My heart clenched with pain. I felt responsible for that. "If I would have come forward years ago . . ." I trailed off.
He shook his head. "You wouldn't have been asked to try to identify the bodies. They weren't recognizable." He looked pained. "The list you gave to the police of all the children you remembered, their ages and descriptions, was very helpful. And between you and Eden, you accounted for all of them. We can at least give some of them names now." He studied me for a minute and then stood up and went to the TV in the corner and pressed a few buttons, bringing a remote control back to the table with him. "We don't have the most advanced technology here." He laughed. I forced a small smile back, my heart still pounding way too quickly in my chest.
"I'm going to record this interview, is that all right with you?"
I nodded, bringing my hands together on the table in front of me.
"Would you like a cup of coffee or some water before we start?"
"No. Thank you."
He turned to the TV and pressed a button on the remote and then turned back to me.
"Will you state your name, please?"
"Calder Raynes."
"Thank you, Calder. I know you've given a statement to the local police about what happened at Acadia beginning several weeks before and leading up to the murder/suicides that took place there." He looked up at me. "Will you please take us through those steps, beginning with Officer Richter and Officer Owens locating you and bringing you back to Acadia?"
I took a deep breath and went through the details again, beginning with being coerced into Clive's police car, being returned to Acadia, living in that small, dim cell alone for two weeks. I left out my emotions, recounting those weeks as if I was a stranger looking down from above.
The agent asked several questions here and there so that I expounded upon something or cleared something up for him. When I got to the end of the story, and although I'd only gone through the facts, I felt like I'd run a marathon. I was exhausted. I rubbed my palms on my thighs as the agent picked up the remote and clicked off the video recorder.
"That was good. Thank you, Calder." His expression was neutral. "The other reason we wanted to talk with you is because we've been investigating the case against Clive Richter for a little while now. As you know, it was you two coming forward that encouraged his ex-partner, Officer Mike Owens, to seek immunity and offer his testimony. Without that, we wouldn't have the case that we do as far as the drug trafficking and money laundering." He shook his head. "When it comes to dirty cops, he takes the cake."
I let out a breath. "So he'll go away for a long time?"
"For those crimes, I'd bet on yes." He tilted his head. "However, now that Officer Owens is providing testimony against Officer Clive Richter that supports your account of him being at Acadia the day of the flood, Officer Richter is alleging you planned and carried out the deaths at Acadia that day."
I gaped, my body freezing. "What?" I croaked out. My worst fears were being realized. Visions of being carted away to prison as Eden screamed and reached her arms out for me assaulted my brain. Calm down, Calder. Get a grip. My fists clenched and unclenched on my thighs. The very, very worst had happened to me before. Would it happen again now, in a whole new way?
Agent Glenn furrowed his brow. "Officer Richter is claiming he picked Eden up per Hector's request—believing her to be an underage runaway—and that you came along willingly back to Acadia. He claims that on the way there, you were spouting off about killing everyone and leaving with Eden so it looked like you two were dead along with everyone else."
"What?" I croaked out, raking my fingers through my hair, my fight or flight instinct kicking in. "That's a lie!" My eyes flew wildly around the room as I brought my hands into fists on my thighs again. I was trapped in here.
Agent Glenn nodded, his lips coming together for a second. "He says you kicked over the water system once it started raining. He didn't understand at the time what that would do, but he ascertains that since you built it, you did. He says he left, but once everyone took shelter in the cellar, you must have locked the door behind all those people and left with Eden like you threatened."
Cold dread shot through my system. I was sweating. "I did kick over that system," I said. "I told the police. That's true. I did. I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt." Dread shot through my body. Was I going to be culpable for the crime now? Would they believe Clive?
"Am I being charged with something here? Do I need a lawyer?"
