She joins them all in the dark room at lunch period, not even bothering to ask any of them if that’s okay. Not that Tommy, Michelle or even Jay would bother to protest; they just ignore the people they don’t want to hang around with, as a general rule. Anyone who doesn’t slink off after a few minutes, cowed and mortified, is clearly cool enough to be worth hanging with anyway, so either way things go fine without them having to do anything much. Ash thinks they’re kind of dumb and passive-aggressive with the whole attitude, but that’s just because she spent her formative years in Jenna’s shadow, and Jenna never missed an opportunity to tell someone what was flawed or wrong about them.
It’s kind of fucked up that the clique of bloodsucking vampires who prey on the living are the friendliest of Ash’s various social acquaintances.
When Sofie comes to the dark room she’s carrying two cups of the horrendously shitty tinted water that passes for cafeteria tea. She gives one to Ash, sipping her own and making a disgusted face.
“Thanks,” Ash says. She’s already had two bags of blood, but it wasn’t enough to stop her being thirsty. It’s never enough. The tea is better than nothing, at least.
Sofie shrugs one shoulder, dismissing Ash’s thanks with an unsmiling “I’ve never dealt with an insane vampire before. I want to see if you respond to the same things as other vampires do.”
“Sofie,” Jay says sharply, a tense line appearing between his eyebrows. She ignores the reprimand, still facing Ash.
“I’m not insane,” Ash answers quietly, though she isn’t sure whether that’s strictly true or not. “I’m just… different. Not quite the same as other vampires.”
“Yeah, well. I don’t like different. I like humans and vampires to be exactly how I expect them all to be,” Sofie tells her with a thin, chilly smile. “So you bother me.”
Wow, Ash can totally see how this girl is Jay’s sister. Both of them are catty as hell when they want to be.
But Ashley had a sister too, once. And neither Jay nor Sofie have anything on Jenna when it comes to catty.
“Save your self-hate shit for someone who gives a damn,” replies Ash. “It isn’t my problem if you’re some kind of freak, acting out against her own weirdness by trying to put everyone else in one box or the other. I’m not going to feel bad for not fitting neatly into your bullshit categories. And that’s all they are. Bullshit. I’m not quite a vampire, and neither are you. Maybe it’s never been a matter of binaries. Maybe it’s always been a spectrum.”
She steps in closer to Sofie, dropping her voice to an intimate, threatening stage-whisper that the others will all hear as well. “You can’t stand the idea that I don’t sit around feeling guilty and existential for being what I am, because you think your own angst about being weird makes you special. You get off on hating yourself for how strange you are.
“The only reason you don’t like me is because now you don’t get to be unique all on your own anymore. You have to share it with me. And it just eats you up inside that I might be better at it.”
~
Later, in English class, Michelle texts her from the other side of the classroom
u remined me of jenna
Ash smiles to herself, and looks at the blackboard, squinting against the brightness of the thin sunlight.
~
She can hear the argument from across the parking lot. There are a lot of conversations in the air, because the last period of the day’s just ended and everyone’s excited to be free and making plans for how to spend the rest of the afternoon. The chatter hums around Ash’s head, tugging at the edges of her distractable mind, but she forces herself to concentrate on the heated words being shot back and forth between Sofie and Jay.
“Sof, what would Liam think if he saw how you’ve been acting with everyone?”
“He’d think it was a surprise I’d survived to grow up this old.” Sofie answers tartly.
“Don’t be like that. You know what he always said. What you don’t have, fake. I don’t care if you don’t have any time for the vampires of this city; you need to start faking it better. Ashley’s incredibly dangerous.”
“I’m not scared of that blood-frenzy shit she’s got. Hunters have been able to put down freaks like her before, and I can do the same if I have to.”
“That’s not an option. She’s… she’s my friend, Sofie. And the others— Blake, Tim, Bette, everyone— they all love her. You’ll have the whole gang down on you if you hurt her.” Jay sighs, frustrated. “Lily and Will would be pissed at you, too.”
“I’m not going to hurt her,” Sofie mutters sullenly. “She seems okay.”
“Then why were you goading her so hard? You weren’t that hardcore to any of the others, not even Blake.”
“I’m just trying to keep her on the level, because… because she goes to school. She’s trying, instead of just giving in and being a monster with no strings attached. And that makes her… she’s better than them, okay,” Sofie hisses angrily. She doesn’t raise her voice, but the acid in the words makes them as forceful as a shout. “You’re better than them. What are you faking, Jay? What lies are you carrying around? There’s gotta be some big ones, I think. Why? Why are you -“
“Because I love him, Sof.” Jay’s words are as furious as hers. “Don’t get up on some high fucking horse with me, okay? You’ve got Jenny and now you’ve got Min. Why aren’t I allowed to make myself a family, too?”
Sofie seems lost for words at that, or at least like she’s biting back the words she wants to say. Ash waits a few seconds and then walks over to them, wincing at the sting of the afternoon sunshine. She’s still too much Jenna’s little sister to wear a hat— it just wouldn’t co-ordinate with her school uniform— and so the heat and light beats down hard against her face. Her sunglasses help a little, but not enough.
