Everything Stolen

by Sophia Scarlet

  My husband wraps an arm around my son and kisses the back of his head. They’ve been at it for hours, engrossed in their own little world. The two of them look so content, so comfortable; no one would guess that Levi wasn’t Silas’ natural born son. My husband is the only father Levi has ever known.

  * * *

  “Do you want to hold him while we take your wife to the bathroom?” the midwife asked.

  Silas paused from wiping the sweat and tears from my face to look at her. He glanced around the room as if he thought she might be speaking to someone else before he met my gaze. We weren’t married yet, we weren’t even engaged, but neither of us thought to correct her. His mouth formed the words but for the first time since we’d met, Silas hesitated.

  “You should,” I whispered, exhausted from the birth. “Only if you want to.”

  “I do,” he answered, pressing a gentle kiss on to my cheek and then one onto the back of Levi’s little head.

  Silas sat in the rocking chair by the bed and removed his shirt. One of the midwives, lifted newborn Levi from my stomach and placed him on Silas’s broad chest. They sat together, skin to skin, while I cleaned up. When I returned from the bathroom, Silas looked up at me with glazed-over eyes and a broad smile.

  “Sylvie, he’s so beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like that. You’re amazing. Thank you for letting me be here.”

  Tears streaked down my face as I chortled at the irony. There was no one else who could have been there. I had no family and only a handful of new friends from my birthing class. The man who should have been there with me had abandoned me months before, just as my parents had done when I was barely older than Levi. It was I who owed him thanks. But I was too tired to say all of that.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” I replied instead.

  The midwives helped me back into bed and Silas brought Levi to me. He nestled my son against my breast and wrapped me closer so I could lean back against him.

  “He smells so… new,” he whispered, watching the baby with awe. “He smells like innocence and wonder and beginnings. I never knew anything could smell like that.”

  I swallowed my tears as I held my baby and Silas held us both. I floated through the next few hours, momentarily untethered from the deep isolation and hulking insecurity that had been my constant companions for most of my life. With my eyes only half open and the birth hormones surging through my body, I felt every bit as wonderful as my tiny son smelled. When Levi and I were recovered and he’d nursed successfully, Silas drove us home. He settled us into the bedroom before he unloaded the car and brought me some tea.

  “I’ll be on the sofa, if you need anything, baby,” he said.

  His knuckles brushed my cheeks before he turned to the door.

  “I love you, Silas,” I called after him.

  He turned, eyes sparkling with his bright smile, and kissed my cheek.

  “As happy as I am to hear you say that, I know you’re emotional right now so I won’t hold you to it. When I told you I loved you weeks ago, I told you you didn’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know how I felt.”

  “That’s why I’m saying it now,” I assured him. “I want you to know how I feel. Don’t you believe me?”

  Silas sat down next to me on my bed. He wrapped an arm over my shoulder and nuzzled his face into my messy curls.

  “You know what, baby,” he said quietly, gentling a hand over little Levi’s back as he swallowed. “I do believe you. But if you still mean it in a week or a month, I’ll be the happiest man on the planet.”

  He kissed me again before he stood up. His eyes darted around my bedroom, landing on the large chair in the corner.

  “How about I sleep in the chair instead, so you won’t have to yell if you need something.”

  “You won’t be able to sleep in that thing,” I said, shaking my head.

  But I couldn’t hide my smile. I wanted him close. Not because I thought I’d need water or because I wanted him to hear me if I called him. I wanted him close because I felt safer, happier when he was nearby. Because, despite his skepticism, I had fallen for him.

  “I won’t be able to sleep out there, either. The sofa is more comfortable, but I want to be able to open my eyes and see that you’re well.”

  “Stay here with me, then,” I offered, gently placing Levi into the bassinet beside the bed.

  Silas smiled and climbed in beside me. We’d been sharing a bed ever since. We’d been sharing a life since. We were engaged a few months later and married a year after that. There have been better times and worse times since, but I meant every word as I vowed to love and honor him for the rest of my life.

