I turn back around. “You’re wrong.”
He walks to me and grabs my arm, “Listen to me Brittany. I like you. I always have. I’m just trying to watch out for you while protecting my brother. Do you want a relationship with him? Do you want to stop working? Because as much as he thinks he can handle this, he can’t.”
He releases my arm and my head sinks down, knowing he’s right. “I’m sorry. I’m going to tell him I can’t do this anymore.” I wipe away a tear hoping Gabriel didn’t notice but it’s too late.
“Are you sure you’re alright? Did you start having feelings for him?”
My posture becomes rigid and I shake my head. “Of course not Gabriel, it’s me, you know I don’t allow emotions into my work.”
He surprises me by hugging me. “Stop this now Brittany before he hurts you, because he will. He’s not made for relationships. Even if he is falling in love, he won’t know how to handle it.”
Releasing me, he walks away. I can’t help shaking my head, allowing the tears to fall. How did I get myself in this situation? Something that started so simple has become a mess I can’t afford.
15
Vin
It’s been about three months since I have seen Brittany and life has become mundane. Business has been going well; everyone seems to have mastered their new roles. Gabriel still remains our leader, but now Murphy and Liam share in some of the casinos’ responsibilities. Zander and I remain like always, behind the scenes. It’s where I particularly feel comfortable. But I’ve become stressed. Life’s been a little too quiet for me, which gives me way too much time to think. The stress is killing me. With nothing to occupy my mind, I keep finding myself drifting away to the past and that’s never a place I should go. I’ve tried many times to find something or someone to help me relieve my stress but nothing and no one has ever been able to help like the times I was with Brittany. I wish I knew why she had such a calming effect on me. It’s indescribable. I’ve gone back to seeing and sleeping with my regular dates for the purpose of getting on with my life and to try to get her off my mind; nothing seems to work. I still see her in my dreams and for some reason, I can still feel and smell her.
Tonight, I decided to head out to Theo’s strip club by myself. I’m greeted by Teddy who has been coming around to the idea of being a part of the family now. For years my brothers and I didn’t like him because well, simply put, he was an asshole to us when we were growing up. We understand why now. He confessed that he figured at least one of us, if not all, were Theo’s sons and it pissed him off every time he was around us. The hardest part for him was thinking that Theo was betraying his mother. I can understand it; we all do. But after it was explained to him that his mother, Beth knew everything and had accepted the situation, he started to come around more. Catherine and Teddy have even talked and now that he feels he is not being pushed out of his father’s life or legacy, he has accepted her into his father’s life as well.
I can relate more to Teddy than any of the rest. I know and understand the hatred he had for all of us. It’s the same I had growing up, especially towards Gabriel. I have no issues now. I have long put my hatred away, but I still think Gabriel is a pompous ass most of the time.
Teddy sits down with me to have a few drinks and we are actually enjoying ourselves. Then I hear my name hollered from across the room. Turning, I’m immediately shocked. I jump up and embrace in a tight hug from with one of my brothers. Not a Stern, but my brother from the Marines, Troy.
“Troy, oh my God man, it’s good to see you.”
He laughs, holding me tight too. “You too, Vin. Man, you’re looking good. How have you been?”
We release each other, and I tell him, “I’ve been good. God, it’s so good to see you. What are you doing here?”
“Ah, wait, hold on.”
He turns around, whistles out and then I see them. Two other members of my squad, my brothers in arms from my days in the Marine Corps. Terry and Steve practically run over, we all hug and hit each other’s backs. We hug each other like it’s our last, knowing that there was a time we used to lay our lives’ down for one another and still would. Nothing is closer than family to me than these men.
“Shit, what the hell are you all doing here?”
Troy answers, “We came down to check the area out man. We’re looking to start a small business here.”
“Together? All of you?”
“Yeah man, we all stuck together after we got back home.”
I hear Teddy interrupt, turning back around, I introduce him to them as one of my brothers. Because that’s what Teddy is now; a brother. He looks surprised at first but then I can see the satisfaction come from him that I introduced him that way. He stays with us for a minute, says drinks are on the house, then leaves, giving us all time to catch up.
We all sit. I’m still in disbelief. It’s been years since I have seen any of them. The first set of drinks come around and once the waitress leaves I ask, “So, tell me about this business y’all have.”
Troy says, “No man, no business tonight. Let’s catch up and have some fun.”
We all agree, then we start telling each other everything that’s happened since the last time we all saw each other. As I listen to their stories, I can’t help but remember the past. We were all so young and at the time didn’t care if we lived or died; we just wanted to go off guns blazing. We thought we were hot shit, but later found out we didn’t know shit. That’s what war will do to you. It teaches you real quick that you’re not shit. Everything you thought you knew evaporates the second you hear the gunfire and see the explosion, you realize how insignificant you truly are.
