by Maddy Reeves
“I love the tree, by the way. It adds a little life to my motel room.”
“I’m glad I can do something nice for you for a change.” We’re both leaning toward each other on the counter, his lips dangerously close to mine. “I thought after work we could go downtown and do a little Christmas shopping, and grab some dinner?”
“I’d love to.”
His vulnerability is disarming, and it doesn’t do anything to strengthen my resolve against falling for him. I’ve had a hard year, though, and I deserve a taste of happiness…even if it’s only for a short while.
“We can drop the money at the bank on our way downtown tonight.”
“Yes. That sounds like a perfect plan.”
The bell dings on the door and Frankie comes in.
“Hello, you two.” She’s chipper and upbeat while doing her best to hide her pleasure from seeing us together. I have a feeling this was part of her plan all along, even though she would never admit to it.
“I better get outside and get the wagon ready.” With one more gentle squeeze of my hand, Clay lets me go before putting his gloves on. “I’ll see you two later.”
And then he leaves the cottage, taking some of the warmth I felt with him.
“You two seem to be getting along better these days,” Frankie says.
I have to take a moment to pull myself together before collecting the merchandise from the counter.
“We are,” I say, clearing my throat. “Do I have you to thank for that, Frankie?”
“I don’t have anything to do with the spark between you. But I was responsible for giving him a good kick in the pants and telling him to shape up.”
We share a giggle while I stock the shelves, and turn on the machines for the concession area. It’s hard to remember back to when there was no more than a single counter and cash register in this room. With the changes we’ve implemented, the Harrisons are bringing in a steady profit. And I finally have something that makes me feel really good.
“It seems like he needed a good kick in the pants. Though, I’ll be honest, he hasn’t really opened up much about everything going on in his life. I know he’s got a lot of baggage, and we don’t know each other that well, but I don’t want to end up getting hurt.”
Frankie is quiet, and I wonder if I’ve overstepped. “Sorry, Frankie. I shouldn’t talk about this stuff with you. He’s your son. That’s certainly a conflict of interest.”
“It’s not that. I want him to tell you everything when he’s ready. And at the same time, I know how darn stubborn and hard headed he is. He needs to be the one to open up, and I can’t make him do that. It’s just one of the traits of the Harrison men, unfortunately.”
“I understand, Frankie. Like I said, I don’t want to put you in the middle. I think of you as a friend, and I don’t have many friends here. I’m sure he’ll open up to me when he’s ready.”
We shelve the rest of our conversation as the tree farm comes alive with people. When I have a few spare moments, I check through our inventory to see what I’ll need to replenish before our season comes to an end. I’m pleasantly surprised to find so many of my candies selling at a steady pace. At this rate, I’ll need to borrow Frankie’s kitchen again to make another batch, and honestly, the thought fills me with joy. It’s a little taste of the possibility of success that I could have with my own chocolate shop. I know it still isn’t realistic, but it makes that aspect of my dream seem a little bit closer.
After dinner at the diner, Clay and I walk through the snowy downtown. It’s snowing again tonight—just enough to cover the sidewalk with a light dusting. Store windows are decorated with white lights and garland. But the best part about the night is spending time with Clay while he holds my hand as we walk through downtown. With every new store we reach, he asks if I want to stop inside and look around.
“Ooh, this looks like a good place to stop for Levi.” We’re standing outside a children’s toy store. As I wait for Clay to respond, I glance over their inventory. Shelves of puzzles and games cover the side walls. A train table sits in the middle, covered with wooden train tracks and colorful train cars. “Did he already give you a list?”
“Oh yeah. He’s been adding to it every day.”
Inside the store is warm and inviting. A young woman sits behind the counter, reading a book. She looks up just long enough to let us know she’s happy to help us if we need it.
“What’s he into? Trains? Games? They have so much to choose from.”
“I think he’d like anything. He’s at that age where everything is fun as long as we get excited about it when he opens the present.”
We walk through the shelves, stopping to look at some of the toys that catch our attention. Even though it’s getting closer to Christmas, it’s still fairly quiet in here. And I kind of like having him to myself.
“What do you want for Christmas this year?” I ask.
It doesn’t take him long to answer. “I’m just happy to be spending the holidays here with my parents again.”
“You must’ve missed them. Being gone the last five years, I mean. Especially at the holidays.”
“I should’ve brought Levi home a lot sooner than I did. Every year I stayed in New York, always assuming Rachael would show up wanting to see her son. Every year I was disappointed. We were disappointed.”
“What changed this year? Why did you finally decide not to wait around?”
“I guess it finally sunk in that she’s not coming back.”
“I’m sorry, Clay.” My words don’t feel significant enough, but it’s all I can think to say.
“It’s not about me anymore—it’s about Levi. I thought she’d want to see her son, be a part of his life at some point. Even now, I still don’t understand how she could walk away from him.”
Finally, I’m getting what I want. Clay is opening up. It doesn’t make me feel the way I thought it would, though.