  * * *

  The sounds of Levi’s laughter drags me back into the present and I see Silas twirling him in the air at the edge of the waves. I tap the return call button and wait for the ring.

  “Hey, sweetheart!” Noah answers, “how’s the trip?”

  “It’s good. Levi is having so much fun and Silas is uncharacteristically relaxed.”

  Noah chuckles on the other end of the call. He’s known Silas longer than I have and he understands that edgy is my husband’s default disposition.

  “Well, you and Levi have always made him the happiest version of himself. I guess having a family has that effect on a man.”

  He clears his throat and I hold my breath waiting for news about Jeremy.

  “I wanted you to know that my brother is doing well. He’s all set up at the rehab facility and he’s getting stronger every day.”

  I exhale my relief, but the rustling on Noah’s end of the call invites new anxieties.

  “Is he angry with me?” I ask.

  “He’s hurt, Sylvie. He lost four years. He lost… everything that mattered to him.”

  “Should I call? Maybe I can go see him…”

  “No!”

  I pull the phone from my ear and scrunch my face.

  “Why?” I ask.

  “Don’t you see how much harder it will be for him to adjust if you’re calling and visiting him? It will just give him hope that things can go back to how they were before. You moved on and he needs to move on too. Just keep your distance, Sylvie. It will be better for everyone if you give him space.”

  “But…”

  “Sylvie, if you still love him at all, you’re going to have to let him go.”

  My whole body shakes and I wipe a few tears away. But Noah’s right. I don’t want to make this harder on any of us.

  “Okay. I won’t call.”

  “I’ll give you an update in a few days, okay? Try to enjoy the rest of your trip, sweetheart. Give my nephew a kiss for me.”

  “I will. Take care, Noah.”

  I press the end call button and drop my phone into the beach bag. Looking up, I find Silas and Levi quickly. Silas lays back on his elbows, lifting his head to watch as Levi heaps wet sand on his long legs. This is my family, the only real family I’ve ever known. I will do everything I can to keep us together. I brush off the sand and the sadness clinging to me and run to my husband and my son.

  Chapter Twelve

  Three pairs of wide eyes stare at me. Blythe, Imogen, and Phoebe already knew that Levi’s father had gone missing four years ago. I’d told them when we met in birthing class about how I’d searched for him in vain until I discovered I was pregnant. They knew when we met that I’d recently melted down over the stress of it all. They remembered the part of the story where Silas—sent by the Bradfords—showed up at my door, offering to pay me to disappear. They’d recalled how Silas and I had become friends, instead and then lovers. All three women had been present when we married almost two years ago.

  Today, my closest friends wear matching expressions of shock, because I just told them that two weeks ago, Jeremy appeared on our doorstep wanting to meet his son.

  “So,” says Blythe, blinking her aqua eyes at me, “you missed our hike last week so you could take
Levi to spend time with Jeremy?”

  “No.” Shaking my head and clearing my throat, I add, “Silas took us to Santa Barbara for a few days. Levi built sand castles and I went to the spa. We listened to the ocean and played in the sun. Silas and I explained everything to him about Jeremy coming back and how Jeremy’s his birth father and he can get to know him now but Silas and I will always be his parents. It was… good!”

  Blythe squints at me and Imogen and Phoebe glance nervously at each other.

  “I really love Santa Barbara!” says Phoebe as Imogen nods. “It’s beautiful there. I bet it was really great for you to have that time to process everything.”

  I smile as Phoebe and Imogen attempt to fill the forest with positive energy. The two of them are probably closer than the rest of us. So much so that despite the fact that Phoebe is an energetic blonde who bounces from one interest to the next and Imogen is an ever-grounded mocha-skinned Kundalini yogi, they’ve come to resemble each other over the years. They both radiate acceptance and love as they stare at me with matching supportive smiles.

  “So you haven’t seen Jeremy since he showed up at your house?” Blythe asks, waving off the other two women.

