by Lexie Ray
The speaker remained quiet. I ripped the front door open and ran for the stairwell. Barefooted, I dashed down the steps, urging myself to go faster and faster. I was out of breath when I reached the bottom, but I still forced myself to sprint through the lobby. I had to find him. I had to talk to him. I had to tell him that I still — God, it hurt — that I still loved him.
I had to be brave enough to do so, even as my heart was hurting.
I spotted a lone figure walking down the sidewalk, almost going around the corner.
“Liam!” I cried, the scream ripped from my throat, echoing down the empty street and sidewalks. A lone dog barked a block away. “Liam!”
The figure stopped and turned. After half a heartbeat, it started walking back toward me. Of course it was Liam. I could spot that blond hair half the city away.
I started walking to him, forgetting my bare feet, not caring about the coldness of the concrete beneath them. He started jogging the moment I started sprinting again. He was so close to me, too close to believe. We stopped just short of each other.
“I wasn’t on a date,” I said, breathless from my hurrying. “And I didn’t give your ring to a bum. See? It’s here. I haven’t been able to take it off.”
“Is it stuck?” Liam asked, looking at the hand I was holding out.
“No,” I said, gulping. My hopeful, shattered heart beat inside of my chest. How could we live with such a thing inside us? Why wouldn’t we be expected to throw up walls around it, to protect it from hurt at all costs?
Now was the time to be brave, I knew. I had to be braver if I wanted to be with the man standing in front of me. And I did want to be with him, I knew, in spite of everything — in spite of the hurt, the pain, the rejection, everything. I loved him, and love overcame all.
“I haven’t been able to take it off,” I said, “because I didn’t want to. Because I love you.”
Liam took my hand. “I don’t want you to ever take it off,” he said, kissing my hand. “I love you. I’m so sorry about all of this. I don’t care about your past. You’re the woman I love. All I care about is spending the future with you.”
I threw my arms around him and he held me close. My heart was whole again.
Liam held me at arm’s length, drinking in the sight of me before crushing me to his body again.
“I haven’t been able to think of anything but you,” Liam said. “I don’t care whether the media finds out. I don’t care what they’d say if they do. I don’t care about money, or my business, or my reputation. All of it is ash without you. You make me brave enough to forget about all of it.”
“I was so horrified,” I said, crying again. “I never wanted you to find out about me like that. I just wanted to leave it behind. I didn’t want to mix our beautiful love with that dark place.”
“I don’t want there to be secrets between us,” Liam said, “but I understand why you didn’t say anything.”
“I’ll tell you everything, if you want,” I said. “But I’m done with that life.”
“I know you are,” he said. “I know. And I’m done with my brother.”
I covered my mouth with my hand. I had never wanted to come in between his family, or cause trouble in anyway like that.
“It’s okay,” Liam said. “He’s always been the black sheep of the family. You’ll never have to see him again. I’m sorry for what he did to you. I am.”
I had to smile. “Did you see his face when Casey kicked him in the balls?” I asked.
Liam laughed outright. “I’ll never forget it,” he said. “Your friend’s scary.”
“She’s a good person,” I said, “but she was downright terrifying that day.”
“Cocoa Bell,” Liam said, dropping to his knee in the middle of the sidewalk. “I am sorry for everything that happened. I love you and only you. You are my life and I want to spend the rest of it with you. Will you forgive me and marry me?”
“Of course I will,” I said, pulling him to his feet and kissing him. “I always will.”
Epilogue
“Package for you, Blue,” Shimmy said, tossing a small box to her.
“Thanks, baby,” Blue said, rattling the package next to her ear. What could it be?
Blue had lots of pen pals, but she hardly ever got packages unless it was her birthday or Christmas.
She set it aside and finished wrapping the last strand of hair around the hot curler. There. By the time it was time for work, she’d have bouncy, luscious curls. Or at least that’s what the box to the hot curlers had promised.
Blue danced around the room at a song that came on the television, shaking it alongside Shimmy. Shimmy was the better dancer, but no one would deny who was having more fun.
“Open it!” Shimmy said, once the song was done and the music program had switched to a commercial.
“Jeez, I almost forgot,” she said, reaching for the package. It wasn’t too heavy, but it was solid. Something was in there.
Blue opened the box and tipped it above her hand. A sleek phone tumbled out.
“Sweet!” Shimmy exclaimed. None of the girls had their own cell phone. It was just as easy — and free — to make calls on the phone at the end of the hall.
Who would have sent Blue a phone? She had no idea. Blue pressed the power button and was surprised to watch the phone come to life. It had already been charged.
There were two messages already blinking on the screen. Blue opened the first one. The contact read “Cocoa.”
“It’s me, Cocoa,” the text read. “I sent you this phone so we could always stay in contact. Don’t worry about the bills or anything. It’s the least I can do for what you did for me.”
“Who is it?” Shimmy asked, craning her neck to see the screen.
Blue swallowed. “Can I have some privacy for a little bit, baby?” she asked.
