by Lisa Sommers
All the passengers stand, waiting for the moment when we all fight to get off this plane. Suddenly, I feel a hand on my forearm. I look over and see the older gentleman look down at me.
“Dear, I think you should call him.”
“I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“Derek. If you feel that strongly, you should call him.”
I brace myself on the seat in front of me. “How did you … who are you?”
Sadness clouds the older man’s eyes. His gaze intently focuses on mine when he says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. It’s just, you were mumbling under your breath about a boy named Derek when you took a nap.”
I shake my head vehemently. “I don’t talk in my sleep.”
“I’m sorry, honey. I shouldn’t have said anything. Just ignore this old man.” He says, before facing the front of the plane.
“No. No, it’s okay.” I reach out to touch his arm. “What did I say?” Maybe he can answer why I feel the way I do.
“Well, you just mumbled something about a boy named Bryce and how you were sorry for falling for another boy named Derek. You said, you didn’t do it on purpose and that you would honor his memory by not taking things further.”
Tears form in my eyes. How could I have said all that? I turn my gaze to focus on anything but anyone around me. “He doesn’t want me back.” I tell him.
The man is quiet for the longest moment before saying, “Are you sure about that, dear? Are you sure you’re not just putting yourself through something that you don’t think you deserve?”
Who is this guy? “You don’t know what I’ve been through.”
The man purses his lips together. “You’re right. I don’t.”
The people start to filter out of the airplane and the man becomes one of the many passengers to get lost in the sea of people. I sit down for a brief moment and gather my thoughts before the flight attendant asks me if I am ok.
I just nod my head and offer up a polite smile. I really don’t feel like talking to anyone at the moment.
After I gather my luggage, I hop in my car and head straight to the cemetery.
Once I arrive, I sit in my car and look out over the grassy field and stare at all the headstones. There are so many.
I take a deep breath and pull the lever beneath my seat so that it reclines. I don’t have it in me to move at the moment. Everything in me hurts. My head hurts. My body hurts and my heart hurts.
I roll to the side and tuck my hands under my cheek. Raindrops begin to fall from the sky and I feel like it’s the first real sign I have received lately. I watch the drops slide down the window and I can’t help but feel this is my baby girl crying for me. I want to join her. I want to join her so bad. My chest feels tight and trying to get enough breath through my lungs is a feat. I just want to curl up and give up on everything. It would make life so much easier. I hate feeling this pain and I hate keeping secrets. The longer I am in this world the harder it gets. I thought time was supposed to heal or at least not make it hurt so much. It just hurts more and more as each day passes. There is no ease whatsoever.
The weight of the world is laying on my shoulders and I have absolutely no idea what I should do.
I reach into my purse and pull out a bottle of pills. Pouring a couple in the palm of my hand, I tilt my head back and down them.
Before I know it, my eyelids flutter close. I’m so tired.
Chapter 14
Derek
I jog back to the elevator and fuck if it doesn’t take forever. Screw this. I’ll take the stairs.
“Hold on,” Shane yells as I pound my fist on his door. He swings it open and has nothing on but a towel. “What the fuck, dude?”
“Where’s Alli?” I look over his shoulder, but I don’t see her.
“She’s in the bathroom. Why?”
“Chelsea’s gone.”
“What do you mean …”
Alli bursts out from the bathroom. “Where is she?”
I roughly run my hands threw my hair. “Fuck.” I take a deep breath. “I don’t know.”
“She’s not downstairs?”
“No. The kid at the concierge desk said she had a cab called.”
“But, why would she leave?”
I shake my head. “Fuck. I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“I’ll call …” Alli begins to say then realizes Chelsea doesn’t have a phone. Not after she smashed it.
I look over to Alli who is looking at something on her phone. “She didn’t say where she was going?” I ask.
“No. She just said she needed her stuff and was heading back to your room.”
I walk to the window, cross my arms over my chest and wonder what the hell happened. “We had an amazing night.” I mumble.
Alli comes up behind and wraps her arms around me. “I’ll find her. Don’t worry.”
My chest hurts so bad. Why did she leave me? “It’s ironic, really.”
“What is?”
“This whole fucked up situation.”
Alli rubs her hands up and down my arms. “What do you mean?”
I let out a small chuckle. “I’ve never had an issue getting the girl. Now,” I release a deep breath before continuing. “Now, the only one I want, wants nothing to do with me. I don’t get it. I’d do anything for her. Give her anything.”
“I think she knows that.”
“Clearly not. She wouldn’t have run.”
“I’m sorry, Hun. I’ll try and figure out where she is. I’ll go speak with the concierge again and see if he remembers Chelsea saying anything about where she was going.”
“Thank you.”
Alli slides her sandals on, gives Shane a brief kiss and then leaves the room.
“I’m sorry, man.”
Something just dawned on me. “Dude, you brought your laptop, right?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Maybe she has one of those Facetime or Facebook accounts or something.” Shane grabs his computer, sets it up on the small circular table and boots it up. “It’s all I got at the moment since she doesn’t have a phone.”
“Bob!” Shane says as if he were playing bingo or something.