He leaned forward and put his hand on my shoulder for a brief moment. "No, we are not charging you with anything. Let me make this clear, son. I've personally met Clive Richter. I've interviewed him. I've assisted in the investigation of the crimes he was involved in—not even half of which have been reported on the news. Between you and me, and I have a feeling you'd agree whole-heartedly, Clive Richter is not only a dirty cop, but he's a lying, conniving, manipulative opportunist. Not only do we not believe his assertions, but Officer Owens is corroborating your story, not his." He studied me for a minute before continuing on, "We haven't released this to the news yet, but we exhumed Hector's body and we found the key. He locked those people in; we know that. Eden's and your stories add up and we believe we can finally close out this case." He paused as I digested the news that Hector's body had been exhumed. Emotions were racing through my body. I didn't know what to think.
Agent Glenn continued. "However, it's unlikely we'll be able to prosecute Clive Richter for the crimes against you and Eden. There simply isn't enough evidence after three years. It's Eden's and your word against his. I'm sorry for that." His expression told me that he truly was.
I swallowed heavily and took in a big gulp of air.
"He shot me," I said.
He nodded, frowning slightly. "I know. And if only you'd saved the bullet, this would be a whole other story."
I blinked at him. "Saved the bullet?" I asked.
He nodded. "Yes, each bullet is specific to a gun. If we had the bullet, we could match it to Clive's duty weapon. That would be the piece of evidence that would make it easy to charge him with the crimes against you."
I stared at him. "I did keep the bullet, Floyd," I said. "It's still in my leg."
His eyes opened wide in surprise. He paused for a beat and then a slow smile came over his face. "Well this changes everything," he said.
I released a huge breath. Kristi's friend had said that with the placement of the bullet in my leg, it would be safer just to leave it where it had lodged. Which was lucky considering he didn't have any operating capabilities anyway.
"Are you willing to undergo a small operation?" he asked.
"Hell yes," I said, running my hand through my hair.
Floyd smiled again. "Okay, then." He shook his head in disbelief.
I studied him for a few minutes as he wrote something down. He looked kind, trustworthy. He was on our side. Something inside me relaxed and felt suddenly set free.
He looked back up at me. "You'll probably have to testify against Clive in court."
I looked steadily back at him. "Happily," I said.
He nodded, looking pleased. He tilted his head, studying me. "I come across a lot of cases in my job, Calder. What you and Eden went through . . ." He shook his head. "It's hard to imagine. And I can count on one hand the number of missing kids I've seen returned in my twenty years as an agent." Something moved behind his eyes, sorrow perhaps. He looked at me pointedly. "Treasure the second chance you've been given. Be proud of yourself. You don't hold responsibility for any of it—not one piece. You were victims. But don't live like victims. Live like survivors. I hope you'll take my words to heart."
I thought I moved my head up and down, but I couldn't be sure. "Thank you, Floyd," I said, gratitude overwhelming me and making my voice extra raspy.
He nodded once and as I stood up, he held out his hand to me. I shook it, looking up into his kind face. "I'm proud to shake your hand," he said. He smiled quickly and then turned a
nd walked toward the door. I followed, feeling numb, overwhelmed.
Outside the door, Eden was sitting on a chair, waiting for me. She smiled up at me and as she stood, I gathered her in my arms and hugged her. "Ready to go?" I croaked out.
"Yeah." She smiled.
We got back in the police car waiting for us outside and were driven back to Eden's mom's house. I held Eden's hand loosely in mine, thinking about Clive Richter and Agent Glenn, thinking about how there were good and bad people everywhere, and that somehow today, I had let go of the last piece of the fear I'd been carrying around for so long. It might take a little longer for guilt to lose its malicious hold on my mind, but what Agent Glenn had said would help that, too, I imagined. It was time—time to move forward. Without fear, without guilt, but with my morning glory. I leaned back on the seat and exhaled a breath.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Calder
After the meeting with FBI agents Glenn and Malloy, another weight lifted. Later that day, Eden waited for me in a private room while I underwent a quick thirty-minute surgery that resulted in a small bullet being abstracted from my thigh. I had always hated that ugly scar—a physical reminder of the worst day of my life. But suddenly, what had been unsightly to me before, now looked like victory.
