Francis realized that he was harsh with her, acting like a hurt child, but Emma Roberts had always been able to make him act emotionally. He saw her watching him with her big eyes, full of pain and disappointment, but Francis had already said too much to stop now. He needed to finish what he had to say and then say goodbye forever to his childhood friend and first love.
“The Captain is a bad man who wants to control you and take your money,” he said, his voice slightly trembling. “You are free to do whatever you want with what I told you, but Jonathan Green came to see me after our meeting in the woods and warned me to stay away from you. In my opinion, a man who cannot accept that a lady might have friends is not a worthy man.”
Francis paused and met Emma’s gaze, his eyes pleading with her to understand his words. “Because of our old friendship, I will leave now, before something even worse can be said.”
Once again, Emma did not answer, and Francis decided that he had said enough. Without another word, he made an elegant bow and left the room, leaving Emma alone. The young gentleman felt so betrayed he did not spare any time greeting Baron Roberts and his wife but left the house in a hurry.
Meanwhile, back in the library, Emma was furious. How dare he to speak to her in such a way, as if she was some child in need of discipline? Not even her parents spoke to her like that anymore. Deep down, Emma knew that he had said a few hard truths, but she was too angry to even consider the option that he might be right.
She could barely wait for Charlotte’s visit the next morning to come so she could speak to her sisters. “Emma, dear,” Jane stood up to greet her little sister. “Is everything fine with you?”
“Do not worry, everybody is fine,” she shrugged and sat on the sofa beside Charlotte without another word.
Emma looked very serious, and Jane hated it when either of her sisters was worried so much that they almost felt physical pain.
“Come, Emma, talk to us,” Charlotte invited her, and Emma adjusted her position on the sofa. Her sisters were the only two people in the world she trusted unconditionally.
“Did something happen?” Jane asked, hoping that whatever it was, it wasn’t going to turn her sister’s life upside down.
“You already know about Captain Green and how we go for walks in the woods sometimes,” Emma didn’t believe in introductions and started right away. “Francis Turner saw us once and during the last dinner we had together, he warned you of the Captain and his supposedly bad intentions towards me.”
“Why do I hear about this only now?” Charlotte jumped up in shock. “What do you mean you went for a walk alone with that man?”
“Nothing happened,” Emma said firmly. “We walked around the lake and then into the woods. Francis made it sound so bad, but I promise you that it was nothing at all.”
“It is inappropriate for a young lady to walk alone with a gentleman who is not related to her. You know that Emma.” Jane asked nevertheless, not wanting to let that fact go away so easily.
“I have never seen you act like this,” her elder sister spoke for the second time since Emma had entered the room. “I know that the inheritance gave you a new confidence, Emma, but nothing gives you the liberty to do this.”
“What about all you told me before?” Emma tried another tactic. “What about your encouragement to search for a husband?”
“Listen, Emma, we never encouraged you to behave this way.” The older woman said softly and reassuringly. “You are a strong woman who knows how to fight for her rights. I’m sure that nothing like that will happen again.”
“Charlotte,” Emma felt hurt and unwanted but refused to show it. If her closest relations were ready to judge her this way, she wasn’t going to let them see her cry. “You really think that I am so wrong? Are you going to treat me like Francis did?”
“You are nineteen years old, Emma,” Jane stood up and went to sit beside Emma. “We think that you should listen to what Francis has to say. He has always been your good friend and if he, a gentleman, disapproves of your behavior, what do you expect from us? We only want what is good for you.”
The young woman was aware that if she said no there was no way for them to force her, but Emma loved her family and her friends, and was ready to do anything to help them. “I understand,” she muttered to herself and raised her head high. She had a strong will too and was determined to be happy, no matter what. And right now, she believed that Captain Jonathan Green was a good match for her.
Emma was still upset, especially after coming to her sisters for comfort and advice, only to have them agree with Francis and take his side. The young woman was left feeling completely alone and misunderstood.
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“Jane, I am sure that Mother will never force you to marry someone you don’t want to.”
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CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
BY THE LAKE
“No! Thank you for thinking I am thoughtful.”
Jane Austen, Emma
Moreland House
The next morning Jane escaped home to go on a walk alone. She was growing frustrated and angry with herself, beginning to feel that there was something wrong with the way she thought and understood things. Everybody around her was insisting that she should stop dreaming and start looking for a suitable husband.
Meanwhile, James also went out for a walk in order to escape his mother and Lady Sarah, who was now staying in his house. The more he got to know her, the more he realized that the lady was dull and bland, nothing like the woman he imagined as his wife.
Jane was already sitting by the lake, deep in thought, when James stumbled upon her accidentally. Both of them were surprised to see the other, but Jane was also angry with the Marquis for sneaking up on her once again.
“I don’t understand why you’re doing this,” Jane asked in an angry voice. “Every time I try to be alone for a while you appear.”
