by R. M. Webb
“And Zoe?” Daya levels me with a stern look. “No more dark magic. I’m sorry for what you guys have to live with, but you must not give into your dark magic. Not even a little. No more practice. You are to bury it deep inside, in a place you’ll never be able to get to again. Understood?”
I nod and Daya dismisses us. Noah holds my hand until we’re in the hallway and then drops it like he’s just realized what he’s doing. We wander a few steps towards our room in silence, my thoughts reeling and spinning in some awful, macabre dance of confusion. I know my parents names. Daya admitted what I am. In fact, I am the thing that sparked the idea for the genetic manipulation experiment, and so, in a really roundabout way, I’m to blame for the terrible things that happened to Noah and Luke in their childhood, for the deaths of the six kids who didn’t get to leave the ranch…
Noah stops and I take a few stumbling steps further before he calls out to me. “Zoe?”
I turn around but don’t close the distance between us, not sure if he wants me to or not. “Thank you.” I give him a questioning look and he continues. “For covering for me. In there.” He shrugs and I’m just glad to have his gorgeous blue eyes finally focused on me.
“You’re welcome.” I wait for him to say something else, would love for him to say something else. I’m so tired of things being weird between us. He walks towards me and there’s a moment where my heart swells because I think he’s gonna wrap me up in his arms and everything is going to be ok between us again. I really need everything to be ok between us again.
Instead, he just smiles as he passes me, just a ghost of the smile that I’m used to seeing on his face, and shoves his hands in his pockets and disappears down the hallway. The tears that I managed to fight back in Daya’s office flood down my face now. I’ve managed to mess everything up and I almost wish I’d never woken up from Becca’s spells and I could just go back to quiet, awkward Zoe. At least I was safe. At least I understood my place in the world. Sure, everything about it was fake, but at least it made some kind of sense. At least I knew what to expect and how to react and I could just smile through the hard parts because everything always ended up righting itself.
Now? Nothing makes sense and I don’t know how to be who I am. Hell, I don’t even know who I am anymore. Who I am keeps changing.
I spin on my heel, ready to run back to my room and run straight into a powerful chest. I grunt a little and try to stumble back but two very warm hands grab my shoulders and keep me from falling. I mean like, warm enough to feel the heat leeching through my sweater.
“Zoe?” I look up into a rugged face, a salt and pepper beard covering weathered skin. For a minute, I don’t recognize the man who so clearly knows me.
“Albert. You know, the guy who had your life in his hands just a few weeks ago?” When I don’t answer, he continues. “Leader of the werewolves? The summit? Where I decided with Daya and Lucy you should get to live?”
I swallow and take another swipe at my face. “Hey, Albert.” My voice is a quaking disaster and there’s no way he’s not going to notice the tear stains.
He swipes his thumb across my cheek, wiping away a tear. “I’ve never been one for rules and institutions. They always end up with talented people feeling like failures.” He gives me a strange look and leans down to whisper in my ear. “Rules? They’re for the sheep, my friend. It’s so much more fun to be a wolf.” And then Albert just keeps on walking down the hall, leaving me to wonder what it’d feel like be a wolf for once.
Chapter Ten
If before, I was ostracized, now, I’m kind of a celebrity. Tony really is fine, so I’m sure that helps. My table is crowded at lunch now, everyone asking questions to what they thought they saw happen that day in the library. I give very deliberately obtuse answers because I’m not sure how much Daya wants these kids to know. Well, plus, I’m not sure how much I really know.
In all honesty, I wish they’d all just leave me alone because I really want to find a quiet space to talk to Noah. He sits beside me every day. He’s been thawing towards me, not so angry in our one on ones, not pushing me so hard, but he still won’t… I don’t know ... acknowledge me. And I so want him to acknowledge me. It’s funny, I could have my pick of new friends, given the way people are fawning over me, but the only one who’ll always be able to understand me is Noah. He’s the only friend I care about. And, of course, because all I want is for him to look at me, he’s not having it.
“Why are you even still here?” a heavy set blonde - a friend of that girl, Cora - asks me one day at lunch. “I mean, you’ve mastered, like, every class. Know every spell. I don’t think there’s anything else they can teach you, you know? When are they setting you free?” She makes her hand look like a little bird and flutters it out towards the door.
Well, they probably won’t let me out until they’re sure I won’t accidentally lose my shit and kill someone in the throes of some dark magic induced fit, but I can’t really say that, now can I? I just shrug and take a bite, swearing a little when I drop sauce into my lap. I touch Noah’s thigh as I’m trying to clean the little spot off my jeans and reach out to him with my magic. Just give him a little nudge. Nothing. No response. I don’t know what else I can do to make things ok between us again. Maybe things’ll never be ok between us again. Maybe I’m just gonna have to come to terms with that.
********
This day was just another standard day in a string of standard days. I’m sitting in my room, running a brush through my just washed hair when my cell phone starts buzzing on my desk. I jump, because I’ve forgotten all about the thing. I don’t get calls or texts and have even stopped carrying it around with me. All the people in the world who might actually want to talk to me are here in Windsor Manor and can just pop over and talk to me in person.
