way of yours. We won’t see you but you’ll be there, like a spy!” She smiled.
“I’m not super-creepy!” protested Harry.
“Well, you follow me everywhere, and if that’s not creepy I don’t know what is,” Sarah teased him.
“It’s not creepy!” Harry insisted. Sarah raised her eyebrows.
“Well, maybe a bit. But it saved your life at least once.”
“Did it?”
Harry nodded.
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that means it works, then. You can drive me and then hang around. In the bushes, or something.”
“There are no bushes in the shopping centre.”
“There are, a few sorry-looking ones. I think they’re plastic. Or you can steal a uniform from a security guard …”
Harry smiled. “That’s not how it’s done.”
“How do you do it? Is it a bit like when you walk around all silent, and I can’t hear you coming and you scare the life out of me?”
“The same principle, yes.”
“A useful skill.”
“Very.”
Harry really was frightened for Sarah’s friends, in case of an attack. That was the truth. But there was another reason why he didn’t want her to go, something he couldn’t even admit to himself. He knew it was wrong to feel that way, but he couldn’t help it.
He’d never been so possessive with anyone. After having lost his parents when he was thirteen, he had sworn he was never, ever going to have a family. He couldn’t bear the thought of getting close to someone, and then losing them again. Girlfriends and friends had come and gone, leaving no trace, until the real Harry had come along. Harry Midnight had been the first person to seep into his heart, his first true friend.
And he had died too.
Then Sarah appeared out of the blue, like someone from a dream. All the terror and grief he’d felt at the loss of his parents, and of Harry, transferred onto her. The desire to protect her, to save her, had overwhelmed him. It was so strong that he didn’t know what to do with it. He wanted to growl, to circle around her like a wild dog. He knew that his feelings for Sarah went beyond affection; he was under no illusion about the way he loved her. He couldn’t bear the idea of something happening to her. He couldn’t bear the idea of someone taking her away.
Another man.
There, he’d said it, even if just in his head.
He also knew that he had no right to her, that he could never, ever let his feelings come to the surface – he was supposed to be her cousin, so she believed, so the world believed. Being near her, being her family, had to be enough for him.
And if she said once more lie beside me, the way she did the other day? Would he be able to laugh it off again? Or would he lie beside Sarah and let his heart, not his head, decide what was right and what was wrong?
He wanted to be her whole world. Danger kept them close; she needed him, and he wanted to keep it that way.
“Hey, what are you thinking?”
“Nothing. Come on, let’s go.”
“OK. I’m just going to get dressed.”
After forty minutes (What on earth is she doing?) Sarah was back. Her long hair was loose, and it came down past her shoulders, black and shiny. She had chosen black leggings and black pumps, and a jumper in a blue-grey shade that showed her white, soft shoulders. She had a silvery eye-shadow that made her eyes shine, and a light lip-gloss. Her cheeks were pink with happiness.
Harry was speechless.
Sarah saw how he was looking at her, that he was unable to look away. She realized she didn’t want him to, and it scared her.
“I’ll get my jacket,” she muttered.
“I’ll warm the car,” he muttered back.
While he got into the Bravo, Harry realized that there was nothing more he wanted than to run his hands through her hair.
“Yes! We managed to get you out!” Bryony hugged Sarah tight. Sarah breathed in the sweet bluebell scent of hers and felt happy, perfectly happy, like when they were children and they were allowed a sleepover in each other’s house. Bryony had a purple fabric flow
er pinned in her hair, on one side of her face. Her taste in clothes had always been eccentric, bright and colourful. She suffered, having to wear a grey and blue uniform all week, and came alive at the weekend, when she could express her creativity and play with colours the way she loved. Sarah thought she looked amazing, so vibrant and cheerful and full of life.
“Hey Sarah!”
Alice and Leigh had arrived, and Sarah hugged them both. They looked great too. Alice with her blond asymmetric bob, and big blue eyes. She was very tall, and very pretty – she and Sarah’s cousin Siobhan were the main contenders for the title of prettiest girl in Trinity Academy. Leigh had long, straight brown hair and freckles. She was the less flamboyant of the three, but just as pretty.