“Sorry, Miss Jane, but I was not aware that the lake and the woods around it were yours,” James was getting angry too.
“With everything that is going in my life right now, I need some time alone.” The two argued, taking their frustrations out on each other for a few more minutes until James just turned around and left, leaving Jane alone.
It all came down in flashes. The memory of it drowned her, swallowing Jane down whole. What used to be, but wasn’t there anymore. There was that void inside of her, a dent in the wall, an empty corner of the picture. Sadness and fear had overtaken her to such an extent that it had changed her view of life.
She felt numb. There was no one there to understand her. Only her feelings and her sorrow. Darkness was trying to corner her, giving Jane its ugly sneer. But a flash of light flickered in her path. A faint trace of light which was almost extinguished by the biting cold. There always was hope. You scream, and someone will listen. You call, and He will answer.
Helplessness, pain, sorrow… Nothing was as strong as God’s love for His children. He always comes, drowning you in comfort. He encases you in a shell where you can’t be hurt, you can’t be touched. He is the one that gives you what you need. Breathless and exhilarated, He has become your air, your water, your being. That adrenaline rush has you flustered and flattered. You feel whole again. Those utterly broken pieces slowly get sewn back together again. You can now follow your destiny.
“Jane?” Her sister, Emma, called from beside her. “Where are you?”
“Oh!” Jane smiled at her sister and confidant. “I was thinking about life in general.”
“Really?” Emma laughed at the distracted young woman. “And here I am thinking that you were dreaming about Marquess James.”
Jane felt her face became slightly red with the mention of the Marquess James, who had been there only a few minutes ago. “No, I… actually…”
At hearing her stuttering, Emma laughed again and went to sit beside her. Jane loved her life, as it w
as giving her the opportunity to meet new people and through them see new worlds. It wasn’t that she thought that her life was too secluded and lonely. On the contrary, Jane was aware that her way of life was bringing her closer to God and was keeping her away from many dangers. Therefore, what Jane loved in her life was an opportunity to make new friends and learn new things.
“Jane!” Emma called again, and this time, she had to return to the present time and talk to her sister.
“Sorry, I am just very distracted,” Jane said, taking Emma’s hand in hers. “Mother continues to pressure me, and I know that she does it for my good, but it still hurts.”
“Jane, I am sure that Mother will never force you to marry someone you don’t want to. All she wants is for you to open a little up and try to find a good man,” Emma argued with her. “She says the same to me, but since I am younger, she gives me more time.”
Jane nodded and gave her a hug, finding comfort in her sister’s arms. The two of them stayed by the lake for more than an hour, sharing all their difficulties. When they returned home, Jane was much calmer and ready to face her destiny.
Jane had resolved to try and please her parents by trying to be more like the other girls. She sat at the breakfast table with her parents and promised to do her best to find a good husband for herself. Her parents were very glad to hear her say that, and the Baroness even cried a little. They were still sitting at the breakfast table when her bigger sister, Charlotte arrived for an unexpected visit. After the customary greetings and a cordial family gathering, Charlotte and Jane went into the garden for a chat.
“I noticed that you are very quiet today,” Charlotte said when they walked away from the house arm in arm. “Do you want to talk?”
“Mama wants me to marry,” Jane said. “She insists that I should be friendlier and let the gentlemen see me as a possible wife.”
“But you don’t want to do that,” Charlotte commented, understanding her very well. “I faced the same problem only a year ago. Our parents had the same reasons as they have with you.”
“What do you think, I should do?” Jane asked.
“Be yourself, but also try to be friendly and open for people to speak to you. You can see how important that is to our parents, so try to make them happy.”
Jane was grateful to her sister for her support, and their conversation was a pleasant one, focused on their family and their future. Charlotte had to leave before lunch, but it was fine because now Jane had made her decision. One of Emma’s friends, the beautiful and outspoken Lady Anne Johnson had arrived and joined their family for lunch.
In the early afternoon, Emma and Anne came to invite Jane for a walk to the town. The old Jane would already be saying no, but the new Jane didn’t hesitate and joined the two young girls. On the way to the town, Emma and Anne giggled about the best gentlemen from the town, and Jane did her best to join their conversation, but without much success.
As soon as they arrived in town, they met Francis Richards, one of their old childhood friends and a few of his companions. While Emma and Francis caught up, Jane tried to smile and talk to one of the other men, but neither showed her any attention. They focused all their attention on Anne.
“Jane,” she heard Emma calling her only five minutes later. “I forgot that I wanted to buy some fruit.”
“Oh, right,” Jane hurried towards her sister. “I am going to help you.”
“You’re very kind Jane,” Henry Wilson couldn’t help himself and started flirting with her. He did it in a gentle way, making it impossible for Jane to get angry with him. “I'm sorry about before. I was a bit shy, Miss Jane, but I like to spend time with you.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Jane said. She couldn’t imagine how a man like him could be interested in her.
