by Mia Brown
I didn’t need to find a wife, and that wouldn’t happen any time soon, but I could do with getting laid. Instead of heading out to the bar and finding a woman to hook up with, me and Jeff simply drank in my back yard instead which was a good laugh and we needed it before I headed out in to the world, but now I needed some company.
I checked my watch, wondering if it was too early to head out now, to see who was about… but anyone in the bar at midday wouldn’t be much fun. Plus, I had bulls to get to. Bulls who needed me as much as I needed them. I was going to have to train my sorry ass off to make it through this rodeo tour. I was going to be the best, to win, which meant I needed to give it my all. I suppose Jeff was right and I needed to focus more on the animals than women.
I couldn’t help but wonder how long that resolve would last…
Four
Emily (that afternoon, early June)
“Ah, Ruby’s Wax,” I declared with a deep breath and a smile as I entered my best friend’s salon. “My home from home. How are you doing, Ruby dear? It feels like forever since I’ve spent any time with you.”
“You’re so busy these days, it seems like we only see one another at our appointments.”
“You know I wouldn’t let anyone touch my hair aside from you,” I announced as I took a seat in one of her comfy salon chairs. Ruby was all about comfort and making her business feel like home.
“Aside from all the skanks that you let near you on photo shoots that ruin your hair.”
She picked up a strand of it and I could see the sheer disgust on her face from where I was sitting. In the mirror, I could almost see the cogs ticking in her brain, she was silently cursing everyone who’d touched me.
“You know, if you would just come with me and be my personal stylist, that wouldn’t happen.”
She snorted with derision at that idea. “Not a chance in hell. All those bitchy models? I don’t think so. Here, in my own company, I can ban anyone who pisses me off too much. On a modeling set, I couldn’t. It would be out of my control. You know what I’m like. I like having all the power over what I do.”
“Oh well thank you very much! You think that I’m a bitch, do you? Just because I’m a model?”
“If I thought that about you then you wouldn’t be here, would you? Plus, I don’t think that you have a bitchy bone in your whole body. You wouldn’t be able to be nasty if you tried. You’re strong and I know that you’ll do whatever you can to get where you need to be in life, but you are definitely not a bitch.”
I half wondered if that was the issue with me. I didn’t have enough control over my life and my career, so I couldn’t make it move as fast as I wanted to. If I was the one in control, then things would be different. But with modeling, so much rested on what other people thought of me and needed from me.
“So, you want the usual blonde highlights?” Ruby asked as she pulled the dye from the cupboard. “You know, I love your natural brown color, but I have to admit that you’re great as a blonde as well. Not to blow my own trumpet or anything, but I think that I do a pretty incredible job of looking after you.”
“I don’t think that I would make it far as a mousy brown in the modeling world. It either needs to be deep sexy brown or blonde… and since it’s quite close to blonde anyway, that’s how I like it. Ad you do a wonderful job.”
“Plus, blondes are supposed to have more fun anyway, aren’t they?”
As she raked her fingers through her own purple colored hair and shook it out, I wanted to laugh at her suggestion. She seemed to be having much more fun in her life than I was having right now.
“I don’t know about that, Ruby, everything is pretty shit at the moment.” I sighed and hung my head low as she mixed up the die for me. “The only fun I have had this week was volunteering at the old people’s home. There was this really interesting man who told me all about his time fighting in the war. He was talking about…”
“Babe, I don’t know how much I need to hear about some old man. You should be spending time with men your own age. Men who can make you feel all kinds of things… you know what I mean?”
“I don’t need a man to make me happy, you know that about me by now.”
“No, but I don’t think that your career will make you as happy as you think it will either.”
I narrowed my eyes and examined her as she started to paint the dye in my hair. I was certain that once I got my career to where it needed to be then I would be extremely happy. Sure, I would likely always push for more, but that was just my personality. I would be very content with everything that I had though.
“Success doesn’t come in the form that you think it should,” Ruby continued, seemingly sensing that I was still thinking about her words. “Satisfaction doesn’t come from always wanting more. I could want to expand my salon, to keep pushing further and further, but right now I have the perfect work and life balance. I’m satisfied.”
“Right, okay, so what do you think I need then? To keep me satisfied?”
“You know what I think you need… you need to get laid, that’s what. Now, I’m aware that you have all these small town values that you’ve had forced upon you your whole life that sex is only for marriage, but the world isn’t like that anymore. Everyone has a lot of sex. Good sex, amazing sex, sometimes terrible sex… but all that does is teach you what you like and don’t. It also helps you understand yourself a bit and know what you like.”
I shifted on my chair and averted my eyes from hers, not wanting her to see how much her words affected me. The views were my own, I didn’t necessarily feel like they had been pushed on me, but it was hard to keep track of them when having a conversation like this. My imagination would always run away and picture all kinds of things. I didn’t have to know what sex felt like to imagine it… and when I did it was always incredible.
“I don’t know, I don’t think that ‘getting laid’ is the answer. I need to focus on me.”
