“I don’t want him interfering with you. Period.” I shift from him unsure if he is frustrated with me or just the situation.
“I’m sorry… I swear I don’t want that either. I’m trying to handle it as best as I can,” I whisper out quietly with my head down. I peek over at him and before I can get another word out his face softens. I can’t even handle the pressure Kyle puts on me alone and to have it put on us as a couple saddens me. Reed pulls me into him again and his hands entwine around me. His fingers brush across my cheeks creating a tingly sensation throughout me. The sensation lights me up and the urge to avoid talking about anything is like a natural instinct.
“Shit, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that at all. I know you are. I can’t help it, but when I think of Kyle and what he’s doing to you… it drives me mad. I just don’t want anything to happen to you. Promise me you’ll tell me everything, I want to know if he calls or anything else. Okay?”
I fight through the strong desire that creeps in me to distract us from addressing this and say, “Okay, I will, but I don’t want you to worry. I’m fine.”
“Listen, if anything else happens I want you to think about taking further action-,” he says, but I cut him off.
“Is this what you were talking to my dad about? I’m fine really. If anything else happens I can handle it,” I say with stubbornness in my tone and turn my head to the side to look away.
“Hey, don’t look away from me, Kate.” His hands move my face in front of him and he pulls me to him pressing our foreheads together. “Don’t be mad, I just want you to be safe and I can’t be here to make sure you are, like I wish I could do.” He licks his lips and I restrain myself from licking them myself. “I care about you so damn much. You do something to me that has never happened before.”
“What’s that?” I whisper against his lips.
“More. It’s just more.” Our lips crash into each other with force. I squirm over him eager for the friction… eager for the distraction. Our hands roam freely and this time he allows me to feel the grooves of his muscular abdomen. His hands grab on to my backside and I spread my legs so that I am straddling him again. I break our kiss for a moment to remove my shirt and fear he may stop me. My sports bra is hot pink with light pink trim and Reed’s eyes gaze in appreciation. When his hands move around to my abdomen his fingers spread across and goose bumps form in their wake. I push myself into his hands urging them to travel upward. He drags his teeth across his top lip and then throws his head back in defeat.
“Kate, we have to stop. I can only have so much restraint around you.” I want to protest, but it’s a genuine plea from him and he’s right. “Please it’s important that I respect your parents.”
I shake my head in compliance and then reach back down to put my shirt on. He kisses me sweetly while thanking me and telling me he will make it up to me as soon as we are back at school. We lye down on the couch on our sides and face each other. Even though we both know that things will not progress we can’t keep our hands off each other.
“Have you ever met any other girls parents before?” I ask against his firm chest.
“Yes,” he breathes in a ragged breath and runs his fingers through my long hair. “But… it’s not like this. My dad and her dad have been in business for a long time. Our families have known each other since I was younger.”
“Oh,” I fidget a little against him and start to wonder more about his relationship with her even more. My teeth grate across my bottom lip pressing tightly into the corner of my mouth. Part of me wants to ask questions, but most of me doesn’t want to let in any other outside influence into our relationship. Kyle’s influence is enough. I’m broken from my wandering thoughts when Reed’s thumb pulls my lip free.
“What are you thinking?”
“Nothing,” I mumble.
“Kate, tell me. Don’t close me off, please.” Nervously, I glance up his chest to see his deepened blue eyes.
“Have you seen her this week?” I’m tempted to ask her name, but that might get too personal for me.
“Yes, and I told her about you. I told her that I’ve met someone I really care about and that you mean a lot to me.” A feather-light kiss lands on the top of my head and a breath I had been holding in comes out louder than I want. “What else do you want to ask? You know I won’t lie to you.”
“That’s all I want to know right now.”
“Okay,” he whispers as he pulls me up closer to his face and plants a tender kiss against my lips. His hands grasp my face and he grazes his lips across mine. “You look beautiful. I can’t wait until we are back at school so I can see this face everyday.”
