He set his mug back on the flagstones and hurried back over. ‘Here, here now. Up you come. It’s all right, Kiki. It’s all right.’ With gentle hands beneath her arms, he coaxed her to her feet. ‘Come and sit down a minute.’
Whatever fight had been in her had deserted her now and she allowed him to guide her to the plastic table and chairs. He left her momentarily to retrieve their drinks, then pulled the spare seat close to hers. Pressing the mug into her hands, he kept his own curled around hers, until he was sure she had a proper grip on it. In the light spilling from the kitchen behind them, he could see the tremble in her arms as she raised the coffee to her lips. Turning his attention to his own drink, Aaron kept Kiki in his peripheral vision, but made a show of looking elsewhere.
‘I shouldn’t have listened.’ Kiki drew her knees up and tugged the length of her skirt down until it covered her toes.
‘To what?’
She lifted her hip slightly to pull her mobile from a pocket and handed it to him. Aaron stared at the screen then back at Kiki. She waved her other hand, still holding the mug, towards the handset. ‘The answerphone.’
Feeling like he was prying, even though she’d given him the phone, Aaron selected the correct icon and raised the phone to his ear. The first message was little more than an ugly, angry snarl. ‘Pick up the fucking phone.’
Aaron clenched the flimsy arm of his chair and tried to school his features. The automated voice announced the next message, received earlier that afternoon, and then the angry male voice was back. ‘Is this some kind of joke, you stupid bitch? Do you think I’ll drop everything and come running after you? I’ve waited years for this opportunity. Call me back!’
The recording announced the final call, received an hour previously. When the man spoke this time, he sounded different—calmer, much more controlled, with a mocking, forced humour in his tone. ‘Kiki, Kiki, what are you thinking? Did that sister of yours put you up to this? How long do you think it will be before she regrets helping you? How long before she finds out how useless you are. You’re a burden, Kiki. A waste of space. You can’t even look after yourself without my supervision.’ A cold laugh echoed down the phone. ‘Have your little rebellion then. You’ll never manage on your own. And when everyone is fed up of your stupidity and failure, you’ll be begging me to take you back.’
Letting his hand fall away, Aaron took a deep breath and counted silently to ten. It didn’t help much so he repeated the action several times until the immediate urge to smash the phone subsided. God, was Neil always like that towards her? He counted one last time to be sure he could speak with some modicum of control. ‘He’s wrong.’
Kiki laughed, a bitter, painful bark of sound. ‘About what? Staying with a man I hate and who clearly despises me—that’s pretty stupid.’ She ticked off a point with her finger. ‘I’ve forced you, a near stranger, to turn your home upside down to accommodate us—most people would call that being a burden.’
The anger surged and he couldn’t keep a snap out of his voice. ‘No one forced me, I offered, remember?’ Ten. Ten, count to bloody ten and breathe. He wasn’t cross with her, but he loathed the way she put herself down all the time. It was obvious now where it stemmed from. He reached over and rested his hand on her arm, just the lightest of touches, but he needed to do it. Needed to offer her a little comfort. He hoped she could hear the truth in his words. ‘I’m happy to have you here, especially now I’ve had a taste of what he’s put you through.’
Too caught up in her self-deprecation spiral, she ignored his comment and ticked off another point. ‘I can’t find a job that brings in enough money to pay you any rent. I’m relying on you, and all the others, to help with the children. How is that managing on my own, eh?’ There was a suspicious glitter in her eyes, but she sounded furious, not unhappy. Shame her anger seemed directed inwards rather than at the correct target.
‘The only thing he’s proven is he knows how to push your buttons. He’s an arsehole, Kiki; a pathetic bully.’ Aaron slung the phone towards the table, unable to bear touching it for a moment longer. He scrubbed his fingers on his jeans, like the filthy words he’d heard had left a mark on his skin. It all felt a bit too close to home. Kiki’s self-doubt and willingness to shoulder the blame stirred memories he really wasn’t up to facing. The lid on the can of worms of his childhood eased a little bit looser. He couldn’t seem to keep it closed these days.
