by Rosanna Leo
So she did.
As her breath came in halted, jittery intervals, Lia smoothed her hand over the coarse fur of his head, wondering at her bravery. It couldn’t be bravery; it had to be closer to insanity. And then she giggled as happiness infiltrated her being.
She was petting an animal. A bear, of all things!
And he seemed to be soaking it up. Bear Ryland closed his black eyes and made little noises of what could only be contentment. It was wonderful. She reached out her other hand and ran it gently along his face. He even let her touch his mouth and teeth. As much as she worried he might change his mind and snap at her, or God forbid, simply chew off a hunk of her arm, he remained placid. He dwarfed her, even as he sat on his big haunches, the most majestic beast she’d ever seen. The bears in the zoo back home never dazzled her like this. Fondling Ryland in his bear form, she’d never felt more in awe of any creature, real or imagined. She couldn’t have been more dazzled if she were making friends with a unicorn.
The frightened ten-year-old girl inside her was no longer cowering in fear. In fact, Lia got the impression that little girl had just giggled and skipped away.
They remained that way for at least fifteen minutes. It was so much fun. By the time Ryland was giving off signals they should wrap it up, Lia was ready to roll around on the floor with him and rub his belly. But then she remembered she wasn’t dealing with a Labrador puppy. Ryland was a predator, and he was being very gracious.
He sat back and uttered a few short barks. She jumped at the noise, but then realized it was only his way of speaking to her. Somehow she knew he was saying, “Okay, playtime’s over.”
She removed her hands from his coat and held them in her lap. Before she’d blinked twice, he’d shifted back into his naked form. Heat streaked into her face, especially when she saw that he was no less aroused. Ryland offered her a shy grin, and then reached over and began to put on his clothes. Neither of them said a word.
However, by the time he was slipping his worn Timberland boots back on, she couldn’t remain silent. “Ryland,” she began quietly. “Thank you.”
He stopped what he was doing and stared at her. He frowned. “Don’t mention it.”
As Lia’s heart rate elevated, she couldn’t help wondering if the bear episode had touched him as much as it had touched her, his forehead was so creased. Or was he just mad at having to go to such lengths to soothe a silly human woman?
But then Ryland’s gaze warmed and the glint in his black eyes heated her right through. “Now,” he purred. “This doesn’t give you permission to go around petting rogue raccoons. Those things are nasty.”
They both laughed and Lia realized she’d never felt quite so at ease with another person, and yet so deliciously ill at ease at the same time.
“Hey, are you hungry?” he asked. “Because I brought a bunch of food back to my room.”
And as Lia noticed the way his black hair grazed his brow, the way his eyebrow angled at her and the particular curve of his sexy smile, she realized she was hungrier than she’d ever been in her life.
* * * *
They got back to his room without incident, but Ryland couldn’t help admitting he still felt a lot better once she was on his turf again. He just felt more secure having her at the lodge, where there was always a fellow shifter in easy distance should the need for backup arise.
His “touch the bear” experiment seemed to have worked wonders, which was amazing. On the way back from the woods, Lia had only jumped a little when a squirrel flew from one tree branch to another nearby. Then she’d smiled at him, making him feel taller than he ever had.
She’d allowed herself to trust him and it hadn’t ended in total disaster. Plus, he couldn’t deny how good it had felt to have her run her hands all over his muzzle, head and shoulders. It had felt a little too damn good, which was why he’d had to call an end to it. If he’d let her touch him like that much longer, he would have done something unforgiveable, like maul her in raging lust.
Once back in his room, he made a couple of quick calls while Lia freshened up in the bathroom. He called Security, and they confirmed the stranger from reception had gotten back onto the ferry headed to the mainland and hadn’t tried to return. And he checked back in with Soren, and was relieved to know his little brother was back in Cabin 12 watching old Hawaii Five-O reruns. Soren apparently hadn’t seen anything untoward on his Rambo reconnaissance run either, or perhaps he just got tired of doing something that wasn’t drumming or diddling the nearest woman. Ryland wasn’t sure if he ought to be relieved or worried by the current lack of info, but chose to be relieved for now.