I felt like I was actually using two lungs to breathe again. And now Eden and I could finally get our plans underway. I woke up early the next morning filled with energy and purpose.
Yes, it might take a little time for charges to be brought against Clive for his crimes against us, and yes, we'd have to testify eventually, but the win for us was that we weren't afraid of him anymore. Freedom came in many forms–we had finally been set free from fear.
And so we began planning our trip.
Eden didn't agree when I told her I thought I needed to be the one to tell her mom we were leaving for a while, but she gave in anyway. I had tried to be understanding when it came to her mom—Carolyn had been without Eden for so long. I had told her I knew what that felt like, and obviously I did, better than anyone. And so I could appreciate her wanting to make up for lost time. But dealing with it twenty-four hours a day was exhausting—and I had to believe that was true for not only me, but for her as well. I was going to be in her daughter's life for a long time, so we needed to come to some sort of peace, or at least an understanding.
Carolyn was sitting on the patio with Molly the next morning and I joined them, already showered and dressed.
"Good morning." I smiled and took a seat with them.
"Good morning," they both said. "Did you get some coffee?" Carolyn asked.
"I will in a minute." I ran my hand through my hair. "I actually wanted to talk to you." I glanced at Carolyn.
She raised her eyebrows and Molly paused in taking a sip of her coffee. "Should I leave you two alone?" she asked.
"No, it's okay. You should know this, too, uh . . ." I took a breath. "Eden and I are going to take a little road trip, get away from here for a little bit."
Carolyn blinked at me and Molly smiled. "Oh no, no," Carolyn said, shaking her head.
I took a deep breath. "I think you know better than anyone how difficult this has been for Eden and me. Not just as a couple, but individually. It's been difficult for all of us." I glanced at Molly and she smiled encouragingly. "We just thought that getting away for a little bit would ease the pressure on everyone and would give us a chance to have some time together after being apart for so long."
Carolyn sat straight, glaring at me. "And what about me? She was stolen from me. What about the time I need with my daughter?" She shook her head adamantly. "No, you won't take her away from me."
Damn. This wasn't going well. "I don't want to take Eden away from you." I shook my head. "Eden, she's longed for you all her life. I know that better than anyone and I would never do anything to get in the way of your relationship with her. I know you have a lot of catching up to do, too, a lot of lost time to make up for." I took a deep breath trying to gather my thoughts together. "I was even hoping maybe you and I could . . ." I trailed off, feeling frustrated and at a loss for words, trying to ask for something I didn't know how to name. And Carolyn's glaring at me wasn't helping. I should have rehearsed this. There was an awkward silence.
Suddenly Molly threw her arms up and let them come back down heavily on the table in front of her. Carolyn and I both startled and stared at her. "Jesus, Carolyn! Here he is sitting here asking you to be a mom to him, too. In case you forgot, he lost everyone he loved." She leaned forward. "You have an opportunity here not just to mother me, who has no mother anymore, but Eden and Calder . . . and Xander, too, for that matter! You could have a bounty of people who need mothering right at your feet, people who would soak it up. And instead you're choosing to act in a way that will eventually do nothing except push us away. I'm sorry, but I can't be quiet about this for one minute longer. Look at yourself!"
Carolyn stared at her with wide eyes. Molly took a deep breath and lowered her voice. "You yourself said you looked the other way and buried your head in the sand with what happened with Uncle Bennett, and then with Hector." Her expression filled with sympathy. "Don't do it again, Carolyn. Please don't be oblivious to what's going on around you. Your daughter is a woman. I'm sorry you didn't get to see that happen. But you can't turn her back into a little girl by cutting crusts off her bread and brushing her hair before bed every night, by denying that she fell in love with someone and you didn't get to be a part of that. You can be a part of it now." She sat back in her chair. "Eden, she has this . . . quiet strength about her. She's been patient with you because she loves you, but she won't be patient forever. If you don't see that, then you're not seeing your daughter and you're going to lose her just when you found her again. And Calder," she looked over at me, "Calder is sitting in front of you asking you to accept him."
