by Skye Turner
“You have a stone. A kidney stone. Apparently it happens a lot with pregnant women.” He looks at me with a question on his face. I bite my lip. “Your kidney was blocked and your body went into septic shock. They have you on antibiotics.” My eyes widen and he must see the concern in them. “It’s safe for you… and for the… baby. The stone has also moved some. It’s still there, but they’re fairly certain you can pass it on your own.”
I sigh in relief and my eyes fill with tears. I thought I was losing my baby. Everything I went through and the hell and humiliation was worth it. I have this little person growing inside of me now. I have to protect it. I’m all they have.
Turning my hand, I squeeze his fingers. “Thank you, Cruz. Thank you for sitting with me. How long have I been here? I’m sorry… I- I’m sorry you found out like this.”
He smiles at me reassuringly. “It’s ok, Clove. I wasn’t going to leave you. We’d never leave you alone.” He looks away and sighs. “You’ve been here about fourteen hours. You passed out and then they gave you pain meds. You were in so much pain. I’ve never seen anything like that in my life, Clove.”
My eyes well with tears again. I’m so emotional all the time. “It felt like I was being ripped in half. I can’t even describe the pain. It was like someone was sticking me with hot pokers in my back and then on top of that, the shooting pain…” I shudder.
He stops my talking by reaching for my hand and taking it in his own. “It’s ok. You’re both ok. Liam called Dade. He’s on his way home. He should be here tonight. Everything is ok. Don’t think about the what ifs.”
I smile at him. He’s always been so kind to me. Even in school he was nice to me. I was so shy and he was so quiet. He’s two years older than me and hasn’t had the easiest life, but he has always been kind.
Turning my hand, I squeeze his fingers. “Thank you, Cruz. You’ve always been so sweet to me. Thank you.”
He starts to say something, but the door opens and we both look up. A stone faced Liam is there and he takes in the scene. His eyes rest on our hands and I see his jaw clench. Great, he’s pissed. Then he looks at me. “You’re awake.”
I stare at him. His hair is mussed up and his face has a day’s worth of growth on it. He looks like he had a rough night. I remember him kissing me in the kitchen. My face gets hot. He swallows and shakes his head. He looks away. “I just talked to Dade. He’s in Atlanta and he’ll be here in about three hours,” he says to the wall.
I sigh. Yeah, that kiss meant nothing… shocker. I say with a small voice, “Thank you for calling him.” I don’t realize it, but I’m entwining my fingers with Cruz’s. I need some support and I feel safe with him here.
Liam looks back and follows the movement with his eyes. He grimaces. “Right.” He pierces me with his crystal blue eyes. “Like I wouldn’t call your brother, Clove. Give me some damn credit!” He clenches his jaw and looks at Cruz. “I’m going home to shower and shave. You good staying here, Cruz?” He seems to be making it a point not to look at me.
Cruz answers him with a bit of an edge. “Yeah, man. I’ll be here until Dade gets here.”
Liam nods and without another word, he steps into the hallway and the door roughly closes behind him.
I let out the breath I was holding and slump back against the pillows. I try to hold in the tears that want to fall and I don’t even know why I want to cry. Damn hormones!
Cruz calls my name softly. “Clove. He’s just edgy… You really scared us.” He sighs and looks at me. “Is the baby Marcus’s?”
Looking at him, I nod and a few tears escape. He wipes them away with his fingers.
He sighs. “Wow. What are you going to do? You’re keeping it I assume?”
I try to sit up. He helps me by holding my arm and pushing the button to raise the back of the bed. Once I’m situated, he fluffs my pillows and sits in the chair by my bedside, and calmly waits. He’s always so calm.
Picking at the sheet, I talk while looking at my lap. “Yes, Marcus is the father, but it’s MY baby. He will never have anything to do with it. It’s mine! I’ll take care of him or her and I’ll be an amazing mother.”
He touches my chin and I look up at him. He smiles. “You will. I believe that. You have an amazing heart and I believe you will be a great mother. But raising a baby is hard. Especially by yourself…”
I smile at him sadly. “The baby won’t have a father, but he or she will have a mother and some pretty amazing uncles and aunts. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure this baby has more love in their life than they’ll ever need. I can do this, Cruz. I have to do this right. I can’t screw this up like I’ve screwed up everything in my life… I can’t be a screw-up at this too.”