Kiki propped her chin on her raised knees and sighed. ‘I kept trying to make it right, and that’s what I can’t forgive myself for.’ All the anger had fled from her voice and she sounded defeated. ‘I even made these ridiculous plans that we would join him on his trip, have an extended family holiday, as if a bit of sun and sand would fix things. Right up until the moment I saw those bloody emails between him and his new Helen, I was pretending to myself we had something worth saving when nothing could have been further from the truth.’
He tried to pin the bits and pieces of what she was telling him together, but she was talking more to herself than him so he kept quiet. If Neil was a cheat on top of every other awful thing he’d put Kiki through, then Aaron hoped they never came face to face. Never one easily stirred to violence, he would gladly beat the living daylights out of him nonetheless.
She turned her head to rest her cheek on her knees and stared straight at him. ‘Why would I do that? Why would I keep trying to be with him when inside I died a little more every day?’
Locked in her gaze, the truth of his own pain rose up from the dark places inside. ‘No one likes to admit to failure. Especially not when you’re the kind of person who likes to please others.’ Hadn’t he bashed his own head against the brick wall of Cathy’s indifference for a dozen years more than was good for him? ‘You know that Luke and I are half-brothers, right?’
A little frown creased her brow. ‘I’m not sure I did. Are your parents divorced?’
‘Mum died when I was about Charlie’s age. Breast cancer.’ Aaron swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. Jesus, would it ever get any easier to say it?
‘Oh, you poor thing.’
He nodded to acknowledge her sympathy, but ploughed on before the words could choke him. ‘Luke’s mum was my mum’s best friend. She was around a lot at the end and then she never left. Dad married her the next summer and Luke came along just before Christmas.’ He’d done the maths years ago after a biology class at school and figured out Cathy had been pregnant when his dad married her. Over the years, he’d speculated about whether they would have stayed together once their mutual grief lessened if circumstances had been different. How much of that was coloured by his own dislike of his stepmother, he didn’t know. Besides, he wouldn’t have given up one single second of having Luke in his life.
Lifting his cup to his lips, he drained the cold dregs of his coffee with a shudder. The bitter taste braced him enough to continue. ‘I’ve never been able to do right in Cathy’s eyes.’
Understanding dawned in Kiki’s expression and she sat back in her chair. ‘My mum used to blackmail me into sneaking her drinks. She’d fix these big, sad eyes on me, and call me her good girl, her helper, her little angel. I knew…’ Her voice wavered and she coughed, then carried on. ‘I knew it was wrong, but it was the only time she ever said anything nice to me.’
She bunched her fists and knocked them lightly against her knees. ‘Mia’s right. I need to talk to someone about all this shit. I feel like a dam on the verge of collapse. Everywhere I look, there’s another crack spider-webbing across my walls. One more drop and I think I might burst and get washed away by it all.’
Pale, dirt-streaked and shivering with more than just the chill that had fallen as the sun set, she looked so fragile he wanted to scoop her up and hold her tight until every bit of strain was eased from her face. A knight in shining armour, Luke had called him, and damn it, he was right. Aaron had channelled his need to get Cathy to love him into helping women at their lowest ebb. How co
uld they help but love him when he let them cry on his shoulder as he put them back together again?
If anyone needed him, Kiki did. He could help her and it would be no chore to do it. More delicate than Mia, her face held an ethereal beauty that drew him like a moth to the flame. He could snatch her up, give her all the love she’d missed out on, her and the kids both… The need to feel her in his arms built until his fingers turned white from where he gripped the chair. He could make it right for her, shore up her defences and hold back the tide until she could stand on her own again.
And once she was happy and whole again, what then? Once he’d served his purpose would she walk away like all the others? Kiss him softly on the cheek and say she’d always care about him, but it was time to move on? Because they always left in the end. Loving what he did to help them wasn’t the same as loving him.