“Don’t be,” Mr. Wilson smiled encouragingly. “We’ll have time to catch up soon. But tell me, how is your father?”
Jane was a bit too shy and taken aback by his attention, but if she was honest with herself, she was also a little excited by it. Emma was talking to the others on the other side of the street, and no one was paying attention to Jane or Henry, giving them a kind of privacy. Jane cleared her throat and looked at the man standing in front of her.
Henry Wilson was different from the typical British men. He was more than six feet tall and had dark, almost black hair. His eyes were also very dark, in striking contrast with his rather light skin. The man was well built, but it was evident that he wasn’t used to hard labor or long hours riding a horse.
“He is doing great,” Jane answered, after what felt like ages. “My father recovered well after his illness and now is making sure that he keeps healthy.”
“I can only imagine how good it must be to have someone always by your side, someone you can lean on at any time,” the young man smiled sadly. “But anyway, I have to go now.”
Mr. Wilson made a gesture as if touching his non-existing hat and was almost ready to return to his friends when he stopped and looked at Jane again. “I hope to see you soon, Miss Jane,” he said softly in a voice Jane hadn’t heard before. Then he turned and walked away.
“What was all that about?” Emma asked from beside her, pointing at the disappearing gentleman.
“He asked about Papa,” Jane stuttered, her face reddening.
“I see,” Emma said, but Jane knew that she wasn’t done with her questions. Thankfully, another gentleman arrived, and Emma turned towards him with her usual kind smile. Jane visibly relaxed and returned to her usual melancholy state.
Henry Wilson was confusing her again, and Jane needed a bit of time to think about her reaction to his compliments. Jane had her ideas about the perfect life. Henry was very different from the man she imagined she would marry. Henry, however, wasn’t the romantic type, and Jane used to find him a little boring in the past. Or maybe she still did? Or maybe it was just the fear of a lifelong commitment to one man that made her nervous and too demanding?
Jane was still young and unaccustomed to men paying her so much attention. She had known Samuel her whole life and about two years ago it had become obvious to everyone that the young gentleman did not like her enough to make her his wife. But Henry somehow wasn’t everything a young woman wanted to see in her future husband. He was a bit boring and somehow averse to romance. Jane had tried to show him what she needed, but the man was either blind or unwilling to comply.
So, all that easily explained why Jane felt so warmed by his sudden attention. It was different and new and exciting to be approached by a man who showed interest in her. It was something all women needed at one time or another in their lives.
“Are you dreaming again?” Emma complained for the hundredth time that day. “We have work to do.”
“I know. I’m sorry,” Jane shook her head and turned towards her.
“Are you going to tell me what is bothering you?” Emma asked when it was just the two of them again.
“Do you think that I’m doing the right thing by considering Henry?” Jane decided to take the direct approach. After all, Emma knew all about her and her feelings.
“What are you talking about?” Emma looked at her with surprise. “You love Henry?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. But what if God intended someone else for me?” Jane insisted. “How can I be sure that Henry is the man I’m supposed to spend my life with?”
“You cannot be sure. All you can do is to trust God, your parents, and your own feelings,” Emma repeated the words Jane had been repeating to herself for months.
“What if my feelings are no longer what they used to be?”
“You don’t like Henry anymore?” Emma wondered.
“No… yes… I don’t know,” her sister tried to answer and failed miserably.
Emma smiled at her confused expression and took her hands between her own. “Listen to me. Are you listening?” she asked urgently. “You don’t have to decide right now. You have time in front of you, and you have God to guide you. Ke
ep calm and pray. That is all you need right now. The answer will come to you when you need it most.”
Jane smiled gratefully at her good sister and shook her head in agreement. God was going to help her to find her way as He always did.
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“You smile at me, my Lady,” the Marquess commented. “Can I assume that you forgive me?”
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CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
THE VOICE OF REASON
“One has got all the goodness, and the other all the appearance of it.”
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Bunting Manor
James was so tired of his mother and Lady Sarah. They had made him listen to them for hours the previous night until he had been forced to agree to ask Lady Sarah for a walk with him. It was a desperate attempt to appease his mother, but James did not care, as long as she left him alone for at least a day.
“Oh, James,” Lady Sarah exclaimed when he took her to a small clearing in the woods with a spring in the middle. “I cannot believe that you took me here. You know how much I hate nature.”
James had tried to see her with admiration and respect, but it did not work. He tried to talk, tried to listen, even sought to pretend that she was saying something else, but nothing worked. Nothing was able to make Lady Sarah appealing in his eyes.
Lady Sarah spent the whole time gossiping and laughing at people who were poorer and less pretty than her. James was disgusted by her selfishness and already knew that he could never marry her.
Regency Romance: To Love A Viscount (CLEAN Historical Romance) Page 12