He takes my hand and squeezes it. “Clove, look at me. You are not a screw up. You are a young woman who trusted the wrong man. It happens. You didn’t do anything wrong. What happened was not your fault. You will be an amazing mother. You are an amazing woman. You deserve to find someone you love who loves you and be happy.”
I smile wistfully at him. “What about you? You deserve to find someone and be happy too, Cruz.”
He shakes his head and I see the cloud pass over his face before he hides the pain. “We aren’t talking about me.” The grip on my hand tightens as he reins in his emotions. “And you know why I won’t do that. I’m not willing to risk that with anyone. Especially someone I care about. I would never be able to forgive myself if I did something to someone I was supposed to love.”
Now, it’s my turn to try to talk some sense into him. “Cruz Edwards, now you look at me!” My voice is sharp and he looks up. His light eyes meet my dark ones. “You are nothing like the man who attacked your mother! You are a good, kind, giving, and amazing man. I have told you before and I will keep telling you until you finally listen to me. You are not him! You are the miracle that came out of a terrible act, yes, and you are amazing!”
He looks away from me, but not before I see the shame he can’t ever shake. “Stop it! Look at me.” He turns his bleak gaze back to mine. “You have always been kind to me. In school, when I was thin and awkward, you protected me from the mean girls. When my date left me standing alone and humiliated at my sophomore Homecoming dance, you rescued me and danced with me. When people were cruel to you about your parentage, you never retaliated; though you easily could have, since you quickly filled out, and were much bigger than them.” I smile. “You seriously underestimate your self-worth and I, for one, am sick of it.”
He chuckles softly. “There’s the spunk. Glad you’re back.”
I chuckle and really look at him. He’s gorgeous. He always was, but sadly he’s never been the one I can’t get out of my head. Often, I wish he was.
He sees my perusal and shifts uncomfortably. “What? Why are you staring at me?”
I grin impishly. “Because you are mighty fine, Cruz Edwards. Mighty fine indeed!”
His beautiful café au lait skin darkens a bit. I wink.
Gruffly he says, “Stop. You’re full of shit! Did the poison in your blood reach your brain?”
Laughing, I manage to say, “Um, no. Cruz dear, you are gorgeous. You are a beautiful man.” He’s so embarrassed. I can’t help but laugh that he really seems to not understand what he looks like. “Seriously, Cruz. And you have no idea how hot you are, which makes you even hotter!”
Shrugging, he says in ire, “You’re insane. I’m mixed.”
Looking at him incredulously, I exclaim, “What the hell is your point?”
He shrugs again.
“Cruz, for a smart man, you’re an idiot. Hello?! Shemar Moore. Michael Ealy. Jesse Williams. I would do very dirty things with any of those gorgeous men! And you, Hun, you give them all a run for their money.” I start to giggle.
He chokes. “Jesus, Clove. How much pain meds are they giving you?! I think you’re getting too much. And what do you have a damn list for?”
I giggle again. It feels so good to laugh. I’ve
been so stressed out lately. I snort I’m giggling so much. “Shut up. I’m fine. I am not high on pain meds. I’m speaking the truth and you simply don’t want to hear it, but, I’m so right. Besides, they are fine. Of course I know who they are!”
Chuckling again, he says, “We’ll have to agree to disagree on that front.”
Just then, there’s a knock at the door. It opens and a female doctor walks in. She’s an older, pretty redhead and her lab coat has the name, M. Bush, MD OB/GYN, on the left breast. She smiles and I see her appreciative gaze take in Cruz before she looks at me. “Hi. I’m Dr. Bush. I work with Dr. Bird. I see you have an appointment with her next week. She’s actually on vacation right now, so I’m covering her patients.” She taps my chart with her light pink nails. “It seems that you had quite a scare, Miss Rodrigue. How are you feeling?”
Setting my hands across my stomach, I answer her. “I felt like I was being ripped in half. But the pain has subsided now. I feel much better and Cruz says, the baby is ok?”
