But she hadn’t.
She wandered further into the room, inhaling the scents: the faint smell of antiseptic, the stale odour of bodies that had waited for a nurse’s medical attention throughout the day. Her gaze took in the serviceable black-and-white check linoleum floor, the double row of white plastic chairs and the health posters lining the walls, but the attempt at distraction only worked for a few minutes before memories of yesterday—the aftermath of telling Jamie that she and Roger were reuniting—ambushed her thoughts.
Her eyes slid closed, recalling the anguish-ridden, tear-blurred hours spent wallowing in self-pity in her room. Hard as she’d tried, there’d been no escaping the fact that the whole mess had been her fault, and finally the realisation had come to her that she had to find her own way out of it.
The ensuing soul searching had hurt with an ache that left her heart bruised—not only with the pain of knowing she’d reverted to the weak-willed pawn she’d been during her marriage, but also because of what she’d done to Jamie. The guilt that had gnawed at her conscience had sharp teeth that ripped and tore and left her totally empty inside.
Her crippled spirit hadn’t been that low since she’d accepted responsibility for the deaths of her mum and dad. Her frantic phone call to them when she discovered she was pregnant had sent them racing to be by her side, resulting in the accident that had taken both their lives. Her culpability in their deaths had been the nail in the coffin that led to surrender, to allowing Roger to manage everything from there on in.
The unexpected and profoundly sad reminder of her parents had not only stirred more tears but also prompted thoughts about the strong family values she’d been brought up with; the creed that family was more important than anything else. And with that recall had come the realisation that as much as she loved Jamie, as much as she wished she could take away the hurt she’d caused him, her first loyalty had to be to her family. To her son. Drew was what mattered most and no way would she subject him to her ex-husband’s machinations again and risk him turning into a replica of the man he mistakenly called Daddy.
As that understanding had dawned, a tiny spark of strength ignited inside. Not sturdy enough to let her immediately face off against her ex, but unwavering enough to know that if she intended to get her life back together it was up to her to start taking back control.
The need for some sort of leverage had led to the plan of soft-soaping Roger in order to get the name of his contact; she’d agreed to dinner at the pub with him last night for just that reason. Now, armed with the information, she could go to Jamie and he’d hopefully give her a chance to finally come clean about everything.
Once Jamie learned he was Drew’s father, Roger would no longer have anything over her, apart from that damn rescission form he’d bullied her into signing. But surely the fact that she’d signed it under duress would invalidate it?
‘Where do you want to start?’ Lou’s question snapped her from her thoughts.
Good question. ‘I suppose Harry’s told you about what happened yesterday?’
The other woman’s nod was guarded as she gestured for Gemma to sit. ‘As much as he could figure out for himself. Jamie’s not saying anything. I gather your ex—or is he still your husband?—is causing problems.’
Gemma lowered herself onto a plastic chair. ‘Technically we’re still married and he ... he wants me back.’ The rest was too complicated to go into.
Lou pulled a chair around and sat in front of her. Head cocked to one side, she surveyed her with open curiosity. ‘Is that what you want?’
‘No!’
‘I hope you don’t mind me saying, love, but Harry and I saw you with him at the pub last night and that’s not the impression you’re giving.’ Her tone wasn’t exactly cold but it held a certain distance and her lined features acknowledged nothing.
‘You don’t ... I didn’t ... I wasn’t ... ’ She paused, feeling the blood warming her face. Now was not the time to open the whole can of worms but one thing needed to be set straight. ‘Look, I’ve been playing along with Roger’s game because, amongst other things, I needed information which he’s now given me. What can you tell me about Brett Slade?’
It hadn’t been easy to wangle from Roger the fact that his contact in Rainbow Cliffs was Slade. She’d had to ply him with too much wine as well as do some pretty fancy acting to get him to open up to her over dinner. Unfortunately he hadn’t been as forthcoming with an invitation for her to accompany him to meet with Slade this afternoon.