“I don’t know what to say…” I don’t want to sound like a broken record by just telling him how sorry I am, even though I am. I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like for him in New York with a newborn baby trying to figure everything out on his own. If I would’ve been in his situation, I would’ve run home to my dad so fast, and taken all the help I could get.
“I’m sorry to bring this up.” He shakes his head, takes my hand, and leads me to the next aisle.
“You don’t have to be sorry. I want you to feel like you can talk to me…about anything.”
Instead of answering, he takes my hand and brings it to his mouth, brushing his lips over my skin. “Let’s pick something out for Levi. It sounds like more fun than talking about my mess of a past.”
By the end of our shopping date, we find plenty of things for Levi, a few things for Frankie and Ed, and Kendra since we exchange every year. Much too quickly, Clay drives me back to the motel and walks me to the door.
“I had a really good time,” he says as we stand just outside my door. He leans down and presses his lips to mine, making my stomach flutter and my knees go weak.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say as soon as he steps back. He hesitates before he goes, my heart beating wildly in my chest. Eventually, he pulls against this invisible cord pulling us together. I watch him until he climbs into his truck and drives away. With my little tree and lights, and pleasant memories from a day with Clay, I don’t feel quite so alone tonight.
Chapter 20
It’s a week later when Frankie comes into the cottage waving the paper in the air.
“Check out the front page.” She has a spring in her step as she waltzes over to the counter and slaps the paper down in front of me. “Look at you two!”
Staring back at me on the front page is a picture of Clay and I laughing in the snow. After the shock of being on the front page wears off, I turn through the pages to find the article about the farm. We have a full-page spread, covered in pictures of people riding in the wagon, sawing down their trees, browsing
through the gift shop, and enjoying the refreshments.
“This is a great article! Hopefully it’ll give us the last push we need to get through the season.”
“This is just wonderful,” Frankie says, looking through the pictures. “Thank you so much for everything, Naomi. Really. It’s so much better than I imagined it could be.”
“It’s been such a great experience for me too, Frankie. I needed something after my Dad died, and being here has really helped.”
Frankie wraps me in a hug just as Clay walks in to pick me up for dinner. He brushes the snow off of his shoulders, stomping his feet on the rug, and my heart leaps in my chest, just like it does every time I see him.
“Ready?” Clay asks.
“You two go ahead,” Frankie says, “I’ll finish closing for the night.”
We thank her as Clay pulls me outside into the snow. On our way to the truck, he bends down and scoops up a pile of snow, tossing it playfully at me. This is the only side of Clay I’ve seen lately…the playful, happy side. I reciprocate, throwing a snowball at him much harder than I originally intended. Thankfully, he turns in time so it only hits him in the arm.
“Don’t get me started.” He laughs at my challenge, but as soon as I see him reach for another snowball, I take off at a run toward the truck. Of course, it’s slippery from the fresh snow and my feet go out from under me. I catch myself, but still land hard on my bottom, sending a jolt through me.
“Oh, no.” He runs over to help me up, laughing but trying to hide it. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. That did hurt, though.” I rub my backside while he helps me the rest of the way to the truck. It’s already running, the cab warm when he helps me inside. “Where are we going to dinner tonight?” A burst of cold air blows through the cab of the truck when he pulls his door open to get inside. It’s snowing again, something it does just about every day, so I’ve grown accustomed to the constant sting of wet snow against my face.
“There’s a nice place about a half an hour from here. I’d like to take you there.”
“Somewhere different? That’s a great idea.”
He pulls the truck out onto the country roads, the snow blasting across the beams of light. I’ve grown accustomed to our routine of hanging out after work, talking all through dinner until he drops me off back at my motel room. Sometimes we stay at his parent’s house so we can be with Levi, too. Instead of a grumpy stranger, he’s so much more to me now. I see the amazing, warm father he is to Levi, and the sweet, playful man he has always been but is finally letting me see.
He’s a considerate son, even though he’s been away for too long. From what I can see, he’s doing what he can to make up for his absence. I don’t think I’m the only one who’s going to struggle leaving when the season is over.
My phone rings, and I grab it out to see who’s calling. It’s Kendra, but I don’t want to catch up now while I’m in the car with Clay, so I tuck it back in my purse with a mental note to call her back later.
“Is it going to be strange going back to your job in New York after spending time on the tree farm again?”
He exhales a loud breath, like it’s something he’s been thinking about but hasn’t wanted to face.
“I’ve been trying not to think about it.”
Me too.
“Levi starts kindergarten next year. I’d like to make a decision about where we’re going to end up so he doesn’t have to change schools.”
“You’ve been thinking about moving?” I hate the hope I hear in my voice, and the way my heart leaps with possibility.
“Besides my job, I don’t know what’s keeping me there anymore. It was always Rachael’s idea to move there, and I did what I thought would make her happy. I didn’t think it was right to take Levi away from her when there was a chance she’d want to be a part of his life, but as time goes on, the more I realize that is a fantasy.”
It’s quiet for a while as his words float around me. I do my best to try to absorb everything he said without completely losing my calm. It’s early in our relationship. Too early to think about moving somewhere for him or asking him to bring Levi and move to Minnesota. I won’t deny that the thought crosses my mind, constantly. Bottom line, he makes me happy, and I think I deserve to be happy. We both do.
