“I’ve had some depression on and off through life, but after I had you and then Daniel it got worse and it was more difficult to treat.” I nod my head letting her know that I know some of this and that I’m ready for more details. She lets go of my hand and places hers on her cheeks taking a deep heavy breath. Her eyes press close tightly and I swear I can feel the weight of what she’s about to tell me. Out of the corner of my eye I see our foodless waiter approaching. I wave him off and gratefully he turns back out of the room. “This is difficult for me to say for a couple reasons. One, being that this still wasn’t a good enough excuse to do what I did. Two, I don’t want you feeling any guilt or blame or burden of this.”
“Mom, I can’t promise I won’t, but I know I’m learning how to deal with difficulties a lot more than I ever have. I need to know that I wasn’t the reason you left us, I need to know what happened so that I can forgive you and move on. I love you and want you back like it used to be.” Licking my lips I wait in anticipation letting the anxiety running through my veins not take over my body.
“Earlier your senior year I had a miscarriage.”
Realization, memories and emotions crash into me like a freight train blazing down the tracks unable to stop. The air coming up me feels restrained and ragged. I let the tears fall freely and begin to sob loudly. The more I cry the lighter my chest becomes. Mom comes into my side of the booth scooping me into her, stroking my arms, running her fingers through my hair and placing sweet kisses on my head. Pain strangles my heart for the thought of how difficult that must have been for her, but selfishly I begin to feel relief that I was not the child to cause the loss she felt, the pain that was unbearable or the reason for her leaving.
CHAPTER 27
My mom drops me off at my dorm and after kissing and hugging her I get out waving to her driving away. Our relationship has permanently changed and going forward is the only option now. It will never be the same and that settles well in my mind and heart. Heaviness takes space in half of my heart after hearing the truth and my mom describe her road to self-destruction, but the other half is consumed with fullness that had been missing for quite some time. Now with understanding I can move forward and accept my mom’s decisions. While her leaving still hurts I have new compassion and knowledge that puts the pieces together allowing me to move forward with my mom in my life.
The evening stretched out longer than I had originally thought it would, but I’m glad I have answers. Before I head to the elevators to head up to my room I text Reed quickly.
Just got back, going to bed. C u 2morrow. Missing u. Kate
Say the word and I’ll come kidnap u. Reed
Smirking at my phone my heart thumps faster and I can hear the humming in my ears. Before I even step into the elevator exhaustion hits me hard. The day has been emotionally draining for me, but I like the feeling I have in my chest. Heading down the hall to my room I see the gang, minus Brandon, hanging out in the hallway.
Derek is standing behind Kelly with his arms around her waist. Quinn is dancing around to the music drifting from one of the rooms as Matt leans on the wall with his hands in his pockets grinning. Maggie, Jenna and Lynn are standing around talking. Derek catches me approaching first and winks at me grabbing onto Kelly tighter. Then Quinn in the middle of her seductive dance spots me.
“Kate! You’ll come out dancing with me Saturday night, right?” At first I want to say no, but then I remember that Reed will be gone for the night.
“Sure, how about a girls night?” I say through my beaming smile. Maggie pounces to her feet shocked at my response.
“Well, now you are talking! I’m in for sure!” Maggie says enthusiastically. The other girls all agree too.
“I can take a hint,” Derek says teasingly to Kelly. “I’ll just be here when you get back for our own party then,” he finishes and plants a big sloppy kiss on Kelly’s cheek. She flushes and rolls her eyes.
After a few minutes I head back to the room ready to crash with Maggie following me. She asks about my day of hooky and I fill her in leaving out some of the details. I don’t tell her about mine and Reed’s conversation or my conversation with my mom. In the end, I tell her it was a really great day.
After I change into my pajamas I crawl into bed letting my hair fan around my face when my head hits the pillow. The sound of Maggie stirring around our room lulls me and just as I’m about to fall asleep I hear a phone ringing. I sit up grabbing my cell phone, but I quickly realize that it’s not my tone. Maggie answers hers and her whole face lights up. I mouth to her “Marco” and she confirms with a headshake. She crawls into her bed pulling the blankets up and I roll over hoping that I can drift to sleep.