“I see… that’s how you sell it to yourself, is it?” Ruby laughed. “Well I saved my virginity for my husband, not for the same reasons as you, just because I was so young at the time, and that turned out to be a god damn waste, didn’t it? Look how that ended up in the end. With him fucking his secretary and a messy divorce.”
“It afforded you this place though,” I teased. “So, it wasn’t all bad.”
“Oh, I would have my salon over him any day. I’m just saying that if I had explored life first and known what I liked a bit more, then I wouldn’t have made that mistake at all. I would have understood that he was actually terrible in bed and didn’t satisfy me at all. Then maybe I would have been the one to cheat on him.”
I laughed loudly, knowing that she really did mean every word. But I could hardly blame her, Harry was an asshole to her. He really did destroy her for a while. Luckily, she was kick ass and got through it in the end.
“Okay then, you might not believe in waiting for marriage, but what about the right guy?”
“Is there a right guy?” she scoffed. “I’m a bit cynical these days. I don’t know for sure. Who would be the right guy for you? Do you have an image of him in your mind? Someone you fantasize over?”
“Someone kind, with a big heart and a nice soul. A well dressed man who always looks like he’s in control of things.” The words tumbled out of my mouth with ease. “A man with nice hair and kind eyes…”
“Urgh, he sounds so boring, Emily,” Ruby interrupted me. “What abut a man with a bit of fire about him? Hmm? Someone a bit interesting who really gets you going? I mean, a nice guy is all well and good, but I think that you have grown up around nice guys and should go for something different. A bad boy.”
“No way!” I shuddered. “I don’t understand the attraction to bad boys, to those who speak crassly and treat women like shit. No way, I want a guy who I know where I stand with. I don’t want to be worried if he will call or not.”
“Alrighty then. Well, I guess we shall just see what happens, should
n’t we?” She shot me a knowing wink. “But I have a feeling that who you choose in the end is going to surprise you a lot.”
“What do you mean by that, Ruby? I’m not going near anyone. Unless I know that they are a good person.”
I tried my hardest to block my managers words out about dating a bad boy for media attention, just to give me an edge. I had told her that I would think about it, and I had, but I couldn’t see any way to make it happen. It just wouldn’t be believable, would it? I wasn’t that sort of person. I guess I would always be the Modeling Nun.
“So, let’s talk about your favorite subject then.” Ruby took a seat next to me once my dye was done. “Work. What do you have coming up soon? Have you got any jobs booked coming soon?”
“Oh, of course. Don’t I always?” I smiled at her. “A rodeo, actually. I will be working for a mechanical bull company… but luckily, not in a bikini. I don’t think that I would be able to do that. Can you imagine me trying to promote some mechanical bull only half dressed?” I shuddered. “Nope. Not me.”
“No way! Not with all that dust around… going places.” She screwed up her nose in disgust. “Why would you want that? I can’t imagine anything worse. It will take you forever to clean up.”
“Exactly! So, since it’s just a normal job, I will be heading out of town for a while. Cheyenne first.”
“Hmmm, exotic. And fun too. Plus, all those hot cowboys, phew! You will have a hard time holding on to your virginity there. Surrounded by all those masculine dirty men with testosterone flying about the place…”
“I just described my perfect man to you, and he is nothing like that. The clean shaven preppy business man who has a solid career and is nice to be around… I’m not going to find him at a rodeo.”
“Which is exactly why you will end up giving yourself to one of them. Even just for a night. They will sweep you off your feet. You won’t even know what’s coming for you. It’ll be like a hurricane.”
I couldn’t help but imagine the scene, the cowboy that Ruby had just described sweeping me up, kissing me hard, and just taking me. I had to admit it was an image that gave me butterflies deep in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t handle it. I had to squeeze my thighs tightly together to stop me from crumbling hard. I didn’t want my friend to realize that I was getting all worked up.
“I don’t know if a hurricane is desirable.” I laughed thinly, not really pulling off the joke well.
“Oh, trust me, honey, it is.” Ruby nodded emphatically. “The only problem is the destruction left behind afterwards. But somehow, the storm is always worth the fall out. Every single time.”
There was something about her words which left me oddly nervous. It didn’t sound worth it or fun to me. It sounded awful. This was exactly why I wanted a good guy, someone who would treat me right. The whole bad boy thing was just stupid, driven only by lust. Well, I was far too sensible for that. I was too smart to get my heart broken. That was why it didn’t matter what Ruby or anyone else said to me, I would only wait for marriage. Even if it was considered a small town view, I didn’t care. It was right for me.
Five
Alex (a few days later, early June, early evening)
The light shone down on me like I was a god damn angel sent from heaven, which matched exactly how I felt to be honest. Cheyenne was my bitch, I owned the mother fucker, and now people were really starting to stand up to pay attention to me. The name Alex Fancy was on everyone’s lips and I loved it.
“Wow, Mr. Fancy,” the interview gushed. I had to guess that she was pretty new to the journalism world. She didn’t yet have the jaded look that most of them carried around. “You were fantastic out there, easily the best rider.”
“Why thank you, Miss…” I tipped my hand but trailed off as I realized that I never caught her name.
