Rhodium
Page 26
And that day would be never. Chester may have put it bluntly, but he was right. I was damaged goods. And in a few months, I’d have a baby in tow.
No, I’d be doing life alone from now on, and I mumbled as much to Imogen.
“We’ll see about that, but right now, we need to get to the hospital. Are you ready?”
I’d worn a simple jersey dress to Java that morning so I wouldn’t have to change. Even the little things seemed like far too much effort at the moment.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
The hospital lay a short cab ride away, and Imogen held my hand the whole way there. I appreciated her support—indeed, I couldn’t have done this without her—but I couldn’t help wishing it were Oliver beside me. People said having a baby was the most exciting time of your life, but all I felt was a sense of dread.
And never more so than when the nurse helped me onto the bed and asked me to put my feet in the stirrups.
“Let’s see what’s going on here, shall we?”
“What’s going to happen?”
“The doctor will give you a pelvic exam and take blood and urine samples. Then, if he thinks it’s appropriate, we’ll give you an ultrasound. You might get to see your baby today. Exciting, huh?”
I guessed it kind of was, and terrifying at the same time.
Five minutes later, an older man in a white coat came in, smiling, with an easy manner and a gentle voice. I’m sure he did his best to make me feel at ease as he asked me questions and talked me through the process, but it didn’t work.
“When was your last period?”
“I’ve been bleeding every month, and I was on the pill. Honestly, I don’t even know how I’m pregnant.”
“Oh, that happens more often than you might imagine. Often a small amount of cervical erosion can make you think you’re having a period.”
“Cervical erosion? Like my cervix is going to wear away?”
“I doubt it’s anything to worry about. A little inflammation’s common in pregnant women. All those hormonal changes.”
He slid two fingers inside me, and I cringed. My embarrassment only grew as he inserted a speculum and peered in with a flashlight.
But he nodded. “Yes, nothing to worry about. Have you experienced any discomfort?”
Not until now, no.
“I’ve been fine. I didn’t even realise I was pregnant, and I, uh, I’ve been drinking alcohol. Will that have hurt the baby?”
“How much?”
“Maybe a couple of glasses of wine a week? And a shot of whisky last Sunday. I’d had a bad day.”
“A drop like that won’t have done any damage, but you need to avoid it from now on.”
“I will. I definitely will.”
Then we got on to my medical history, and I teared up when he asked me about my family. Mom and Dad had been healthy, but thinking of them hurt.
“And the father’s family?”
“I don’t know much about them.”
“It would be helpful if we could find out. Whether there have been any genetic abnormalities, that kind of thing.”
“I’m not really on speaking terms with the father right now. We broke up.”
Not that we’d been entirely together in the first place.
The doctor patted my hand in a kindly gesture, one that made me ache all the more. “I’m sorry to hear that. But lots of young ladies in your position pass through my doors, and it’s perfectly possible to do this alone. Now, shall we take a look at this baby?”
I appreciated his words, even if they felt hollow. “Okay, go on.”
The nurse squirted cold gel onto my stomach and pressed on my full bladder, but a few seconds later, I forgot all about the discomfort and watched, fascinated, as a tiny grey dot appeared on the screen.
“About eleven weeks,” the doctor said.
Eleven weeks? I’d been carrying a baby for eleven weeks without noticing?
I thought back to one night last month when I’d lain in bed with Oliver. He’d been in a sweet mood as he covered my entire body with soft kisses. Some of those would have gone right over the tiny form growing inside me, and a lump came to my throat as I realised that even for a short time, the baby had felt its father’s love. Would it ever again?
“Do you know whether it’s a boy or a girl?”
The doctor chuckled. “We won’t find that out for at least five more weeks. You’ll need to come back for another scan at sixteen to twenty weeks, and we should be able to tell you then. Would you like a picture?”
“Yes, please.”
Twenty minutes later, I walked out to the waiting room in a daze.
“How’d it go?” Imogen asked.
“There’s definitely a baby in there.”
She patted my stomach. “We already knew that. But is everything okay?”
I held up a paper bag. “I have vitamins. And my blood pressure’s a bit high. The doctor says I need to relax.” I couldn’t help laughing at that idea.
“You can put your feet up for the rest of the day, and I’ll cook dinner.” She took my hand. “Let’s get you home.”
We’d almost made it to the parking lot when a woman’s voice behind us called my name.
“Stef? Is that you?”
What were the chances of Dan believing it was my evil twin? I turned to see her and Caleb hurrying towards us, and then she crushed me in a hug. Instinct took over as I arched my back away to protect the baby, and I managed to extricate us both without any damage.
“Hi, how are you?”
And why was she at the damn hospital, of all places?
“I’m fine, but Caleb’s picked up an ear infection.” He stood by her side watching me, quiet as ever. “Drops should clear it up. Are you okay?”
Dan glanced up at the door we’d just come out of, but thankfully it was a general entrance and didn’t give much away.
As usual, Imogen saved me. “Oh, Stef’s fine, but I got a UTI and she came to keep me company.” She held up my hand with the paper bag. “I’ve got antibiotics now. Well, we’d better go before I need to pee again.”
