by Mia Brown
He sighed. “No, I’m the idiot.”
“I paid the bill. I didn’t want to stay in there any longer.”
“Thank you. What happened to the witch?”
I smiled sadly. “She’s gone. I hate her.”
“I hate her, too. What do you want to do now?”
“I think we should probably both just go to our own homes tonight,” I said. I wasn’t even sure how much I meant that. The thought of being home all alone felt so much worse, but I figured the space would do us good.
He nodded. “Okay, come on, I’ll drop you off.”
The whole way back I kept hoping that he would insist on staying over at least one more night. But when we got home, he just leaned over and gave me a small kiss and told me again how sorry he was. And that was it. I was back to being single, and back to living alone.
Twenty-Four
Houston
A month had gone by since the day of the big confrontation, and nothing really felt resolved. The only thing that had really happened was that everyone now knew the truth. For the most part, I had avoided going out in public. I didn’t want to risk the chance of bumping into someone I knew and for them to ask me why I had lied about the marriage. It wasn’t the easiest thing to answer when I didn’t really know myself.
Mostly, I didn’t want to bump into Cassidy. After I had dropped her off that night the two of us had said that we would give the whole thing some space for a while. I didn’t expect a whole month to go by without seeing her, and I kept hoping that she would one day magically appear back in my life. But she didn’t.
It was a lonely month. I barely saw anyone. I kept making excuses to Joe and kept promising him that we would meet up soon. Soon just never came. I wasn’t ready yet. Joe would want to talk about what had happened or crack jokes about the whole thing, and it just wasn’t funny. Maybe once Cassidy and I were friends again, then we could laugh about it, but not yet.
I thought of calling my father, but a month was probably not long enough. I had sent him a long email of apology as well as various messages, but he had yet to return any of them. On the last message, I told him to let me know when he was ready to talk again. Unfortunately, my father was a very stubborn man, and if he was upset about something I knew it would take him a long time to get over it. I just had to be patient and hope that time healed all wounds.
It was a beautiful morning, and I was sick of being indoors. I decided that it was time for me to go for a horse ride. I climbed on the horse and smiled as the familiarity hit me. Horse riding always provided me with an element of self-reflection, and I felt so much better by the time I had finished. I climbed off and made my way back inside to shower.
Afterwards, I looked around in my closet for something to wear. I sighed at the sight in front of me. I had a big load of washing to do, but other than that I was still missing a lot of my clothes. After dropping Cassidy off at her house that day I had not gone back to get my things. But I couldn’t put it off any longer. Today was the day. I wasn’t sure if it was the horse ride or the lack of clothes, but my mind was made up.
I pulled up into her driveway and sat in the car for a while, just looking at the house that I had once called my own. I had only lived there for a few months, but it had quickly turned into a place I had felt comfortable in. Cassidy had a wonderful place, and I wasn’t sure what it was about it that had made it so different than my own. Mine was bigger, and yet hers was…more homey.
Although I had a feeling that I would’ve felt the same about my own home if she had lived in it. It probably had nothing to do with the house itself, but rather the person I was sharing it with. I was pleased to see that her car was there, and after mentally preparing myself, I made my way to the front door and knocked.
When Cassidy opened, she was wearing her overalls, and my mind immediately went to an image of her wearing them with nothing underneath. I couldn’t help myself. I smiled at her. It wasn’t that I had forgotten how beautiful she was, but rather than I had forgotten how she made me feel.
“Hey, wife,” I said with a smile.
“Hi,” she said shyly. “What are you doing here? Oh, come for your things?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. I figured I could also make you a cup of coffee while I’m here. I mean, you must be going crazy without my coffee every day.”
She giggled, and the sound was like music to my ears. “It’s been torture. Come in.”
She opened the door wider, and I stepped inside. The smell of her house hit me first. It was so different than mine. So feminine. I made my way to the coffee machine and immediately started making us each a cup. She was nowhere to be seen while I was making it, so I did it in silence. When I was done, I found her sitting on the outside porch, just like she had always done when we were together. I handed her a cup and sat down.
“Thank you,” she said.
“It’s good to see you again,” I said. “You look beautiful.”
She chuckled. “No, I don’t. I’m in overalls.”
I nodded. “Exactly. Beautiful.”
She blushed. “Thank you. So, how have you been?”
I shrugged. “I’ve been okay. It’s been a long month. A very long month. Ah, Cass, what a mess we made. No, let me rephrase that. What a mess I made. I’m such an idiot. I should never have done what I did. I feel so awful. I should’ve known that the whole thing would blow up in my face. I’m very aware that people are talking about it, and I want you to know that I am taking the blame. It was my fault, and I don’t want you to suffer because of it.”
“I’m not suffering,” she said. “I can handle myself. Anyway, a lot of it was my fault, too. I’m the one who started it in the first place. I’m also the one that stupidly told Rick. I am just as much to blame, if not more, than you. So please don’t think that this is all on you. Because it’s not.”
I nodded. “We sure dug ourselves into a hole though, didn’t we?”
