'And if I'm forced to do it the rumours and talk would be worse,' Fleur replied, and Anne had no comfort to offer for she knew Fleur was right. They might cause trouble for Russell Delaney, but Fleur would also suffer.
Silently determining to make some effort on her own initiative, Anne began to talk about the party, and then, worried at the drawn look on Fleur's face she persuaded her, much against her inclination, to take a sleeping pill.
'You need to sleep as much as the patients!' she insisted as Fleur wearily shook her head. 'I know we both hate unnecessary medication, but if you don't sleep you'll be unfit for anything. It's bad enough adjusting from nights to days without other complications making it impossible for you to rest. Just one Temazepam, please?'
More to stop her than because she thought it would do any good, Fleur agreed, and to her surprise she did enjoy a deep, dreamless sleep, awaking bodily refreshed but still with a cloud of gloom oppressing her spirits.
*
'Is it tonight you're going out with Steve?' Anne asked as they sat at breakfast.
'Heavens, I'd forgotten that. I'd better wash my hair. What are you planning?'
'To get more things for the party. David's bringing his car round later so that I can get the beer and wine. Come with us?'
'I don't think so, but is there anything I can get locally? It's too early to do any cooking, isn't it?'
'Mrs Wilson in the flat downstairs offered to let us use her freezer, so I'll make quiches and pizzas today. Could you mix the dough and bake the pastry cases? You're much better at it, and I'll do all the fillings after shopping.'
'Right. Bring David back to lunch, I'll make a pie since we're doing pastry,' Fleur suggested.
She spent the morning cooking, and at lunch realised David and Anne were clearly the best of friends. And more, she concluded, seeing the look in David's eyes as he watched Anne.
She was happy for Anne. David was a pleasant, equable man, open and uncomplicated. Not like Russell, she thought, and pulled herself up short. What on earth was she doing even thinking of them together. It seemed highly probable Anne would marry David, but there was no possibility she and Russell Delaney would marry. She had no intention of even going out with him, apart from the fact he was already engaged, she told herself in confusion, and wondered why the thought should cast her into deep depression.
'I'll see you at seven, if you're ready on time for once,' David said teasingly to Anne when he left, and she laughed.
'You're more likely to be late. I'll pay for dinner if I'm later than you! Now go, I've work to do, I can't spend Saturday afternoons lazing in front of the box like some people!'
She began on the food for the party, chatting happily to Fleur, who was washing her hair and then inspecting her wardrobe in order to find something suitable to wear that evening.
At last she chose a boldly patterned black and white dress with plunging neckline.
'I need cheering up,' she explained as she sat in the kitchen stitching up the hem.
'I don't go in for bright reds and pinks, but I need to make a splash. There, is that level?' she asked, slipping off the pale blue housecoat she was wearing and pulling the dress over her head.
Anne regarded her thoughtfully. The large pattern had been cleverly placed to emphasise all the right curves, she realised, and the neckline, though deep, was tantalising rather than revealing. Fleur looked stunning.
Steve clearly agreed when he arrived, and seemed barely able to take his eyes from her. Anne and David had left, and as Steve helped Fleur on with her coat he bent to kiss her neck.
She swung round, startled. He had never before kissed her except briefly at the end of an evening. She had thought of him just as a good companion, easy and undemanding. Now all that was changed.
Perhaps the dress had been a mistake. She could not cope with two amorous surgeons, she thought in a panic.
'Let's go,' she said hurriedly, and thought Steve followed her with considerable reluctance from the flat.
*
He took her to a small but expensive French restaurant close to the hospital.
'It's a favourite with the doctors,' he told her as they sipped sherry and read the excellent menu. 'Several of them have recommended it to me, though I've only been here once before.'
She was idly wondering who had been his companion on that occasion when two more of the medical staff at Chad's arrived and joined them as they waited for their tables. One was with his wife, a former nurse, the other with a girl who was a solicitor.