  Blythe prefers clear quantifiable answers. As the founder of the Bay Area’s largest architectural firm, she expects to know all the variables before she can fully evaluate a situation. She arches up a perfectly threaded brow while she waits for my answer.

  Thinking about Jeremy makes my mouth go dry. I take a sip of water before I shake my head. Leaning against a fallen sequoia with ferns and saplings growing from its decaying center, I feel the questioning stares of my three closest friends and take another drink. I breathe a little easier after I’ve guzzled down half the bottle. When I turn back to Blythe, she’s wearing her skeptical face.

  “Don’t you think you need to go talk to him?” she asks.

  “I will.”

  “When?”

  The light brown hair sticking to her face and neck makes her look more intimidating than usual. I want to tell her that I don’t know. That I’m living—quite deliberately—in the denial stage of this particular life experience because I haven’t any idea how to face Jeremy. I’m sticky from our hike but that sweat has plenty of guilt mixed in. I’ve been seeping my personal shame since the day he came back.

  “I don’t know.”

  Crossing her slender arms over her chest, Blythe parts her lips to chastise me, but Imogen steps between us and looks into my eyes.

  “It’s okay, S,” she says. Her dark brown eyes radiate compassion as she nods her head of tight black curls. “If you need more time before you’re ready to deal, then do what you need to do.”

  “Thanks Immy,” I reply, taking her hand and squeezing.

  “Did I tell you all about the awesome Jamaican nanny I just interviewed for Riley?” Phoebe interjects.

  I’m grateful for the change in subjects. Phoebe spends the next leg of our hike explaining all the many reasons why Jamaican nannies are all the rage. Immy interjects to remind us that it’s kind of screwy to talk about all Jamaican nannies based on a handful of anecdotes and interviews. Blythe contributes some raw data from an article she read about raced-based discrimination in child care. By the time we make it back to our cars, I’m grateful that Levi is growing up so differently than I did. My son is surrounded by parents who care enough about their children to discuss the best child care options. I never had that privilege.

  “Do you have the agency number on you?” I ask.

  I pull out my phone and Phoebe takes it and begins to type.

  “I’m programing it into your phone under ‘JNanny.’ Are you going back to work?”

  “I’ve been thinking about it.”

  “Good!” says Phoebe, “You’re not really built to stay at home all day.”

  The comment smacks me in the face and I stare at her.

  “I’m sorry,” she says, tucking her short blond curls behind her ear. “I didn’t mean to sound… judgey. It’s just that you’re so much more like Blythe than like Immy and me.”

  “Hey!” exclaims Blythe.

  “All she means,” offers Immy, “is that you both have a strong need for order and children are inherently chaotic. B, would you really be happy staying at home with Agatha?”

  Tugging the corner of her mouth to one side, Blythe blows a reluctantly accepting breath out of her nose.

  “I see your point. But Sylvie isn’t me. She doesn’t need everything to be neat and tidy to feel centered.”

  Pausing, Blythe purses her lips and squints her eyes before she points a shiny buffed fingernail in my face.

  “Or do you? Is that why you’re pretending the love of your life DIDN’T just wake up from a four-year coma and come home? Because it’s too messy and you don’t want it to upend your shiny little world with Silas?”

  “No!” I yell, swatting her hand away with both of mine.

  All three of my closest friends raise their brows at me. They cast each other knowing looks as I exhale. My body trembles with misdirected irritation. They don’t know what they’re talking about. Do they?

  “No,” I repeat. “I just don’t want Levi to be shuffled about the way I was. There was never any stability in the foster system. I was bounced from one shitty place to the next.”

  Pausing, I take a hit from my water bottle. When I continue my voice is quieter and less bitter.

  “When I was pregnant with Levi, I was so worried he would grow up with that type of instability too. He had me, but I was so young. I was only twenty-three when I had him. And Jeremy was gone. I didn’t think I could handle it and I thought maybe one day, I’d get so overwhelmed that…”

  The rest of the sentence refuses to croak out and I look down to the dirt and roots at my feet.