“Bob?” I question.
“Yeah, yesterday, Alli said that Bob’s assistant setup the trip for her to come out here. Maybe she called them back or something. It’s worth a shot.”
“That’s good. Yeah. Yeah, let me call Bob.”
“Bob! Yeah, it’s me. I’ve been better. How are you? That’s great. I’m sure Judith will enjoy that.” Bob’s a good man, but I didn’t call him to chit chat. “Yeah, Bob, I need some help. Well, I heard Cynthia made Chelsea’s flight arrangement to come see me. Yeah, she found me.” Bob has a cheery tone to his voice and now he’s asking me if I was surprised to see Chelsea. “Yeah, Bob, you know I always love seeing her, but we have a problem now. She left. I didn’t do anything. She stayed the night with me and then this morning she just up and left as I was in the shower. No, she didn’t say a word. Literally. So, anyways, I wanted to find out if she called Cynthia back to see if she could reschedule her flight. Yeah, I’ll hold on.”
“Did he hear from her?” Shane whispers to me.
“He’s checking with Cynthia right now. Yeah, I’m here. What’s the news? What? She did! Did she say why? Did she talk to me? About what? No, she never discussed anything with me. What are you talking about? What do you mean, it’s something only she can talk to me about? Yeah, I can appreciate that, but just tell me one thing. Is she ok? No? What the hell does that mean? Damn it, Bob. You know I would never hurt her. Yeah, I get it. Thanks, anyway. Just do me a favor. Have her call me when you see her. Thanks.”
I hang up with Bob and look over at Shane.
“What did he say?” Shane looks just as puzzled as I feel.
“Well, she did catch a flight back to San Diego.”
“What was all that talk about her not being ok?”
“Bob said it’s not his p
lace to tell me. Fuck, Shane. Something is going on with her, but she won’t speak to me. Alli’s got to know something.”
“She would have said something if she knew.”
He’s right, she would have. “You got that laptop on?”
“Yeah man, it’s all set up.”
I pull up a chair and sit in front of his computer. I don’t even know where to start. “Facebook. Do you have an account?”
“No man, I don’t like that shit. Too much drama.”
“I hear ya, man.”
“But, I think if you just do a Google search with her name then it will pull up any and all accounts on social media she might have.”
Pulling up the search engine, I type in Chelsea’s full name. Fuck, even this computer is Goddamned slow.
“Here we go.” A few things seem to pop up but not a Facebook account. I click on some sort of news article for no other reason because I feel like I’ve hit another dead end. I’ll just wait until Alli comes back up and then we can figure out our next plan.
This article is from quite a few years ago, but it has her name in it. I’m sure there are hundreds of people with the same name, but something about this article stands out to me. It’s from San Diego which is where Chelsea grew up and went to college.
All of a sudden, my veins run cold and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. This can’t be my Chelsea. “Shane, what year did Alli and Chelsea graduate college?”
“Umm, it must have been about four or five years ago. Why?”
“Fuuuuck me.” I pound my fist on the table and shut my eyes. “This can’t be happening.” I read more of the article and am in complete shock at what it says. “No, no, no. Fuck!”
“What’s wrong? What are you reading?”
“Dude, where’s Alli?”
“I don’t know. I’ll call her.”
Just then we hear the key card being slid into the door and then it swings open. Alli is juggling three cups of coffee in her hand when Shane walks over and helps her.
“Alli, why didn’t you tell me?”
“You don’t drink coffee? I can get you something else.”
“No, why didn’t you tell me about Chelsea.” She looks confused so I enlighten her. “You went to college with her, right?”
“Yeah. I mean, I didn’t start until my Sophomore year, but we instantly became friends. Why?”
“Sophomore year,” Doing the math in my head, Chelsea would have gone through it her Freshman year.”
“So, you didn’t know her before that?”
“No. Why? What are you getting at, Derek?”
“Chelsea lost her boyfriend in a fatal car accident in her Freshman year.”
“What? No, that’s not true. She would have told me that.” Alli cries.
“And their baby.”
“Shane, baby. Tell him to stop. What is he talking about?”
Shane walks over to her and pulls her into his chest. He rocks her gently. Shane looks up at me and says, “Dude, are you sure?” He whispers.
“According to this article, A young woman at the age of nineteen by the name of Chelsea Hodges who was in attendance at the University of San Diego, lost her fiancé and baby girl in a fatal car accident.”
“Oh my God! No! No! No! It has to be wrong. She never told me she was in a car accident let alone have a fiancé and a baby. A baby!” Alli turns in Shane’s arms and buries her face in his chest. “It has to be wrong.” She mumbles against him.
“According to this article, she was not in the car. She was home when it happened. Apparently, her fiancé was taking the baby out for a drive in the early evening and their vehicle was struck with another vehicle.”
“Why wouldn’t she tell me?”
“I don’t know, but it makes sense how she reacted when I told her I wanted to have kids with her.”
“Oh, Derek, you didn’t know.” Alli leaves Shane’s arms and runs into mine. “Why would she deal with all of this all on her own?”