“Maybe,” I hear Maggie say as she giggles light heartedly into her phone. Then she says, “No I’m not saying it…. Because… Marco, stop,” she says through her laugh. I know I should tune out their conversation, but I can’t help but listen in a little. It makes me happy to hear Maggie sound smitten. “It’s only another week, besides I told you we need to take this slow.” Her words continue to fade in and out and eventually I’m sound asleep.
Halfway through the night I’m woken from a dream breathing restlessly in a panic. Visions rush through my head of Reed bleeding, Kyle on top of me, and my mom’s saddened face describing the miscarriage. Heaving in and out I run my hand over my forehead wiping away a small amount of sweat. I grab for my water bottle chugging it down loudly and look to see if Maggie stirs. Thankfully, Maggie is snoring. My breathing continues to escalate as I picture the blood that ran down Reed’s face when he came to my house after fighting with Kyle, which automatically leads to me remembering Kyle forcing himself on me. The added weight of knowing why my mom left us only causes me to feel more anxious and guilty for the way I pushed her away once she returned. Everything feels like its coming to a pinned point in my head and it’s overwhelming to figure out how to keep coping… how to keep moving forward and past these challenges. In and out. In and out. In and out. I repeat the mantra in my head over and over again. Tears slide from the corners of my eyes and I long to talk to someone. Before I push the need aside I grab for my phone and dial Reed.
“I’m on my way,” Reed answers promptly. Relief spreads through me as I grab onto my old worn blanket from childhood.
“Thank you,” I whisper before I hang up.
About ten minutes later Reed is at my door in sweats and his book bag. He crosses over into my room dropping his bag to the side sliding his arms under my tank top with his fingers tickling the small of my back. A small and quiet sob releases from me into his chest and he weaves his arms around to scoop me up. We lie into each other with our legs and arms tangled closely together. Reed’s fingers run gently through my hair and his lips press sweetly to my forehead. He murmurs into my ear, “Shhhh, it’s okay, I’ve got you.”
“I-I can’t breathe sometimes. It’s too… too much,” I whisper back hoping Maggie stays asleep.
“What is baby? Tell me and I’ll take it away if I can.”
“I had a bad dream and I remembered the blood from after you confronted Kyle and then I remembered Kyle on top of me,” I mumble out through my sobs. “Pl-pl Please don’t leave me, Reed.”
“God, Katherine, I’m so sorry. Don’t you worry for a second about my fight with Kyle. I’m handling that and he got what he deserved. And he’ll get more if he comes near you again. I’d do anything to take that away from you, anything.” I wipe my eyes into the comfort of his chest letting the soft smell of him fill me. “Me leaving you is not an option… it will never be an option. I’m in too deep with you. You are my more,” he says as he holds my tear stained face mere inches from his face now and stares into the depths of my eyes. Then he mouths the words I love hearing more than any others “olive juice”.
“What do you mean you are handling it?” I question him with a quiver in my voice from the crying.
“Nothing, baby, nothing. It’s all taken care of. I just think he’s
backed off of you now,” he murmurs into my cheek before planting his lips to me tenderly.
“I don’t want anything to happen to you. I need you because you are my more too.” I face him and kiss his lips before I turn my back into him wrapping his arms over me. He holds me tightly pressing me as close as he can against his chest. One of his legs slides between mine from behind and my hands rest over his arms that engulf me. “Reed, it’s still hard, so hard to confront all this sometimes. I’m trying though please know I’m trying and I want you in my life. You’re so good to me. Patient, kind and sweet. You’ve done more for me than I know I’ve deserved at times. Thank you… being able to trust you means everything.”
