“It’s not happening. We’re family.”
I know. I know. Stupid excuse. But it’s all I’ve got to keep him at arm’s length while I figure out my feelings toward him.
“We’re not family. But I am excited to officially meet my nephew.” A genuine smile graces his lips. “Keegan is meeting him today. He and Mom went shopping for Zane earlier. The guy is on cloud nine.”
My heart soars for my nephew and sister. This reunion could have gone in so many directions, and I’m thankful it went in the one that means Zane will have a loving, caring father, and my sister will have a partner to parent with.
“He’s an amazing kid,” I tell him. “Smart and adorable and funny.”
“Of course, he is,” he quips. “He’s a Reynolds.”
I roll my eyes. “Salad and iced tea?”
“Yep, with a side of you, please.”
“It’s not happening.”
“Oh, it is. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner we can move forward… together.”
He pulls a bunch of papers out of his briefcase and sets them on the bar top. “Do you mind if I grade my papers here?”
“I don’t care.” I shrug. “But wouldn’t you want to do that in peace and quiet at your house?”
He shakes his head. “I’d rather do it with the backdrop of you.”
I shake my head and walk over to the computer to place his order, trying not to seem affected by his words, when the truth is, I’m very much affected. For years after my parents died, I kept everyone at arm’s length, not wanting to risk my heart getting broken. I watched my mom’s heart get torn to shreds little by little, bit by bit, all in the name of love, and I swore I would never allow that to happen to me.
But the second I heard my nephew’s heartbeat on the monitor, it was as if my chest was cracked open, and my heart was on display for the world to see. Which was fine since my entire world consisted of Blakely and Zane—and I knew they would never hurt me.
But now Kolton wants in, and I have no doubt, if I give him my heart, he has the capability to destroy it the same way my dad destroyed my mom. And I have to decide if I’m willing to take that risk.
The evening flies by. Kolton hangs around, grading papers, and when I’m not busy, we chat. When the final customer pays his check and leaves, I glance over at Kolton, who’s still nursing his iced tea.
“You ready to go?” he asks, standing when I come around the bar to lock up. The staff has all cashed out and shut down their stations, and Kolton and I are the only ones left.
“Yeah.”
He hands me his helmet, and I reluctantly put it on my head, knowing it’s going to ruin my hair.
“What’s wrong?”
“These helmets are clearly not made for women.”
He chuckles. “No, probably not, but you still look sexy as hell with it on.”
The ride to my apartment complex is quick, and when I get off the bike, I expect him to ask me out, so I’m shocked when he walks me to my door like a gentleman, kisses my cheek, and tells me he’ll see me soon.
When I walk inside, Blakely is still awake, studying. She gushes about her evening with Keegan and how well it went telling Zane he’s his dad. He also mentioned he wants to get to know her as more than Zane’s mom. After we chat for a few minutes, I jump in the shower and drop into bed exhausted. When I plug my phone in to charge it, I notice a text from Kolton.
Kolton: Good night and sweet dreams.
I usually ignore his texts, afraid to open that door, but tonight, I reply: Good night.
The rest of the week feels as if it’s in fast-forward. I’m working every day—between managing the restaurant, manning the bar, and running interviews. Kolton shows up every day, but he no longer asks me out. He eats and drinks and grades papers. When I’m not busy, we chat about everything and nothing. I have to admit I miss his flirting, but I also enjoy getting to know him without feeling like there’s an agenda.
By Friday, I’m convinced Kolton is over asking me out, and the only reason he continues to frequent The Orange Sunrise is for its iced tea and salad.
But then, right after my sister asks me to join her on Saturday to meet Keegan’s parents, a text comes in from Kolton, making it clear where he stands.
Heard you’re joining us for lunch. If it were up to me, you’d be coming as my girlfriend and not as my brother’s baby momma’s sister, but I still look forward to spending the day with you nonetheless… Next time, though, you’ll be visiting as mine.
Me: I *think* that was romantic… in a creepy sort of way.
Kolton: Are you saying you miss my flirting?