‘Apart from his reputation as a ratter, you mean?’ At Gemma’s nod, Lou continued. ‘I know there’s no love lost between him and Jamie. Even after—what is it, now? Must be three years, I guess—Brett still holds a grudge.’
‘Why?’
‘When the Underground went up for auction, he and Jamie were the only ones interested. Apparently Brett was pretty keen to extend his mine but Jamie outbid him for the motel in the end. Why are you asking about him?’ Her penetrating gaze demanded a response.
‘He was fishing for information about the skeleton at the bore baths the other day. I don’t think I gave anything away but maybe I did. Anyway, he contacted Roger with some vague details of a find here in Rainbow Cliffs without specifically naming who’d discovered it.’ She rested her forehead in the palm of her hand and closed her eyelids against the scalding heat of threatening tears. ‘If I had a hand in Roger finding out about Gracie ... ’
Gemma opened her eyes to find a confused frown on Lou’s face.
‘I’m not sure I understand. You said your ex is here because he wants you back. What has he got to do with Gracie?’
‘Roger works for Milton Van Preston.’
‘Should I know that name?’
‘Probably not, but he’s infamous in museum circles. He’s an American private collector with an allegedly massive collection of prehistoric finds from all over the world. No one knows how many unique things he’s acquired over the years because he keeps them hidden away, exclusively for his own pleasure.’
‘So your ex is here to buy Gracie on behalf of this Milton Van Preston. I honestly can’t see Jamie selling her to that fellow if Roger is handling the purchase, can you?’
Could she see Jamie doing it? He hated Roger, but he also believed she’d betrayed him. And the no-doubt huge amount of money on offer would be the answer to his prayers.
‘Come on now, Gem. Jamie wouldn’t do that to you.’ Lou had obviously caught an expression she hadn’t hidden well enough.
‘The way he feels about me at the moment, he probably despises me even more than he does Roger.’
She ignored the older woman’s cluck of disagreement.
‘Ironic, isn’t it, that I’m possibly the one who led Roger here?’ Her laugh was bitter, an attempt to cover up her voice breaking.
‘Now don’t go blaming yourself prematurely. In a small town like this there are no secrets, no matter how quiet you try to keep things.’ Lou’s face clouded over. ‘And let’s not forget that your boss found out about Gracie through me, unintentional though it was.’
Gem gently patted at her friend’s arm. ‘No one blames you for that.’
Lou stilled her hand, her gaze now fixed on a point on the wall, and Gem could almost see her mind ticking over. Abruptly, the other woman’s eyes widened.
‘Maybe we need to look further afield for where Slade learned about the discovery. You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Lloydy.’
‘Who’s Lloydy?’
‘The opal dealer. He used to be a miner here but packed it in last year for a job with the Opal Cave down in Melbourne. If Jamie has spoken to Lloydy—and chances are he has, the man’s due any day—and if he gave even the tiniest hint of something special to show, then Lloydy might have let slip to someone. I doubt he’d do it deliberately, but with a couple of beers under his belt he gets chatty.’
‘What’s the connection with Slade?’
‘Lloydy’s one of those men who’s ev
erybody’s best mate, Slade included. Brett was out of town last week—I only know because he had an appointment at the clinic and rang to cancel. He said he’d be away for a few days.’
The skin on the back of Gemma’s neck tightened. ‘Melbourne. He mentioned he’d been in Melbourne when he gave me a lift back from the bore baths the other day.’
The opal dealer’s involvement would explain a lot. Anticipation heightened her heartbeat and set her toes tap-tapping rapidly on the floor; she could add it to the information she already had about Slade to take to Jamie.
Lou squeezed her hand. ‘It’s all pure speculation, of course. Unfortunately it doesn’t prove anything.’
Her heart sank. Lou was right. No point in going to Jamie with a theory she had no way of substantiating.