“Good, beautiful, because I’m not going anywhere other than where you’re going.” I snuggle with his arms tighter and sigh in relief. “I’m right here now, try to sleep.” Exhaustion sets in and I close my eyes feeling secure in Reed’s arms. Talking to him and telling him all my insecurities only confirms my trust in him. The lightness I’ve felt before when I’ve opened up fills me and naturally my breathing evens out. The panic fades and reassurance settles in me. Before I drift off it dawns on me that there is still more to share with him.
“My mom had a miscarriage my senior year of high school. That is why she left us.” It’s a straightforward statement, but it’s honest and a real explanation for the void that occurred.
“Do you feel better knowing?” He calmly asks me.
“Yes, so much better. I know now why and it wasn’t because of me. I’m saddened to learn about it, but the answer helps me understand everything.”
“Good, baby, good. You’re doing great and everything is going to be okay… and I’ll be right by your side.” Reed’s body slackens along mine and I can feel the relief in him knowing that I’m coming to him. Knowing I can trust him and count on him gives new meaning to my life.
Slipping myself from Kate’s arms without waking her I shiver at the loss of her heat. I see Maggie coming out of the bathroom with her hair up in a towel, make up done, including her signature red lipstick.
“Hey, blue eyes,” she drawls with a bit of a southern accent.
“Hey Mags,” I whisper softly afraid of waking Kate.
“Did she have a nightmare?” Maggie asks as she swipes the towel from her head.
“Yeah, does that happen a lot?”
She nods her head confirming what I had thought. “Well, it’s been better though. Everything seems better for her with you in the picture.” She smiles brightly as she shakes her long dark hair out.
“Good, I plan to keep it that way too.” I stand up and move around her to hit the head and brush my teeth.
When I come out Kate has shifted over, but it is still sleeping. I know she has a class this morning, but it’s not until ten. Watching her chest rise and fall slightly as she breathes peacefully is a sight I’d like to see every morning. Maggie sits on her bed beaming a grin as she rapidly texts.
“Marco?” I ask know the answer.
She stops her finger from their fast beats on her phone and looks up at me pressing her lips tightly together. “Yes, how’d you know?”
“I’ve talked to him. He’ll be back this way next week, right?”
“Yes,” I can see her contemplating her next words. Then she curls her legs underneath her and says, “We’re taking it slow though.”
“I don’t think he wants that though. Is it cause of Brandon?” I ask her boldly.
She half laughs and shakes her head with an eye roll before she says, “I know what he wants, but it’s complicated. And yes, Brandon is some of it.”
“Hey, you do what’s best for you and Marco. Especially, don’t worry about Brandon. He’s fine,” I try to assure her, but see the confusion set on her face.
“How do you know Brandon’s fine?” Shit. I’m assuming that Kate has told Maggie about seeing Brandon around, but I guess I’m wrong.
Running my hand through my hair and scratching the back of my neck I cock my eyebrow at her questioning whether she wants me to say anything. She cocks her eyes back at me with sass telling me that I better spill it. “I’ve seen him around that’s all.”
“With who?” She asks with a fire in her voice and her body tense, but then her phone pings and she looks down at a text that I assume is from Marco. Her smile returns and her body relaxes again. “Never mind, I’m sure I know and it really doesn’t matter.”
“Right,” I agree and move over to lie next to Kate’s restful body.
Maggie packs up her bag and heads out to her classes. I reach for my phone and see several missed texts and calls. All from Jessica.
Tell me what’s going on. Jess
I want to help u. Jess
Pls answer. Jess
Several similar texts fill up my screen. I go through each of them deleting them until I get to the last one that was sent after two in the morning.
I’ll c u Saturday. Jess
My fingers hesitate above the letters unsure if I should reply or just keep ignoring her. Hopefully, my better judgment pays off by not replying to her incessant messages. Whether I want to or not looks like I will be seeing her on Saturday either way now. Unfortunately, she may be right and I may need her help or more likely that I may need her fathers help.