Me: ……….
Kolton: I’ll take that as a yes.
So, he has been making it a point not to flirt with me.
I set my phone down, but then my curiosity gets the best of me.
Me: Why haven’t you been flirting?
Kolton: Wow, so you really do miss it, huh?
Me: That’s not what I asked.
My phone suddenly rings, and Kolton’s name flashes across the screen. “Hello?”
“You okay?”
“Um… yeah.”
“Just checking. It’s hard to tell through text. You seemed very distraught over me not flirting with you all week.”
“Hardly. I was just wondering what changed.”
“I was waiting for you.”
“For me?”
“To realize you miss my flirting.”
Motherfucker… Of course! He used reverse psychology… because he’s a freaking psychology major.
“I’m hanging up now.”
“No, wait,” he says through a laugh, but I don’t. After hanging up, I go one step further and turn my phone off. Let him psychoanalyze that!
It’s Saturday morning, and the five of us are piled into Keegan’s truck on our way to meet their parents. Blakely is droning on about how nervous she is to meet Keegan’s parents while he reassures her everything will be fine. I shouldn’t be nervous since I’m only coming along as moral support for my sister, but I can’t help the anxiety attacking my belly. I’m about to meet Kolton’s parents. I haven’t been around any parents in years. After ours died—and shortly after our grandma died—we were put into foster care. One woman was nice, but she was more like a roommate than a mom… From that moment forward, it was Blakely and me against the world.
“Mom will be so happy to have Zane there. She won’t care about anyone else,” Keegan promises her.
“And add to that Blakely and Sierra.” Kolton snorts. “She always says she wishes she’d had a daughter. Now she’s getting two-for-one.”
He looks over at me and winks, and my heart bottoms out in my stomach. Has Kolton told his parents about me? If he hasn’t, will I be disappointed? Will they think I’m good enough for their son?
My thoughts are still running rampant when we pull up to the most adorable gray and white house. It’s nothing like the over-the-top home Blakely and I grew up in… and I love it.
I unbuckle Zane from his booster seat and then climb out, taking it all in. In the front of the house there are flower beds containing beautiful multicolored flowers spread out across the front of a cute wraparound porch with cozy-looking rocking chairs. The entire scene in front of me screams homemade apple pies and family dinners, and it warms my icy heart.
Distracted by my thoughts, I don’t notice Kolton come up behind me until his lips graze the outer shell of my ear.
“You must be exhausted,” he murmurs.
“What?” I ask, snapping my gaze from the house to him. “Why would I be exhausted?”
Kolton smirks devilishly, and I know whatever he says next will be something flirty. “Because you were running through my mind all night.”
I can’t help the snort-laugh that bubbles out of me. He has got to be the cheesiest guy I know, and somehow it only adds to his charm.
He takes my hand in his and guides me into his house. When we enter the house, the s
weetest woman comes rushing over to us. She makes a beeline straight for Blakely and envelops her in the warmest motherly hug.
“My son has told me so much about you. I’m so happy I get to finally meet you.” She pulls back slightly to assess Blakely. “You’re gorgeous.” She smiles sweetly, then glances over at me. “You both are.” Barely releasing Blakely, she says to me, “Come here,” and pulls me into their hug. My insides melt at her touch, not realizing how much I’ve craved this. Even when our parents were alive, our mother never hugged us like this.
“I hate what happened with you and Keegan,” she murmurs to Blakely. “Him losing your number and you girls having to take care of my grandson alone all these years.”
Tears prick my sister’s eyes, but I try to remain strong.
“It’s okay,” Blakely tells her.
“Well, I can promise you that you will never be alone again. You have all of us now. I’m so excited to be a grandma,” she gushes. “Anything you need, you just let me know.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Reynolds.”
“Oh, no! You call me Larissa, or Mom, whichever.” She winks. “And this here is my other half.” She waves her husband over.
“I’m Paul,” Keegan’s dad says with a friendly smile. He looks like an older version of Keegan and Kolton, right down to the dimples. “It’s very nice to meet you.” His eyes meet mine. “Both of you.”
