Damn it. Damn it.
He heard Syd in the doorway, but he didn't turn around.
"Maybe I should go," she said quietly. "You probably want to be alone, and—"
He spun around, interrupting her with a very salty version of no. “Where would you go? To your apartment? I don't want you even to think of going back there alone, do you understand? Not unless I'm with you. From now on, you don't make a move on your own, is that absolutely clear?"
He was shouting at her, he realized. He was standing in his kitchen, blasting her for being considerate.
But she didn't shout back at him. She didn't recoil in horror. She didn't spin on her heels and walk away in a huff. Instead, she took a step toward him, reaching out her hand for him. "Luke, this isn't your fault. You know that, right?"
There was a solid lump in his throat, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't swallow it. He couldn't push it down past the tightness in his chest. “I should have made her listen to me," he whispered. "I tried to talk her into staying at the police station, but she had such faith in her damned security system."
Syd was gazing at him with such compassion in her eyes. He knew that if she touched him, he'd be lost. If she touched him, everything he was fighting so hard to keep inside would break free, all the guilt and the anger and the fear—God, he was so afraid. It would escape, like water pouring over a dam.
He took a step back from her. "I don't want you doing this anymore. This bait thing. Not after this. No way. All bets are off. You're going to have to stay away from me from now on. I'll make sure Bobby's with you, -."
She kept coming. "Luke. That doesn't make sense. This could well be the only way we'll catch this guy. I know you want to catch this guy."
He laughed, and it sounded sharp and brittle. "Understatement of the year."
"Maybe we should both get some sleep. We can talk about this later, after we've had time to think it through."
“There's nothing more to think about," he said. "There's too much that could go wrong. In the time it would take us to get inside the house, even from the backyard, you could be killed. You're smaller than Lucy, Syd. If he hit you the way he hit her—'' His voice broke and he had to take a deep breath before he could go on. "I won't let you risk your life that way. The thought of you being alone with that guy even for one second..."
To Lucky's complete horror, the tears he was desperately fighting welled in his eyes, and this time he couldn't force them back. This time they escaped. He wiped at them savagely, but even that didn't stop them from coming.
Ah, God, he was crying. He was standing in front of Syd and crying like a two-year-old.
It was all over. He was completely unmanned.
Except she didn't laugh. She didn't give him one of those "wow, you are both lame and stupid" looks that she did so well.
Instead, she put her arms around him and held him tightly. "It's okay if you cry," she told him softly. "I won't tell anyone."
He had to laugh at that. "Yeah, but you'll know."
She lifted her head to look up at him, gently pushing his hair back from his face, her eyes so soft. "I already knew."
The constriction in his chest got even tighter. God, it hurt. "I'd die if anything happened to you."
His voice broke as he thought about Blue, out there in some jungle somewhere, being told that the woman he loved more than life itself was lying in a hospital bed, maybe dying, maybe already dead.
And then Lucky wasn't just crying anymore. He was experiencing emotional meltdown. He was sobbing the way he hadn't done since Isidro had died, clinging tightly to Syd as if maybe she could save him.
His knees gave out and he crumpled, sliding down to sit on the kitchen floor.
And still Syd held on to him. She didn't say a word, didn't try to make him stop. She just sat next to him, rocking him gently.
Even if Lucy woke up, even if she opened her eyes tomorrow, she would have only survived. Blue could never go back and erase the trauma of what she'd been through. He could never take away the fear she must've known in what should have been the sanctuary of her bedroom, as she'd fought for her life, all alone with a man who wanted to violate her, to kill her. There would always, for the rest of their lives, be a permanent echo of that fear in her eyes.
And that was if she survived.
If she died...
How would Blue live, how would he even be able to breathe, with his heart ripped from his chest?
Would he spend the rest of his life haunted by the memory of Lucy's eyes? Would he be forever looking for her smile on a crowded street? Would the scent of her subtle perfume make him turn, searching for her, despite knowing full well that she was gone?
Lucky wasn't ever going to let himself be in that place where Blue was right now. He wasn't ever getting married. Never getting married. It had been his mantra for years as he'd struggled with the concept of commitment, yet now it held special meaning.
He didn't want to walk around feeling the fear that came with loving someone. He didn't want that, damn it!
Except look at him.
He was reduced to this quivering bowl of jelly not simply out of empathy for Blue. A solid part of the emotion that had reduced him to these stupid tears was this god-awful fear that tightened his chest and closed up his throat.
The thought of Syd spending even one single second
with the man who had brutalized Lucy made him crazy. The thought of her being beaten into a coma was terrifying.
But the thought of Syd walking out of his life, after they'd caught and convicted the San Felipe Rapist, was nearly as frightening.
He loved her.
No! Dear God, where had that thought come from? An overdose of whatever bizarre hormones his emotional outburst had unleashed.
Lucky drew in a deep, shuddering breath and pulled free from Syd's arms. He didn't love her. That was insane. He was Lucky O'Donlon. He didn't do love.
He wiped his eyes, wiped his face, reached up for a napkin from the holder on the kitchen table and blew his nose. He lived up to his nickname by tossing the napkin directly into the trash container all the way on the other side of the room with perfect aim, then sat leaning back, exhausted, against the kitchen cabinets.