We all had such noble ideas. We were doing what was right for our country, we still believe that but some of the things we did were some of the worst things you can ever imagine. The things we went through should never be discussed with civilians. Not one person would understand the horrible things we did to keep them safe back at home. It changes a person inside, forever. Makes you grow the fuck up and see all the grey in the world. Learning that you might have to kill one person in order to save another. It’s all fucked up. Almost like you are a god with a gun in your hand, having to make the hasty decision of life or death. We were all too young to make those decisions. Like with every war, you know it could fuck with your head, but you are too dumb and halfcocked to ever think it will fuck with yours, until it’s too late.
The kids and the women were the worst. The kids, so young, were sent out there as weapons against us. In those moments, we held the choice, their lives or ours. You tell me though, what you would do if it were you or them? Those decisions will fuck with the hardest of people no matter who the hell you are, and I was no exception.
I went into the Marine Corps young and dumb, wanting an escape from my life and the abuse I grew up around. I wanted an escape from the horror I had committed. I didn’t care what happened to me or the pain I would inflict on my family while I was gone. I wasn’t prepared for what was ahead of me, nor did I realize that the nature of the beast called survival, would kick in. Sometimes I wondered if it was truly instinct or the way I was raised. All the training mother put us through growing up and the skills we learned, set me into instant survival mode. But nothing I thought I knew had prepared me for what laid ahead of me.
I joined the military at the age of seventeen because I felt I had no choice. I couldn’t stay, with everything that had happened. I was drowning, dying a slow death. Theo saw that. I begged him to help me leave, to get away. I was the one who brought up going into the military. I thought it was a way out for me. If not an out, it would end my life with something to be proud of. Everything I had done beforehand was never anything to be proud of, it was my shame, but serving my country could be not only an escape, but maybe my salvation. Something I could do right for the wrong I had done.
Mom, however, hated the idea, she knew I was looking for a way out; she knew I really didn’t want to come back. It took
Theo to convince her it was for the best. He told her how he saw I was dying inside and hoped this would help me. Mom knew no matter what she did to cover my actions, she couldn’t save me from myself. I was on a pattern of self-destruction. She was doing what all normal moms do for their children, worry and protect them, but it was all suffocating me.
It’s funny looking back at it now, our life together, mom’s and mine, was anything but normal. The older I got, the more I realized that in life there are things that will never leave you but for me and Catherine, it gave us a loyalty that can never be broken.
The bond and loyalty we have, goes so much deeper than most realize. Our relationship started from something horrible. We hated each other, but somewhere down the line we found an unbreakable bond. She became my life line when I desperately needed one and, in a way, I became hers. She would always sneak into my room and tell me just with her eyes how much her hatred for me had turned into love. We’ve never needed words. For some reason, we could always feel each other’s thoughts and pain. That’s why, when Theo was doing his hardest to convince her, she turned to me and saw my need for freedom. She walked over to me and held me without saying a word. She expressed everything that was needed, with that one hug. She realized that this was the point that I had to decide my future for myself. She knew in that very moment, that all her love, worry, and protection wasn’t ever going to save me from me.
The next day she signed me up for the Marine Corps. I went in not caring. I went through the motions, drills, and training without a care of truly making it out alive. However, my years of training from what mom had put us through did not go unnoticed. I was immediately offered and thrown into sniper school. After that, it didn’t take long before I was sent to Iraq, where I met all these assholes I’m sitting with now. We were all on the same reconnaissance team. I was the sniper and Troy was my spotter. We were the ones sent out first to make sure everything was safe for the rest. But it never was, we were the ones that had to make it safe.
I served six years and probably would have served more except I was injured, and mom insisted that I come back home; taking my place in the family business. Mentally, I don’t think I’ve ever recovered. I don’t know if any of us truly have. I still have nightmares about the things we did. Combined with the nightmares of my past, anyone should understand why I don’t sleep much or want a woman in my life. I can’t drag someone into my nightmares. Ending my life isn’t an option either. I’m not willing to ever hurt mom that way again. No matter where we might have started in life, she needs me as much as I need her.
My thoughts are halted when I hear Steve asking about the very subject. “So Vin, you never got married, no children?”
“Nah, man. That’s not in the cards for me. What about all of you?”
Troy answers and tells me that he, Steve, and Terry all tried the marriage thing, but it didn’t work out for any of them.
Terry takes his wallet out and shows me pictures of his kids, and then so does Steve. I look at Troy and ask, “No children for you?”
“No, it didn’t work out like we wanted. It’s for the best. Who would want me for a fucking father, huh?”
We all laugh and agree. “How long are y’all staying in my city?”
“Couple of months for sure. We need to scope the place out and make connections. Then you never know, we might stay, right boys?”
They all nod their heads. Now I’m curious what it is they plan on opening, but Troy keeps avoiding the question.
He then asks, “Vin, you have your own place or are you still living with your mom?”
They all start laughing at me. “Fuck off, yes I still live with Catherine.”
“Oh, that’s right. I forget you call her Catherine. I remember seeing the picture you used to carry around of her. That woman still as hot?”
“Fuck you, man!”
“I’m just saying, I can understand you not wanting to call her, mommy.”
I’m starting to get pissed and they know it. They always did fuck with me about her, once they saw the picture I carried.