Shimmy held her hands up. “Of course,” she said, backing out of the room and closing the door.
The nightclub hadn’t been the same since Cocoa’s departure. All of the girls felt it keenly, having lost a genuine mother figure, but none more so than Blue. Blue’s heart had stopped when Cocoa went flying from the window, sure that she’d see her friend crumpled on the asphalt below.
Mama had never recovered from it. She still ran the show, but with an iron fist. Many of the girls had started squirreling away money, all of them frightened of the nightclub owner.
Blue had never breathed a word about what she’d seen, but she didn’t have to. The bullet holes in the hallway, the broken window, Cocoa missing. The girls weren’t stupid. They pieced everything together.
Blue’s own relationship with Mama had been shaky ever since. Mama might act nice toward her, if they had a chance to cross paths, but Blue knew Mama would never forget that she’d been the one to get Cocoa out of there.
It made Blue very wary.
Blue had been corresponding with Casey, keeping track of Cocoa’s life at a distance. But having the phone, this direct line with Cocoa, was so precious. On a whim, Blue brought the phone to her lips and kissed it.
She opened the second message, which was also from Cocoa. It contained a picture that took a few seconds to load. Blue’s eyes widened. It was the biggest diamond ring she’d ever seen.
“I’m getting hitched!” the text read. “I’ll expect you at the wedding, of course!”
Blue grinned. Cocoa getting married — who would’ve thought? And it had to be someone rich with a rock that size. Good for Cocoa. Getting out of here and getting a husband in the deal.
“Congrats,” Blue texted back. “I hope I’ll catch the bouquet.”
She sent it and waited, thinking of all of Mama’s girls. How much longer would the façade of the nightclub hold? Nothing could ever be the same without Cocoa. She was an emotional cornerstone of the place. More and more girls were coming to Blue for advice. She realized with a start that she was now the most senior of the girls, since Cocoa had left.
The phone buzzed. A new text message.
>
“I’ll throw the bouquet right to you, no catching necessary,” Cocoa typed. “How is everything?”
Everything? Mama getting crazier by the day and the girls getting more terrified? Blue didn’t know what to put. Something had to be done, of course, about the situation before it exploded. Blue had a feeling that she would play a large part in it. She was already neck deep.
She didn’t want to worry Cocoa. She’d take care of the problems at Mama’s nightclub, in time.
“Everything is better now that I know you’re okay,” Blue typed. “Everything can only get better.”
~ END of BRAVER ~
WISER
Chapter One
They say if you can make it in New York City, you can make it anywhere.
They say that the people who live here are dreamers, that there’s an “empire state of mind.”
They say lots of things about New York City—the Big Apple—but no one really knows what it’s all about until they’re here.
And here I was, a 25-year-old masquerading as a hip bartender called Blue in one of the hottest nightclubs in the entire city.
Only it wasn’t a nightclub. And my name wasn’t Blue.
“Blue! For God’s sake! You’ve been in there for a half hour, at least!”
The pounding on the stall door made me jump before gritting my teeth and pounding back.
“You’re a freak for counting, Shimmy!” I hollered. “I’m done when I’m done. Use one of the other ones!”
“But Blue ….”
Shimmy’s whine made me grin despite my tough words. Of the three toilet stalls, the one I was occupying was the only one that worked properly. The one to my left had been clogged for three solid days. The one on my right didn’t have a door. So if you wanted privacy while you were doing your business, it had to be done in the one I had been shamelessly hogging.
It was hard to get a moment’s privacy when there was only one functional toilet stall for thirty girls.
It wasn’t fair for me to occupy the stall, especially when I’d completed my business a solid ten minutes ago, but it seemed to be the only place I could think. I brought the little journal that doubled as my sketchpad and a pencil along with me, jotting down ideas alongside doodles. It was usually the most relaxed I was, but not with other girls beating down the door.
“Gimme a sec,” I grumbled good-naturedly, flushing the toilet and stuffing the journal in the waistband of my sweatpants.
As I unlocked and opened the door, Shimmy pushed past me, yanking her pants down.
“Seriously?” I exclaimed, laughing and covering my eyes.
“Girl, I had to go,” she said with an enormous sigh of relief. “When are these stalls gonna get fixed?”
“I don’t know.” There was a time when maintenance issues in the boarding house were addressed promptly. That time had passed. The premises had seen better days. We’d all seen better days.
“Maybe I can scrounge around for a plunger or something,” I said, washing my hands and trying to piece my reflection together in one of the shattered mirrors. In one of the shards, I could see my blonde topknot that I’d have to brush out before work tonight. In another, I could see one of my baby blue eyes, lined with pale blonde lashes that I had to slather in mascara to get any kind of definition.
“It’s been tried,” Shimmy said from within the stall before flushing the toilet and joining me at the sinks. “That is the clog from hell. It can’t be solved, Blue, no more than these mirrors can be put back together.”