Without much thought, I press the answer call button and put the phone to my ear. “Hello?” I ask, totally expecting Luke to be on the other end.
“Are you fucking kidding me? They let you have your phone?”
I almost hang up the phone, but shock has me kind of frozen. I just sit, staring wide eyed at my desk, thinking about hanging up.
“Zoe. We’re on the phone. You have to use your words, because I can’t see you, remember?” It’s Becca and now, instead of just hanging up on her, I want to throw the phone into the wall.
Of course I don’t do that. I’m busy trying to keep my more impulsive decisions to a minimum, remember? “I don’t think I have too many words I want to say to you.”
Becca sighs. “I get that. I really do.”
“No. I don’t think you do.”
“Well, you must be curious enough about what I have to say because you haven’t hung up on me yet.”
“I keep thinking I will any second.”
Becca laughs. “You’re kind of funny without all the dampening spells on you.”
“You know what? Fuck you.” I pull the phone from my ear and my finger hovers over the end call button.
“Zoe. Listen.” Her voice is small and tinny through the tiny earpiece. “I want to explain things.”
Well, she has my attention. I press the phone back to my ear. “I’m listening.”
“Not here. Not on the phone. Meet me.”
All my internal alarms are jingling and jangling at once. Nothing good can come of this. Which, of course, is why I’m going to do it. If Noah and I had been even a little ok, then maybe that’d be enough to make sure that I turned her down, but I don’t think Noah and I will ever be ok again. So why should this decision have anything to do with him?
“Where?”
Becca laughs and for just a second, it’s like old times. “Flannigan’s, of course.”
“Fine. See ya there.” And I hang up without waiting for a response. I’m all excited as I get dressed. I can’t believe I’m going to sneak out of here again. There’s no way Noah’s not going to know about it, but he’s so done with caring about me, I’ll probably be out and back in a
gain without even hearing from him.
This time, instead of taking another fall from my window, I head out to a quiet room and use the teleportation spell. They’ve never actually taught it to us, which is smart given that they probably don’t want people just flitting in and out of here at will. But it’s been used on me twice now and I think that’s enough for me to figure out the mechanics of it. I close my eyes, focus on Flannigan’s, call on the tiger, and am satisfied when I’m wrenched out of one place and appear at Flannigan’s front door. There’s a girl stumbling out into the night, her breath reeking of beer, and she shrieks when she sees me. I just wiggle my fingers, say a little hello, and push past her into the bar.
Becca’s in the corner, her hair pulled back in that severe ponytail, lots of black eyeliner hiding her natural prettiness. I wander over and slide into the booth without a word. She runs a hand back over her too slick hair and gives me a wry little smile. “You gonna drink tonight?”
My first thought is that it’d be a very dumb idea to drink tonight, but my second thought is that it’s been too long. I nod an affirmative and signal a waitress. She sidles up to the table and smiles in recognition when she sees me. “Well, hey hun. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”
My mouth drops open. I’m not used to anyone here recognizing me. “Sure has,” I say with a smile and order my drink.
“That must be nice.” Becca looks down at the table. “Not being invisible anymore.”
“It kinda is.” My instinct is to smile and make her feel comfortable, but I ignore it. I think I’m fine with her feeling a little uncomfortable. I keep my gaze hard and direct and she flinches from it just a little.
“Look, Zoe,” Becca flexes her fingers. “I was really young when they found me. They were gonna kill my parents. I didn’t know what else to do. They swore you wouldn’t get hurt.”
“Who’s they?”
“You know I can’t tell you that. These people are super powerful, super dangerous.”
“Is this why you brought me out here? To make excuses for ruining my life?” Clearly, Becca wasn’t prepared for the new and improved Zoe. Surprise lifts her eyebrows.
“Well, I want to apologize. To try to explain. And … well … I miss you.”
“I’m so not ready to forgive you.”
“I get that.” Becca kind of laughs. “But what about her?” She indicates a girl lining up her shot at the dartboard. “You think she’ll forgive me?”
“What does she have to forgive you about?” I’m genuinely perplexed. I’ve never seen that girl before and can’t imagine why it even matters if she’d forgive Becca.
“For this.” Becca smiles and something wicked flashes in her eyes. She gives a little waggle of her fingers and, just as the girl throws the dart, all the buttons on her blouse pop off, exposing a very utilitarian set of Spanx and a bra my grandma would be excited about.
I can’t help but laugh.
“And what about him?” She looks over towards the pool table and I recognize a very cocky guy who likes to announce his victories by shaming his opponent. Loudly. For the whole bar to hear.
Ok. I admit. She’s got my attention.
The asshole takes his shot and scrapes a big gaping hole into the felt on the table. His buddies do a full on point and laugh and the guy starts sputtering excuses until he throws the pool stick onto the ground and stalks out of the bar.
I’m laughing for real now.
“Oh, sweetie,” says Becca. “It’s way more fun being a witch than I’m sure you’ve realized, what with being all locked up in Windsor Manor.” She uses a terrible British accent on the name of the place and widens her eyes and purses her lips. “Out here, in the real world? We get to play.”