A hollow ache spread through his gut. If he got involved with Kiki, he risked losing the little haven they’d created at the cottage. The repercussions would spread, too, beyond the thick, whitewashed walls, creating ripples of disturbance in the friendships he’d made here. Mia and Daniel would stand with Kiki, how could they not? If it came to him choosing between them and Luke, he’d stand by his brother above all else. Madeline and Richard were like family to Mia. He’d be the one who would have to leave, give up his dreams of a quiet life by the sea and head back to the rat race of London or one of the other big cities. Better to let sleeping dogs lie and protect the peace he’d already found.
Being friends with Kiki would be no hardship and would protect the children from any more emotional fallout. It was the pragmatic, sensible choice and at heart that’s who he was. Save the wild romance and adventure for the artistic types like Daniel. Some people weren’t cut out for crazy, impulsive choices—that’s why they became accountants.
Coward.
He stood and gathered their mugs from the table. He needed to get moving before he did something unconscionably stupid. ‘It’s getting chilly now, are you ready to go in?’
She nodded, uncurled herself from the chair and followed him into the kitchen. Under the harsh strip light the full consequences of her foray into the vegetable patch were clear. Dirt smeared her face and hands, and there were patches of mud on her skirt. After placing the mugs in the sink, Aaron abandoned all his best intentions and reached out to free a strand of hair which had stuck to the mess on her cheek. ‘You look like you’ve been making mud pies.’
Kiki stared at her filthy hands, ruefully. ‘I must look a fright.’
Even filthy, with her hair and clothes in disarray, she looked beautiful. ‘You look fine, more than fine.’ Her head shot up and she gave him a quizzical look, He cleared his throat, casting around for a way to change the subject. ‘Did you need to borrow the laptop, do some research or whatever, if you still want to talk to someone?’
She shook her head. ‘Madeline already gave me a number. She’s terrifyingly efficient once she gets a bee in her bonnet.’
‘Efficient? That’s the politest term I’ve heard for her meddling.’ Aaron smiled to himself. He hadn’t forgotten her sugar-coated threat to make him talk to her about his dad and Cathy. Where Madeline had a will, she’d find a way.
Kiki huffed a little laugh. ‘Yes, she certainly isn’t backwards about coming forwards with her opinion. You should hear what she said about us.’
‘Us?’ Even with the cool evening air coming through the still-open back door, Aaron felt suddenly hot and clammy. What the bloody hell was Madeline up to now?
He watched closely as Kiki wound her hands in her skirt and nibbled her lip. It was hard to tell with the amount of dirt on her face, but there might have been a faint hint of colour in her cheeks. ‘She thinks that you and I should… you know… get together.’ She paused and then carried on in a rush. ‘Which is ridiculous, and I told her so, because, God, I’ve barely split with Neil, and there’s so much to sort out with the divorce and everything. And of course, we hardly know each other. Two single people living under the same roof doesn’t have to lead to anything, right?’
Ridiculous. If he’d had any second thoughts about not entertaining his attraction to Kiki, she’d put paid to them with one word. Given he’d already decided against it for himself, it really shouldn’t feel like quite such a rejection. Why would she want to go out with him—go out with anyone, for that matter—when, as she said, things with Neil were barely ended?
Kiki was staring at him now, and he swallowed a curse. He’d been quiet too long; he should have agreed with her immediately. A flutter of panic rose in his chest. If she thought he might like her, it would make things awkward between them. Aaron forced a laugh. ‘Luke said some idiotic thing when I was with him. He thinks I’m going to fall for you because he reckons I have a fixation with broken girls.’
Her eyes widened in shock and he realised his mistake. Shit! ‘Not that I think you’re broken. You’re amazingly strong the way you’re coping with everything. I told him we’re just friends, but I guess people like to put two and two together and make five.’ Stop talking, for the love of God, just shut up.
He backed up a couple of steps. ‘I’m just going to check my emails and then I think I’ll get an early night. The deadline for finishing the studios at Butterfly Cove is getting close so I’ve promised to pitch in with whatever help I can tomorrow.’