We pull into a snowy parking lot with a handful of other cars. The restaurant is quaint, but decorated to the nines with Christmas lights on the roof and around every window. Red bows and wreaths compliment the lights, and when we step inside to wait for our table, small red poinsettias adorn the tables with glowing candles.
It’s incredibly romantic. From the moment we step through the doors, this dinner feels different from the others. More intimate. As if he’s acknowledging in his own way that whatever this is between us is more than temporary and fleeting.
The hostess leads us to a table tucked away in a private corner of the restaurant. Within minutes, a basket full of warm bread is brought to the table, and our drink order delivered.
“Levi asked if we could stay home with him tomorrow night. Maybe play some games or something?”
“I’d love that. Does he know how to play chess like his father?”
“I started to teach him, but it’s definitely still over his head. One day I hope to be able to challenge him.”
I help myself to a piece of the warm bread, dipping it in the oil and herb mixture. We haven’t been at our table long when Clay’s cell phone rings.
“Sorry about that.” He reaches into his pocket to turn off his phone, but when he catches sight of the number, he pauses. “I need to take this.”
Before I have a chance to ask if everything’s alright, he abruptly leaves the table and hurries toward the door. It doesn’t take long for him to return, but when he does, it’s clear that his mood has shifted.
“Is everything okay?”
He sits down without looking at me, grabbing his glass of water and taking a long drink.
“Fine,” he answers, shortly.
I want him to elaborate because right now I’m thinking about all of the awful things that have happened with Levi, or his parents. Maybe it’s someone from his job back in New York telling him he needs to return.
“Is it Levi? What’s wrong?”
“Levi is fine. Everyone is fine. Sorry for the interruption.”
I wait him out and eventually he meets my gaze. He softens enough to reach out and take my hand, but still doesn’t offer any explanation. For the rest of our dinner, my stomach is too twisted in knots to enjoy the food. When he finally takes me back to the motel, I want to ask him again about the phone call. But in the end, I’m too afraid that I’ll upset him again, and things already feel so off-balance.
Instead, I kiss him good-night and go to sleep hoping tomorrow will bring Clay back to me.
Chapter 21
The following night, we’re all sitting around the fireplace in Frankie and Ed’s living room for game night. I didn’t see much of Clay during the day, but when I did see him, he was smiling, his mood calmer. It isn’t enough to make me forget what happened last night, but it calms my nerves enough to help me enjoy the night.
We’ve played two rounds of Uno when Clay’s phone buzzes, and he leaps up and strides from the room. My heart twists in my chest even though I don’t want to let it ruin our fun night. Frankie steals glances at me, but I don’t acknowledge them.
“I wonder if that’s my mom again,” Levi says.
The room falls silent, and I barely allow myself to take a breath.
“Your mom?” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop myself.
“Yeah,” Levi says. “She called last night and I talked to her.”
I look at Frankie, begging her with my stare to explain what’s going on. It makes sense that Clay wouldn’t want to tell me if Rachael was the one who called during our date last night, but I don’t want to be the only one kept in the dark.
“Sometimes Rachael calls to talk
to Levi.” Frankie shrugs while she explains, trying to make it seem as if it’s no big deal. “It had been quite a while before yesterday, though.”
Clay mentioned this a while ago, but I wasn’t under the impression she had been calling recently. I can’t stop thinking about what has changed to make her start calling again. Does she want to see Levi again? Or Clay?
Suddenly, the fact that Clay won’t tell me anything angers me. I’ve completely fallen for this man to the point where I’ve been thinking about how we can keep this relationship going once we both have to leave Willowdale. I deserve to know what’s going on with his ex-wife.
“I should get going.” It’s ten minutes later and Clay still hasn’t returned. For the first time in a long time, I begin to feel as if I don’t belong here. I have to remind myself that this isn’t my family, even if they’ve taken me in and make me feel at home.
“Stay just a little longer,” Frankie says, “I’m sure Clay will be off the phone soon.”
“I’m just really tired tonight. Tell him goodnight for me.” I get up and walk to the front door, taking my coat from the coat hook and wrapping myself in its much-needed warmth. “Thank you for including me in your game night.”
Frankie gives me a hug at the door, and after I wave to Levi and Ed, I step out into the cold night. Moments later I’m driving down the highway roads back toward the motel. Ed’s truck might be old, but the heat kicks in quickly, and tonight, I need the extra warmth. My hands are shaking as I grip the wheel, my teeth chattering, and I know it isn’t just my reaction to the cold night. I let myself get caught up in things, pushing the consequences to the back of my mind. And now, I’ve put myself in another situation where I’m going to get hurt.
By the time I reach the motel, I’m not much calmer than I was when I left. In fact, I hate that I just left without seeing Clay, without saying goodbye. Part of me wishes I would’ve given him the opportunity to explain himself, because maybe he would’ve had an explanation that could’ve eased the pain in my chest tonight.