Lia was with him and she was safe. Even still, Ryland took care to shut the curtains against the darkness outside and to lock the door.
“I’m famished,” she called from inside the bathroom. “I can’t wait to get some of that food inside me.”
So help him God, if only he could be inside her.
Jesus! Where did that come from?
Banishing the pornographic images messing with his head, he listened as she ran the tap and washed her hands. As she finished up, he laid out the food items he’d brought back from the kitchen so they were displayed on the long table at the foot of his bed. Bread, meats, and apple crumble were all arranged to the best of his ability. He looked inside the picnic basket to see if he’d left anything behind, and saw the plastic jar of honey. He put that out too. Maybe she’d like to spread some on her bread.
Then he could spread it on her.
Oh, fuck. He clapped a hand to his dry mouth. He’d never wanted a woman so much in his life. The thought of her leaving over the next day or so was causing him physical pain. Was that one of the reasons he’d played Winnie-the-Pooh with her? To make her like him so she’d stay?
He grabbed the table to steady himself. All of a sudden, he was the one shaking! It would be completely Soren-ish to try to seduce her so early in their acquaintance, and yet he couldn’t see straight for needing her so badly. She just had to look at him, and his body responded with violent lust.
And the worst part was he somehow suspected his heart would shatter if Lia got hurt or left. The thought was so repugnant, so damaging, Ryland didn’t ever want to imagine it again. It made no sense. And a part of him acknowledged it wasn’t just about sexual attraction either. There was something about her. When they’d shared those few moments, her stroking his bear face, he didn’t think he’d ever felt such an affinity with another being. It had been the most resplendent, perfect moment of his life.
And he knew if she’d allow herself to give in, to truly give herself to him, she’d feel the same way. She already felt it. He was convinced. It was all there in her eyes, in her delighted expression as she’d shared that intimate moment with him.
Ah, who was he kidding? Lia was a nonshifter woman, the same sort of woman who’d betrayed him in the past. Sure, at first, Karen had seemed open to him, but when push had come to shove, she’d proven she couldn’t be trusted. And weren’t women all the same anyway? Out for themselves. Always looking for the better prospect.
A thin bead of sweat broke out on his upper lip and he gave it an angry swipe with the back of his arm. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think he was hyperventilating. As he stood still and listened to his unsteady breaths, he realized he was on the verge of hyperventilating. God, he’d been with women before. What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he keep his shit together?
Okay, he acknowledged bears were generally solitary creatures. Sure, bear shifters weren’t quite the same, for their human sides would always crave companionship. Still, this whole courting thing was a big deal for someone like him. Was he courting Lia? Whatever he was doing, he was doing it piss-poorly.
The bathroom door opened. Lia emerged. She’d changed, Ryland noticed, swallowing hard. She was now wearing a cute little nighttime T-shirt and some silky lady boxer shorts. His gaze traveled the curve of her braless breasts through the shirt, down over
her hip, and followed the seductive trail of her sexy legs to where they culminated in big, woolly socks.
Damn. Even the sight of those socks made him hard.
She blushed. “Hope you don’t mind, but I was getting really tired of those jeans. I guess I should have grabbed a few more outfits when I was playing ‘run from the stalker.’”
Ryland kept staring, feeling his engorged dick slamming against his jeans. He didn’t say a word, and couldn’t seem to find any words to say.
One thought raged through his brain, eliminating all other coherent thought.
Maybe that jar of honey will see some action tonight.
*
Lia observed Ryland through a suspicious eye. He looked stunned and was holding a jar of honey. His Adam’s apple was bobbing up and down in his throat and he was staring at her legs. What was all that about?
