I chose not to leave Unity with Jon because I didn’t want to anger my father or desert my mother and my little sister, but here he is angry anyway, and there’s nothing I can do for Rebecca or Mother. I’ve made a terrible mistake.
“What’s wrong, Celeste?” a voice asks. I swing around and see the river-boy, as Taviana called him, standing a short distance from me. My face burns with embarrassment, but I have no desire to flee this time. This boy is as stupid as I am, building statues that have no purpose.
I just shrug and continue contemplating the mess that is my life.
“May I sit beside you?” he asks.
“I can’t stop you,” I tell him.
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him remove his shirt, and he places it on the beach and then sits on it. It makes me notice how hard the rock is that I’m sitting on.
River-boy doesn’t say anything, but his hands begin building miniature inuksuks on the beach around where he’s sitting.
“How did you know my name?” I ask him.
“I met Taviana on the beach in Springdale. I asked about you.”
“Oh.”
We continue to sit in silence, me staring at the river, the boy balancing pebbles.
“My name’s Craig,” he says after a while.
I just nod.
Finally the rock I’m sitting on gets too hard, and I get up. My anger has passed, and I’m feeling stupid about knocking over the inuksuk. I begin to rebuild them. A moment later, Craig is beside me, helping. He doesn’t say anything.
“I don’t think I’m going to be playing this game anymore,” I tell him.
“Okay.” He continues working.
His answer surprises me. I thought he’d want to know why. I assumed that he was enjoying it as much as I was.
I can feel sweat trickling down my back, so I move into the shade of the trees and sit in the mossy area that I’d once shared with Jon. Was it only a week ago that he was here with me? My longing for him has reached a new level. The empty ache is overwhelming. I have to grit my teeth to keep from moaning out loud.
Craig is squatting on the beach, holding a large rock over a smaller one. I watch the steadiness of his hands and how he holds his back so straight. He appears to be in a state of total concentration.
My thoughts return to the first time I spotted him on the beach, building an inuksuk, and how the bare skin of his chest and back embarrassed me. How far I’ve come in such a short time. I’m a married woman now. A man’s naked body is no longer a mystery to me, and it doesn’t seem like something to avert my eyes from either.
Craig’s hands leave the rock he’s been balancing. It stays in place, precariously perched on the one below it. He wanders around looking for a new stone. Then he squats beside another rock, and he becomes completely still again as he attempts to create another balance.
I wander back to the beach and stand near him. He takes his hands away but the stone tumbles down.
“Oh, too bad!” I say, truly disappointed. I didn’t realize I’d been holding my breath.
He looks up and grins. “They’re just rocks. No biggie.” He picks it up and tries again, slowly disappearing inside himself, his entire focus on the rock in his hands. I watch as he slowly moves the tip of the rock around the surface of the one beneath it. Sometimes his grip loosens, but then it tightens again. Over and over the loosening and tightening continues, and the rock is moved ever so slightly. Eventually I see him place the rock in a new place, and immediately I know he’s found the balance. His grip loosens, and then his hands move away.
“You did it!” I say.
He smiles up at me.
“I thought it was impossible,” I tell him.
“Nothing is impossible, Celeste.” He stands up and stretches his back.
“Why do you do this?” I ask, although something inside me already knows.
He shrugs. “It brings me peace.”
Peace. I gaze into his eyes, which are pools of calm.
“Can you teach me to do it?”
“There’s really nothing to teach, Celeste. You simply need patience. Then you feel for the hidden gravity of the stone. It’s there. You’ll discover it as long as you are patient enough.”
“I don’t know...”
“Try it. One of the cool side effects is that it brings you into balance too. You’ll feel connected to the earth while you’re balancing, with a sense of well-being.”
“All from balancing rocks?” He’s got to be kidding.
I expect to hear him laugh, but he just nods, seriously. I hear a beeping noise, and he pulls a metal object out of his pocket and looks at it. “I have to go,” he says. “I hope to see you here again someday, Celeste.” Without another word, he walks upstream and melts into the trees that line the banks of the river.
I find a large stone and scan the beach until I find a foundation rock that pleases me. I squat in front of it, just as Craig did. I hold the stone over the base rock and try to balance it. It feels impossible. The top of the stone is so much heavier than the tip that I can’t imagine it ever resting here. I glance over at the balance that Craig just made and see that his looks equally impossible. I take a deep breath, exhale and begin the long process of finding the hidden gravity. Over and over I touch the stone to the one below it. Over and over I can feel that it is not balanced. The sun is hot on my back, and my legs are cramping, but I keep on moving the stone, letting it rest for just a moment, testing the balance. I forget about the sun. I forget about the cramps in my legs. I can feel that I am getting close to a balance.
And then it happens. Even before I release my hands, I know I have found it. I gently release, and the stone stays in place. It’s like magic. I stare at my creation. It looks impossible. But I did it.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Taviana
Jon has been depressed ever since he saw Celeste at the hospital. Abigail and the boys have tried everything to cheer him up, but all he wants to do is sit in front of the TV and flick through the stations. I guess it helps take his mind off the vision of his father marrying his girlfriend.
