by Kim Loraine
“Okay, then. You know—”
“I’m starved. You want something?” She jumped up and headed into the kitchen.
Taking a deep breath, he followed her. As she searched the fridge, he wrapped his arms around her, pressing kisses to her nape.
“It would’ve been okay.” Wanting to ease her worry, he rested his chin on her shoulder.
“What?”
“If you were pregnant.”
She whirled around in his arms, eyes wide. “Are you kidding me?” Extracting herself from his grasp, she grabbed a wine bottle and yanked the cork free, pouring a sizable glass. “It would have been the complete opposite of okay.”
An ache took hold in his gut.
“Why? We’re married adults. Isn’t this the next step?”
Downing half the glass of wine in one go, she shook her head.
“I’m about to go to Japan for three months. I can’t be pregnant. I can’t be a mother right now.”
“True, the timing could’ve been better.”
The look in her eyes sent a wave of apprehension through him.
“Michael, I . . . I’ve never planned on having kids. I’m not . . . mother material.”
A disbelieving laugh escaped him. Surely this was a joke. Since he was a kid he’d known that one day he’d be a dad. He’d always envisioned bedtime stories, tossing the football in the yard with his son, teaching his kids about cars, campouts.
“You mean, not right now, right? But after things settle down, maybe in a few years —”
“No. I don’t want kids. I couldn’t risk doing to a child what my dad did to me and my mom.”
All the air left his lungs. Desperation clawed at him as he tried to think of something he could say that might change her mind. A family, loud, crazy, and loving had always been his goal, even more so since his brother died. Now, with one word from Lena it was all gone. Hands shaking, he pulled a beer from the refrigerator and popped the top.
Her hand slid along his shoulder and he flinched away.
“Michael.” Her voice was tender, apologetic.
Leaving his full beer bottle on the counter, he walked away from her. Needing space. Time to process the loss of something he’d never have.
He needed to be anywhere but with Lena right now. For the first time, he couldn’t stand the sight of her.
Michael ran, trying to clear the anger from his head. His feet pounded the sun-bleached wood slats of the boardwalk, sending jolts up his legs. Lena didn’t want to have children. More than that, she didn’t want his children. He knew leaving her like that, angry and frustrated, had been cowardly, but he didn’t want her to see how much it hurt his pride to know that the idea of a family with him was so awful in her eyes.
Jumping the rail, he landed in the sand and headed to the surf. The wind whipped his face and gave him some much-needed resistance. He wanted something to focus on. He ran until his lungs burned, until his legs gave out, and he fell into the sand. Breathing heavily, he stared out at the choppy water, mesmerized by the ebb and flow of the ocean. This was what he needed—a minute of nothingness.
His phone rang in his pocket, and he thought about ignoring it, letting it go to voicemail so he could continue to bask in this sliver of time where nothing else mattered. But then Lena crept into his mind, her dark eyes and soft lips, the way she commanded the room no matter where they were, and above all else, the hold she had on his heart. What if it was her calling? He wasn’t willing to let her go, even over something as major as this. They’d talk this through and figure out where to go next.
“Hello?” he said, his voice rougher than he’d intended.
“Michael?” The feminine voice on the other end of the line had his gut twisting and a cold sweat covering his brow the moment it hit his ears. “Kate?” What the fuck was she doing calling him?
Her soft gasp sent a chill through him. They hadn’t spoken in five years. Not for his lack of trying.
“I . . . uh, h-how are you?”
“Fine.” He wanted to laugh. Hell, even six months earlier he’d have had a very different answer for her. Lena had changed everything.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Kate said, accusation in her tone.
“Avoiding? We haven’t seen each other since you left me at the fucking altar, Kate. I think we’re past avoiding.”
“I’ve been calling the station.”
“Yeah. I know. As far as I’m concerned, we’ve got nothing to say to one another. How did you get this number?”
“Klipper gave it to me.”
“Son-of-a-bitch,” he bit out. Klipper was such a softy. She’d probably started crying and he’d caved.
“I need to see you, Mike. I’ve got things . . . I just need to see you.”
Shaking his head, he stood and started walking along the beach, back toward his car. The last thing his marriage needed was a ghost from his complicated past haunting them.
“No can do, Katie. I’m not interested.”
“But, you don’t understand—”
“I said no. I don’t owe you a damn thing and if you think you can call me up after five years and expect me to fall at your feet, you’re dead wrong.”
“Michael, please.”
“No. I’d say it’s been nice talking to you, but it hasn’t. Have a nice life, Kate.” He hung up, his entire body trembling as the adrenaline took over.
By the time he made it back to his car he’d calmed down. His head was still spinning, but he’d stopped shaking and was now left with only a mildly nauseated feeling in his gut. Kate. He hadn’t expected to hear her voice again. Even with her calls to the station, he’d made it clear to the guys that she was never going to make it through to him. Damn Klipper and his weakness for weeping women.
His phone buzzed, vibrating against his thigh and startling him as he sat in the driver’s seat, keys in hand. Anxiety tightened his chest at the possibility it would be Kate texting him, that he’d have to deal with messages from her all the time. Pulling the phone free of his pocket, he turned it over to check the message. A wave of relief crashed over him, making him sigh audibly.