“Felicity.” A blush rushed all the way through her body, tainting her cheeks. She was under my spell already.
“Miss Felicity. It’s wonderful to know that I have the support of you lovely people. If it wasn’t for y’all out there cheering my name as I’m riding those bulls… well, it just wouldn’t be worth it now, would it?”
She giggled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, flirting with me without even realizing it. Her boss would though, and she would surely be in trouble for it. I’d be the first and last person she acted this way with.
“It looks like you’re on track to be the hottest rider of the year. What do you say to that?”
“I say keep your eyes out for me. Come November, I will the champion of the whole damn competition.”
“Yeah? You think so? Well, you certainly are on to an impressive start.”
“Well, when you want it as much as I do, nothing will stop you. I will win and I’ll do whatever it takes. You’ll see. Anyone who thinks I’m going to get distracted or mess up… you’ll see there’s nothing that can affect me now.”
“Nothing, huh?” I spotted the glint in her eyes. “Not even a girlfriend? I don’t know if you have one at the moment, but there sure are a lot of people who are interested. You’re causing quite a stir in the crowds.”
I laughed, flattered by the compliment, but I didn’t want to read too much in to it. “Well, I don’t know about that, but I’m sure that I won’t let anything stand in the way of me getting to the top. So, I guess that means that I’m off the market for the time being. The only thing that I will be dating is the bulls.”
Felicity chuckled and blew her hair out of her face again. I guess the light breeze pushed it in the way every so often. “Well, we will sure be watching you as you rise to the top. And I’m looking forward to it.”
“Yes, same here. I’m excited to show everyone that it doesn’t matter who you are, you can win!”
“So, you’re standing up for those who don’t think they have a chance? That’s such an inspiring message.”
If I wasn’t careful, she would drop her panties in an instant and be all over me. It was so obvious in her eyes that I couldn’t do any wrong. Usually, that was exactly the sort of thing to lure me in, but now I was trying to be better.
“I erm…” I averted my eyes, trying my hardest not to get sucked in. “I think that in this world where we aren’t all given equal opportunities, it can be a challenge for people to believe in themselves. If I can help even one person then it’s worth it, isn’t it?” I smiled surprised with how much truth there was to my words. I did want other kids to see that they would achieve, which was weird. I never thought that I wanted that when I started this career path. Perhaps there was a little part of me that was a better person than I ever thought I could be.
“That’s so lovely. No wonder all the women around here like you.”
“Oh, that’s just because I’m number one today,” I laughed, acting coy. “I would say that next time it will be someone else, but it won’t. Because I’m always going to be number one. You’ll see.”
“I hope so.” Felicity leaned forward, making an excuse to touch my arm. “I would love to see you on top.”
Fucking hell, there was no mistaking that one. She wanted me on top, inside, all over her. She was still on camera, unless she’d forgotten that. She was about to be fired from what I presumed was her first job already.
“Me too… oh, just before you go, I would like to thank my sponsors…” As I did my usual speech, knowing that I would be the one in the shit if I didn’t mention all the names of everyone who supported and financed me, I could feel Felicity drifting off, imagining what it would be like if we were in bed together. I could see it in her eyes. But I was behaving now, wasn’t I? I couldn’t screw the journalist, no way. Even if I really wanted to…
It wasn’t going to be easy though. Not if women liked my new attitude even more than the one I had before. I was trying to be a good person, but the world wasn’t making it was for me.
As soon as the interview was wrapped up, I made my excuses to leave Felicity. She sparked a bit of fire inside of me,
but that wasn’t any reason to jump in to bed with her. There were plenty of women to have that effect on me, I didn’t need to mess about with someone who could get me in a whole lot of trouble. There were Buckle Bunnies all over the place, rodeo groupies who were willing to do whatever the hell I wanted them to. There were actually some hanging around who I had been with before… but that wasn’t going to work for me. I wanted someone new.
“Hey there, handsome…” One of the said groupies hooked her hand over my shoulder to drag me back to her. “How’s it going? You’re the one who kicked ass today, aren’t you? I saw you out there, being sexy as fuck.”
“Hmm yeah, that was me.” For some reason, this overtly sexy attitude wasn’t working for me today.
“Oh yeah, I want you to ride me just like you were riding that bull… hang on, let me get you a drink.”
I shook my head and rapidly made a move while she hopped off to the bar, knowing that would be a mistake before it even started. There were some groupies that I just had to stay away from no matter what happened, and that was one of them. The more they showed that they were up for it, the more they wanted to be attached to you, seen with you, like a trophy. No, that wasn’t what I needed. Discrete fun was fine, nothing more was needed.
I scanned my eyes over the crowd to see if there was anyone that did catch my eye, but no one as yet. I spotted a lot of my rivals all with the Buckle Bunnies, lapping up the attention like they couldn’t get it anywhere else, and that helped to put me off even more. If I was going to stand out and be better than all of them, then so be it. I needed to stand out and not act like the rest of them. I needed to be so much more. I had to show the world who I was.
Remember what Jeff said, I reminded myself. He said that more sponsors would want me the better I behaved.