I’m not feeling too cheery myself. Abigail has reminded me that I need to find somewhere else to live, immediately. So, in a pathetic attempt to cheer both of us up, I’ve decided we’re going to have a beach day. I’ll deal with my homeless situation tomorrow.
We stop in at the library first so Jon can pick up his card. “How many books can I borrow?” he asks the librarian, turning the card over in his hand.
“As many as you want,” she tells him.
His eyes light up for the first time in days, and he disappears between the racks of books.
“Have many people applied for the job?” I ask.
“A few,” she says. “But you have as good a shot at it as any of them, Taviana.”
I nod, trying to look optimistic, but I guess I’m not too convincing.
“What’s wrong?” she asks gently.
I hesitate, wondering how much to tell her. “The house rule where I’m living is that we have to be enrolled in school to remain there. I can’t go back to school, so now I have to find somewhere else to live.”
She tilts her head, frowning. “Why can’t you go to school?”
“I just can’t.”
“Do you need help with your courses? There are tutors...”
“No. School is easy enough for me. It’s the other kids...”
“Oh.” She nods, understanding. “I know, schools can be hard places...”
I suddenly regret sharing this with her. My confession might hinder my chances of getting the library job.
“Do you have a computer?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Why?”
“You can take courses online if you have access to the Internet.”
“Oh.” I think about that. “Could I use the library computers to take my courses?”
She sits up straight. “I don’t see why not. I’ll look into it for you on my lunch b
reak.”
“Really? Thank you!”
Jon has returned to the desk, staggering under a huge stack of books. “How are you going to carry all those home?” I ask him.
“A couple of bags,” he says. “I’m a big strong boy.” He puts the books on the desk and flexes his arm muscle.
I put on my most impressed face. “Whooee!”
The librarian checks them out. “I’ll call you at home later,” she tells me. “When I get the information on the online courses for you.”
“Actually,” I tell her, “we’re going to hang out down at the beach today. I’ll just stop in before we head home.”
“Perfect.”
Jon chooses one book to take to the beach. He leaves the rest behind the desk to collect when we return. We walk through town and across the park, looking for a good place to plunk ourselves for the afternoon. I’m reminded of the first time I was here and how I met Craig and Hunter. Perhaps Craig will be making his art on the beach again today. “C’mon,” I tell Jon. “I have something to show you.”
We head upstream, and although Craig’s not there, his art is. Jon is as impressed as I thought he’d be, wandering around each rock balance and studying it thoughtfully. I’ve stripped down to my bathing suit, and when Jon turns back to say something to me, his eyes widen and his face turns a deep shade of crimson. He quickly looks away.
“Get over it, Jon. This is what girls wear to the beach.”
I take the two towels out of my bag. “Want to stretch out on the flat rock in the river?” I ask him.
He doesn’t look at me. “I think I’ll sit in the shade and read.”
“Suit yourself.” I hand him his towel and wade out into the river. I stretch out on the rock and let the sun do its thing.
The afternoon passes. I dip into the water every few minutes to keep cool. Jon never leaves his place in the shade of the trees, his nose tucked in his book on Inuit culture. His curious mind has been denied stimulation for so long that he’ll probably overdose on books for a while. I’m sure Celeste would too, given the opportunity. It’s interesting that these two found each other, two kids who, despite their upbringing, were misfits in their own community.
My mind wanders, and I consider my situation at Abigail’s. I wonder if she’ll consider me enrolled in school if I’m doing the work online. I smile to myself. If this works, my problem of where to live will be resolved. Thank goodness I didn’t spend too much time agonizing over it. There’s nothing like procrastination.
When I’ve finally had enough sun, I wade back to the beach and pull my clothes on over my bathing suit. Jon looks up and joins me on the beach again. “Ready to go?” I ask.
“Let’s just build an inuksuk first,” he suggests.
I shake my head at him but drop my bag and begin looking for rocks that will make good legs. He’s going to have to get over her eventually.
THE LIBRARIAN GRINS when we push open the library door. “Can I do it?” I ask.
“You sure can,” she says. “And I found and downloaded all the information you’ll need.” She passes me an envelope filled with paper.
“Thank you!”
“There’s just one small drawback,” she says with a frown.
“What’s that?”
“The courses aren’t exactly cheap.”
“Oh.”
“Is that going to be a problem?” she asks.
“Maybe.”
“Well, read over the information. Hopefully you can make it work.”
“Hopefully. And now it looks like I’ll really need that job here.”
She smiles at me and holds up her hands, showing me that her fingers on both hands are crossed.
ABIGAIL LOOKS UP from the stack of paper she’s wading through. We’re all gathered around the kitchen table, waiting for her verdict. “Well,” she says, “apparently you really can graduate with online courses.”
“Then you’d consider that enrolled in school?” I ask her.
She leans back in her chair. “Yes, I would,” she says. “But Taviana, I simply can’t afford these rates.”
“Then I’ll just have to work,” I tell her. “I’ll get two jobs if I have to.”