I stared at Molly for a minute, shocked and grateful. I cleared my throat. Molly was right. I hadn't actually acknowledged for some time how much I missed my mother's love, hadn't spoken of it with Eden yet. Despite the deep, aching feeling of betrayal at the end, I missed my mother. It was confusing and it hurt like hell. Did I want Eden's mom to accept me as a son or as her daughter's boyfriend? Whichever it was, my heart was so thankful for Molly's comment, and for all she'd said.
"Molly . . . thank you," I said to her, hoping she could see the sincerity in my eyes and then I glanced at Carolyn who was still silent, staring down at the table. She sat there not saying anything for so long I wondered for a minute if she'd respond at all. She didn't. Instead, she stood up—her chair scraping over the stone patio—turned her back on us, and walked through the French doors, shutting them behind her.
I let out a breath and ran my hand through my hair. I looked at Molly who had a pained expression on her face. "I meant every word I said to her," she said. "I just hope it did some good."
I nodded. "I appreciate it, Molly. Either way, I appreciate all the ways you've been so supportive of Eden and of me."
Molly smiled sadly. "You've both been through so much. If anyone deserves to find their place in this world, Calder, you two do. I hope I've helped."
"You have," I said, meaning it one hundred percent. Now I could only hope Carolyn would come around, too.
**********
Carolyn spent the day in her room, not even coming out once. Despite the fact that we didn't have her blessing, Eden and I decided that we'd still go on our trip. It wasn't going to start off with quite the same happiness we had hoped, but it was necessary for us and we were going to go anyway.
Late that afternoon as I was in the kitchen getting a glass of water, I turned around when I heard someone enter the room behind me. It was Carolyn. My eyes widened to see her with her hair pulled back and no makeup on. I'd never seen her not looking perfectly done-up, regardless of the time of day. Her eyes were rimmed in red as if she'd been crying. She offered me a small smile. "Can we talk?" she asked.
I nodded and walked slowly
to the table where we both sat down. I looked at her warily, not knowing where this was going to go.
"Calder," she started, and then paused, "I owe you an apology." I let out a breath. "I owe Eden an apology, too."
"Carolyn—" I started.
"No, wait," she said. "Let me just say this and then you can say what you need to say to me. I can imagine you need to get some things off your chest, too." She looked down, studying her fingernails.
"I've been up in my room thinking so much about Eden's father, Bennett, today. I . . . I've been thinking about the ways I wish I had been more for him when he needed me." She shook her head. "Molly was right to make me realize that, even though I see I buried my head in the sand then, I wasn't seeing that I'm doing it now, too." She paused, but I didn't speak. I could see she needed to organize her thoughts.
"I have her back, and yet I'm so filled with grief over the moments I missed. I wanted so badly to experience the ways I lost out on mothering her, and that included being there to guide and experience her falling in love with someone." She shook her head. "That's what I owe you the biggest apology for. I could see that day at the garden party how much you loved and adored her . . . how deeply your hearts are entwined, and yet," she took a big, shaky breath, "I tried to push her toward another man."
She looked down, an expression of shame on her face. "I'm jealous of how deeply you love each other, how deeply you know each other. I'm jealous you got all those years and I didn't. Even though I know it's irrational, and I see now how it's affected my behavior and made me act so selfishly." She met my eyes, tears shining in hers. "Please yell at me. Tell me how awful I've been."
I took a deep breath. "I don't want to yell at you. I understand." I pictured myself standing on a chair in the bowling alley, panicked because Eden stepped out of my line of sight for a few minutes. It had to be the same way for her mom, too. "There's no handbook for Eden's and my situation and there's no handbook for yours, either." I paused. "What I hope you know is that what Molly said about Eden having a quiet strength . . . nothing is more true. I love that so much about her. And that strength came from you. Eden was able to hold on to that quality because she never let go of her belief in love. You gave that to her. She drew on all the love you gave her in the first years of her life and she never let go. It kept her alive. All those years, you were with her, because your love was still in her heart."
Finding Eden Page 20