It was Lena.
I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight. Please come back to me.
The car started with a satisfying purr and he was on his way back to where he belonged. They could work through this. He knew it, deep in his core.
As he pulled into the driveway, Lena was waiting for him on the front porch, a mug of tea in her hands. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy.
“Oh, baby. I’m sorry,” he said as he slammed his car door shut and bounded up the steps to the porch. Pulling her into his arms, he held her tight. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he murmured into her hair.
“We should have talked about this. Kids are a deal breaker and we didn’t even think about it.”
Heart turning to a cold lump in his chest, he held onto her for dear life. He didn’t like where this conversation was going. “It’s okay. It’s fine. We can work it out. We’ve got lots of time.”
She shook her head and pressed her face into his chest. “I’m not going to change my mind.”
“I’m not going to let you go.”
Sighing, she tilted her chin up to stare at him. “You’re really stubborn.”
“You bet your ass I am. I’m the middle child. I had to be a pain in the butt to get what I wanted.”
“We’re going to have to have a conversation about this, you know.”
He knew. Dammit, he fucking knew. “Not today.”
Nodding, she kissed his neck and let him go. “Come on. Your dinner is in the oven.”
As they walked inside the house, the smell of baked goods enveloped him like a warm hug. “You’ve been baking. Shit, you were really pisse
d at me.”
“Yeah. You just bailed on me without a word. I freaked out.”
Her words hit him like a punch to the gut. “Why? I just needed some time to think.”
“My dad bailed. Left me and my mom. We never knew why and he never came back.”
Taking her face in his hands, he pressed a firm kiss to her lips, needing to show her just how important she was to him. Her fingers curled around the nape of his neck sending shivers down his spine as he deepened the kiss and pushed his tongue inside, searching for hers. Hands cupping her bottom, he lifted her and sat her on the counter before grinding his hips against hers.
As he pulled his lips from hers, he stared into her fathomless brown irises. “I’ll always come back. Always. Do you hear me? Even when you don’t want me to.”
Her lower lip trembled and he crushed her to him in response. “I love you, Michael.”
In answer, he pulled his shirt over his head while toeing off his shoes. As he removed the rest of his clothes, she did the same and he carried her down the hall to their bed. He might not be able to say the words, but he could damn well show her exactly how he felt.
“Baby, do we have plans tonight? Donovan asked me to go play poker with him.” Michael’s voice carried from the bedroom into the master bath where Lena was stretched out, reading a romance novel.
Pouting, she closed her book and called back to him, “No. I was planning on spending the night showing you how much I’m going to miss you when I leave.”
His voice got louder as he made his way to the bathroom. “I’ll call and cancel.”
Her heart swelled. She loved knowing that he’d change his plans simply because she wanted to spend time with him. As he sat on the edge of the tub, he took her foot in his hand and began massaging the arch. Sliding down a little deeper in the water, she gave in to the power his touch had over her. “Mmm, that feels nice.”
“Can I get in with you? I can make it a whole hell of a lot nicer.” His gravelly voice was thick with desire.
She was about to tell him yes, when her phone rang. Seeing it was Valerie, she held up a finger. “Hold that thought.”
His mouth turned down in a pout as she answered. “Hey, what’s up?”
“He’s such an asshole.”
“Who? Donovan?”
Her friend hiccupped. “Yes. He’s such a jerk.”
“What happened?”
“Can you come over? We can go out, have a drink.”
Casting an apologetic glance at Michael, she sighed. “Sure.”
“Thanks.” Valerie sniffed. “Let’s get dolled up. I want to look amazing so if I see his friends they can tell him how good I looked without him.”
Lena laughed. “Okay. Sounds fun. What time do you want me to come get you?”
“Six-thirty? That’ll give me a chance to fix myself up. I’m a mess.”
“I’ll see you then.” Hanging up the phone, she smiled softly at Michael. “Guess I’m going out with Valerie. She and Donovan had a fight. Apparently he’s an asshole.”
Michael chuckled. “I could have told her that. Looks like we’re babysitting tonight. If they had a fight, Donovan’s gonna be in a shitty mood.”
“And Valerie and I are going to need to get drunk and go dancing.” Trailing a finger over his denim-clad thigh, she offered him a wicked grin. “I’ve got a couple hours. Want to give me a preview to hold on to before I leave?”
Taking her hand, he pulled her out of the water and against his chest. She laughed as her wet, naked body soaked his clothes. “Baby, I’ll give you more than a preview.”
Three hours later, she was sitting at the bar of The Creekside, dressed in a slinky silver dress and sky-high black heels. She and Valerie had just settled in to order some food at the bar when Lena caught sight of Donovan, dressed in a suit and tie with that stupid smirk on his handsome face.
“What is he doing here? I thought you were fighting.”
Her friend grinned. “He’s here for me. And, he is here for you.”
Lena caught sight of Michael as he followed Donovan through the crowd. Her heart caught in her throat. He looked amazing in the black three-piece suit he wore.