“I need to find her.” I pull Alli from my embrace and hold her at arm’s length. “Do you have any idea where I might find her if she is not at her place?”
“No, I mean. Every once in awhile she would leave and not tell me where she was going but I figured everyone needs to be alone every now and then.”
Tears are streaming down Alli’s cheeks so I pull her in for one last hug before I release her into Shane’s arms.
“Buddy, do me a favor and tell coach I went to get my hand looked at and I can’t play the next game or two.”
“Fuck, he is not going to be happy.”
“Yeah, well, fuck him. I need to go find Chelsea.”
“I’ll take care of him, man. Don’t worry about it. Go talk to your girl.”
“I need to see her, too.” Alli says.
Shane looks down at her. “Baby, are you going to be ok? Maybe we should let Derek …”
I cut him off. “I’ll take care of her.”
He looks up at me and nods his head. “Thanks, bro.”
While Shane helps Alli pack her bags I take this time to go back to my room, pack my suitcase and call Summer and Sonny. They’re going to be pissed at me for not spending this time with them, but I’ll be sure to purchase them both tickets to San Diego. Maybe they can stay a week or two this summer.
“I’m ready, Derek.” I left my door ajar for Alli for when she’s ready to go.
“You ready to do this? I can do this on my own if you want to stay with your fiancé.” I give her one last out. I feel bad that I am taking her time away from my buddy.
“No, I need to be there for my best friend. She’s done so much for me there’s no way I am going to let her deal with this on her own any longer.”
I want to tell her that Chelsea will never have to deal with this alone again. That I will make sure that I am going to be there for her every step of the way.
But I don’t. For all I know, Chelsea still wants nothing to do with me. I pray that is not the case, but I just don’t know.
“Ok.” I nod my head. “Let’s get to that airport. Shall we?”
Alli and I barely communicate during the entire flight back to San Diego. I’m sure she is just as confused as I am at the news we just learned about this morning.
“Derek?”
“Yeah, honey.”
“I get why she didn’t say anything.” Alli swipes at the tears that trickle down her cheeks. “This has to be hard for her. I also get why she hasn’t wanted to get close to anyone. Just the thought of her having to deal with the pain of losing a child just breaks my heart.”
I am driving Alli back to her condo and I pray that Chelsea is there. We need to talk. “In the glove compartment.” I point to where I have a stash of napkins. “I should have some napkins or something in there for you.”
“Thank you.” She pulls out a few napkins and dabs her cheeks. “I know she cares for you and I think this is why she is struggling right now.”
“I just don’t know what to do.” I grip the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles turn white. “I don’t want to lose her.”
Alli sniffles at my comment.
“I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“I’m glad she found you.”
I don’t know what to say to her comment. I’m glad I found her too, but I have a feeling Chelsea is not too fond of the idea of finding me. Me and my big mouth―marry me, have kids with me. Fuck, had I had any clue what she went through I never would have approached her like that. Don’t get me wrong, I still want all that, but it would have been on her terms. The more I push her the more she wants to run and I don’t blame her. Hell, I would have run from me too. I still can’t believe she lost her baby and fiancé in an accident. That alone would have sent anyone over the edge.
It just proves to me that she is one of the strongest women I have ever met. I can’t be sure that I would have survived after something like that.
“We’re here,” I say as I
pull up to their condo. “I don’t see her car here though.”
“Ok, well just come in and let’s see if we can figure out where she might be.”
I take ahold of Alli’s suitcase and follow her up to their front door. What I wouldn’t give to see Chelsea on the other side of this door. I just know it’s not going to be the case, though.
Alli must be thinking the same thing because she slowly peeks her head around the door as she opens it as if Chelsea would appear before us. No such luck though.
I roll Alli’s bag to her bedroom and make my way back into the kitchen to see her setting up her laptop.
“Do you have any idea where she might be?” I ask, not even sure where to start.
“Well, I had an idea.”
“I’m listening.”
“The article.” She simply says and she pulls up a chair and starts typing.
“What about it?” I don’t know where she’s going with this.
“Well, usually when someone passes away they have funeral service announcements.”
“Oooook,” still not sure what this has to do with where to find Chelsea.
Alli continues typing as she speaks to me. “It should also list where the burial took place. My guess is Chelsea frequents her fiancé and daughter’s grave site.”
“I could kiss you right now, but I don’t want you to stop your research. That’s a brilliant idea.” I hit my fist on the table. “Fuck, why didn’t I think of that?”
“Well, it doesn’t mean she’s there, but it’s start.”
“It’s a great start.”
Alli finds the name and address of the cemetery and writes it down. “Ok, let’s go.” She pushes back in her chair
Just like the flight, the car ride to the cemetery is just as quiet so I decide to break the ice. “Thank you for coming with me.” The tone of my voice is barely above a whisper.
Alli looks at me and says, “You know. I am just as scared to find her here as much as I am at not finding her here. I don’t know what to say to her. I just …”
Alli starts to cry again so I reach out and squeeze her hands. “I’m scared too, honey.” Alli reaches into my glove compartment and pulls out a napkin and wipes away the tears. I really need to buy some tissues to keep in there.