Kate turns into me draping her arm over my stomach making a soft moan. Her lips part as she takes in a shaky breath with her eyes pressing closed tightly. I bite the inside of my cheek wondering what she’s dreaming, wishing that I could take away the stress for her. Hate resurfaces in me as I think of the fact that Kyle still causes her pain. Knowing that I can’t pay Kyle another visit because enough damage has been done boils my blood. It’s all worth it though if that fucker backs off of Kate. I see the obvious changes in Kate and damn if it doesn’t feel good to have her come to me and rely on me. The thought of Kyle messing with her only adds fuel to my fire.
Lost in my head I miss Kate’s eyes opening and am pulled from my dark thoughts when she sleepily says, “Hey, good morning.”
“Morning, beautiful,” I say with a smile before my lips kiss her forehead. Damn waking up to this is like a little slice of heaven.
She straddles over me trying to get up, but I latch onto her hips grinding up against her smirking at her. “Where do you think you’re going?” She giggles still trying to remove herself and her laugh echoes in the quiet room. I swear my heart grows in size listening to it.
“Brush my teeth,” she says in between her laughing. I sit up moving myself closer to her and kiss he right smack on her lips letting my tongue sneak in not giving a damn about her needing to brush her teeth.
“Reed!” She swats me away and I release her watching her make her way to the bathroom.
Looking at the clock I see we still have an hour until both of our classes start. Pulling out my cleans clothes I start to change thinking that I’ll have time to take Kate to get something to eat and get her a coffee. When she comes out of the bathroom with her hair freshly brushed and teeth sparkling through her smile she stops in front of me licking her lips seductively. Standing now in just my boxers Kate’s hands rest gently on my shoulders and then her fingers begin to travel lightly down my chest to my abdomen.
“What do you think you’re doing?” She questions me stopping me in my tracks with her alluring tone.
“I thought I’d take you for breakfast. Why do you have something better in mind?” I taunt her.
“I sure do,” is the last thing she says before her full perfect lips kiss, lick and suck my bare chest, moving downward as her hands begin to take down my boxers. I spring free harder than I swear I’ve ever felt in my life. Of course, I feel this every time I’m with Kate. Only she can make me feel this vulnerable and open. Watching her drop to her knees is one of the most erotic visions I’ve seen. The tip of her lips press lightly at the tip of me and then she moves to the base of me licking her way all the way back up. My head falls back uncontrollably. Not wanting to miss her attention
on me I force my head back up muttering, “Oh Katherine.” She smiles up at me and then takes me all the way in down to the base. My vision goes fuzzy and my body practically explodes at the onslaught of the sensation. Her hands grip the back of my ass and mine swirl in and out of her silky hair.
The suction and pressure she applies with her tongue lead me to ecstasy quicker than I’d like, but she keeps her hold on me bringing me to the point of no return. “I’m there baby, pull back… fuck,” I say as I grind into her sweet mouth and she hold me to her letting me know she’s ready for me to let go. With my heart racing and my pulse pounding in my head a flush creeps over me when I release. She keeps her lips wrapped tightly around me letting me finish completely swallowing back every bit of me.
I pull her up close to me and let us fall back onto her bed. Her head rests on my chest with my heart pounding fast. Moving her head up I bring her lips to mine and kiss her not giving a shit about the taste of myself still lingering. Before things can get escalated again she breaks away.
“Come on, we are going to be late,” she says as she gets up off me taking my hands and dragging me up too.
“I owe you,” I whisper into her ear.
“I’m holding you to it.”
CHAPTER 28
The remainder of the week flies by with classes, studying, tennis, a run and then on Friday night Reed and I have a date. We eat dinner at a cute little Italian restaurant in the city just the two of us and then go to see a movie. That night I sleep at Reed’s and he returns the favor ten fold.
Saturday morning we head to the lake for a run. The cool air rolling off the lake keeps me from drenching in a heavy sweat. Reed’s pace is slightly faster than mine, but every so often he turns and runs backwards. Our eyes lock on each other and the music pumping through my ear buds make me run harder towards him. Just as I reach him he turns back around taking off further.
The Perfect Emotion (Book Two of The Perfect Series) Page 25