“Me too,” I say and then throw my arms around him hugging him close. We stay like this for a while with Reed’s hands rubbing over my back. He tells me how he doesn’t want me to run from him again and that he wants me to come to him. Guilt rushes through me when I think about the reason I ran from him. I want to tell him more of how I’m feeling, but it’s a struggle even with Reed to explain my emotions. This is what it always boils down to… pushing myself further to not avoid my feelings. Right now though I’m doing the best I can.
Eventually, we settle with me close to his chest and our legs and arms tangled up together. The sound of Reed breathing and his heart beating lulls me into sleep. It’s peaceful, protective, and comfortable. The time slips away until Reed shifts from me and tucks a blanket over me. He bends down and I look up at him with squinted eyes. His fingers brush my hair from my face.
“It’s almost four… I have to go.” The feel of his soft lips on my forehead barely wake me and as they run down over my nose to my lips I know I’m going miss this again very soon.
“Thank you for surprising me and for the roses,” I say sleepily. When I start to get up to walk him to the door, but he stops me.
“I can let myself out the front door, you need your sleep.” In reality he needs his sleep way more than I do. “God, I wish I didn’t have to leave you. I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay, drive carefully.” We kiss one more time before he starts to stand.
“I’ll be thinking of you all the way back, beautiful girl.”
CHAPTER 15
About an hour and a half later I hear my dad in the kitchen getting ready to leave for work, but I’m too tired to move myself up stairs. I pull the blanket over my head and curl into the back of the couch. The noise of dad getting his breakfast is enough to keep me from falling back asleep though. I toss over and then I hear my dad clear his throat.
“Head up to your bed, Katherine. You had a late night.” His tone is nonchalant, but I know that he knows what time Reed left.
“Okay, sorry dad. Love you,” I say as I rise from the couch.
“Love you too, sweetie. See you tonight.” I’m relieved that he doesn’t say anything about Reed staying too late or ask any questions.
I drag myself in a slumber up the stairs tracing my swollen lips from all the kissing with Reed. My eyelids are half open, but I’m happy. The feeling that Reed’s been here, that his lips were on mine and that our bodies were wrapped in each other contends my mind and heart. I strip down out of my clothes and stand in my underwear. I start to reach for my soft pink robe, but the memories of Kyle in my room a year ago after I had showered taint my mind. We fooled around and I tried to keep that robe covering me just enough yet wanting more from him. I close my eyes tightly trying to deal with the sadness and anger that expel from me. Tears prick my eyes. I reach for the robe and crumble it into a ball and scrunch it into my small trash bin. I’ve never looked at that robe the same since that day. Every time I wore it those memories came to me. It’s time to move past it. Wiping the tears from the corners of my eyes I move to my closet and find exactly what I know will comfort me. Reed’s hoodie lies in the middle of my closet. I slip it over my head loving the smell that permeates from it.
I climb into my bed running my hands over myself loving the feeling of Reed
’s hoodie touching my bare skin. I curl to the side gripping the collar up to my nose and inhale. My eyes become heavy and thoughts of only Reed fill my head. Easily, I drift back into sleep with a light and content heart because of Reed.
When I wake after eleven I feel more than rested. I feel a little giddy thinking of my time with Reed and the fact that he surprised me. My eyes are closed, but I’m smiling. Really I’m almost squealing. I roll over to grab my cell phone. My heart races at the sight of a text from Reed.
Hey Beautiful, text me when you wake. Reed
I don’t hesitate to text him back.
Good morning, how tired r u? Sorry, but I’m so happy u came. Katherine
I’m fine. It was worth it. I miss u. Reed
I miss your lips. Katherine
I miss more than your lips. Eyes, smile, legs, chest, ass. The list goes on. Reed
Oh my, heart palpitations. I swallow past my shortened breath and decide to continue the flirting. I love when we flirt. I remember how badly I missed it when I got back together with Kyle. I craved it, longed for it. That was a piece I never had with Kyle.