  “That you’d abandon him at a shelter the way your parents abandoned you?” asks Immy.

  Shrugging, I fight back the tears and shame before I nod. When I look up again, all three women are beaming nothing but love.

  “I didn’t know any of you back then. I was scared and alone and then Silas came to my door and… from the moment we met he was so kind and so ‘there.’ I mean really ‘there’. He’s always like that. I look into his eyes and I know he’d do anything to make things right for me and for Levi. Allison and Charles are like the parents I never had; I have a real family for the first time in my life. And my son will never know what it’s like to be completely alone.”

  Taking a deep breath. I close my eyes and images of our family, years of happy memories, flash through my mind. Smiling a heavy smile as I open my eyes, I exhale.

  “How could I leave him after he’s been everything to me for so long? It’s not even that I think I owe him or anything, it’s just that… Jeremy and I only knew each other for six months before he disappeared. We had this instant magical connection—I thought he was the love of my life—but then he was gone. Silas has been my partner in everything for YEARS.”

  “He makes you feel safe,” says Phoebe. “We get it, but if what you have with him is so strong, why are you avoiding Levi’s father?”

  I don’t have an answer. No one expects one. My friends offer me their love and support before we each climb into our cars and drive back to our homes. But Phoebe’s question lingers.

  * * *

  The driveway is lined with cars when I arrive. But there’s one car I don’t recognize; a bright yellow Hummer with an ‘I heart Napa’ sicker on the tail end. Silas usually doesn’t take work visits on Saturday so it must be something very personal or very important. Oscar greets me at the door and after I give him a treat, he settles into his doggy bed to chew on it. Paloma is fixing dinner in the kitchen. She pauses to hand me a raw carrot and then pours me a glass of coconut water.

  “Thanks. Are Allison and Charles here?”

  “Yes, Mrs. Chambers. They took Levi to the park but they will be back soon. They are staying for dinner and I
am making flautas.”

  “I love flautas. Thank you, Paloma, you’re the best!”

  “I know, Mrs. Chambers.”

  She smiles and I giggle, chomping on my carrot.

  “Who’s the other visitor?” I ask remembering the Hummer.

  “A man speaking with Mr. Chambers.”

  She shrugs and I scold myself for bothering to ask. Paloma is not a gossip.

  Making my way up to take a shower, I’m surprised to hear elevated voices. Silas’ office door slams and Jack Moore, the man who took over as CEO of Bradford Enterprises after Jeremy disappeared, sweeps past me and down the stairs.

  The office door opens and I turn back to see Silas emerge.

  “Is everything alright?” I ask.

  “Fine, baby. Jack’s just a bit… unnerved now that Jeremy is back. He doesn’t want to be pushed out.”

  Our eyes lock and I go to him. He welcomes me into his arms. He doesn’t care that I’m sweaty and smell of the woods. He’s glad I’m home, where I belong.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Forcing my face into an expression that hides the well of discomfort within, I freeze as the flash momentarily disorients me.

  “You take a great photo,” says the man behind the camera.

  He smiles at me with gleaming straight teeth. Waiting at the front desk, I ponder the cheery disposition of the man creating my visitor’s pass. Why is he so chipper? Aren’t all the people here disabled? Isn’t it sad to watch the parade of broken humanity day after day? With his twenty-inch biceps bulging beneath a bright white polo shirt, he reminds me of the personal trainers at my gym. His shirt, however, is artfully embroidered with the words ‘Sausalito Therapeutic Center.’

  “What was your name again?” he asks, typing away.

  “Sylvie…”

  “Bradford, right? Sylvie Bradford?”

  Hearing that name sweeps me back to the days when I’d imagined it being mine. I’d pause, occasionally, from marking up an article or fact-checking an editorial just to imagine how that name would look on my desk plate. I’d said it aloud when I looked in the mirror. I even wrote it in a little heart in a notebook once… twice at the most. The sound of it was so delicious and so filled with everything I dreamed of having with the man I’m about to see. That beautiful fantasy taunts me, hovering in the air around us.