The four girls were so different that they gelled perfectly, compensating for each other, giving each other what the others lacked. Bryony was arty, eccentric, full of life; Alice was sultry and confident, older than her years; Leigh was sweet and generous, with a life that had no clouds. And Sarah was shy, a bit melancholic, the darkest of the four – with those strange parents that her friends couldn’t decipher.
They made a beeline for Accessorize, their favourite shop. It had everything, from jewellery to bags, hats and scarves, pretty stationery and even underwear and slippers. Everything was arranged by shade and colour, and shone under the bright lights – girls and women flocked like magpies. They raided the shop, and Sarah loved every minute. It was the first time she’d gone shopping in a long time. The Halloween stock was out, a whole range of jewellery shaped like pumpkins, bats and little witches on brooms. Right up Sarah’s street.
“What did you buy?” Alice asked her.
“These …” She brushed her hair away, and showed her the earrings she’d just bought. Two tiny silver moons.“And this …” She took her new necklace in her fingers: it was a little black cat.
“It looks like your Shadow!”
“Exactly. What did you get?”
“Over-the-knee stockings. To show your cousin!” laughed Alice.
Sarah looked furtively around, wondering if he’d heard. After all, he was there, but she didn’t know where.
“Look at my loot.” Bryony had bought some bat-shaped earrings and a bat pendant. “For Halloween!”
“Cute!” The girls approved.
Leigh had bought a knitted pink across-the-shoulder bag, a matching little purse, and a few pieces of jewellery. Her dad was a famous sports commentator, and she always had a lot in the way of pocket money – unlike Bryony, who had four brothers and sisters to share with, and was always broke.
“Hey girls.” A tall boy wearing jeans and an orange T-shirt had approached them. Jack. Sarah tensed up.
“Hi Jack, look at you, very trendy,” smiled Bryony.
“You too, I could see you from a mile away with those tights” he replied, good-naturedly. “So what are you doing? Who are you with?”
“Not Michael, if that’s what you were fishing for.” Bryony blushed, and Alice and Leigh laughed. Bryony had had a crush on Michael for a long time – three months, which was ages, by her standards. Sarah didn’t join in the laughter – she was busy trying to look around without being noticed, to see if Harry was near. She was hoping that he wouldn’t see Jack. She knew it would upset him.
“Sarah, that hazelnut latte …” Jack said hopefully.
Sarah opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She didn’t know what to say. She really wanted to be with her girlfriends. The last thing she wanted was to leave them, and go for coffee with Jack.
And if Harry saw us …
So what if Harry saw us? It’s none of his business! He’s my cousin, not my–my …
She refused to finish the thought.
Bryony noticed Sarah’s unease, and came to her rescue.
“Thanks, why not?” she said brightly.“Let’s go to Starbucks, what do you think?” Jack looked at Bryony, puzzled. She flashed him a smile. She has finally taken the hint, thought Sarah, relieved, and started breathing again. She was saved.
They sat on the brown sofas upstairs, looking down at the shoppers through the transparent barriers. The evening was closing in, and the blue lights on the glass walls, made to look like water trickling down the sides of the building, came on. Sarah took it all in. It was brilliant to be out with her friends. To be normal, or at least pretend to be. She sipped her hazelnut latte, listening to Jack and the girls chatting, without saying much. She felt Jack’s eyes on her whenever he thought she wasn’t looking.
“It’s your birthday soon. Less than two weeks away. What are we going to do?” Bryony asked Sarah.
“I don’t feel like celebrating this year. It’s just … it’s too soon.”
“I know,” replied Bryony, and Leigh nodded in agreement. “But maybe we could take you out for lunch? Just girls. Sorry, Jack, no offence!”
“None taken. Maybe I can treat Sarah to a day in town instead.”
Oh God.
“We’ll see. I don’t know … I have the audition soon,” she stumbled.
“Right, sorted. It’s lunch with the girls for your birthday.” Bryony came to her rescue again.
“OK then,” Sarah conceded with a smile.
“And Cousin Harry too,” added Alice, with a straight face, and they all laughed.
“I’ll text you for our day in town,” added Jack. He’s pushing his luck.
“OK.” Not.
“It’s nearly six o’clock. Why don’t we go to my house and do a horror-film marathon? My brother brought a pile of them home the other day.”