'Nothing to do with medicine, though I'm rapidly learning a great deal about it,' she said wryly when she had been introduced to Fleur and Steve. 'You people do tend to stick together.'
'It's the hours,' the other woman said. 'A wife who didn't understand could be really suspicious when her husband didn't turn up until hours after he'd promised.'
'Yes, an emergency's an excellent excuse,' her husband commented, 'and one can't ring home from the theatre to warn you to hold dinner. I wonder why anyone ever marries a doctor!'
'So do I,' she teased, and then Steve and Fleur were called to their table and saw no more of them.
To Fleur's relief they saw Anne and David letting themselves in as they arrived back at the flat. Steve had been uncharacteristically silent, and Fleur suspected he would want to come in. However he refused coffee, saying he had better go home as he was on duty the following morning.
From the way he held her hand and put his arm about her shoulders she knew that his feelings for her had changed into something warmer. She was not ready for it, and dreaded having to try and explain the reasons to him.
She had to exercise great control when he kissed her lingeringly outside the door of the flat. Her mind was protesting, and she had immense difficulty in preventing herself from shrinking away from the touch of his lips. This was not in the least like the effect Russell had on her, she thought involuntarily, recalling the burning desire which had swept over her when the other man had merely touched her accidentally.
Confused, ashamed of such recollections, she broke away, thanked him and let herself into the flat.
'I'll see you at Chad's next week, darling,' he replied lightly, apparently unaware of her turmoil.
She went straight to bed, but was unable to sleep for hours. How wretchedly complicated life was, she raged impotently. When a two-timing, untrustworthy rogue forced kisses on her, she had to exert tremendous efforts to stop herself from responding, yet when a decent, kind, thoroughly nice man like Steve wanted to kiss her she shrank away, hating it.
And hated his endearment, she realised with a shock. Many people used the term 'darling' lightly, but for Steve it was not a casual word. And she did not like the implications. She was not ready to commit herself to anyone.
Perhaps the shock of Russell's kisses made her unable to tolerate Steve's. That would make sense, and not imply she liked Steve less than Russell. She hated Russell, she had not a single shred of liking for him.
What about the longing when she had found it so difficult not to respond, her inner voice tormented her. Chemistry, bodily sexual chemistry, she insisted, which was haphazard, but unnecessary. If only Steve elicited that response.
Angry at the direction of her errant thoughts she gave up all attempts to sleep, switched on the bedside light and tried to forget her problems by re-reading one of her favourite books. It was only partly successful, for she found her thoughts persistently intervening, but at last she fell into an uneasy doze, awaking to wonder bemusedly why the light was still on.
*
Her friends were overflowing with more gossip when she returned to work a few days later.
'Rowena has broken her engagement,' Jenny told her as they were setting up dressings trolleys. 'I heard yesterday, from a girl in theatre. It's stunned everyone, for after the triumph of capturing the man it's amazing to throw him over.'
Biting back the comment that Rowena was well rid of him, Fleur merely raised her eyeb
rows. Jenny was eager to go on.
'She wasn't wearing her ring on Friday, and was dreadfully pale and quiet. Someone saw Russell talking to her in the corridor, and she positively shouted at him and flounced off. He looked daggers when he realised they'd been seen.'
'What caused it?' Fleur asked.
'Neither of them have breathed a word. But later the same day she walked straight past him without speaking. Perhaps we'll hear more when we go for lunch.'
However Fleur was delayed, helping to admit a new patient with a hiatus hernia, and went down to the canteen later than normal. Jenny had gone, and the canteen was crowded, but she found a small corner table. She propped a book in front of her, and jumped with startled dismay when she was spoken to.
'May I sit here?' Before she could reply Russell had pulled out the other chair and seated himself. He had just a cup of coffee, and he leaned back, regarding her with sombre eyes.
His chair was at an angle and blocked her only way out, Fleur realised in fury, her heart pounding with mingled astonishment and annoyance.
'I must go, I'm late back,' she stammered.