“And if I get a summer job,” Jon says, “I’ll contribute to her courses too. That is, once I’ve paid my room and board here.”
I high-five Jon. No wonder Celeste fell so hard for this guy.
Everyone starts talking at once. Jimmy and the boys all have ideas about how I can raise money to pay for the classes. As I look around the table at their faces, I realize how much they care and how badly they want me to stay. I swallow and discover a lump in my throat. I realize, too, how desperately I want to stay, and not just because it keeps me off the street. In just a week these people have become family.
Maybe Craig was right. Anything is possible.
Abigail turns to me. “Well, Taviana, it sounds like everyone’s eager to help you out. And I admit it’s nice to have another female in the house.”
The room erupts with excited chatter. There is back-smacking and high fives all around. Abigail holds up her arm for attention. We all turn to her. “This calls for a celebration,” she says. “You boys haul out the old barbecue and clean it, and Taviana and I will go into town and buy the ingredients for a feast. How does that sound?”
Chairs are pushed back, and the boys stampede into the backyard. I turn to Abigail. “Thank you,” I say.
She simply nods, but I notice her eyes are bright with tears.
Chapter Twenty-Three
CELESTE
Martin continues to visit me every night. I’d like to ask one of my sister wives about this, about a rotation, but I don’t feel I know any of them well enough yet. Aside from Gail, who still avoids me, everyone has been kind, so I guess they don’t mind, but I sure wish it was someone else’s turn. I lie there patiently until it is over, refusing to engage in conversation or even cuddling.
I don’t dare return to my parents’ home, but I asked Norah if she’d visit my mother and tell me how she was. She returned, looking sad, and said that my mother is healing but appears very unhappy. Apparently Daddy is still terribly angry with her. I lie awake at night, after Martin leaves, worrying. How long before he forgives her? My brothers and sisters will all be suffering.
I also toss and turn at night, tormented by my decision to stay here, and yet, even now, I cannot contemplate running away, though all the reasons I chose to stay are now meaningless. Knowing that I could never come back is just too scary. I’ve been cut off from seeing my family. I have been sentenced to a life without hope. My heart feels as though it will never heal.
No one pays any attention to me at the Nielsson home, so every afternoon I slip down to the river and balance rocks. Craig was right. Rock balancing does make me feel better, at least for the time that I’m trying to find the rock’s point of gravity. When I concentrate on the rocks, I forget everything else, and for those short hours I experience peace.
“Hello, Celeste.”
I look up to find Craig watching me. It’s been a couple of weeks since I last saw him. “Hi.”
He looks around the beach. “I see you’ve found the secret to balancing rocks.”
I feel my skin burn. “I guess I have.”
“No more inuksuk?”
I just shrug. He smiles. “Did you know that the inuksuk was once used as a directional marker?”
“It was?”
“Yep. The inuksuk would point in a certain direction to help travelers find their way, or to mark a place where there was good hunting or fishing.”
“Is that why you build them?” I find myself stacking pebbles in front of me, just as he did the last time we met. This balancing thing is addictive.
He laughs. “No, I just like using things in nature to create art.”
“But don’t you worry about people—people like me— coming along and knocking them over?”
“Nothing in life is permanent, Celeste,�
� he says, smiling. “Besides, the fun is in the building.”
I think about that. “That’s not quite true. For me, marriage is permanent. I’ll be married for all of this life and all eternity too.” I sigh.
“You’re already married?”
I nod. His eyes widen, but he doesn’t comment.
Craig wanders about, looking for a rock that pleases him. Finding one, he squats and attempts to balance it on another sharp-pointed one. I find my own rock and go back to concentrating. I put eternal life and marriage right out of my head. We carry on creating our rock art for the remainder of the afternoon. Finally I sit back and admire our creations. There are a couple of dozen rock balances strewn across the beach. Craig sits beside me. For this one moment, the world feels right. In balance.
“May I ask you a personal question?” he says.
Something shifts. Craig has broken an unwritten rule. We don’t talk about personal things. The world is no longer in balance. “You can ask,” I tell him, “but I might not answer.”
He nods. “If you’re not happy about being married, why did you agree to it?”
I stand up and brush off my skirt. “It’s the way of our faith. To refuse the husband you’re assigned to is to disobey God.” I reach into my apron pocket, and my hand hits something hard and jagged. I pull it out. It’s the arrowhead that Jon found the first time we met here. It makes me smile.
“What have you got there?” Craig asks, standing beside me.
“An arrowhead.”
“Cool! Where did you get it?”
“Right here.” I pass it to Craig, remembering Jon’s words. So you question your faith, but you’re not prepared to do anything about it. I realize now that Jon did do something about it. I didn’t.
Craig turns the arrowhead over and over in his hands. “I don’t understand that kind of faith,” he says. “One that makes you unhappy.” He passes the arrowhead back to me, and we make eye contact.
I slide the arrowhead back into my apron and try to think of a way to change the subject. I remember the strange object Craig had in his pocket the last time I saw him.
“What is that thing you carry in your pocket?” I ask him. “The thing that makes a noise?”
Sister Wife Page 18