“Why not?” said Alice.
“I’ll get fish and chips for everyone. Who’s going to be there?” offered Leigh.
“Aw, thanks Leigh! It’d be just my mum and my sisters. The boys are at football on a Friday night.”
“OK. Let’s go to Alpino’s then.” The girls started gathering their things.
“Sorry, Bryony, I can’t,” whispered Sarah. Bryony’s face fell.
“Oh, Sarah, we have to practically beg you to be with us. Shutting yourself off like this can’t be good for you …” Leigh’s blue eyes were full of concern.
Sarah was mortified. She hated the idea of her friends thinking she was avoiding them, as if she didn’t want, or need, their company any more. It wasn’t true. She needed them more than ever.
“Don’t leave us out of your life, even if things must be so hard for you,” Leigh went on. Bryony didn’t say anything. She was just looking at Sarah with those warm, velvety brown eyes that said more than a million words.
“It’s just that—that since my parents died … I find it difficult to go out, to see people.”
And there’s some sort of secret society hunting me. That, too, doesn’t help.
Sarah tried to breathe in, but her chest was heavy again.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to explain, to tell the truth. What I wouldn’t give for them to know me for who I really am. But I can’t.
“OK, I’ll come. But just for a wee while.”
Let’s hope for the best …
“I couldn’t say no. I know, I know … Yes, I’ve got the dagger with me. Oh, and Harry …” Sarah breathed in. “Keep an eye on us. Please.”
She felt her chest tightening. If something happened to her friends …
Maybe it’ll be OK. Maybe, for once, it’ll be OK.
They took the bus back. It was full of students like them, chatting and laughing. Sarah was looking around nervously, watching for anything uncanny. The people around her looked so carefree. Young. As she should have been.
The life that should have been mine.
They went to Alpino’s to get fish and chips, and walked up to Gateside Road. It was dark already, a cold, misty autumn night. Jack walked beside her, and with a subtle, quick gesture, he took her hand.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no. He doesn’t seem to get the message!
Sarah blushed, and slipped her hand out of his. She hurried beside Bryony, pretending
it had never happened.
In spite of her apprehension, it was a lovely night. Sarah felt a million miles away from her crazy life, away from her dreams, the Surari, the Valaya. She felt like a girl having fun, a normal girl.
They were all on Bryony’s sofas – Alice, Leigh, Jack, and Kate and Olivia, Bryony’s sisters. Sarah had managed to slip between Alice and Leigh, so that she wouldn’t have to sit beside Jack. Even Bryony’s mum, a sweet, maternal woman, joined them for a while. Mrs McPherson always had a thought and a word for Sarah.
“How are you, pet? You know you’re always welcome here,” she said, stroking her face.
“Thank you, Mrs McPherson,” said Sarah gratefully. Imagine having a mum like this, a family like this …
Mrs McPherson had prepared a huge amount of popcorn, and the creamiest, most decadent chocolate cake Sarah had ever tasted. They watched three horror DVDs, one after the other. Zombies followed vampires, and then it was the turn of a serial killer with a scary mask. The girls were oohing and aahing in fear, Sarah was joining in, pretending to be scared too. Her own life was a lot more frightening.
“I really have to go now,” she said after the serial killer in the scary mask had finally been slain.
“I’ll ask my dad to drive you.” Bryony got up.
“No need, I’ll phone Harry.” She had had a wonderful time, but she was looking forward to getting into Harry’s Bravo, and then home, the two of them in the living room, chatting in peace. She’d missed him. And she had to finish her daily cello practice, anyway.
Ten minutes after Sarah’s call, Harry knocked at the McPherson door.
“That was quick!”
He was here already, that’s why.
“Thank you, Bryony!” Sarah hugged her friends, while Harry was chatting with Mrs McPherson. Sarah slipped behind him and out into the night, before Jack could try and hug her too.
Just like she’d imagined, getting into the Bravo was lovely. It was warm, comfortable and it smelled good.
“Thanks for watching over me,” she said with a smile.
“Did you have fun?” With Jack? Harry wanted to add, but restrained himself.
Dreams (Sarah Midnight Trilogy 1) Page 18