The early morning turns into afternoon as we eat and talk and laugh the day away. After lunch, the guys go fishing while Blakely, Larissa, and I go shopping. The entire day I can see the emotions splayed across my sister’s features. She doesn’t know what to do or how to act. This is new for both of us. But I can see in her eyes that she’s so damn happy. Zane not only has a mother and a father, but he now has an entire family, which only solidifies my decision. Kolton and I can never be anything more because if, or when, it doesn’t work out, everything would be awkward. My sister and nephew deserve to have this family, and I won’t be the reason they risk losing it.
Later, when we get home, I send a text to Kolton before I lose my courage: I’m sorry, but we can’t be anything more than friends. We’re family now, and that’s the way it has to stay.
He sends a response back immediately: If I believed for a second you really felt that way, I would accept that, but I know you’re scared. Sorry, Sierra, but I disagree. We can and will be more… It’s only a matter of time.
Chapter 5
Sierra
* * *
“I’m running out to get coffee. Want anything?” I ask Monica as she throws her apron around her waist, ready for the start of her shift.
“Nope! I’m good.”
“All right. I’ll be back!”
“Or you can go home and start your weekend early.”
That sounds nice… but at the same time, I need to get a bunch of stuff done before I’m off for the next three days.
I rush out of the restaurant, needing my caffeine fix, and run straight into Kolton.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, not confused that he’s here—he’s been here every night this week—but that he’s here this early. He usually arrives in time for dinner and stays until closing, then insists on giving me a ride home.
“I have Fridays off. I usually spend the day doing schoolwork or grading papers. My brother told me you were working this morning… Are you off already?”
“I’m taking a coffee break.”
“How long do you have?”
“Technically, however long I want… I’m not on the schedule today. Why, what’s up?”
“I want to talk to you.” He walks over to his motorcycle and pulls something out of the saddlebag. “For you,” he says, handing me a helmet—this one is different from the one I wore the other night. It’s lighter and has a cute black and pink design on the back.
My heart swells behind my rib cage, and I know I’m screwed. “Did you buy this for me?”
“Of course. You’re going to need your own helmet since I plan to have you on the back of my bike every chance I get.” He nods toward the helmet in my hand. “The guy said women prefer that design because it’s easier on their hair.”
He gets on his bike, leaving me momentarily frozen. I mentioned to him that the helmet ruined my hair, so he went out and bought one that wouldn’t. Jesus, this man is something else. How am I supposed to resist him when he says and does all the right things?
After a few seconds, I hop on, pushing my helmet on my head and wrapping my arms around him. We head east, riding in silence and enjoying the view around us. About thirty minutes later, he turns on to Ocean Ave, the road that runs north and south along the Atlantic Ocean. The breeze from the ocean picks up, and I snuggle closer to Kolton, trying to get warm. He smells clean with a hint of sweetness, like laundry detergent mixed with vanilla.
Eventually, he pulls into a deserted parking lot that overlooks the beach and parks his bike, turning the engine off.
“It’s beautiful out here.” I inhale a deep breath, feeling immediately rejuvenated. Something about being at the beach, smelling the salty air, and listening to the crashing waves instantly calms my nerves, making me feel like a new person.
“Yeah, it is,” Kolton agrees. “I like to come out here when I need somewhere to be alone and think.”
“About what?” I ask, wanting to know more even though I shouldn’t.
He slides off his bike and takes my hand to help me off. With our fingers intertwined, we walk down to the water. It’s a cloudy day, the norm here in Florida, but the sun is shining enough that it probably won’t rain until later.
Kolton drops to the ground and pulls me down with him so we’re sitting side by side. After sitting like this for a few minutes, he finally speaks. “A few years back, my older brother Keith was killed… and it was my fault. I was young and dumb, and my actions led to my brother’s death.” He releases a shaky breath, and I swallow down my shock, waiting for him to continue.