She chuckled. “We did. I know it’s not funny. I don’t even know why I’m laughing. You always make me laugh even when I’m feeling sad.”
“You do the same for me. I’m sorry that I haven’t been around this month. I figured that it would be best if we didn’t hang out too much. I thought that maybe if we didn’t talk to each other for a while, then everything would blow over. You know what people are like in this town. They move from one thing to another quite quickly. A good ol’ scandal by someone else would be just what we need for people to forget us. We should create one.”
She giggled. “And start a brand-new lie.” Then she sighed. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too, Cass. A lot,” I said.
“Can I ask you a question?” she asked.
“Of course.”
“Did you mean any of those things you said to me? You know…when we were at the restaurant? It’s okay if you didn’t, but I’d like to know.”
I was surprised by the question. I thought it was obvious how truthful I was being with her. It made me sad that she thought I might make that up just to have sex with her, or just because I was meant to be pretending.
“I meant everything I said to you. Everything.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
She didn’t say anything more, and I noted that she was biting her lip. I hated how sexy it made her look.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.
“I’m trying to figure out if you’re sexy or cute right now,” I said.
“What? But I’m wearing overalls,” she emphasized again.
I laughed. “Yep. I’m going with sexy.”
She shook her head. “We shouldn’t do this.”
I nodded. She was right. What was I doing? “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It just happens naturally to me when I’m with you. You just bring out this side in me. But you’re right; I shouldn’t do this.”
We sat there in silence for a while, each of us drinking our coffee and not saying anything to each other.
<
br /> “Your sister came over to see me,” I said.
“What? She did? When?”
“Oh, not recently. It was probably a day or two before that big blow-up, actually. You had gone out shopping, and I was here alone. She came by especially to see me. She told me to be careful. She said she didn’t want to see you get hurt.”
Cassidy groaned. “She didn’t!”
“She did,” I said. “Which was very sweet of her. She also told me that I was fooling myself and that it was obvious that the two of us were falling for each other. She told me to wake up and open my eyes.”
“What did you say to her?”
“I told her that she was wrong. And she just laughed and then told me that the two of us should end it all so that you and Jake could finally get together. She said you wanted to be with him.”
“What?” Cassidy screamed and almost spilled her coffee everywhere. “Are you serious? But I don’t want to be with him. Why did she say something like that?”
“She lied just to see what reaction she would get out of me. I was upset, Cass. I didn’t like the thought of you with him.”
Cassidy gulped. “That’s naughty of her. Sneaky too. But…what are you trying to say?”
“I have no idea,” I said, and laughed. “I guess I’m just trying to say is that I have feelings for you. I have no idea when they started happening for real, but they’re there. They might have even been there from the very beginning. I don’t know why I’m telling you this now.”
“You do? I didn’t know that.”
“Really? I thought it was obvious.”
“I guess it was hard to know what was real and what wasn’t. I started to get all confused. My emotions have been all over the place. Well, I feel the same about you. Although, I think it’s too late for us to be together. I think we messed it up. How can we be together with this cloud hanging over us? It’s going to follow us everywhere we go.”
“Yeah,” I said sadly. “Maybe it’s all for the best. We had our fun, and it’s time to move on.”
“For sure. Starting a relationship like this is only asking for trouble. And we’ve had enough trouble as it is,” she said.
I put my coffee cup down and stood up. “Well, I guess I better get my stuff and go,” I said.
She stood up too. “Uh, yeah, okay. Well, I have it all in the guest room still. I hope you don’t mind, but I packed it all up for you.”
“I don’t mind at all. That makes it easier.”
We walked into the room, where I saw my bags waiting for me on the floor. Then I saw the bed and stopped. The same bed she’d climbed into with me after dropping her robe to the floor. I turned to look at her and I noticed that she was looking at it, too.
“Well, thanks for this,” I said, and leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek.
The moment I did I found myself shifting my lips to land on her mouth. I expected her to pull away, but she didn’t. Instead, I heard a soft moan escape her, and I knew in that instant that I would not be able to stop.
“One more time?” I said to her.
“One more time,” she whispered back.
Twenty-Five
Cassidy
Our clothes were off within seconds. This time, there was nothing slow or seductive about it. After a month of being apart, we both clearly knew what we wanted. Houston kissed me hard, his rubble tough against the softness of my skin. The feeling was sensational. I lay on my back and spread wide for him. I wasn’t going to mess around with foreplay this time. We were both under no illusions as to what was happening. We had lied for too long; to each other, to others, to ourselves. The truth was out there. We weren’t going to be together, and if this was the last time that we had with one another than we were going to make it count.
I felt passion pouring out of him as he kissed me, and I groaned when I felt him enter me. He pushed against me with a force that I had never felt before, almost as if he were angry. I felt angry, too. Angry that we had let it get this far, angry that we kept hurting each other, angry that we had messed up the chance of a real relationship. We let that anger take us to an even greater level of ecstasy. I bit his shoulder, dug my nails into his waist, and I cried out when we finally came together. It was wonderful and terrible all at the same time.