She smiles reassuringly. “Your beau was correct, your baby is doing just fine.”
Cruz blushes and says, “Oh, I’m not… we’re not together. She’s my friend.”
Dr. Bush looks over at him and smiles then looks back at me. “Oh, I’m sorry. I should know better than to assume. Regardless, your little bundle is safe and protected and you should be passing that stone all on your own very soon. Many women experience kidney stones while pregnant. The urologist on staff doesn’t feel that intervention is needed though. We are going to keep you for another night just to be sure it doesn’t relodge, but it has moved and is in position to pass on its own. You will need to continue the antibiotics for another eight days, and follow up with Dr. Bird for your regular pre-natal appointment, but everything appears fine.” She smiles at me and I feel my face split with an ear to ear smile. I’m so relieved. Another knock at the door comes and an ultrasound machine is wheeled in by a technician. Dr. Bush looks at me and says, “We’re going to do an ultrasound and you’ll be able to hear the heartbeat.” She looks from me to Cruz and asks, “Are you comfortable with your friend staying for the ultrasound?”
Cruz coughs and says uncomfortably as he gets up, “Um, no. I’m going to be in the hall.”
Dr. Bush and I chuckle and he leaves the room. All three of us watch him leave. Turning to me, Dr. Bush sees that I’ve noticed her looking at him. She shrugs. “Sorry. I’m a red-blooded woman and he is a gorgeous man.”
Laughing, I reply, “Yes, yes he is.” as the technician sighs and nods her head in agreement.
I lift my gown and expose my stomach. The technician applies some blue gel to the top of the probe and places it on my stomach. It’s cold, so I jump. She says, “Sorry, I should have warned you it was cold.”
I laugh and say, “It’s ok. I just wasn’t expecting that.”
As she moves the probe around my stomach, I stare at the monitor. Suddenly, she stops and a faint heartbeat is heard through the monitor, as a small form becomes visible on the screen. I can’t help it, my eyes well with tears. They fall silently as I gaze in wonder at the little miracle on the screen that is my baby. My baby. I’m in awe.
Dr. Bush smiles at me. “Is this your first ultrasound, Miss Rodrigue?”
Nodding, but refusing to take my eyes off of the screen, I answer, “Yes Ma’am. I took four tests at home, but next week is my first appointment with Dr. Bird.”
She says, “Well, let’s see if we can determine about how far along you are. Give me just a minute.” She takes some measurements and asks me when my last cycle was. I answer her and then she smiles at me. “I’d say that you are about sixteen weeks along. That means you should be due sometime in late August. Dr. Bird can give you an exact date at your appointment.”
Gasping, I realize in just a few short months, I’m going to have a baby. I cry again. She smiles once more and asks the technician to print out some photos.
As the ultrasound photos print out of my baby, I thank her. She responds, “No problem, Miss Rodrigue. I think you will make a wonderful mother. There is nothing better in the world. I have four babies of my own at home.”
A knock at the door interrupts our conversation. She pats my hand as I call out, “Yes.” The door opens and Bradi swarms in. She smiles at the doctor and then her eyes zero-in on me. They are flashing fire. Oh yes, she’s pissed. Apparently Dr. Bush realizes this too. She smiles at me one more time and says, “Get some rest. You should be able to go home tomorrow.”
I thank her again and clutch my ultrasound photos to my chest. The door closes and I sigh. Time to face the music. Looking up, I see Bradi standing at the foot of my bed, tapping her foot rapidly, with her arms crossed. She’s staring at me, not saying a word.
I stare back. Finally, I can’t take it anymore and I look away. She sighs and moves to the side of my bed and sits in the chair Cruz vacated earlier. Watching her from the corner of my eye, I see her cross her legs and glare at me again.
I open my mouth and the only words that escape are “I’m sorry.”
Frowning, she looks at the photos still clutched in my hand. She holds her hand out and I pass them to her. Looking at them, her face softens. She looks up and her glassy green eyes meet mine. Once again, I start to cry.
Taking my hand, she squeezes and says softly, “Shhhhh. Stop. It’s ok. Why didn’t you tell us? I wish you’d told me.”