'I saw you come in not five minutes ago, when I was having my own lunch. Please listen. I want to apologise again. What I did was unpardonable, but whenever I see you I want to kiss you! Now I know that won't encourage you to come out with me, and I don't blame you, but will you at least let me buy you a drink tonight? We can go to the Crown, I won't drive you home, and I'll invite others too, for your protection!' he added, his eyes suddenly laughing at her.
He really did have almost hypnotic eyes, Fleur was thinking, and then looked up with a start as another man approached.
'Darling,' Steve greeted her, and she knew with utter certainty that if she had not been trapped in the corner out of reach he would have dropped a kiss on top of her head.
She fumed inwardly, unaware of why she was so angry, but faintly realising she was unwilling to be identified as Steve's property.
He pulled another chair up, nodded to Russell, and unloaded the contents of his tray. Russell glanced from under suddenly lowered eyelashes from one to the other, then as Fleur did not speak he began to tell Steve of an interesting article on relaxant drugs he had read that morning.
'I must go back, we're busy,' Fleur said hastily, and this time Russell moved promptly for her to squeeze past.
'I'll pick you up at five,' Steve said to her, and she resented his air of ownership. She would need to stop it quickly she decided, and smiled at him.
'Sorry, Steve, I've made other arrangements,' she said briskly, and before he could protest walked swiftly towards the door.
*
'Attagirl,' Russell said softly as the doors swung to behind her. Fleur turned, startled, unaware he had followed her.
'I didn't mean I was coming out with you!' she exclaimed in dismay, but he didn't seem to hear her.
'I can't stand possessive people taking one for granted,' he was saying. 'I'll see you in the Crown.'
With that he grinned and strode away. Fleur fumed. Talk about pots and kettles, she muttered, and then had to skip nimbly out of the way of a trolley one of the porters was pushing.
She spent most of the afternoon telling herself she would not go. It was preposterous. If she did he would preen himself over another conquest. He was no longer engaged, perhaps using her to recapture Rowena's interest. Hastily she switched her thoughts to Steve. He needed to be taught a lesson, yet unless Steve actually saw her with Russell he would not receive it. Then she recalled the efficient grapevine in the hospital. Steve would know within minutes of entering Chad's the next day. And so would Rowena.
The thought of the gossip and speculation, the fuel it would add to the rumours about her own previous encounter with Russell made her determined not to give way, and even as she approached the bus stop she had no intention of entering the Crown. She could not afterwards recall the exact reasons why her feet had carried her round the corner and through the huge doors to be met by Russell inside the plush, warm saloon bar.
'I've bought you a martini,' he said, taking her arm to guide her to one of the secluded bays.
How could he be so obnoxiously sure she would come, she thought angrily, but could find nothing suitable to say in reply, since she had come, unaccountable though she found her actions.
Shivering, for even through her thick coat Fleur could feel his strong, slim fingers on her arm, she slid along the bench. Although he sat beside her he kept a distance away, and she was grateful he appeared to have no intention of casually sliding his arm along the back of the bench. No, he was more direct than that, he'd take what he wanted without subterfuge, her inner voice warned sarcastically, but Fleur paid little heed.
'I've told you the effect you have on me,' he was saying in a cool, clinically detached voice, immediately proving her thoughts. 'Good subject for a research study, perhaps, but I doubt if we could find anyone sufficiently detached to undertake it. Is that the reason for your nickname?'
'The other nurses found it funny, my name and the fact that one of my first patients, when he got delirious, kept raving he was going to marry me,' Fleur explained shortly.
'I can't imagine he was completely out of his mind, and he won't have been the only one with such ideas,' he added.
'Susceptible male patients always imagine themselves in love with their nurses. It's one of the hazards of the profession. Doctors have to put up with it too.'
'It's one of the advantages of being a surgeon. At least for some of the time the patients are out of action and one can feel safe,' he commented, and Fleur chuckled, relaxing herself. 'How long will you stay at Chad's? Do you want to specialise?'
From hospital topics their talk spread to other matters, and Fleur was soon telling him about her home.