“Thank you,” Houston said after we were done. It was a strange thing to say after having sex. He got up immediately too and reached for his clothes, and I quickly did the same. For the first time ever, I regretted what we had done.
“Uh, sure,” I said. “Well, uh, I think that’s all your stuff. I’ll let you know if I find anything else, but I think that was it.”
He picked up the bags, and we made our way to his car. I stood there quietly while he loaded the bags and wished, not for the first time, that things could’ve been different.
“So, uh, this is it,” he said awkwardly.
“This is it.”
“Look, Cassidy, I meant all those things I said to you. I didn’t just say them so we could sleep together. You’re an amazing woman, and I think the world of you. I don’t deserve a woman like you. You deserve someone who is willing to man up, which is clearly something I have no clue about. You’re a wonderful person, and I know that you’re going to make some man very happy one day.”
“Thanks, Houston,” I said. “Well, it was fun while it lasted,” I said. “I better get going. I hear my phone ringing.”
I turned around and rushed back into the house. There was no ringing phone, but I no longer wanted to be around him. That goodbye was too much to handle. Why had I slept with him? I felt like such a fool. He said that I deserved someone that was willing to man up for me. Well, I deserved a man that was willing to fight for me. Houston had given up too early.
I flopped onto the sofa and dissolved into tears. I couldn’t believe that I had just lost out on what could potentially have been the love of my life. The more time I spent with Houston, the more I wanted to be with him. If he had asked me to be his girlfriend, despite everything that had happened, I would’ve said yes to him. I was sure of it. But he’d slept with me and then left, and that was when I realized what an idiot I had been.
Perhaps he had never truly meant those words in the first place. Maybe he had been taking me for a ride just to sleep with me. I groaned. Then, I heard a knock on the door, and my heart began to pound. He had changed his mind. He wanted to be with me after all. I ran to the door, but my face fell when I saw who it was.
“Oh, hi, Jake,” I said. “Uh…”
“You’re crying,” he said. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “I’m fine. It’s…it’s just been a bad day. That’s all.”
“Can I come in?”
I didn’t want him to come in. I wanted to be with Houston, or I wanted to be alone. But how could I say no? I nodded and opened the door. He made me take a seat and then went to the kitchen and made me some hot cocoa. It was incredibly sweet of him, but the gesture just made me feel worse. Jake was a great guy. He was kind, handsome, and he clearly had a thing for me. Life would be so much easier if I just liked him.
“Thank you, Jake. That’s so nice of you. You shouldn’t have.”
“Want to tell me what’s going on?”
I shook my head. “Not really. Sorry.”
“That’s okay. I heard about you and Houston, by the way. The whole story is very confusing. I’ve heard conflicting things.”
“Like what?” I asked. I didn’t really want to talk about this with Jake, but I wanted to know what people were saying about us.
“Some people say you guys were pretending to be married. Others are saying you’re a couple. Some say you’re divorced. Are any of those true?” he asked.
“Oh, Jake, I’ve made such a mess of things,” I said. “It’s a long story, but Houston and I aren’t together anymore. That part is true.”
“But you were?”
“For a while.”
“You love him, don’t you?” he asked sadl
y.
“I think so.”
“Have you told him?”
I shook my head. “No. It’s over.”
“I’m sorry. I really am. I know that sounds a bit crazy considering I want to be with you too, but I’m being truthful here. You deserve happiness. If that means being with someone other than me, then that’s okay. I hope the two of you work things out.”
“Why are you so nice to me?” I asked him.
He smiled sadly. “Just because you don’t want to be with me doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person and that I must be horrible to you. Anyway, I heard the rumors and thought I’d stop by and see if you’re okay. Not because I want to try and get with you, but because you still mean a lot to me.”
“Thank you. Hey, I have an idea. Do you want to go for a horse ride?” I asked.
“Really?” He seemed surprised.
I smiled. “Yeah. That always makes me feel better.”
“Let’s do it.”
I was pleased that Jake didn’t force me to talk on the horse ride. I was also pleased that we didn’t bump into anyone we knew on the way. The last thing I needed was for yet another rumor to spread about me. Jake was a good guy, and after the ride, I told him that he was going to make some woman very happy one day. When he left, I realized that what I had said to him was exactly what Houston had said to me. I felt awful all over again, but I knew that I was going to have to force myself to keep on going.
Perhaps I had been right from the start. Maybe I really wasn’t cut out for this whole relationship thing. It had always just been my horses and me, and once upon a time, that had been all that I needed. I reached for the small horse pendant around my neck, like I always did when I was sad, and gasped. It was gone. It was just a necklace, and it really shouldn’t matter. But it did.
Twenty-Six
Houston
Joe called and asked if he could come over for a visit. At first, I said no, but he said he wasn’t taking no for an answer. He was tired of me not coming out to see him, so he was going to bring the party to me. I didn’t know what ‘bring the party to me’ meant until I saw the amount of alcohol he had brought with him. He’d also gotten a cab to the house, so I knew he planned on drinking a lot.