I’m wearing your hoodie… and just my panties. Katherine
Oh f*#k. U R KILLING ME. I’ll be adjusting myself all day with that vision. Thanks baby ;) Reed
I laugh out loud. The winking face has me cracking up. It’s not something I picture Reed Harper messaging, but I love that it’s with me.
I’ll leave u with that. Text me l8r. Katherine
I get up and throw on a pair of shorts before heading downstairs for breakfast. Mom left me a note on the counter that she was going to a doctor appointment and then grocery shopping. I pour a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice. As I eat I watch a little of Hollywood Reporter and just enjoy the quiet moment alone. It seems like such a long time since I’ve been left alone in my house.
The week before this past Christmas my dad had to work and my mom had a doctor appointment and then wanted to finish up some Christmas shopping. I was doing much better, functional, but still processing everything. It was a challenge to get through a day without throwing myself into my bed in tears. My parents always made sure one of them was home with me. I felt like a burden, but knew it was needed. The depression I felt was all consuming. This particular day though I felt stronger. I was sitting in the family room having a snack while reading a book and I could hear my parents whispering in the kitchen.
“I’m sorry I just can’t get out of this meeting today…” My dad’s words trailed off as he softly spoke to my mom.
“It’s okay, Dan, I’ll just reschedule the doctor appointment and then finish shopping in the evening…” My mom said reassuringly.
I stopped my reading and eating in order to hear as much of their conversation as possible. It hit me in that moment that I needed to work harder on dealing with all of this because I didn’t want my parents to have any more hardships than they already had. I needed to face this with more responsibility to move forward. It dawned on me that if I didn’t start dealing with things that they might not let me go back up to school this next semester. I stood up and walked towards them.
“Dad, mom…”
That was a tough conversation that day and I didn’t convince them that I would be fine by myself that day, but from that day forward I worked hard to heal and progress. Luckily, my hard work paid off. Even now I agree that the hard work, therapy and opening up is paying off.
After relaxing for a while I throw on some running clothes and set up my playlist. Glad You Came by The Wanted fills my ears and I smile because I still can’t believe Reed came here. Just as I am about to head out the door I get a text from Reed.
What r u doing? I can’t stop thinking of u. Reed
Me too. I’m about to go 4 a run. Katherine
Tell me u put some more clothes on. Reed
Of course… and if I didn’t? Katherine
I’d be making a trip down sooner than I thought. Reed
Hmmmm, tempting. Katherine
I’d prefer u bundled in a snowsuit when leaving the house. Reed
Again, I laugh out loud.
That would make running quite challenging. I’ll text u afterwards. Katherine
Ok, be safe. Reed
As my run comes to an end I enjoy the last chords of Closer to You by The Wallflowers. I could listen to this song on repeat endlessly. It makes me miss Reed and yearn for him to be closer to me. I contemplate calling him, but don’t want to bother him in the middle of the day. Avoiding Jamba Juice I make my way over to the Starbucks in town instead. It’s a little later than usual to have my coffee, but since my sleep is all off anyway it shouldn’t hurt.
After I order my Vanilla Latte I add a yogurt parfait to it. As I wait for my coffee I check through my phone and am happy to only have a couple emails from the girls. Nothing from Kyle. I click over to my texts and see one from Reed.
I’ll be in a meeting until after dinner. Call u then. Still missing u. Reed
I send a quick text back telling him I’ll talk to him tonight. Reaching for my coffee I hear my name being whispered from behind me. When I turn around I see Sarah and Krista, I played tennis with them all through high school, but didn’t really bond with them until my senior year after Kyle was out of the picture. We became close and hung out on the weekends. The bond I had with them was not as strong as theirs was though and I knew it was because I had spent most of high school with Kyle. I had made the effort too late. They looked up and I smiled at them making my way over.
“Hi Sarah, hi Krista,” I say as we reach to hug each other. We say our hellos and talk about what we’ve been doing for spring break. After their coffees come up they say they have to get going, but invite me to meet them out for dinner. We decide on tonight and to meet at a restaurant down the road at seven.