Lou’s intelligent eyes crinkled up in thought. ‘Something else just occurred to me. Roger might not be after Jamie’s find specifically. Slade obviously hasn’t mentioned Jamie’s name and rumours of discoveries like Gracie are always flying thick and fast out here.’
‘Are you just trying to make me feel better?’
The other woman’s features twisted upwards in a rueful grin. ‘Well, yes. But it’s also the truth. Intact fossil finds are pretty common round here. The rarity is for them to remain whole because the opals are worth so much more than the skeleton itself.’
Jamie had told her the same thing that first night at dinner. Did she dare hope Lou might be right?
No. This had to be karma in action, the universe paying her back for all her wrong calls.
‘It’s too much of a coincidence.’
‘Possibly,’ Lou conceded. ‘But if that’s the case, I still believe Jamie won’t sell her to your ex.’
‘Roger’s boss is an oil billionaire. Money’s no object to Van Preston. He’ll pay whatever Jamie asks.’ She pressed a hand to her suddenly roiling stomach. ‘And Jamie will have more than enough money for what he needs.’
‘You mean the move he’s been hinting at?’
The unhappiness in Lou’s voice was tangible and for a moment Gemma forgot her own troubles. She liked this woman; had from the first time she’d met her, and there was no doubt in her mind Lou really loved Harry. The two were on the verge of moving in together, just waiting for the right time to tell Jamie. But the bond between father and son was so strong that if Jamie presented Harry with the opportunity to buy back the family home would his father take it?
‘Yeah. The move.’ She took Lou’s hand in a gesture of support and they both grew quiet, their thoughts on the men they loved an unspoken thread between them.
Lou finally broke the silence. ‘I think we both have to have more faith in our men.’
‘I don’t blame Jamie for hating me. I hurt him badly. He really believes I want to reconcile with Roger.’
The other woman’s astute hazel eyes crinkled up in thought. ‘But now that you know Slade is the contact, what’s to stop you admitting to Jamie the reconciliation was an act?’
If only it was that easy. ‘It’s ... complicated. I’m going to give Jamie Slade’s name to show him that, in spite of what he thinks, I have his best interests at heart. But Roger still has a ... a hold over me and, until I break it, all I can be to Jamie is a silent informant.’
A tweak of her eyebrows was the only sign of Lou’s puzzlement. ‘I won’t pry, love, but if you need someone to talk these personal things over with, just ask. I’m here for you.’
Gemma hesitated, feeling herself inexorably tugged towards Lou. She wanted the comfort of help; a kind, sympathetic ear from a friend with maturity and an eminently practical way of dealing with things. Confession tasted ripe in her mouth, ready to spill over her lips, and all at once the temptation to throw herself into the older woman’s arms and sob out her story proved too strong.
She did just that, pouring out her grief at having caused Jamie so much pain, her shame at not having already told him he was the father of her child and her fear of the ramifications once he found out. The torment of having to pretend to be with Roger when all she wanted was Jamie. The only thing omitted was any mention of her ex-husband’s emotional and verbal abuse; it remained too raw, rubbing away inside her like an ulcer.
Through the storm, Lou listened intently, holding her and stroking her hair, and at the end, when the emotions finally began to ebb, she pulled her even more tightly to her. The whiff of sandalwood soap, her quiet calm and the sense of safety she provided reminded Gemma of her mother. Heart filled with loving memories and gratitude, she returned Lou’s hug, clinging to her like an exhausted swimmer to a lifebuoy, aware it was the only thing preventing her from going under.
‘Oh, love, that’s an awful lot for you to contend with.’ Lou’s voice was rich with compassion. ‘You know you have to tell Jamie about his son, don’t you? It’s the only answer.’
‘Yes. But I’m scared, Lou. I want him to love Drew as much as I do. What if he wants nothing to do with him? With us?’
‘I don’t think Jamie would ever react like that.’
‘But you don’t know for sure, do you? If he doesn’t want us, where will I be then?’
