by Lisa Sommers
“Ahhh,” she groans loudly.
I glance up, but this time I can’t see her eyes. Her back is arched up and her head is thrown back against the pillows, her hair cascading across them. Her hands have a tight grip on the wooden rungs of my bedframe. Damn, she’s the hottest fucking woman on Earth.
I slide one of my hands out from under her and bring it up to slide a finger inside of her. She feels so fucking amazing. I pull my finger out and she whimpers at the loss. I immediately slip two fingers back inside her.
“Ahhh,” she pushes her body down the bed, making my fingers push deeper inside of her.
I pump in and out without stopping, causing Chelsea to make the sweetest sounds known to man.
I literally can’t take it any longer. I need to be inside of her. I reach over with my free hand to the nightstand and grab protection. I pull myself up on my knees, release my fingers, grip her thighs and pull her roughly to me. I quickly sheath myself then Chelsea wraps her legs around my waist and I instantly slide inside of her.
This feeling won’t ever get old. The sensation of being inside of her is a feeling like no other. She was made for me.
Chelsea wraps her arms around my neck and seals her lips to mine. Nothing could feel more right than this very moment. Just the thought alone, of being able to be like this with her every single night for the rest of my life, is the best fucking feeling I could ever imagine. Yet, it terrifies me to no end that this is not what she wants.
I lift her up just far enough so that she doesn’t quite leave me. That’s not a feeling I want to endure right now. I pull on her hips so that she slams back down on me. Chelsea’s lips never leave mine as we both bask in the act of making love.
I don’t think she realizes that making love is what we are doing.
This is more than just sex and she knows it. Everything in me tells me that she is more than enjoying this and that she is fully on board with what we are doing in this moment. That thought makes me realize that Chelsea is the one for me.
I have totally fallen head over heels for this woman and I will somehow make her believe that I am the one for her.
Game on.
Chapter 5
Chelsea
Light filters through the shades and it takes me a second to remember where I am at. I have never stayed the night at Derek’s home and it kind of makes me feel a little weird inside.
I quietly slip out of bed so not to disturb him. Derek shifts slightly but doesn’t wake up. I pick up my panties that are still lying on the floor next to the bed and slide them on.
I need a drink of water, so I tiptoe out of his bedroom and make my way to the kitchen. Most of the dishes are still sitting on the counter and it brings back the memories from last night. Me, stopping Derek amidst him cleaning the plates, brings a smile to my face.
I see my yellow shirt on the floor so I grab it and slip it on. After filling up a glass with water I make my way to the living room. I take in all the pictures on the built-in television set unit. They’re mostly of him and his teammates, and some of whom I assume are his parents and family. A couple of him and Shane.
I take a seat on the edge of the sofa, looking out over the deck. The ocean water has a glow as the sun is rising behind the house. It’s absolutely stunning.
I sit here for a few minutes thinking about last night and what it all means. The silence in the air around me suddenly comes crashing all around me. I always get these panic attacks when I have too much time to think. What am I doing here?
The sudden feeling of guilt washes through me. Bryce loved the ocean. My hands start to shake so I set my glass of water down on the coffee table. Standing up, I begin to pace Derek’s living room. I need to calm down. I look around the room for something to take my mind off my old life. All I see are pictures and plants.
Green plants.
Derek has plants.
I am so not ready for this. I will never be ready for plants. Oh my God, what did I do? Bryce, I am so sorry honey. I’m so sorry. I cry into the palm of my hands.
I feel like I am having trouble breathing. I reach for my glass but I end up knocking it over, water spilling all over the glass table.
I take a few steps back and make my way back to Derek’s room to grab the rest of my clothes. I need to get out of here.
I manage to get to my car without waking Derek and I sit here for a few minutes to calm myself down. My hands are shaking so bad, that driving isn’t an option. I recline my chair and take a few deep breathes, trying to settle my nerves.
Ten minutes go by when I finally feel able to drive. Leaving the headlights off, I put the car in reverse. I wait until I fully pull out of Derek’s driveway before turning them on.
I arrive at my condo and immediately notice that Alli’s car is here. Dang it! I don’t want to have to explain what I’m going through right now. Hopefully, she’s still sleeping.
I quietly put my key in the door, turn the handle and push open. I peek my head around the corner and see no sign of Alli. Thank God.
I tiptoe to my bedroom and just as I am about to close my door, Alli steps out of her bedroom and catches sight of me.
“Hey Chels,” she saunters over to me. “Just getting home, huh?” The sound of her voice is full of excitement and wonder. She would love it if I finally gave in to Derek. Or anyone for that matter. She hates the fact that I can’t make a commitment.
“Umm, yeah.” I try not to look at her, otherwise, she will know something is wrong with me.
“Sooo,”
“Sooo nothing, Alli.”
“Wait, what’s wrong?” She asks.
Damn it! I knew she’d be able to tell from the sound of my voice that something isn’t right.
“Nothing, babe. Just a long night.” I try to shut my bedroom door behind me, but Alli pushes it open.
I turn around to tell her off, but she catches sight of my face before I have a chance to do so.
“Oh my God! Honey, are you okay?” She asks.
