by Lisa Sommers
“Baby, we’re in a hospital bed.” He says.
“Your point?” He knows I have no shame.
He smiles against my lips. Pulling slightly away from me, he rests his forehead against mine. “Sweetheart, what I want to do to you right now would make hospital security put us both in jail. And, there is no way I can be away from you for that long.”
We both open our eyes and gaze at one another. “We need to talk, babe.” I tell him. As much as I don’t want to ruin this moment or the rest of what remains between Derek and I, I can’t keep living with this secret all by myself. My only hope is that he understands and won’t pass judgement on me.
“We do,” he agrees. “But, it can wait till we get home.”
Until we get home? He makes it sound like we live together. “You mean, your home.”
“For the moment.” He responds.
“What are you talking about?”
“Let’s not talk about this here.”
As if on cue, Alli walks through the door. “Are we done here?”
I shake my head. “Not by a longshot.”
Derek quickly smacks a kiss on my lips and pulls away. I have no idea what he has up his sleeve, but he definitely needs to hear me out before he makes any more moves on me.
“Well, save it for later. I have your papers.” Alli waves my release papers above her head.
“How did you get those?” I ask.
“I just ran into your nurse right outside your door. Apparently, she didn’t want to interrupt whatever was going on between you two.”
Derek chuckles. “Smart woman.”
After the doctor signed my release papers, Derek insisted on taking me to his place. Alli even took the initiative to go to the condo and pack a few things for me. She should be here shortly.
“Come have seat over here,” he leads me to his cozy living room sofa. After I sit, he rotates my body and brings my legs up onto the couch. “Just relax for a while. Can I get you some water?”
“No, really, I’m fine. Still just a little tired is all, but not enough to fall asleep.” I reach out and lightly trace his swollen knuckles. “What happened?”
He looks down at where my fingers are at. “I had a fight with a wall. Nothing for you to worry about.”
“Oh, well have you gotten it checked out? It looks like you might have a broken knuckle or two.”
“I’ll go see one tomorrow. Here, let me get you a blanket just in case you want to take a nap.” Derek stands up walks over to a brown wicker basket that is on the other side of the room and pulls out a large fuzzy blanket and holds it up for me to read. It has the logo, San Diego Sun Devils scrawled across it.
“Nice blanket,” I tease.
“Only the best for you.”
His comment would usually make me tease him some more, but at this particular moment it just makes me sad. He and Alli said back at the hospital that they know about me. I am not exactly sure what or how much they know or if they are even referring to my past.
On the ride back from the hospital, I had it all planned out in my head how I am going to break the news, but now that the time has come, I am not exactly sure how to start the conversation. But, it needs to be talked about if he plans on having me stay here with him for a few days.
He lays the blanket over my legs and stomach and takes a seat next to me.
“Babe, I think it’s time we have that talk.” I whisper.
Derek turns his head to gaze out the back window. “The tide is low right now.” He’s avoiding me. “Do you know what that means?”
I am not sure how to take his change of topic. “No, I don’t.” I play along.
He stands back up and walks to the wall of windows. He tucks his hands in his front pockets and says, “It means that the moon and sun are directly aligned with the earth.”
I remain quiet because I don’t know what to say.
Suddenly, he turns around to face me. “Just like you and I.”
I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. “How so?” He starts walking over to me and kneels down until his face is right in front of mine. His eye’s trace every inch, every crevice of my face. He looks sad.
“You came for me, didn’t you? You came to Atlanta to see me. Am I right?”
Oh God. He wants to start off with this talk. He’s correct, but he needs to know me, the real me, before he can commit to anything serious. “Honey, we need to talk about something else first.”
“We will, but please just answer my question for me. Did you fly all the way to Atlanta to tell me that we can be more than … friends?”
I suck in a deep breath and slowly exhale it. “Yes.” I admit.
Derek’s face beams with joy. “Then see, we are just like the tides. We have finally become aligned. Sweetheart, what you saw back there in that bar,” he pauses, lowers his head and then closes his eyes. “Anyway, I want you to meet my sisters.”
“You do?” I’m surprised.
“I do. As a matter of fact, you already met one of them.”
“I did?” I didn’t even know he had sisters, let alone twin sisters.
“Summer. She said she ran into you outside of the bar. She got you a cup of water.”
“Oh.” I know I don’t seem to be answering him with much of an answer, but there is so much information being discussed that it’s all so mind consuming.
“Honey, you should have come in to see me.” He says.
I bite the corner of my lip. Once again, I had jumped to conclusions. “You’re right. I should have,” Derek brings his left hand up to caress my cheek.
“I would never do anything to hurt you and I most certainly would never do anything behind your back.”
“I know that now. I’m sorry.” Tears stream down my cheeks and Derek pulls me in for a tight hug.
“Please don’t cry. I don’t want me to be the reason you cry, baby.” He is so damn sweet.
I nuzzle my head into the crook of his neck.
“Would you like to sit out on the deck and get some fresh air? Alli should be here soon with your things.”