‘Sadder but wiser. And at least you’ll know.’ The older woman drew her back upright, adding import to her words. ‘I don’t know anything about the baby I gave up. I choose to believe he found a happy life but I’ll never be certain. Closure has to be better than that.’
Closure. A final end to the uncertainty.
She knew Lou was right. With everything out in the open the charade with Roger would no longer be necessary and she’d be able to flush him from her life like the piece of crap he was, truly able to start anew with the truth of Drew’s parenthood exposed. Whether the fresh start involved Jamie or not, finding the terrifying answer sooner rather than later made sense.
‘Thanks, Lou. I needed that pointed out. There was a time when I would have known it for the right thing to do and acted on it without hesitation. I’m no longer that girl, but I’m trying to reclaim her.’
‘You’ll get there, love. I have absolute faith. Will you go and see Jamie now?’
‘I will.’
‘Anything I can do to help?’
‘Catch him as he heads the other way when he spots me coming. It’s how he’s been dealing with the ... situation.’ Not that she blamed him; she’d been a master of avoidance herself for years now. No more.
Time to face the music.
‘Sure thing. I’m not as fast on my feet as I used to be, but I’ll give it a shot.’
* * *
Gemma rested a hand on the doorknob, her heart beating hard and fast and her skin prickling with anticipation. Harry had informed her Jamie could be found in Gracie’s room and as she now stood outside, she attempted to summon the courage to open the door. Despite the cool of the corridor, sweat broke out on her forehead.
If there was a better way to do this than via a confrontation, she wished she’d thought of it before now. She faltered and removed her hand, her hard-won self-control deserting her for a moment as fear and hope vied for the upper hand. Talking with Lou had provided a glimmer of optimism, but mixed in with that was trepidation at the prospect of a face to face with a man who’d made it clear he’d washed his hands of her.
Was she ready to do this?
No ... yes.
The internal debate was over almost before it began. It wasn’t even a choice, really. Guilt lay like a rock in her stomach; she was sick of secrets, sick of regrets, sick of carrying around the weight of a heavy conscience. Taking responsibility for the hurt she’d caused was the right thing—the only thing—to do.
And waiting too long might undermine her resolve. She turned the knob and pushed open the door.
Jamie stood next to Gracie’s display case. Suspicion shut down his expression as soon as he looked up. ‘What are you doing here?’ he demanded, arms folded shield-like across his chest.
Not an encouraging start.
She’d tried to prepare for this
moment, aware it wasn’t going to be easy but hoping against hope she’d find the words to explain her side of the story before he walked away. At least in here he’d have to push past her to do that.
One last touch ...
‘I, um, I’ve come with some information.’ Her voice emerged unnaturally high. She coughed into a hand and tried again. ‘You’ll find it interesting.’
He tracked her with dead eyes as she moved into the room towards him. ‘Information about what, and provided by who? Your husband?’
His bitterness made her flinch but she swallowed back the hurt. The attack was justified.
‘The information came from Roger, yes, but if he knew I was talking to you there’d be hell to pay, trust me.’
Jamie met her plea with a snort of painful laughter. ‘Trust you? Yeah, right.’
The hurt in his dark eyes behind the hard mask almost undid her. She found herself beside him, leaning into him, close enough to feel the heat of his breath. He smelled of freshly washed skin and she wanted to pull him to her so badly she had to curl her fingers into fists to stop from reaching out.
‘Okay, bad choice of words. But you need to believe me, Jamie. Please.’
Clearly uncomfortable with her nearness, he backed away so that the display case now lay between them. The brightness of the bare light bulb suspended overhead diffracted the iridescent gems of the skeleton into a rainbow of dancing colours that momentarily distracted Gemma. She’d almost forgotten how beautiful Gracie was. How important it was to save her.
‘And I should believe you because ... ?’ Jamie’s question forced her thoughts back.
Because I love you and I want to make things right between us. Words she couldn’t say. Not yet; he’d reject them out of hand.
Falling In Love Again Page 18