Dan waved the car keys in her hand. “No problem. I’ll give you a ride home, and we can talk on the way.”
“We’ll be fine in a cab,” Imogen said.
“Nonsense, I insist. It’s no trouble.”
Caleb piped up. “They just left the hospital. They don’t want to end up back in it again.”
She rolled her eyes. “Kids, eh? I promise to watch the road.”
I climbed into the back beside Imogen and made sure I fastened my seat belt securely as Dan started the engine. I’d heard a lot about her driving and none of it was good, but at least we were in a big SUV. That had to count for something safety-wise, right?
Dan pulled up to the exit, looked right and left, then floored it into the path of an oncoming truck. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the door handle. How had I thought this was a good idea?
“So, how are you?” Dan asked. “We’ve all been worried.”
I plastered on a smile and lied. “I’m fine. I mean, these things happen, right?”
“Breakups are never easy on anyone.”
I couldn’t help myself. I had to ask. “How’s Oliver?”
“Oliver’s a fucking idiot.”
Imogen couldn’t help herself either. “Stef saw him in the paper with that girl. What an asshole.”
“What girl?”
“At some gala on Saturday night. A blonde.”
Dan laughed. “Oh, her. Oliver wasn’t with her.”
Really? “It sure looked like he was.”
“The paparazzi twist everything. She recognised him from the news and came over to flirt, and Oliver made a half-hearted attempt at flirting back. Then Emmy told the girl he had VD, the girl threw a glass of wine over him, and he left alone.”
“Emmy did that?”
“She thinks Oliver’s being an asshole as well. From the sound of it, you had an awful we
ekend with your parents, and he only added to the problem.”
“He told you about it?”
“Not the details, but we pried the basics out of him. He spent the week moping around Riverley, but after the VD incident he went back home.”
“I don’t suppose any of this is easy for him either.”
“Stop defending him. You’re as bad as each other. Everyone knows he’s madly in love with you, but he won’t admit it, not to us and least of all to himself.”
My heart stuttered. “You really think so?”
She reached back to squeeze my hand, but as her other one was tucking hair behind her ear, the car lurched into oncoming traffic. Like a pro, Caleb leaned across and jerked the wheel back again.
“Thanks, sweetie.” She grinned at him, and he rolled his eyes in the mirror. That kid would go far. “So, what was I saying? Oh, yeah, about Oliver. He’s crazy about you. Hang in there, honey.”
I didn’t have much choice, did I? What had Emmy said all those months ago? That Oliver would change or he wouldn’t, and it was out of my control.
She’d been totally right.
I didn’t know whether to feel better or worse as Dan deposited Imogen and me in front of the apartment. Imogen let out a long breath and took a couple of shaky steps.
“How did we survive that ride? It’s a miracle. I need a drink.” She glanced at my stomach. “Of juice. Let’s drink juice.”
CHAPTER 43
“HOW ARE YOU feeling?” Imogen asked as we hung up our aprons the next day.
The shift at Java had only been six hours, but it seemed like twice as long.
“Tired. At least I know why I keep needing to sleep now.”
“Let’s go home. You can spend the afternoon on the sofa. But I don’t suppose you’ve got a few minutes to help with my business plan first?”
“I’d be happy to. It’ll be good to have something to take my mind off…you know. Are you getting any closer to taking the plunge?”
“Every time I think that, something goes wrong. I found a lovely little storefront, and then someone offered more rent than me and I lost it. It’s difficult to find something in my price range in the right area.”
“It’s out there.”
“I know, but I’m tired too. Tired of looking, tired of coffee, just tired.”
“Maybe we both need that spa day? I’d offer to do your nails, but art wasn’t my strong point in high school. I painted a portrait of Marilyn Monroe once, and the teacher thought it was a polar bear.”
Imogen poured us both drinks, then we settled onto the sofa and tweaked her cash projections. She was right—finding the perfect location would be key, somewhere with reasonable rent but in a good enough area that the clientele had disposable income.
“I can look on the internet if you like? I’ve got more spare time than you at the moment.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind? I need all the help I can get. If this ever takes off and I can afford a store manager, you’ve got the job.”
“I need to work out a plan for my own life once the baby comes. How I’m going to work, where I’m going to live.”
Imogen’s eyes widened. “Live? What’s wrong with here?”
“You didn’t sign up for a crying baby when you offered me the room.”
“So? I didn’t sign up for a new bestie either, but I got one. And if your baby daddy doesn’t come to his senses and take you back where you belong, you’re staying right here. I’ll help with all the stuff.” She wrinkled her nose. “Except diapers. I’m not sure about changing diapers.”
“I can do that bit. Remember Timmy?” I’d told her the whole story now.
She hooted with laughter. “Who’d have thought it? Catering to weird fetishes may have given you a head start in life after all. Let’s sit down and write you a business plan too. We can call it Yummy Mummy, Inc.”
“Yummy Mummy? You’ve been watching too many British TV shows. And besides, I don’t feel yummy. Right now I feel more scummy.”
“In six months, that’ll all have changed. You’ll see.”