Our waitress returns with my drink and I down about half the glass. I mean, I’m not saying I’m gonna forgive Becca, but it has been a long line of days that are nothing but work and regret and I’m more than ready to have a little fun. I find a guy, looking ever so longingly at a girl across the bar. I mean like puppy dog eyes, can’t look away, you know, all that good instant attraction stuff. I hate to admit it, but the girl is way out of his league. With a little wiggle of my fingers, I fix that. Hit her with a little magic, make her look at him, see him the way he sees her. The look on his face when she smiles at him is like everything I’ve needed for a long time now.
Becca and I drink and laugh and spend the night casting spells at the unsuspecting people at Flannigan’s. It’s nothing major, no one gets hurt, although maybe a few people end up embarrassed, but this is the most fun I’ve ever had. For the first time in forever, I don’t absolutely hate what I am. It’s kind of a nice change of pace. After a bit, I excuse myself to go the restroom and it’s crazy how the crowds kind of part in front of me. People see me coming and move out of the way. I mean it’s nothing more than common courtesy, nothing more than they would do for any other human being, but I can’t help but remember all the times I tried to make my way through crowds of people who simply wouldn’t budge because I was next to invisible.
As I round the corner that lead to the restrooms, I bump into a tiny little girl. She couldn’t be more than fourteen and for a second, I’m shocked, but then I recognize the silvery energy that twists just under her skin and realize that I’ve run into my first wild vampire. “Excuse me,” I say, averting my eyes while I cast my anti-compulsion spell and step out of her way.
“You’re the witch,” she says in the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard. “The one who can heal us.” She steps toward me, too close, hope lighting up her face and twisting in her silver eyes. “Please, you’ve got to help me. Change me back.”
“I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I can’t do that.” I try to step back, but she moves in lockstep, staying too close. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t lie.” She smiles and shows just a bit more of her teeth than I’d like. “I don’t want to be this anymore. Save me. Make me human.”
“I’m sorry.” I put my hands on her tiny little shoulders and shudder at the chill rolling off her. “I can’t do that. I don’t know how.”
The vampire sits back on her heel and juts her chin up, all righteous indignation. “You’ll be sorry not to help me. You’ll see.” And then she’s gone. I spin, afraid to find her behind me and yelp to find Becca right there.
“Shhh.” She shows me her palms, nothing but panic on her face. “Look. You’re gonna have to be ready to run. Like for your life, ok? ‘Cause what I’m going to tell you is going to cost me my life and if they catch you, it’s gonna cost you yours as well.” Becca puts her hand on my back and starts guiding me towards the door. I’m too stunned to protest. “The person who hired me to hide you? It was Lucy. Like in charge of the vampires Lucy. Like deadly, crazy, kill you in your sleep Lucy.”
We reach the front door and she shoves it open and I stumble out into the cool night air. There’s a scream from inside Flannigan’s, followed by several others. I turn around to find Becca staring at me, her eyes wide and glassy, blood pouring from a gaping gash in her throat. The little girl with the dulcimer voice is smiling at me, blood dripping from her teeth.
“You better run, little witch. I’ll even give you a head start.” And then she turns and heads back into Flannigan’s, her smile widening as the screaming starts up again.
Chapter Eleven
I will never, for as long as I live, forget the sounds that bleed through Flannigan’s front door. Some measure of morbid curiosity has me frozen, staring at the building, listening to the massacre that’s happening inside. Or maybe it’s not curiosity. Maybe it’s fear, slinking up my back and holding me in place, icewater in my veins. Whatever it is, I hate myself for it.
I loose a shuddering breath and stagger back, finally freed from stasis, and take off running straight to Luke’s. There’s no doubt in my mind that’s where I belong. I’m not going back to Windsor. Not now. Not knowing that Lucy is the reason all this happened to me. It’d be too easy to find me there
. And who knows who else is in on this whole thing? Hell, maybe Daya herself is part of it. Noah. Cora. Maybe everyone I’ve met at Windsor is there for the sole purpose of whatever diabolical plan Lucy has in mind for me.
As I run, I realize I’m crying. I’m crying for Becca, who, for most of my life, was the best friend possible. The person who made it easier to get through my days. The person who held my hand when I struggled, who guided me through the stuff I just couldn’t have gotten through alone. The person who just died in front of my eyes, blood streaming down her shirt, carrying all the color in her face with it. I stumble to a stop and put my hands on my knees, wheezing and retching until I throw up into the street.
When I catch my breath, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and spit a few times to clear my mouth. A man slows in front of me. “You ok, miss?” he reaches out to touch my arm and for some reason, I can’t keep myself from thinking that he’s one of the people who are out to get me. I dart back from him and he scowls but I don’t care. Making sure some random stranger on the street doesn’t have hurt feelings is kind way down on the ‘things I care about’ list right now.
When I get to Luke’s, I bang on his front door, leaning against it as if I might press it open with my sheer desire to get inside. Luke throws it open and I stumble in, a blubbering mess of fear and regret and confusion. He puts his arms on my shoulders and presses me away from him when all I want is to bury my face in his chest and for everything to be ok.