I immediately wrap my arms around her. I just need her comfort. I need someone to tell me it will be ok. I want someone to tell me it gets better than this. That I will somehow, someway be able to live life without feeling guilty for trying to move on.
“Oh sweetie,” Alli holds me tight, rubbing her hands up and down my back. “Did you and Derek have a fight?”
I shake my head.
“Okay, so what’s wrong?” Damn her questioning.
“He has plants.” I cry into her chest.
Alli is silent for a moment before answering. “He has plants?”
She gets it! I vigorously nod my head, “Yes, he has green plants all over his house.” I pull back and search her face for understanding, but I start to see confusion.
“The nerve of him. What a horrible man. I never want you to see him again.” She’s mocking me now.
I push away from her. “Don’t you get it, Alli?”
“No. What the hell are you talking about?” She asks, then all of a sudden it’s like a light bulb goes off in her head.
Finally, she gets it!
“Is he growing marijuana?”
“What? No! Oh my God, no! What are you talking about?” This conversation is clearly not going in the right direction.
“So you’re just mad at him because he has a green thumb?” Alli throws her arms up in the air.
“Yes!”
“You’ve lost me. Honey, take a few deep breaths and start from the beginning.”
“The fact that he has green plants means he’s ready to settle down. The man has never had plants since I’ve known him. Now, ever since he confesses that he wants more from me, he gets plants?”
“You’re insane.”
“Don’t you get it?”
“No, Chelsea. Have you been drinking?”
I turn on my heel, walk into my bedroom and try to shut the door. My cell phone starts ringing and I already know who it is even before I look at the display. It’s Derek. I
immediately press the ignore button, sending the call into voicemail.
“Chelsea, we need to talk about this. It’s ruining your life.” My best friend yells from the hallway.
Not again. Especially, not today. Today is her big day. She just doesn’t know it.
I pull open my bedroom door and she stops in her tracks and faces me. I close my eyes tight and count to ten. I need to calm myself down, plaster on a fake smile and show her that I’m ok. “Babe, I’m sorry. It’s just that this is all so new to me. I’ll be fine.” I try to explain.
Alli rests her hands on her hips, clearly not believing anything I am saying.
I reach out and tug on her hand, lacing her fingers with mine. “Honey, truly, I’m fine. You know me. I’m just overreacting. I’ll get there. Okay? Soon. I promise.” I give a gentle squeeze to reassure her.
“Fine. I have to get ready anyway.” She says.
“Oh yeah? What have you got planned for the day?” I ask, even though I already know what today entails. Besides, I’m happy to change the topic of conversation from me to her.
“Well. I’m not exactly sure.” She knits her eyebrows together. “Shane has something planned. He won’t tell me though.”
“Hmm. I wonder what it is.” I lie.
Alli taps her chin, thinking. “You know, I bet he’s taking me to that new play I’ve been wanting to see at the San Diego Symphony center.”
“Oh, you might be right.” I look her up and down, taking in her appearance. “Maybe you should put on a little something nicer.”
“I know, silly. I am actually just going for a run right now. The play isn’t until later.”
“The play.” I say, nodding my head. “Yes, the play. That’ll be nice.”
“Ok, we’re good? You’re good?” Alli lowers her head, her gaze still on mine.
“Yeah, babe. All is good.” I reassure her.
The grin on Alli’s face reaches all the way up to her eyes. I have to admit seeing her this happy makes me ecstatic. She deserves it.
I finish making my way into my bedroom just as my cell phone start ringing again. It’s Derek again. I guess I should have expected this. I did leave without a word after all.
I ignore the call once again and toss my phone onto my bed. I just don’t know what to say to him. It will never be what he wants it to be. I just can’t go there.
After my shower, I rummage through my closet looking for something to wear to today’s event. I can’t believe Alli is getting engaged today. This will blow her mind. Shane is going all out just to make today perfect. I can’t even begin to imagine what their wedding day will look like.
I, on the other hand, am not looking forward to what or who I need to face today. Derek is going to be so pissed that I skipped out on him. Not to mention, ignoring all his calls. So far, he has called four times.
I decide to pull on a pink summer dress. It’s warm out so the spaghetti straps will be perfect. I’m applying the final touches of makeup when I hear a knock at the front door. Alli must have forgotten her key when she went for her run. She’s done that several times.
“Again, babe?” I say as I swing open the door. Only it’s not Alli.
I’m stunned and I don’t know what to say. He doesn’t look pissed though. Maybe a little worried, but not mad.
“I see the kidnappers brought you back home safe and sound.” He kids, but he doesn’t show emotion. Maybe he is mad.
I move my gaze to the ground in front of me. I can’t look into his eyes. “Yeah, something like that.”
“What happened, Chelsea?” Derek asks.
I take a step back, opening the door wide. Derek walks in and damn if he doesn’t look hot as hell in those tight blue jeans. He holds his arms out and as much as I want to run into them, I can’t. I need to put an end to this.
I shake my head. “I’m sorry, Derek.”
His arms fall to his sides. “Why did you leave?”
“I just …” I don’t know how to answer him. “It all became just a little too much. I’m sorry.” There. I said it.