Kiki opened her mouth like she wanted to say something then closed it again with a nod. She glanced down at where her hands were still knotted in her skirt. ‘I need to take a shower. An early night sounds like a good idea. Do you want me to give you a lift in the morning? Tuesday is my full day at Mia’s.’
Damn, he’d forgotten about that when he’d agreed to help Daniel. ‘If you need me to stay with the children then I’m sure Daniel won’t mind…’
She shook her head. ‘No, no. Madeline and Richard are taking them for the day. I assumed you’d have work to do anyway. I don’t expect you to run around after them, you already do so much for me. For us.’
‘I’ve told you before, I don’t mind. You only have to ask.’
There was a certain sadness in the smile she gave him. ‘I know, but once Matty starts at the activity club next week I’ll need to get into a proper routine. Madeline and Richard have offered to take Charlie two mornings a week and all day on Tuesdays until I get a bit more money coming in, and then I’ll find some proper childcare. You have your own work to consider without us disrupting you. Besides, it’s not like I can rely on you for ever.’
Aaron wanted to argue that she could indeed rely on him for ever, but that would fly in the face of his decision to let her call the shots. Things would settle down soon enough if everyone just minded their own business and stopped trying to interfere. Once Kiki found some extra work and could contribute more, she’d feel more at home and hopefully get the idea she was being a burden out of her head. Between Madeline’s clumsy matchmaking, Neil’s poisonous tongue, and Aaron’s ability to stick both feet in his mouth at once, it was no wonder she was in a spin.
‘Why don’t we sit down this weekend and thrash out a timetable together? I’ve got my appointments for the next few weeks in my diary, and one of the joys of working for myself now is I can do things at times that suit me. I’ll go over the schedule with Daniel and Jordy for the studios tomorrow and work out when I can be of actual use to them. It will do me good to get some discipline back into my days as well.’
Kiki nodded. ‘I think that’s a good idea. I’ll call the number Madeline gave me tomorrow and see when I can get in to see them. We can add that to the schedule.’ She lifted her hand to push her hair back and caught herself just in time. ‘Now, I really need that shower. I’ll see you in the morning.’
‘Jordy’s getting to the studios at seven, so you might not. I’ll take the bike, I need the exercise.’ He patted his stomach. Thankfully, putting in some hard hours with Daniel had kept him fit, but his life in London had included at least four gy
m sessions a week—and he hadn’t had the benefit of Kiki’s home-cooking. He needed to get regular exercise back in his schedule as well.
‘You look fine to me. More than fine.’ Her echo of his previous words sent all his good intentions to the wall. Did she look at him the same way he’d started to notice her? His rugby-playing days might be behind him, but taking care of his body had become ingrained in him. If you ignored the slightly lumpy cartilage on his ears and the bump on his nose from a pile-driving tackle while still at school, he wasn’t bad looking.
He didn’t have Daniel’s brooding intensity, or Luke’s angelic dimples and curls, but he could hold his own in the looks department. And why was he even thinking like that? Surely, she was teasing. He met her eyes, expecting to see a glint of mischief. Her mouth had dropped open slightly and that hint of colour glowed through the dirt on her face. She snapped her jaw shut and gave him a bright smile. ‘Well, goodnight!’
‘Goodnight, sleep well.’ He stepped to the side as she scurried towards him and out of the kitchen.
Aaron locked up, taking his time to check all the downstairs windows were secure. He doubted there was much in the way of crime in Orcombe Sands, not compared to London, but he had other people’s safety to consider now. Deciding he couldn’t be bothered with his emails, he clicked his laptop into sleep mode and turned out the light. The hiss of water through the pipes told him Kiki was still in the bathroom, so he turned down the landing towards his own room.
He stripped his clothes, swapping them for a lighter-weight T-shirt and shorts and lounged back on his bed. Phone in hand, he scrolled through his Twitter feed for a few moments, but soon grew irritated with the endless political wrangling. He tried his reading app next, but the words blurred as he tried not to think about Kiki just a few feet away, naked. He was going to hell. Or maybe he was already there.
Wedding Bells at Butterfly Cove Page 13