“Alright Vin calm down, I was just asking. If my mom looked like yours, I wouldn’t want anyone seeing that picture either. What did you expect from young, horny ass boys? We promise to be respectful now.”
I calm myself down, but I still hate the reactions she gets from men. I can’t deny that Catherine still remains one of the most beautiful women a man could ever imagine. But to me, she is just simply mom.
After we've enjoyed the night, we all leave the club, promising to meet up again soon. I get in my car exhausted. But knowing I won't be able to sleep, I decide to drive around for a while and eventually find myself driving up to Brittany's house. I know we agreed to end it, and I’ve tried to stay away, but I’ve been desperate to get another look at her. This is not something new, over the months, I’ve found myself waiting in a parked car, staring at her house more than I’d like to admit. But tonight, when I pull up, her car isn’t here. So, I drive further down to another spot and park, with the hopes of seeing her again.
There’s so much blood. I can’t handle it another minute. I march in there with the intention of getting him to stop, but he never does. He pushes me out the way like I’m nothing. I AM nothing to him. He doesn’t even acknowledge me. I try again, but again I’m tossed around the room. She yells at me to run and leave but I can’t; not anymore. “Get off her!” I yell but he couldn’t care less or maybe he doesn’t hear me, he’s in such a rage. “Get off of her!” I try again and this time he hears me. He turns and says, “What are you going to do Vincent? Huh? You want to kill me boy? Then try!”
He always tells me that because he knows I can’t or won’t. As much as I want nothing more than to kill him, he knows I will never succeed.
I look down at her and see her eyes pleading with me to leave and just walk away. With a deep breath of defeat, I turn and walk out the door. “That’s right you little fucking bastard, walk away! You will always walk away!”
My dream shifts, I can feel my body fighting to wake but I can’t open my eyes.
Explosions all around. Bombs and gunfire in the dead of night. I can feel my racing heart as I’m running to find safety. Steve yells, “Move it! They’re getting closer!” We all run and find an empty building to set up for the ambush. We start throwing each other the gear needed to make a fast set up for when they come into range. Us or them, that’s all we think about. Night goggles on, guns loaded and ready. Troy whispers, “Ready boys, here they come.”
Once they come in range, we kill them all, one by one. They never even saw which direction we were coming from. The nature of survival wins out again.
I wake in a sweat, realizing someone woke me. Shaking my nightmare off, I look out the window and see Brittany. She’s still knocking on the window of my car. I open the door and stand up, still panting, trying to regain a normal heart rhythm.
“What are you doing here Vin?”
“I must’ve fallen asleep.”
“No Vin, that’s not what I’m talking about. Why are you here? And don’t lie to me. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen you here.”
I look at her and answer her honestly. “I just needed to see you.”
She looks down at the ground for a minute and looks back to me. She wipes some of the sweat from my brow. “You were having another nightmare.”
I stand straighter, not knowing what she knows. “How do you know I have nightmares?”
“Because I’ve seen you have them before.”
I hang my head in shame, I didn’t realize that she witnessed any of my nightmares. “I don’t sleep much.”
She nods her head in a dismissive manner. “Vin, you can’t do this anymore. You need to go home.”
She’s right. I can’t do this shit anymore. Without saying anything else, I get back into my car and drive away, leaving her standing there.
16
Brittany
I was so close to telling him to s
tay. Not for sex, but for rest. He looked so tired and lonely. But I know I couldn’t do it. He would’ve wanted more, and I know I would’ve given it to him. So, I walk inside my house and try to get some sleep, but Vin stays on my mind. I thought I had gotten over him, but he shows back up and so do the feelings that I’ve been fighting off.
Sleep doesn’t find me for hours. Instead, I toss and turn all night thinking of him. For the first time in my life, I wished my bed wasn’t empty. There is something about him that has me wondering if I could ever have more.
I must have fallen asleep sometime in the middle of the night because I find myself waking, feeling restless. I look over at my clock, seeing that I overslept. “Shit!” I jump up and start racing. I have a lunch date with the girls; Fallon, Avery, and now Murphy. We’ve been having scheduled lunch dates for months now.
“Damn it!” I hurry as fast as I can, showering and dressing. I hate running late. Punctuality is something I pride myself on. But as fast as I go, I still show up late, but only by about fifteen minutes. When I walk into the bistro, the hostess takes me to my party that has already been seated.
Fallon has a big smile. “You’re late. I finally beat you somewhere.”
I hug her and then the rest of the girls. “Sorry guys, I overslept.”
Murphy laughs and says, “Rough night?”
“No, actually my date was pretty easy. I just couldn’t fall asleep for some reason. Oh well, how is everything with the wedding going?” I change the subject quick, not wanting to discuss Vin or having to explain why I can’t quit thinking about him.
“Good, all the arrangements are well underway. The only thing left to figure out is your size.”
I was looking at the menu but caught what she said. I look up confused. “What? My size, why?”
Murphy smiles at Avery and Fallon then says, “For your dress silly.”
Art of Loyalty (A Stern Family Saga Book 4) Page 10