“Derek, I think we need to talk before she gets here.” Now is the time. I need to tell him everything. I begin to move the blanket aside so that I can stand up. I don’t think that I can sit still while I explain to him how much of a mess I’m in.
“Baby, sit down.” He whispers. “You don’t need to talk about it if you are not ready.”
Ok, he seems to know something. How? I have no idea. “I’m ready,” as ready as I’ll ever be. “You are not the only one who holds a place in my heart.”
I look up to see the expression on Derek’s face. He purses his lips and slowly nods his head. “I know, sweetheart.”
I don’t think he does. He must think I am talking about some other guy. Brad maybe. My chin quivers when I say the next words that come out of my mouth, “My baby,”
Derek gently grabs my face and swipes at the tears pouring out of my eyes. “Laila.” Is all he says.
My chest heaves with pain. He does know. It hurts so bad. He lifts me off the couch and roughly wraps his arms around me.
“Baby, I am so very sorry for your loss.” He rocks me back and forth, holding me tight. “God, I am so sorry.”
My body shakes more than it has in a long time. Hearing him say her name is sweet and it hurts like hell, but I need to go on. “Laila is not the only one.” I tell him.
“I get it. I do, and you have every right to hold them and keep them both in your heart. I would never take that away from you. You love them and you always will. Trust me, I get that. I am just so sorry that you had to go through something so horrific like that. I’m sure it’s every parent’s worst nightmare to lose their child, and the love of their life. You have every right to feel the way you do. I get that now.”
How does he know all this? “How did you know?” I cry against his chest.
He squeezes me tighter. “Baby, Shane and I were trying to figure out how to find you. I thought maybe you were
on one of those social media sites so I Googled your name. We didn’t find you on any those drama-filled sites, but what did pop up was an old newspaper article. It was the one of the accident.”
“How did you know I was in the hospital?”
“Baby, Alli and I are the ones that called 911.”
I pull back to look up into his eyes. “What? How did you know where to find me?”
“Alli figured it out, actually.”
“Alli? But, I never told her.” I don’t get it.
“No, I told her. After I read the article and blasted her for not telling me what happened to you.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I just figured you two started Freshman year in college together. I thought she knew. But she didn’t.”
“Oh my God. Alli knows?” She must be pissed at me. I never told my best friend the most important part of my life. I can’t imagine what she must be thinking right now.
“Chelsea, she loves you.” He must notice my worry. “She was devastated when I told her. She just wishes she could have been there for you. We both do.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Please just know that we are here for you. We want to help you. We don’t want you to have to live with this hurt alone.”
Just then, there is a knock on the door.
“Hold on, baby. It must be Alli.”
I take this moment to walk out on the back deck and look over the ocean. It’s so peaceful out here, yet my insides are breaking all over again.
My hands are resting on the wooden banister as I breathe in the fresh salty air. I hear the sliding glass door open and I turn around to see Alli walking towards me. The sight of her makes me break down all over again. I release my grip on the railing and run, arms wide open and fall into her embrace.
“I am so sorry, babe. I am so sorry I never told you. It just always hurt too much to talk about it. Then, as time went on, I just didn’t think you would understand that I never told you. I am so sorry.”
“Oh honey, you have nothing to be sorry for.” She cries. We both have our arms wrapped so tight around each other that it’s making it hard for us to breathe. But I don’t care. I need her. I need Derek.
As if he read my mind, he walks out the door and wraps his arms around both Alli and myself. We stay like this for several minutes not saying a word.
We finally pull apart, but Alli grabs a hold of my hand and squeezes tight. “I think I’ll let you two catch up.” I look to see Derek lower his head and give me a kiss on the cheek.
“Don’t leave.” I reach out to him with my free hand.
“I’m not going anywhere, baby. I’m going inside the house so the both of you can talk. I’ll be right inside. I promise. If you need me, just holler.”
“Oh, ok.” All of sudden I have become clingy and I am not sure what to think of it.
Derek retreats to the house and Alli pulls me back to the wooden banister. We both watch the sun set into the ocean.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Alli comments on the sunset.
“It is.”
We both stay standing right where we are at in silence before I finally say, “His name was Bryce.”
Alli rubs her hand up and down my back.
“Our baby’s name was Laila.” I tell her.
“It’s a beautiful name.” She says.
I turn my head to look at her. Sympathy written all over her face. “It is, isn’t it?”
“It is, honey. It’s a gorgeous name.”
“She was only one.” And, my heart breaks all over again. I lean my side into my best friend. “We were all so young.” Alli lays her head on my shoulder.
“Tell me about them.”
“Laila loved daisy’s. She loved kisses.” I chuckle at the thought. “I just knew she’d be a hand full as a teenager.” I laugh out loud. “Whenever I gave her a kiss she would always poke her chubby little cheek. She always wanted two.”
“Smart girl.” Alli says.
“She was. She was. She also loved car rides.” I lower my head let my eyes fill with tears. “It was supposed to be me in the car that night.” I confess.
“What do you mean, honey?”