No, he didn't love her. He was just a little confused, that's all. And, just to be safe, until he was able to sleep off this confusion, it would be smart for him to put a little distance between them.
Now was definitely not the time to act on his raging physical attraction for this woman. As much as he would have given for the comfort of losing himself in some highly charged sex before slipping into mind-numbing sleep, he wasn't going to do it.
Of course, there was also the not-so-small matter of his taking advantage of her.
Assuming that she'd even let him take advantage of her after he'd revealed just how completely pathetic a wimp he was.
Syd was silent as she sat beside him. He couldn't bring himself even to glance at her as he attempted an apologetic smile. "Sheesh. I'm sorry about that."
He sensed more than saw her turn so that she was sitting on her knees, facing him.
But then she touched him. Her fingers were cool against the heat of his face as she gently pushed his hair back from his forehead. He looked at her then—he couldn't really avoid it, she'd leaned forward and her face was about two inches from his.
Her eyes were so warm, he had to close his, for fear he'd start crying all over again.
And with his eyes closed, he didn't see her lean even farther forward. But she must have, because she kissed him.
She kissed him.
Here in his kitchen, where no one was watching, where no one could see.
It was such a sweet kiss, such a gentle kiss, her lips featherlight against his. It made his knees go even weaker, made him glad he was already sitting down.
She kissed him again, and this time he was ready for her. This time he kissed her, too, catching her mouth with his, careful to be as gentle, tas
ting the salt of his tears on her lips with the very tip of his tongue.
He heard her sigh and he kissed her again, longer this time, deeper. She opened her mouth to him, slowly, exquisitely meeting his tongue with hers, and Lucky threw it all away. Everything that he'd been trying to convince himself about putting distance between them went right out the window.
To hell with his confusion. He liked confusion. He loved confusion. If this was confusion, then damn it, give him more.
He reached for her, and she slid into his arms, her fingers in his hair, on his neck, on his back, her body so supple against him, her breasts so soft.
He'd kissed her before, but never like this. It had never been this real. It had never held this promise, this achingly pure glimpse of attainable paradise.
He kissed her again and again, slowly, lazily losing himself in the soft sweetness of her mouth, deliberately taking his time, purposely not pressuring her for anything more.
These kisses were enough. He wanted her, sure, but even if they only spent the next four hours just kissing, that would be good enough. Kissing her for four hours wouldn't be taking advantage, would it?
But Syd was the one who pushed them over the line.
She moved onto his lap, straddling him. She started unfastening the buttons on his shirt. She kissed him possessively—long, hard, deep, hungry kisses that lifted him up and made him tumble with her into a breathless, passionate, turbulent place. A place where the entire world disappeared, where nothing existed but the softness of her eyes, the warmth of her body.
She pushed his shirt off his shoulders, still kissing him.
He reached to unbutton her Hawaiian shirt—his shirt— and was completely sidetracked by the softness of her body beneath the silk, by the way her breasts fit perfectly in his hands, by the desire-tightened tips of her nipples.
She moved forward on his lap, pressing the heat between her legs against his arousal, nearly making him weep all over again.
She wanted him as badly as he wanted her.
And still she kissed him, fierce kisses now, kisses that stole his breath from his lungs, that made his heart pound in his chest.
He gave up trying to unfasten her shirt and yanked it up and over her head.
She unfastened the black lace of her bra, and then her bare breasts were in his hands, in his mouth. He kissed her, tasted her, pulling back to gaze at her. Small but perfect, she was quite possibly the most exquisitely feminine woman he'd ever seen. Her shoulders were so smooth, so slender. Her collarbone and the base of her throat were
works of art. And her breasts...what on earth had she been thinking to keep all that covered up all the time?
He pulled her close and kissed her again, his arms wrapped around all that amazing satiny skin, her breasts cool against his chest.
She reached between them for the buckle on his belt. It wasn't easy to get open, but she had it unfastened and his zipper undone in a matter of seconds.
Lucky's fingers fumbled at the button on her jeans, and she pulled out of his arms to kick off her sandals, to skim her pants down her legs. He did the same with his own pants, kicking off his shoes.
“Where do you keep your condoms?" she asked huskily.
“Bathroom. In the medicine cabinet."
For some reason that surprised her. "Really?" she said. "Not in the top drawer of your bedside table, next to your water bed?"
He had to laugh. "I hate to break it to you, but I don't have a water bed."
"No lava lamp?"
He shook his head, grinning at her like an idiot. "And nary a single black light, either. My apologies. As a bachelor pad, it's definitely lacking."
She took it in stride. “I suppose not having a water bed is better than not having any condoms." She was naked and so incredibly beautiful as she stood there, looking down at him. "As appealing an idea as it is to get it on right here on the kitchen floor, do you suppose if I went into your bedroom via a quick stop in the bathroom, I could convince you to follow me?"
The bedroom. The bedroom suddenly made this all so real. Lucky had to ask. "Syd, are you sure...?"