We looked at each other in the row of ruined glass, the cracks splintering Shimmy’s curvaceous body. I knew that she was talking about more than just a clogged toilet or row of broken mirrors. She was talking about how we couldn’t put ourselves back together again, not after everything that had happened. I took a deep breath and grinned. It wasn’t my job to commiserate anymore. I’d taken it upon myself to try to help the girls be positive.
“I haven’t given it a try yet,” I said. “I hope that clog knows what’s about to happen. It’s about to get flushed.”
I walked out of the bathroom with a purpose, swinging my arms dramatically and whistling. I tried to be the clown so that the girls could have a reason to laugh. Other sources of joy were swiftly vanishing.
With cheerful force, I ignored the bullet hole that pockmarked the carpeting in the hallway. I’d been able to disguise the rest of them beneath pullout posters of hot guys from some of my magazines, but I couldn’t disguise the one that we had to walk over every day. It took even more willpower not to stare toward Cocoa’s door, which was just across the hall from the bathroom.
She’d been our cornerstone. Now that she was gone, everything was coming tumbling down.
Cocoa was out of this toxic environment, so I couldn’t help but feel a little bit happy every time I passed by that empty room, all traces of its former occupant erased.
And there just wasn’t any use in feeling sorry for myself. I had to be strong for the rest of the girls, now, just like Cocoa had been. It was up to me to make the best decisions for everyone.
I greeted a few of the girls whose doors were open as I passed down the hallway. More and more of them were squirreling themselves inside their rooms now, which I didn’t like. We had to lean on one another if we were going to get through this.
“Blue’s gonna take on the clog,” Shimmy called from the bathroom door, her voice ringing out down the hall. I could’ve kissed her for the way it made some of the girls brighten. Shimmy was definitely my lieutenant in this operation—whether she realized it or not.
“That clog’s here to stay,” Cream said, shaking her head. “We might as well give it a name and a room to stay in.”
“No way, baby,” I said pumping my fists in the air and dancing around like a boxer. “That clog’s on its way out. It just doesn’t realize it yet.”
Pumpkin leaned out of the doorway shyly, her eyes perpetually downcast. “Blue, could you get me a bagel or something from the kitchen while you’re down there?”
“Girl, you want her to carry a plunger in one hand and your snack in the other?” Cream asked in that silky, irresistible voice. “That’s disgusting.”
“I don’t care,” Pumpkin said quickly.
“Well, if you’re going down there, could you bring back a bottle of water?” Cream asked me, relenting a little after her swift judgment of Pumpkin’s request.
“You’re going downstairs?” Daisy poked her head out of the doorway, just below Pumpkin. They were roommates, and both equally quiet. “Can you maybe get me a hot chocolate?”
More and more girls were lining up to make their requests of supplies I could bring up from downstairs, but I shook my head.
“I don’t have enough hands to bring all this stuff upstairs to you all,” I said. “Now, I’m going down to get a plunger. If any of you lazy things want to come down with me to get some breakfast or a snack or something, that’ll be better.”
I knew that none of these girls was lazy. They were all simply afraid of going downstairs. Afraid of running into Mama.
“We’ll all go together,” I said again. “That’ll be good, won’t it?”
“Yeah,” Shimmy put in, sidling up to me. “I’m gonna get a magazine from the lounge.”
Pumpkin stared at Shimmy with those big, moon eyes of hers. I could clearly understand what was on her mind—why was Shimmy braving going downstairs for something as inconsequential as a magazine? Nowadays, girls only went down there if they couldn’t stand the hunger pangs anymore, or if it was time to go to work.
Work was better because we were all together. The fact that customers were there, too, helped. Mama would never do anything to us if it would affect business, like making people stop coming.
“It’s settled, then,” I announced brightly. “We’re all going downstairs. Saddle up!”
Roughly half of the girls padded down the stairs behind me, all chatter halted as we reached the floor of the nightclub
. It was always a little creepy in the daytime without all of the music and dancing and bustling activity of us girls and our customers, but Mama was an added menace. We kept the leather chairs and booths polished to a shine, the dance floor waxed, the carpet vacuumed and shampooed, and every surface clear from dust. We should’ve felt at least some ownership of this place. It was where we worked and lived. Maybe we had felt it, at some point, but those days were over.
I resisted the urge to call out something irreverent, some ballsy curse that would echo in the empty space. I knew it would probably send all of the girls dashing back upstairs. It was better to be as quiet and as quick as possible when we were down here outside of business hours.
“Go,” I said quietly, pointing at the kitchen. “I’m going to the supply closet. Go on upstairs when you’ve got what you want, or we can meet back right here and go up together.”
“We’ll all go back upstairs together,” Pumpkin said, lifting her chin and looking at me defiantly with those chocolate eyes. Since when did sweet little Pumpkin grow a spine?
“That’s my girl,” I said merrily, slipping back in my role as head cheerleader and swatting her on her round rump, which is how she got her name.
I waited until they filed into the kitchen, hoping—despite my bravado—that they’d all be as quick and quiet as possible. I knew they would try, but I still had to hope that we didn’t wake the sleeping bear.