“Bryce was a few years older than I was. It was my senior year when I realized I was pregnant. I was so scared that my parents would disown me when they found out.”
“What did they do?” Alli asks.
“Just what I knew they would do. They gave up on me. On us. They never even met their grandchild, Alli. What grandparent does that?”
Alli continues to rub my back, comforting me. “I don’t know, honey. I’m sorry.”
“Anyway, Bryce and I knew we could make it work. We loved each other and when we created the most beautiful little creature on Earth … oh, Alli, she was beyond beautiful.
Everyone said she looked just like me.
She was perfect. She was my exact reflection, Alli. And now, every time I look in the mirror, I see her.”
“I’m sure she was perfect. She was your daughter.”
I chuckle at her comment. “Yeah, can you believe I created someone so pure and innocent?”
“Well, now that I think about it …”
“Hey!”
“I’m just kidding my wild friend.” She teases.
I rest head on top of hers. “Yeah, I know. Anyway, by the time she turned one, she was the spitting image of me―looks, attitude. I’ll tell you, babe, she was so funny and so smart.”
Alli wraps her other around me, caging me in her embrace.
“And there was Bryce. He was so handsome. I remember thinking, why is this gorgeous hunk into me? But, he was, and I was totally into him. We were going to make it work, Alli. We already got past the tough part. We were on cloud nine. We had it all. Were we young? Yeah. Was I naïve? For sure. But in the end, we had each other and now our baby girl. We couldn’t have been happier.”
“I’m sorry, honey.”
“I know, babe. And, I’m sorry for not telling any of this to you. You’re my best friend and I honestly don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“It’s okay.” She says.
“I don’t think you understand though. Without you, I would not have lasted. When they first left me, I didn’t know what to do. I lived everyday as if it were my last. I didn’t know where I was headed or what would have happened to me if it weren’t for you. All I knew was that I had to enroll in another year of college. Bryce was such a driven person and he would have been disappointed in me if I dropped out. So I enrolled into my Sophomore year. I didn’t care who they roomed me with. All I knew was, I had to do it. One-step-at-a-time and all that stuff. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I do.” She agrees.
“Then there you were. You showed up at our dorm room. You were so straight-laced, sweet, naïve …”
“Hey, I’m not naïve!”
“I mean that in an innocent way. You were so refreshing, yet you were strong-willed and I liked that about you. Bryce was strong-willed.” I lift my head and so does Alli. We look at one another. “You would have liked him.”
“He’s sounds like a good guy.”
“He was.” The fact that my friend can understand what I am saying to her and know that Bryce was a good, kind man, makes me love her even more.
“I can tell,”
I offer her a slight smile. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For understanding.”
“You’re welcome, honey.”
We turn our gaze to look at the now dark ocean.
“Do you feel like talking about that night?” She asks and I nod my head.
“Bryce was an ER Tech in training. He worked crazy hours just to get the volunteer hours he needed.” I think back to that night and take a deep breath. “Well, this one particular night, Bryce had a two-hour break before he had to go back to the hospital. Laila kept insisting that she wanted to go see Nana. That was Bryce’s mom. But, Bryce’s pa
rents were on a cruise that week. There was just no convincing her though. So, anyways, Bryce came home and he said he would take her for a ride.” I lean forward and rest my elbows on the railing. “Normally, I am the one that takes her for a ride around the block at that time, because Bryce was usually at the hospital in the evenings. It should have been me, Alli. I should have been the one in that car.” I cry.
“No. No, you can’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. It was just a freak accident.”
“It was a drunk driver.” I tell her. “His name was Bo. Like really, what kind of name is Bo?”
“Is he in jail?”
“No.”
“What? Why not?”
“He also didn’t make it. When they tested his blood alcohol level it was three times past the legal limit.”
“Oh, wow.”
“And, I don’t know if that’s what hurt me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I had no one to fight. It’s like that night happened and then it was forgotten. There was no one for me to get mad at. There was no one to hate. One moment I had my whole life in front of me and then in the next moment, I had nothing.”
“I’m glad he’s gone though. He broke your whole world apart, babe.” Alli hugs me tight. “I’m glad he’s gone.”
“Yeah, I guess.” I agree.
“I’m glad, too.” I turn to see Derek standing in the doorway. I haven’t gone into detail with him yet about Bryce or Laila. I don’t know how much he heard. “How long have you been standing there?” I ask.
“Long enough. If that drunk asshole was still living, I don’t know what I’d be capable of doing if I ever crossed his path.” Derek makes his way over to me and envelopes me into his arms. “The amount of pain he caused you and your family is unimaginable. I’m glad he’s gone.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Please, baby. Don’t apologize for something that was not within your control. Please know that I am here for you now and I don’t plan on going anywhere.” He pulls me into his chest and rests his chin on top of my head.
“I should give you guys some time.” Alli says.
I hold my hand out to her. “I love you, babe. Will you come back tomorrow and we can talk more?” I am so grateful to have someone like her in my life. I don’t want her to ever doubt our friendship. No more secrets.