“Afterward, I took off, left the country to study abroad. I couldn’t be around my family, couldn’t handle the weight of knowing they all lost someone they loved because of me. I was only gone about a year before my brother convinced me to come back. Our mom was missing me, and he was pissed that my leaving meant she lost two of her sons. So, I returned. It was hard to be back at first and face everyone… When it would get to be too much, I would hop on my bike, which was Keith’s, and go for a ride. I ended up here one night and spent hours staring out at the water. It felt as if all that weight I was carrying ran into the water and was washed away.”
“I feel the same way. When we were little, our parents used to bring us here every year for vacation. No matter what was going on, once I was at the beach, with my toes in the sand and the sun beating down on my face, it was as if everything else momentarily faded away.”
Kolton takes my hand in his and brings it up to his lips, placing a kiss on my knuckles. When he lowers our hands, he keeps our fingers locked together.
“I lost my parents,” I admit. “When Blakely and I were teenagers. We were in a car accident, and by some miracle, even though both our parents died, we survived. It’s not the same as what you went through, but I just want you to know in my own way, I kind of get it.” Kolton squeezes my hand. When I glance over at him, he’s staring out at the water, deep in thought.
After a few minutes, he speaks. “Since I’ve returned, I’ve been on a mission to prove myself. To prove that my brother’s death wasn’t in vain… To prove that, even though nothing I do will bring him back, I’m living up to what he would’ve wanted for me. I’m in school, getting my master’s. I’ve been working hard on my relationships with my parents and Keegan, but somewhere along the way, I didn’t focus on me. Maybe it’s because I didn’t believe I deserved to be happy, or I was directing my attention on other stuff… I don’t know.”
His eyes meet mine, and at this moment, I’ve never felt so in sync with another person as I do with Kolton. I feel e
verything he’s saying down to my core. And because of that, without second-guessing myself, I give him a piece of myself I’ve never given anyone else—not even Blakely.
“My parents were twenty years apart in age,” I begin. “My mom was seventeen when she met my dad. She was an orphan, never had any kind of real love, and he offered it to her on a silver platter, so she took it. In his own weird, twisted way, I know he loved my mom, but he also loved to be in power, to control things and people, and my mom was easily controlled.
“Growing up, to someone standing on the outside, Blakely and I had the perfect life. The huge house, expensive clothes…Our father ran a successful company. We went to a prestigious private school. Our mom attended charity brunches while we were in school and followed him around all over the globe when he needed her to. She was the perfect trophy wife while we were raised by nannies.
“But in reality, it was all a façade. Our dad made bad decision after bad decision. He ran up debt and took risks he shouldn’t have. He was involved in illegal activity that, we found out later, he would’ve been sent to jail for. He kept our mom on a short leash, and when she misbehaved, he hurt her…” I shiver, remembering walking out of my room to get a drink and overhearing him yell at her just before he slapped her across the face. That was the first time I saw him lay his hands on her—and it wasn’t the last.
“My mom should’ve left him, but she was so freaking in love with him… or maybe she was in love with the idea of him, I don’t know. Either way, in the end, when he knew his life was about to go up in flames, instead of protecting us from the heat, instead of protecting her, he threw us straight into the fire. He found out she was going to take us and run, and he drove drunk, flat out saying he wouldn’t live without her, right before he plowed us into a pole, killing them both.”
Kolton sucks in a sharp breath. “Jesus, Sierra, I don’t even know what to say…”
“There’s nothing to say. Just like there’s nothing I can say about your brother’s death. We can say we’re sorry, but we both know that word is useless. It doesn’t change anything. Horrible things happen that are out of our control, but it’s how we react to them that defines us. And how I handled shit after my parents died was horrible. I pushed my sister away and made her feel as if I didn’t love her anymore. We were best friends, and I abandoned her. I was so hurt by what happened… afraid to love again… to be vulnerable. My mom gave my dad everything. Every bit of her. She made him her priority even though she had us, and in the end, her love and devotion to him killed her.”
I Have Lived And I Have Loved: A Charity Romance Collection Page 10
