by Mia Brown
“What are you doing?” I said. “I’m paying, remember. I thought that was the only reason you came here tonight.”
“I was only kidding about that. Anyway, I had a great time and the food was amazing. It was also not very cheap. I’d like to pay my portion.”
“And there is no way you’re going to do that. Dinner was on me tonight and I’m not going to hear anything more from you about it.”
I expected her to argue but she put her purse away and told me how much she appreciated it. Had I won her over?”
Twenty-Seven
Dallas
The night had been a lot better than I had expected. I kept telling myself that it wasn’t a date but it sure as hell had felt like one. I had enjoyed I more than I thought I would. I thought the two of us were going to spend the entire time arguing and I had even pictured myself getting angry at him. But after telling him my thoughts on the Steve debacle, he had simply put that conversation to bed. I was glad. I didn’t want to spend my night talking about the annoying Steve. I barely wanted to think about him. I wondered what it would’ve been like if I had gone out for dinner with Will. Would it have been as nice? Would the conversation and the banter have flowed as well as it had with Blaze and I? I wasn’t too sure if it would. Blaze had been an absolute gentlemen. I had no idea if he was only putting that side on because he wanted to get me into bed again or if I was finally seeing a different side to him. I hoped it was the latter. But at the same time, I wouldn’t mind sleeping with him again too. I groaned inwardly at the thought. I had known the moment I had seen him that night that we would end up together again.
“Uh, so, thank you for a great night,” I said to Blaze as he dropped me off at home.
“I’m walking you to your door,” he said and got out the car.
I smiled to myself. Thank goodness. I was hoping he would do that. When we got to the front door I turned to him. “Want to come in for coffee?”
“I’d love to.”
Once inside he immediately pulled me in toward him and kissed me.
“I said coffee, not kisses.”
“Oh. Sorry. I…”
I laughed. “I’m only kidding. Kisses first. Coffee later.”
He grinned and kissed me again. It was different to the previous time we had kissed. This time I wasn’t pushing him against the wall, or giving him orders. There was no sense of urgency or desperation. We were simply kissing like two people who really like done another. There was something very special about and it made my heart do a little hop and jump like I had never felt before. When he pulled away he moved a strand of hair from my face and smiled at me.
“Tonight was a lot of fun,” he said.
“I hate to admit it, but it was a lot of fun for me too,” I said. “Come on, let’s go to the bedroom.”
I took his hand and led him to my room. Once there we started kissing again and slowly taking off each other’s clothes. To take my dress off he had to pull a long zip down the back and once it fell to the ground he kissed my neck until I shivered.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered as he held my face in his hands and kissed me passionately. My entire body stirred as if waken up from slumber and I realized it had been asleep since the last time we had been together. It was as if I had been waiting for this moment to happen again.
We fell to the bed and I laughed as he almost rolled right off. He pulled me toward him and the feel of his naked body against mine was exactly what I needed. I felt the rest of the world disappear and all my problems dissipate. In that moment the only thing that mattered was that the two of us were together. Blaze caressed my body with care, making sure not to leave any part untouched. I had never had anyone feel me and look at me in this way before. I leaned over to touch him, happy to feel how erect he was, and I smiled as he groaned at my touch.
Blaze positioned me on the bed so that he could climb on top of me, and as he did I felt the weight of his body on mine. I liked the way it felt to have him on top of me. Crushing, but liberating at the same time. As he entered me I no longer felt like I was a part of the earth. I was floating and I never wanted to come back down. Blaze was gentle with me, stopping to kiss me at frequent intervals as if he couldn’t get enough of me. He whispered again to tell me how beautiful and I knew he was telling the truth. I had no idea what Blaze really thought of me, but in that moment I believed everything he was saying to me. I wanted to tell him that he was beautiful too but I didn’t know how to say it without sounding like an idiot. I said it in my mind though. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. Because even though I still considered him the enemy, right now he was showing me a side of himself that I got the feeling most people didn’t get to see. This time, we came together. It was something I hadn’t thought possible but the moment I felt him come inside me, my body reacted in the same way.
We lay together for a while, neither of us saying anything. My body was so relaxed I knew that if I closed my eyes I might fall asleep. I wasn’t sure how I felt about what had just happened, but right now I didn’t want to think about it.
“So, uh, would you like that coffee?” I said when I realized we had been lying together for far too long. We weren’t a couple and I didn’t want us to act like we were one.
He chuckled. “Yeah, a coffee sounds great thanks.”