'I miss the hills,' she confessed. 'We're very close to the Welsh border, only a short distance from Shrewsbury.'
'My parents have a cottage in that part of Wales,' he said. 'I loved holidays as a child, exploring castles, imagining myself a Welsh prince fighting English invaders. Sometimes I'd be a captured soldier escaping, or a spy behind enemy lines. Did you have such fantasies?'
'Sometimes, but I loved dogs and ponies. I wanted to be a vet, then decided I would be happier nursing people.'
'Didn't you want to be a doctor?' he asked curiously. 'Nursing is often second best with some people.'
'Only for a very short while. I doubt if I'd have been accepted at medical school with my 'A' levels, and I wanted to be more closely involved with every aspect of caring for people. Nursing offered more variety, it's much better for me.'
They talked eagerly and Fleur lost track of the time. When they rose to leave and Russell escorted her to his car it seemed so natural to get in that afterwards Fleur could never explain why she had. Nor the fact she made no demur when he drove to a small riverside restaurant, casually remarking it was far enough from Chad's to be sure of not meeting other medics.
It was only much later when, without making the slightest effort to touch her hand, let alone kiss her, he drove her home, that she properly realised what had happened.
Entirely without meaning to she had done exactly as he had wished, spent the whole evening in his company, had dinner with him, and been thoroughly absorbed and happy the entire time. Not once, after the first few minutes, had she felt threatened, or even remotely uncomfortable. It had seemed so natural to be together, talking and eating and drinking, swapping reminiscences of childhood, all with a great deal of laughter, that she felt suspended in a dream. A dream that could not last.
*
Chapter 6
Fleur saw Russell only briefly for several days, on ward rounds or when he came to see his own patients, and she had great difficulty persuading herself they really had spent the evening together. She felt as if she had been enchanted, in both senses. He had proved an entirely different kind of man to the one she had thought she knew, considerate, interesting, and devastatingly attractive. A man
she could very easily fall in love with, she admitted honestly to herself, even without that electric current which ran between them every time he kissed her. Somehow he had bewitched her, inducing her to go with him, forgetting entirely the suspicions and fears she harboured.
But he had spread the story of her discomfiture, she recalled, hardening her heart against him. Any man who could do that should not be trusted, however adept he was at beguiling gullible nurses.
It was difficult to maintain her attitude when she was longing to see him again, and as she had carefully refrained from telling Anne, who had been out that night with David and not noticed her absence, she had no one to confide in.
'Rowena's looking as black as thunder,' Jenny said one day.
'You seem to relish all the murky details,' Angie said with a laugh. 'What is it to you whether they're having a row?'
Jenny gave a rueful grin. 'I'm not sure,' she admitted. 'Partly I'm glad to see things going less than smoothly for the heartthrob of Chad's, and partly I'm fascinated that anyone could reject him.'
'He doesn't seem to be especially upset,' Angie remarked.
'Have you seen him?' Fleur could not resist asking.
'Only briefly, yesterday. He mentioned he'd be away most of the week, and Mr Markham was looking after his cases.'
Steve spoke once to Fleur, looking both hurt and puzzled, but apart from saying that he looked forward to the party on Saturday he made no attempt to arrange another date with her.
She was relieved, but guilty. Yet she had no cause to be for she had given him no encouragement, and the change in their relationship was all on his side. Or had been. He had been punctiliously polite, but his eyes were cold and he seemed withdrawn. She ought to be glad he had taken the rebuff she had dealt him in such a way, for she could not feel towards him as he had seemed to wish.
Nor to anyone except Russell Delaney, she realised, and hastily suppressed the thought. Perhaps he had felt genuine remorse and that evening had been just an apology. After all, despite his broken engagement she could not expect him to fall in love with her. He had not suggested they meet again. How could he possibly turn to her after the gorgeous Rowena? He must be hoping the broken engagement would be resumed. His date with her had all too probably been made with that in mind.
Hospital Heartbreaker Page 5