The girls leave and I decide to sit down in one of the overstuffed chairs near the fireplace. I’m glad I ran into them and am excited to meet them out tonight. After my mom left I really distanced myself from them. I had only really gotten closer to them after Kyle left me and then by the end of year my mom was gone. They tried to keep in touch, but I had shut down. I’m broken from my thoughts when my phone starts ringing. It’s my mom. I answer quickly realizing I forgot to leave a note that I was going for a run. It’s obvious she was worried, but is happy that I’m doing fine. I tell her about the girls and our dinner tonight. Before I can tell her that I’m headed home she asks me to go get our nails done.
I arrive at the nail salon just as my mom is pulling in. We walk in together and she signs us in for mani’s and pedi’s. The girl behind the counter points over to pick out a color for our toes. Once we are in our chairs with our feet soaking we flow into an easy conversation. Each time we talk it gets easier and easier. Even when there is a break in our conversation it doesn’t become uncomfortable. I’ve missed that. It reminds me of how we always were with each other. It’s not as hard of a struggle to open up to her like it used to be, but my caution is always there. Our reconciliation since she’s been back is defining us for a new future. The past will be there, it will never go away, but it may not have to define us now or in the future. My comfort lies in her hands and will continue to for sometime I imagine. Every time anger or distrust slips in my mind I encounter it and let it settle in me instead of avoiding the emotion. The urge to look for distractions remains in me, but this time with her and even Reed it becomes easier.
I look down into the bubbling water before my nail tech pulls my foot from the water to start working on my toes. Then with little thought for my question other than approval I ask, “Mom, what did you think of Reed?” She turns to look at me, but I keep my stare down at the bubbles.
“Well, I like him.” She doesn’t continue, which causes me to swing my head in her direction. I realize in this moment that I’m more eager than I had thought for her approval. She smiles at me and her eyes shine with satisfaction. Maybe she realizes too that I still need her approval in my life
, just like I used to.
“I especially like him for you. I see something there. Something genuine and real. It reminds me of when your father-,” she says with a giggle in her tone.
“Mom! Stop, I don’t want to hear about how dad swept you off your feet.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. Yes, I like him and so did your dad.”
“He did?” I ask with shock.
“Yes, very much so. That boy seems to be head over heels for you, sweetie.” She pauses for a moment and then reaches over and rests her hand on my arm. “Just take your time. It’s hard to remember this at your age, but it’s true. Time is on your side.” I smile because this is a cliché quote she used to say. I haven’t heard her say one in a long time now and I find it reassuring. “I want you to continue finding yourself and figuring out how to overcome any hardships … including me. You are doing so well and turning into such a beautiful person… just like I always knew you would.”
“Thanks, mom. I know I just really like him,” I confess.
“Well, it not hard to see why,” she says with a smitten smile spread across her lips. I laugh knowing part of her is referring to Reed’s looks.
CHAPTER 16
Dressed in a gray sweater dress and my tall black boots I make my way inside the restaurant. I glance behind me one more time to make sure I remember what aisle I parked in. It’s more crowded than usual for a weeknight, but I’m sure it’s because most schools are on spring break. I move out of the revolving door and over to the hostess stand. The girls are already seated and the hostess shows me to them.
When I get to the table the girls stop from talking and get up to greet me. We giggle and compliment each other on our outfits. Krista is already twenty-one and is having a glass of white wine. I tell her how jealous I am and that I can’t wait until I can do that. I already remember that Sarah will also turn of age before me too.
“Since when does Kate Monroe drink so much?” Krista giggles out. I smile and laugh at her. She’s referring to the only time she’s seen me drink, which was at Johnny’s last year over winter break. It’s strikes me that my friends at college never knew this other me. This me when I was with Kyle, this me whose mother never left. Back in high school I was a girl who was known as Kyle Ross’ girlfriend and then I was known as a Kyle Ross’ ex-girlfriend. I wonder if they still think of me this way.
The Perfect Emotion (Book Two of The Perfect Series) Page 12