Derek walks up to me, reaching his hand out and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “And what’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with a little too much?”
Oh God. I can’t go there. I can’t lead him on to something that will never be. I look up at him, tears threatening to break free. “I can’t, Derek. I’m sorry.” I made a promise. I made a promise to Bryce. I want to say, but I don’t.
“Damn it, Chels!” Oh crap, he is mad.
I retreat to the other side of the living room, trying to clear my head.
“Chelsea, answer me. Last night was …” he pauses, walking up behind me.
“It was perfect.” I finish his sentence. Confessing my true feelings doesn’t come easy to me, but it was. Last night was perfect.
He moves my long hair to the side, lowers his head and puts his soft lips on my neck. “You’re right. It was perfect.” He whispers gently against my skin. “So, then why did you leave?” His voice is calm again.
I start to pull away, but his free hand wraps around my waist, pulling me against him. I can’t do this. “Derek, we need to stop this.” My calm tone matches his, but inside I am completely freaking out.
His fingers trail down the sides of my rib cage, his mouth nibbling lightly at the back of my neck, sends goosebumps down my spine. “We need to stop this?” He questions as he continues his lust-filled attack around to the other side of my neck. His fingers now tracing the outline of my breasts.
I can’t help but moan at the pleasure. I completely mislead him, but it just feels so damn good. I quickly come to my senses and pull away. “Yes, Derek. I’m sorry. I don’t think we should see one another anymore.
I’ve stunned him speechless. He pauses and it makes me feel like shit. He is such a wonderful person but he deserves so much more than what I can offer him.
Derek finally pulls away from me and starts pacing the length of my living room, running his hands through his hair in the process. “Damn it, Chelsea. I know you felt what I felt last night. It was amazing. It was a night I will never forget. And, I know you won’t either. I want more from you. I want more with you. I just don’t understand why you don’t want it either.” He pauses for a moment, stops, then faces me. “Is it me?”
Oh God no, honey. It’s not you. The words just don’t come out though. I shake my head.
“Don’t you get it, Chels? I see myself with you. I’ve never felt this way towards anyone else before. I want a future with you. I want to go to sleep with you at night. I want to wake up with you wrapped in my arms in the mornings. I want you to come with me to all my games. I want you to date me exclusively. I haven’t been with anyone else in months. It’s only been you. I can’t get you out of my head, damn it. Everything about you is perfect.”
Why is he saying all this? He doesn’t even know me. He doesn’t know what I’ve been through.
”I want to marry you. I want kids with you. I want …”
Derek is still talking but I have no idea what he’s saying. He wants to have kids with me? This can’t be happening. I turn to face the window. I want to run out the front door, but this is my place. How did I let this get this far? He wants kids? With me?
“Please say something,” he begs. “Tell me we can make this work. Please.”
However, at this point, I am too far gone. Sitting on the edge of the sofa, the palm of my hands covering my ears, I try to washout everything Derek is confessing to. With my eyes clenched shut, I force the tears to remain at bay. I rock back and forth, wishing that this nightmare would end. But, it doesn’t. He keeps talking.
He bends down in front of me, and places his hands on my shoulders. “Talk to me,” he whispers.
I lift my head and look him dead in the eyes. “Talk to you?” Rage now fuels the tone of my voice. “Talk to you?” I repeat.
“Yes.”
“We will never be.” I yell. “There will never be an us.” With
my temper rising, I continue. “I will never marry you and I will never have kids with you.” And if he wasn’t pissed off before, my last comment certainly does it.
Derek lowers his hands to my knees and pushes off to a standing position. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He reaches into his jeans pocket and pulls out his keys. “You know what, you don’t want me? Fine, but screw you, Chelsea. I don’t need to listen to this. You’re right. We need to end this. I’m sorry I ever thought we could be more than just a casual fuck.”
Without another glance in my direction, Derek walks out the front door.
And here I am, alone, left sitting on the couch, all by myself. The way it’s meant to be.
For the rest of my life.
Chapter 6
Derek
I can’t believe she is throwing away something that I know can be so much more. Could she have been more brutal? Saying that there will never be an us and that she will never have my kids was a fucking blow to my ego. Sure, we haven’t technically been dating, but I’ve been wanting it for some time now.
Today is going to suck. I need to spend the whole evening with her at the surprise engagement party.
Most of the guys from the team will be there tonight so I’m sure I can busy myself with them, but just the thought of Chelsea being in the same room with me and not being able to touch her will fucking suck.
“Hey man, we all set?” Bob asks as he swings open the door to his Box at the stadium.
“Yeah man. Thanks for taking care of the lights and stuff.”
“No need to thank me.” He pats the palm of his hand on my back. “I’d do anything for you boys. Shane deserves some happiness in his life. I’m just glad it’s with a girl we all love.”
I look out onto the field. It’s still light out but it’ll be getting dark in a bit. “Yeah, she’s pretty cool.”
“So, when are you going to wrangle in my favorite employee, Chelsea?” He asks.
Fuck. “Trust me, I’ve been trying.”
“Well, get to it. I need to win some of my money back playing poker and you’re my best bet.” He chuckles.