Okay, she knew she wasn’t dressed in her finest, but she didn’t have much choice. She couldn’t stay in those jeans another minute. They were so uncomfortable and she could swear she’d put on a couple of pounds since she’d arrived. Her temporary refuge at this lodge was fattening her up.
And now Ryland had put out another fine, albeit rustic, spread, and seemed to be offering her honey of all things. Only the look on his face didn’t suggest he wanted her to eat it. It suggested other things she couldn’t even contemplate because the mere insinuation of sex made her want to explode.
He thrust the honey jar onto the little table, as if trying hard to get it out of the realm of his reach. Gnawing on his bottom lip, he indicated the edge of the bed. “Wanna sit?” He stammered. “Or, uh, I can pull up a chair.” He looked into the other room, where there was a small dining area. “Damn. I have no idea why I didn’t set the food on the dining table. I don’t really have a lot of visitors here to eat.”
“What do your visitors come here to do?” She blushed, unable to resist asking the cheeky question.
He stared at her, abashed, and then they both started laughing. He opened his mouth once or twice, as if unsure how to continue.
She put him out of his misery. “It’s okay, Ryland. I’m all right on the bed, as long as you don’t mind crumbs.”
He mumbled something, and she could almost swear it was something about him not minding her crumbs at all.
Oh, she was careening into dangerous territory.
And she was supposed to sleep here tonight! Yes, Ryland had already set himself up a spot on the couch, offering her the bed, but how was she supposed to close her eyes under the same roof as him? Especially when everything in her body was sighing and saying, “Open your eyes and drink that tall glass of water down!”
Okay. It’s just a meal. He hasn’t offered himself up on a plate. Down, girl.
She sat at one edge of the bed, curling her leg up under her bottom, and surveyed the spread of food. “This looks really good.”
He smiled, and seemed more relaxed talking about the food. He perched on the opposite edge of the bed, far away from her. “We have a couple of awesome cooks here. Take as much as you want. I seem to recall you having a good appetite.” His boyish grin once again transformed his usually serious face, rendering him just about irresistible.
Lordy. Talk about something … anything. “The bread looks so fresh.”
She winced. The bread looks so fresh? I am so lame.
She quickly reached for a slice of baguette and topped it with a nice slice of roast beef. She gave it to Ryland and he accepted it, putting it on the plate in front of him. He took a sizable chunk of bread and smothered it in honey and offered it to her. They each took bites of their creations, eyeing each other, and Lia wasn’t sure which of them was blushing harder.
As she nibbled the sticky baguette, a question burned in her brain. She needed to ask it, even though it might sound impertinent. “Ryland, I really appreciate you shifting for me. I get the sense you don’t make a habit of doing that.”
He stared at her, black eyes brilliant and penetrating. “No. You have to understand, as much as there’s a side of me that’s very human, my other side is animal, with animal tendencies and instincts. In the wild, a bear wouldn’t let you pat him. A shifted bear is much the same. I’ve only done that for one other person.” He looked away. “It didn’t end well.”
So it was a woman. Of course it was a woman. Did she honestly think a man like him was celibate? He probably had any number of honeys chasing after him. She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. “Do you want to talk about it?”
His eyes took on the aspect of glittering coal, rough around the edges. For a moment, she thought she spied the bear again.
“Not really.”
Lia took another small bite of her bread, and tried to hide her disappointment. What did she expect? She barely knew the man. Did she really believe he’d just share all his dirty secrets with her? She knew enough about Ryland Snow to know he wasn’t the sort of man to wear his heart on his sleeve.
Besides, she’d already pushed him away once. It was no wonder he wasn’t willing to open up to her.
Maybe if she opened up a little…
“I understand about things not ending how you’d expect,” she admitted in a small voice. “I never really dated much. I had somewhat of a sheltered life when I was younger. My parents never approved of a lot of the boys I went to school with, and I wasn’t exactly a rebel so I didn’t push it.” She let out a sad giggle. “I guess you could say I grew up repressed. And then I started secretly writing and I got along better with my characters than with real people. I withdrew into make-believe worlds. My folks made it clear they didn’t approve, even after I left home. They figured marriage would fix me, and tried for a couple of years to set me up with sons of their rich friends.”