Twenty-Eight
Blaze
I stayed with Dallas a lot longer than I had planned to, but she wasn’t kicking me out of her as quickly as she had before. We sat drinking coffee in the living room and talking. We never once spoke about what the two of us were doing together and what we might mean to one another, so I got the impression that it wasn’t anything serious on her behalf. Perhaps it was nothing serious for me too. I had no idea what was going on or how I felt, but I was happy to just let things take its course. I couldn’t force her to want to be with me on a more regular basis. However, every time I left her house I wondered if it would be the last time. Dallas could easily decide that she no longer wanted to do that with me. Or she could meet someone else. I was pretty sure that Will liked her, and there was always a chance that she might like him back. Will was just a little shy and quite slow when it came to women, but if made a move on Dallas I had no idea if she would accept or not. As much as I hated to admit it, Will was a good guy. He was the sort of guy a girl would want to take home to her mother. And I already knew that Dallas liked people who were intrinsically good. Maybe I wasn’t good enough for her.
When I got home I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I took a shower and then climbed into bed, but I battled to fall asleep. The sex had been different this time and I wasn’t sure why. She didn’t seem to hate herself for it the moment it was over. Maybe that’s what was so different. And tonight really had felt as if we had gone on a proper date. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been on a date. Ever since Mary I hadn’t really dated. I had been with quite a few women but it hadn’t gone much further than the bed. No wonder I was feeling so confused. Dallas probably wouldn’t call it a date, but considering we had spoken so little about Steve I wasn’t sure what else you could call it.
When I woke the following morning it was late. I had taken a long time to fall asleep but when I did the sleep had been deep and blissful. I saw I had three missed calls from my brother, all quite early. My first thought was that something had happened to my father so I quickly called him back to make sure everything was okay. I didn’t realize I was so fearful of something happening to my father again but I clearly worried about it more than I thought I did. It was constantly on my mind. It had been a horrible shock to all of us when he had gotten sick and I didn’t want to go through it all again. The doctor had said that the chance of the cancer returning was minimal but it didn’t make me worry any less.
“Is dad okay?” I asked.
“Dad? Yeah, he’s fine. Why? What’s going on?”
“I had three missed calls from you so I thought maybe it was something to do with dad.”
“I was sleeping. Fast asleep in dreamland.”
“Sleeping? Since when do you sleep in? You’re always up early.”
I glanced at the clock again and chuckled. “Yeah, this is a first. Okay, give me about half an hour. I’ll come as soon as I can. A ride with Marty sounds great. But bring me coffee first,” I said.
He laughed. “Okay, see you soon.”
I knew that Tyler was going to question what was going on with me. For some reason he seemed to be incredibly astute when it came to all matters of Dallas. When I arrived Tyler came up to greet me with a steaming cup of coffee. I took a few grateful sips and sighed.
“Thank you. I’m not good without my morning cup.” Coffee was usually the first thing I did in the morning but this morning I had come straight over. Mostly because I knew that Tyler had better coffee than I did at home. My mother always ground her beans in the morning while I couldn’t be bothered to go to such extremes. It was why I had installed a fancy coffee machine in my office.
“What on earth happened to you to sleep in so much? Oh, I know,” he said with a sly grin. “You were with Dallas again.”
I laughed. “How did you guess?”
“You always get this certain look on your face. It’s hard to explain but I know it straight away. You look happy.”
“Well, it was a good night. I invited her out for dinner to talk about the case but it really felt like a date. We barely spoke about the case at all.”
“And she didn’t bite your head off like she usually does?” he asked.
“She didn’t. In fact, we got along very well. I took her to that new Japanese restaurant.”
“Ooh, very nice. Very romantic. And then you went back to her place again?” he said.
“She invited me in for coffee.”
“Did you actually get any coffee?” he asked.
“I did. But only after we slept together.”
“So what does this mean? Are the two of you a couple now?” he asked as we strolled toward the horses.
“No, we’re not a couple. I’m still not sure how much she likes me to be honest. She’s quite hard to read but most of the time she’s pretty straight forward about how much she dislikes me.”
“Well, if she doesn’t like you then she sure has a funny way of showing it. Hey, maybe that’s where I’ve been going wrong all this time. I keep trying to find girls who like me. I need to find girls who hate me.”
I chuckled. “It does make the sex a lot better.”
“Seriously though, I don’t think she hates you quite as much as you think she does. If the two of you went out for dinner and had actual conversations then I’m sure that she likes your company. She wouldn’t have done that if she didn’t like you. Want my opinion? I think she just doesn’t want to admit that she does. But her actions are proving otherwise.”
I shrugged. “Who knows. Maybe. It’s really hard to say. She’s a tough one to read.”
“How about you? How do you feel about her? Is this the one?” he asked.
“The one? You’re getting ahead of yourself. Nah, I just enjoy sleeping with her. It’s a great challenge each time. It’s nothing serious though. We’re only having a little bit of fun. Nothing is going to come out of this.” It was a line I was telling myself over and over again.
Tyler laughed. “You’re such a liar. You do realize that you’re completely lying to me as well as to yourself.”
“I’m not lying to anyone,” I said. “I’m telling you the truth.”
“You’re not. In fact, I would go as far as to say I think you’ve fallen for her. And you know, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s time you met a nice girl and got into a relationship.”