She laid a blank sheet of paper in front of me, and over the next hour, we wrote a list. It ran longer than I thought—seven sides—but getting everything out of my head helped. And with six months to prepare for the birth, I had time to hunt down secondhand furniture and clothes and learn everything I could about bringing up a child.
Imogen was right. Between us, we could do this, not that I had much of a choice.
CHAPTER 44
IMOGEN WENT TO view a possible location for her nail bar the next day after our shift at Java. I’d offered to go with her, but she said she didn’t want me getting more tired than I already was.
“I’ll do the first visits myself. Then if it’s good, you can come with me.”
“I am…” I covered my mouth in a yawn. “Kinda exhausted.”
She patted my barely existent bump. “Sleep. You need it.”
I dragged my heels as I walked home, thinking. Maybe I could ask Imogen to paint the crib when I bought it? The baby could do with some colour in its life. But which colour? Would it be a boy or a girl? I was torn as to which one I preferred. A girl would mean dressing up and sparkles, but a mini Oliver would be so darn cute.
I choked at the thought, because I wanted grown-up Oliver too, and I couldn’t push the idea out of my mind. And I was so busy wondering whether I could get Oliver 2.0 a tiny suit and tie, I didn’t notice Oliver 1.0 sitting in the hallway until I tripped over his feet.
Heck! I came dangerously close to falling, but I slammed a hand onto the wall to save myself. Pain shot along my arm and brought tears to my eyes.
Oliver scrambled to his feet and steadied me. “Fuck! Steffie, are you okay?”
“That’s not a good question to ask me right now.”
He stepped sideways, and the dim light from the overhead bulb illuminated his face. I didn’t need to ask how he was doing. He’d aged ten years in two weeks. Lines criss-crossed his forehead, he hadn’t shaved for days, and his hair was crying out for a cut.
In fact, he probably looked something like me—apart from the beard, obviously.
“I know.”
“Then why ask it?”
“I mean, I know. About the baby.”
My knees buckled. Oliver lowered me to the floor, then sank down at my side.
“How? How do you know?”
“Dan told me.”
“But I didn’t tell Dan.”
“Dan’s an investigator. Whatever you said to her yesterday, she didn’t believe you, so when she got home, she had Mack hack into the hospital database.”
“That’s… That’s…”
Unethical. Invasive. Rude.
Oliver held up his hands. “Look, I don’t condone it, but it happened and she told me.”
“I’m so sorry.” Of all the ways for him to find out, this was the worst. “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how. Honestly, I only just found out myself. It’s okay, though. Me and Imogen have worked everything out and we’re gonna manage. You don’t need to be involved at all. Unless you want to be. I mean, if you do, then that’s great, but I’d never expect anything from you, because it’s not like this was planned and…”
Oliver laid a finger against my lips. “Steffie, please. Stop talking.”
“I get it. You’re freaked out. I understand how you feel.”
He leaned his head back against the wall. “Yesterday I was freaked out. I didn’t eat and I didn’t sleep. Today I went out and bought an SUV with a car seat.”
I stared at him. “You mean you want to help with the baby?”
“I want to be a father.” He closed his eyes. “Again. I want to be a father again. I had a daughter.”
I took one of his hands in both of mine. “I know.”
His eyes popped open. “You do? How?”
“Emmy told me. And I desperately didn’t want to be like Kelly. I didn’t want you to feel trapped.”
“You want to see me again?”
He pulled me onto his lap, and I forgot about the pain in my arm. Forgot everything except the man in front of me. “I want to do more than see you. I want to hear you, touch you, taste you.” He pressed his lips to mine. “Princess, I love you.”
Tears flooded my cheeks, but this time they were happy ones. “I love you too. I have for a long time.” I burrowed against him, seeking his strength. “But I’m so scared. I don’t know how to be a mom.”
Oliver stroked my hair, and I wished I’d had the energy to wash it that morning. “You’ll make a great mom.” He took a deep breath then slowly exhaled. “I know how to be a father, but I don’t know how to be a husband.”
I stared up at him, and he wiped away my tears with his thumb. Did he just say “husband”? My heart stopped beating, I swear, and a little bud of guilt began to blossom in my chest. Was he only saying this because of the baby?
“After I bought the car, I went to the jewellers…” He fumbled in his pants pocket and held up a ring. “And I bought this. Fuck it. I don’t know how to do this.”
“Oliver, do you want me to wear the ring?”
He nodded.
“And marry you?”
He nodded again.
“Are you doing this just because I’m pregnant? Because we can still be together without the piece of paper.”
“You don’t want to be my wife?”
Oh hell, now he looked devastated.
“Of course I do. More than anything…” I waved my hand in front of my face because I couldn’t speak properly anymore.
“Princess, I want you to have my name, my baby, and the other side of my bed. I want to give you the world, but I’ll start with a ring.”
“Then put it on me.”
He grabbed my hand and slid the slim band over my knuckles. White gold? Platinum? It didn’t matter. It could have been tinfoil and I’d still have been his. But even so, there was no mistaking the diamond sparkling in the middle.
For five minutes, ten, we sat on the grubby concrete floor in the hallway, holding each other. Nothing else mattered. I had the only man I’d ever truly wanted, and in six months I’d have his baby as well.