“Michael? I thought you had a poker game.”
He shrugged and moved to kiss her. It took all her strength not to melt right then and there.
“Yeah, about that . . .” Donovan cast his eyes to the floor, reaching back and rubbing his neck with one hand. “There’s no poker game.”
“What do you mean? What did I get all dressed up for? You told me it was a high roller game. Important.”
“Come on, Mike. A high roller game in Golden Beach?” The sarcasm in Donovan’s voice was hard to miss.
Valerie took Donovan’s hand and the couple led them through the crowd.
“Where are we going?” Suspicions raised, Lena followed with wide eyes.
“Happy wedding.” Valerie giggled as she threw open the doors to the party room.
Lena’s chest tightened as she surveyed the room, taking in the candle light, the ethereal hanging lanterns, and the soft creams and blush pink flowers on each table.
“Val, this is amazing.” Her voice was thick with tears. She hadn’t expected this.
“We all pitched in. Your mom, the Olivers. We wanted to celebrate your marriage.”
Hugging her friend, she murmured, “Thank you.”
Valerie pushed her away, smiling. “Go on, get your groom and enjoy.”
At that, Michael slid his hand around Lena’s waist, pulling her close and nuzzling her neck. He whispered, “Donovan told me before we got here. I can’t wait to pull that dress over your hips and slide inside you later. Wife.”
Her nipples hardened beneath the thin material of her dress and she shuddered even as the hot blush flooded her cheeks. As his hand crept up her back, he found the bare skin between the straps of her dress, making her sigh in anticipation. When was this party over again?
“Michael!” Marianne Oliver bustled over to them from across the room. Her round face beaming. “Do you like your party?”
He moved his fingers away from Lena’s bare back and smiled at his mom. “It’s awesome, Mama. Thanks.”
Marianne turned her attention to Lena. “Lena, you look beautiful. Were you surprised?”
She couldn’t contain her smile. Surprised didn’t cover it. Overwhelmed might have been a better choice. “Yes. It’s so beautiful. Thank you, Marianne.”
The older woman took Lena’s hand and shook her head. “Nope, you call me Mama now.” Then, casting a knowing glance at Michael she added, “Hopefully you can call me Grandma sooner rather than later.”
Lena’s gut clenched and she watched Michael’s face pale. Elbowing him in the ribs, she laughed and smiled just a little too brightly. “We’ll keep you posted, Mama.”
Her husband pulled her a little closer and let out a long breath as his mom walked away. “I’m sorry about that.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I get it. Kids are a big part of your family. It makes sense that she’d expect us to have them.”
Stiffening, he looked away, unwilling to meet her gaze. “Can we talk about something else?”
Sadness crept in as she watched him close a part of himself off and they danced without speaking. She’d just lost that piece of him, possibly forever.
Chapter 14
“Baby, what the hell are you wearing?” Michael’s jaw dropped as he watched Lena walk through the firehouse doors in fishnet thigh-highs, a frilly red and black corset, and sky-high heels. Casting a frantic glance around the room, he sighed in relief when he realized they were the only two people.
A sexy smile spread her lips and she glanced at him with sultry bedroom eyes. “Rocky Horror tonight. I wanted
to come by and show you what you’ll be missing.”
Grabbing his jacket off the back of a chair, he wrapped it around her shoulders and ushered her back to his bunk. “You’re going out in public like that? You mean this isn’t some sexy seduction just for me?”
Laughing, she shrugged out of the coat. “Oh, come on. It’s Halloween. No one will even notice. I just wanted to give you little something to look forward to when you get home tomorrow morning.”
She was going to kill him. He’d be so distracted thinking of her, he wouldn’t be able to handle himself on a call. Pulling her to him, he crushed his lips to hers, kissing her as if his life depended on it in the dark silence of the small room.
“Don’t leave. I don’t want you to go to Japan.” He hated the pleading in his voice, but he couldn’t stop himself. He needed her.
“Stop. It’s only three months. I’ll be back before you know it.” Stepping away from him, her voice broke as she spoke.
His hand found hers in the darkness as she started out of the room. “Lena . . . I—”
The alarm blared through the house, sending a wave of panic through him. He’d been so close to saying the words. It was as if the universe was warning him that now wasn’t the time.
Standing on her toes, she cupped his face in her hands and pressed her forehead to his. “Be safe, firefighter.”
Klipper barreled down the hall, barely sparing Lena a glance as he headed for the truck. “Lieutenant, come on, didn’t you hear the call? It’s the middle school.”
“Son-of-a-bitch,” Michael muttered as he watched Lena walk away.
Shaking his head to clear his mind, he shut down the part of his brain that was screaming at him to go to her. He needed to focus on his job, on making sure the school wasn’t a total loss. Lena would be there for one more day. He could tell her tomorrow.
Hours later, he hung up his helmet and sat in front of his locker. His last name graced the front, marked with masking tape haphazardly applied to the metal door. The damn call that took him away from his wife had been a prank. Stupid kids had pulled the fire alarm and ran.