I raise my eyes and whisper, “No one knew… Except Dade.”
Her eyes flash fire. “I’m going to kick his ass! I’m your friend, you should have told me. You’re by yourself and pregnant, Clove. You need a woman around. Dade is great. He’s all sexy and all, but he’s your brother, and a dude! You should have told me!” Her voice changes and it cracks. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”
She’s really mad. I knew this was going to be bad. But she also sounds hurt. I wasn’t expecting that.
I answer her, “I wanted to tell you. I’ve wanted to since I got here. Do you have any idea what it’s like for me? I’m twenty-three years old and knocked up. By a guy who had sex with Jude’s fans in his house! A guy I trusted and who I was in a relationship with. I had to call my big brother and come crawling back home. I have no job. I live in my brother’s house. Why would I want to share that with other people, Bradi?” Tears are rolling down my face and I feel all of my frustration, fear, and anger over everything releasing. “All of you are beautiful and successful and then there’s me… knocked up and alone. I can cook, but I have no one to cook for. Why would I want to drag any of you into this mess I’ve created of my life?!”
Bradi looks shell-shocked. She’s sitting there staring at me with her mouth hanging open. After a bit, she composes herself. Taking my hands in hers, she stares at me. “You stop that. You don’t say that about yourself. You are beautiful and smart and you can damn sure cook… you’re also about to add kick ass mother to that line-up.” She squeezes my hands. “I just talked to Cruz in the hallway. He’s with Erik, Alec, and Micah. Liam called me about an hour ago and told me what had happened and that I needed to get over here. Dade is on his way home. I called Jessie and Blue on my way over and they are also on the way home. No one is calling Jude and Lexi, because they are honeymooning, but if we did, they would be on the way home too. You are not alone. We are all here for you, Clove. You might be a single parent, but you are not alone. We’re all in this together. We are your family! You get that?”
Tears are rolling freely down my face. She’s right. Had I just been honest with all of them instead of worrying that I would disappoint them in some way, I wouldn’t have felt so alone. These are my friends. They are my family. I was wrong to keep this from them.
Nodding and sniffling, I smile. “I get it. Thank you.”
She leans over and kisses my forehead. “Good. Now, get some rest. Aunt Bradi is going to shop online while you sleep. I’ll be here until Dade gets here.”
I am really tired. Smiling I say, “Aunt Bradi…” and pass out
from exhaustion.
Chapter Five
Liam
As I’m whaling on the punching bag in the gym off of the garage, I can’t stop obsessing over all that’s happened.
Clove is pregnant. Dade KNEW! He knew and he left. He went on vacation and left me here with his little sister. The little sister that some asshole cheated on repeatedly and knocked up! Only, she’s not really little. She’s a woman. No, no she’s not. She’s Clove. I kissed Clove. And she kissed me back. She’s pregnant and she kissed me. But she hates me.
Why did she kiss me if she hates me?
The same thoughts have been running through my mind on repeat for almost a full day now. I stayed at the hospital last night. She was knocked out on pain meds and I sat in that uncomfortable ass chair all night long. I don’t know why. But I couldn’t leave. I am telling myself that it’s because Dade specifically asked me to keep an eye on Clove while he was gone. He left her in my care. I’m responsible. Why the hell did he do that anyway? Why would he leave his precious baby sister with me?
He knows we’re like oil and water. We can’t stand to be in the same room together and if we aren’t snarling or screaming, we’re avoiding each other.
Women love me. They love me. So, why does she hate me? I’m trying desperately to remember back to the time when she stopped being nice to me and started snapping at me every chance she got. It was about five years ago.
What the hell happened five years ago?!
I can’t pinpoint any specific thing. The last time I remember us getting along we were about to go on tour. She had just graduated high school and we had a going away party for us/graduation party for her at Jude’s place in Los Angeles. She’d just moved to L.A. after she graduated. She’d been accepted to some acclaimed cooking school. She always could cook, but I think Dade talked her way into the school, and Jude set up some scholarship thing so they took her. She was moving into Jude’s, since he was never in L.A. anyway, and when he was, the house was gigantic, so she was getting her own wing. Having a body in the house also made the insurance people happy, so it worked out.