“I take it those sons didn’t do it for you,” he said with a heated look that totally did it for her.
Trying not to faint, she smiled. “No. I tried dating some men I met through friends. They were nice, I suppose, but—”
“But you’re not looking for nice?”
She contemplated his serious expression. “It’s not that. I don’t know what it was, but none of them were for me. It’s as if a special element was missing. A certain something I can’t define.” She stared at him for a few moments, searching for that certain something in his eyes, and was startled at the possibility of glimpsing it there. “Anyway, I began dating another man a while back. Rick is kind, but he has issues. After a year, I had to break up with him.”
“Rick has issues.” Ryland said it as a statement, rather than as a question.
“You could say that.” She met his frank gaze, and tried once again to determine how things had fallen apart with her ex-boyfriend. “It became clear early on that, well, intimacy was not a priority for Rick. And God knows I tried.” She stared off into the distance, remembering the shameful scene and her dismay. “He wouldn’t touch me. It took us months to get to the bedroom.”
Ryland had been about to snap a couple of beers out of the six-pack plastic, but he put the cans down again. His mouth fell open. “You’re kidding me.”
She tried to smile, even though the mere recollection of the relationship was enough to make her feel sick with self-loathing. “I wish. Rick refused to lay hands on me, aside from the odd tap on my shoulder. And even that seemed to give him the willies. It was as if he was allergic to my touch. It got to the point where I was begging him to have sex with me. After a few months, he finally gave in. The whole transaction took five minutes from start to finish. Neither of us came at all, and by the end of it, Rick seemed revolted.”
Ryland was frozen to his spot, his food seemingly forgotten. “I’m sorry. But why?”
“I don’t know. I wonder sometimes if he’s just asexual. I did get him to go to a doctor one time. Did you know there’s a condition called erotophobia? It’s a fear of sex. Although Rick was never officially diagnosed with it, I think he must have suffered from it.” She considered. “I don’t blame him for being
who he is. I just wish he’d told me first.”
“He never told you what he was feeling?”
“No. When we dated, I’d try to kiss him or put a hand on his leg, but he always pulled away. He said he was old-fashioned and wanted to wait. In a way, I thought it was sweet. I mean, no one ever waits for marriage anymore. I figured it showed strength of character. In reality, he just didn’t want to touch me.”
Ryland stared. “Why did he even date you?”
She shrugged. “Honestly, I think he was pretending to himself that everything was normal for him. We all want to be normal. We all want to go through our days feeling like the next guy. Unfortunately, not all of us can be the next guy.”
The sad curve to Ryland’s smile told her he understood exactly what she meant. And it broke her heart that he seemed to comprehend her meaning so succinctly. “What did you do?”
“I kept trying to be physical with him, hoping one day he’d return the favor. That he might actually enjoy it. But after a while, he only seemed to resent me for trying to be a good girlfriend to him. By the end, he hated being in my presence.”
Ryland paused, as if testing the air to see if he could ask what was on his mind. “Are you saying that, through your whole relationship, you didn’t have a single orgasm with your boyfriend?”
She didn’t need time to calculate the answer. She’d already spent months mulling over the sad implications. “Not one.”
“Lia,” Ryland murmured, his voice deep and sorrowful. “That’s the most tragic thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”
Her eyes fluttered as his words found their way into her heart, making it break all over again. She struggled to remain bright. “Oh, I don’t know. I guess there have been moments when it’s felt disastrous, but hey, I have all my fingers and all my toes. It could be worse, right?”
“Uh, Lia, no. This is tragic.” He paused, looking her up and down with a delicious slowness that almost stilled her heart. “If you don’t mind me asking, how long has it been since you’ve come with a man?”
Her heart seemed to want to stop beating in that second. She forced air into her lungs as she spoke. “A while.”