“You’ve been hanging out with mom too much,” I said. “Since when do you want me to be in a relationship? I thought life was all about having fun and not settling down.”
“For now,” he said. “I’m still young.”
“Are you calling me old?”
“You’re older than me. You should be settling down. I’m not trying to push you into anything, but you really do seem to like this girl. I’ve never seen you look so happy. And, for what it’s worth, I really approve of her.”
I snorted. “I’m not trying to get your approval.” I didn’t mean for it to come out quite as rude as it did, but I hoped he knew I was teasing him. Truthfully I would want to find a girl that my whole family approved of. It wasn’t nice bringing Mary home and seeing their disappointed faces.
“Trust me, I know you’re not. But you have it anyway. Dallas is wonderful. I have always liked her. She’d be good for you too.”
“As opposed to Mary I guess you’re thinking,” I said.
“Well yeah, but you know that as well as I do. You said so yourself the other day. That woman was completely wrong for you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you as highly strung as when you were with her.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I didn’t realize it at the time though. Oh well, better late than never.”
“Hey, has she phoned you again by the way? I keep meaning to ask you but keep forgetting.”
“No. Thank goodness. I really don’t want to talk to her again.”
“You think she’ll just show up one day like she did the last time?” he asked.
“I hope not. I want her to move on and to meet the man of her dreams. He’s going to be nothing like me and that’s okay. I’m over the stage where I want bad things to happen to her. I want her to be happy.”
“Wow, that’s good of you. I’m not sure I would be able to say the same. Well, you should want yourself to be happy too. And I think Dallas might be the answer to your problems. She’s a great girl and she has some good morals. I like that about her. It also doesn’t harm that she’s so easy to look at. You’re one lucky bugger to be sleeping with her so much.”
“Yeah, that’s true, but there’s still the small matter of me working with Steve.”
“You know you don’t have to be a lawyer if you don’t want to,” Tyler pointed out.
“What’s that supposed to mean? That’s my job. Why wouldn’t I want to be a lawyer?”
“Because you can come and work at the ranch. You know that’s always an option. It won’t be like you’ve failed or anything. You know we would love to have you here. The ranch suits you. You should come back. Forget about the lawyer stuff. You tried it and it didn’t work and there’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong at all.”
I sighed. I thought about the nice conversation I had with Dallas over dinner about this very thing and I knew it was time for me to tell Tyler how I really felt. We didn’t like serious conversations which was probably why this was one I kept avoiding. However, I got the impression that he was never going to give up trying to get me to come back to the ranch. I knew he only meant well but he needed to know how I felt about it all. I turned to face him.
“I need to speak to you about this,” I said.
He frowned. “Wow, you sound serious.”
“I am. Look, I love the ranch, and I would be lying if I said I hadn’t considered quitting and coming back here. It’s a part of who I am and I will always love it. I will never be able to leave it completely. That’s why when Mary asked me to move to Paris with her I couldn’t go. Sure, I didn’t want to be with her, but I also didn’t want to leave this place. I like that I can come here whenever I want. I like helping out. I like riding Marty. I love spending time with the family. I am not going to stand here and say that I will never come back, because I honestly have no idea what I’m going to decide in the future. So much could change. But I also love being a lawyer. I really do. I love what I do, and I think I’m good with it.”
“But you’re not even doing any good,” he po
inted out.
“Ouch.” That was a low blow. I had been expecting it and I sure as hell had heard enough of that from Dallas these days, but it still wasn’t nice to hear from your own brother.
“Well, it’s true. I’m sorry, Blaze, but that’s how it is. You keep working for these idiots. Steve is not the only guy. You’ve told me loads of stories and I’ve never understood why you keep saying yes to them. It’s not like you need the money. I’m sorry, but you’re being honest with me so I’m being honest with you right back.”
I sighed. “You’re right. I need to reevaluate things. I know that. I know that you were all angry with me when I took off all those years ago and spent all my time trying to make money. I know I lost myself a bit then. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be a lawyer. I do. I just have to figure out a way to make it work for me. And I need the support from you. I also need the support from mom and dad. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me when none of you support my dream? I have never given you a hard time for wanting to stay on the ranch, so you shouldn’t give me a hard time for wanting to leave. We all have our different passions in life.”
“Whoa. I’m sorry, Blaze. I had no idea you felt this way. You need to speak to mom and dad about this to. I’m so sorry. I guess…I guess you were just too hot headed to come back to the ranch. I figured you wanted to but that you just didn’t want to lose your status or something. I thought maybe you would think of yourself of a failure. Which you’re not.”
“Yeah, I’ve thought that before, but I don’t really think that way anymore. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be honest,” I admitted. It was the first time I was admitting to my brother that I didn’t have my life under control and it felt good to finally say it out loud. I felt the pressure and the burden of everything be released from me.
“Who the hell knows that they want in life? I don’t either. You think I’ve never thought of leaving? Of course I have. Sometimes I’m jealous that you went off to follow your dreams.”