She gave him her 'I don't believe you' look. "I'm standing here naked, Luke, about to fetch a condom from your bathroom so that you and I can have raw, screaming sex. If that's not an unequivocal yes, I don't know what is."
"Raw, screaming sex," he repeated, his mouth suddenly dry.
"Wildly passionate, deliriously orgasmic, exquisitely delicious, savage, pounding, rapture-enducing, sweaty, nasty, scorchingly ecstatic, heart-stopping, brain-meltingly raw, screaming sex." She gave him a very innocent smile. "You up for it?"
Lucky could only nod yes. His vocal chords had seized up. But his legs were working.
Somehow she managed to beat him into his bedroom. She tossed the condom on his bedside table and knelt on his bed, her gaze skimming his nearly naked body. She looked rather pointedly at his briefs. "Are you planning to keep those on?"
"I didn't want to scare you," he said modestly.
She laughed, just as he'd hoped she would.
"Come here," she said.
He did, and she kissed him as she pulled him back with her onto his bed.
The sensation of her naked body beneath his, of the silk-iness of her legs intertwined with his was one he'd fantasized about often. Lucky had been with many, many women and found fantasy better than reality. But that wasn't so with Syd. In his fantasies about her, he hadn't even scratched the surface of how good it would feel to be with her this way, because it went so far beyond mere physical pleasure.
He loved the way her eyes lit up, the way she smiled at him as if making love to him was the most fun she'd ever had in her entire life.
He ran his hands down her back to the curve of her rear end. She was all his, and he laughed aloud as he touched her. He couldn't get enough of touching her.
He parted her legs with gentle pressure from his thighs, and as he kissed her, he ran his hand from her breasts to her stomach and lower, cupping her, touching her lightly
at first. She was so slick and hot, it was dizzying. She opened herself to him, lifting her hips and pushing his exploring fingers more deeply inside her.
"I think now would be a very good time for you to lose the briefs," she breathed, tugging at his waistband.
He helped her peel them off, and she sighed her approval. He shut his eyes as her hand closed around him.
"I guess you don't scare easily," he murmured.
"I'm terrified," she told him, lowering her head and kissing him.
Her mouth was warm and wet and so soft, and sheer pleasure made fireworks of color explode behind his closed eyes.
And Lucky couldn't wait. He pulled her beneath him, cradling himself between her legs, his body so beyond ready for her that he was trembling.
Condom. Man, he'd nearly forgotten the condom. He reached for it on the bedside table, where she'd put it, tearing open the wrapper as he rolled off her and quickly covered himself.
But he didn't get a chance to roll back on top of her, because Syd straddled him. With one smooth move, she drove him deeply inside her.
If he'd been prone to heart attacks, he'd be a dead man.
Fortunately, his heart was healthy despite the fact it was going at about four hundred beats per minute.
Wild, she'd said. Passionate. Delirious...
Lucky couldn't tell where he ended and Syd began. They moved together, perfectly in sync, kissing, touching, breathing.
Delicious, savage, pounding...
He rolled them both over so that he was on top, so that he had control of their movement. He moved faster and harder and she liked it all, her body straining to meet him, to take him even more deeply inside her, her kisses feeding his fire.
He was slick with sweat, her body plastered exquisitely to him as they rolled once more, bringing Syd back on top. She pushed herself up so she sat astride him, her breasts glistening with perspiration, her damp hair clinging to her face as she thre
w her head back and laughed.
She looked down at him. “Is it just me, or is this amazingly, incredibly good?"
"Good," he managed to say. "Amazingly..."
She was moving slowly now, and each stroke took him closer and closer to the edge.
She was smiling at him, and he reached up and touched her, her face, her throat, her breasts, and he felt the start of her release. She held his gaze and breathed his name on a low, throaty sob of air that was without a doubt the sexiest sound he'd ever heard.
He pulled her close and kissed her as his own release rocketed through him.
It was heart-stopping. It was brain-melting. It was rapture and ecstasy.
But it wasn't sex.
It was making love, because, damn it, he was in love with her.
Chapter
“Nothing's changed," Luke said, tracing circles around her belly button, head propped up on one elbow as he and Syd lay among his rumpled sheets.
They'd slept for about five hours, and the sun was high in the sky. Luke had put in a call to the hospital—nothing had changed with Lucy's condition, either.
"I really don't want to use you as bait," he continued. " honestly don't think I can do it, Syd."
His hair was charmingly rumpled, and for the first time since they'd met, he was in need of a shave. It was amazing, really, but not entirely unexpected—even his stubble was golden.
She touched his chin, ran her thumb across his incredible lips. "So what do we do?"
"Pretend to break up."
"Pretend?" she asked, praying that he wouldn't be able to tell that her heart was in her throat. She couldn't bear to look at him.
"I don't want this to end," he told her. "But I need you to be safe."
It was an excuse. Had to be. Because, like he'd said, nothing really had changed. Breaking up with him wouldn't make her any safer.
"Look," she said, pulling away from him and covering herself with the sheet. She tried hard to keep her voice light. "I think it's pretty obvious that neither of us expected this to happen. We've had a tough couple of days and things just kind of got out of hand and—"
Suzanne Brockmann - Team Ten 09 - Get Lucky Page 17