She doesn’t want to stop… how was it that Sofie had put it? Trying. Ash doesn’t want to stop trying. She doesn’t want to turn into a monster and nothing else, especially not now that she’s sorta starting to remember how to be Ashley. But maybe it’s time to find another way to try. Maybe she should talk to Lily and Will.
“Hey,” Ash says to Jay and Sofie, as she gets closer to them. “Are you going to Will and Lily’s?” she asks Sofie, ignoring the faint surprise on the girl’s face at being spoken to without malice.
“Yes,” Sofie answers.
“I’m going over to Tommy’s,” Jay says, hoisting the strap of his bag higher on his shoulder. “Try not to do anything stupid,” he warns Sofie, sounding weary. “See you two later.”
They walk to the bus stop without chatting, keeping to the shadows of trees and buildings as they go. Ash doesn’t know how badly sunlight affects Sofie’s skin, but her own is starting to really hurt. There are lots of great things about being a vampire, but right now the whole deal is making her feel kind of queasy and sore. She’ll have to have something to drink soon, even if it’s just one of those gross cocktails Will and Lily drink instead of blood.
Could she do that all the time? Live on just replacements, instead of the real thing? Ash isn’t sure if that’s even an option for vampires like her; broken ones. Would Alexander and Timothy and Blake and everyone shut her out of their world if she gave it a try?
The sun’s a little lower in the sky by the time they get to the warehouse that Will and Lily call home. Jenny and Will are sitting on one of the crappiest couches Ash has ever seen— there’s stuffing coming out of several of the cushions, and the whole thing seems to redefine ‘threadbare’— and chatting.
“You know, if you want to turn more vampires to the light side of the force, you should maybe work on your PR a little,” Ash notes, wrinkling her nose. “Because, I’m just saying, the bad guys are living in a beautiful mansion with an entire recording studio inside it, while the good guys are practically hobos.”
Will makes a particularly put-upon sounding noise. “Is Blake’s gang really so bored that they’re wandering over to insult our decora
ting now? Because if we’re talking PR, petty fights over who has the better fringe benefits scheme isn’t exactly the stuff of epic evil either.”
“She came with me,” Sofie tells Will, heading over to the fridge. “Is there any of your blended smoothie made up?”
“Nice to see you too, Sofie,” Will replies. “Yeah, I think there’s a jug in there. Don’t drink it all; Lily needs to have some when she wakes up in a couple of hours.” He turns back to Jenny, waving one hand at Ash to indicate that she can go over to the kitchenette area with Sofie if she wants.
“I’m just saying,” Will says to his little sister. “That if you’re planning to be a doctor one day, staying dropped out of school for another year isn’t what most would call the logical path.”
“It’s not a race!” Jenny replies with a laugh, untroubled by his concern. “I’ll get there when I’m meant to get there. With the number of years I’ll have to be in college and med school, one more year off now isn’t going to throw me off the track. And it might be more than one year, depending on what happens with Min.”
Sofie pours a cupful of sour-smelling, thick liquid into a glass. “Want one?” she asks Ash.
Ash shrugs and nods. She might as well try it. “Okay.”
She almost spits out the first mouthful, but a childhood full of too-trendy restaurant meals with her parents has taught Ash how to swallow down seriously gross-tasting stuff without gagging. This smoothie may well taste worse than all the other bad things she’s ever tasted put together, though, so it’s still a struggle. It’s like rotten, too-sweet fruit pulp and unsweetened cough syrup and strong herbs all mashed up together.
But Ash is nothing if not a brat at heart, and so if Sofie can drink it, then Ash is going to drink it too.
Will is there beside her, offering a mug of green tea to her as she puts the empty glass back on the countertop.
“To wash the taste away,” he explains, as she swirls a mouthful of the hot liquid around and swallows.
“Euuuugh,” Ash answers, not caring if Sofie is now sipping her own cup of green tea with no dramatics whatsoever. “You good guys really don’t have a whole lot of perks to offer the new recruits, seriously. That shit tastes like someone died.”
“Yeah,” Will agrees. “But nobody did. That’s the perk.”
Sofie smirks, the expression half-hidden by the rim of her cup, and Ash glares. Oh, now it’s on, there’s no way she’s letting them get away with a zinger like that. She’ll get them back for it when they least expect it.
“Can I get an ingredients list?” she asks, pulling one of her notebooks out of her messenger bag, blinking at him in what she hopes is a vaguely sweet and innocent manner. Even if she never makes the stuff, Bette will probably want to know what gets put in the death-juice for her experiments.
~
A little while later, Ash pretends to leave. It’s tiring, being looked at with the crazy mix of envy and pity that Sofie and Will both seem to feel towards her. Only Jenny looks at Ash like Ash is an ordinary person, and that itself is crazy enough to make Ashley feel on edge around her, as well.
She waits beside one of the buildings further down the street as the night begins properly, the dark comforting and cold against her sore red skin. If Ash still freckled, she’d be more freckle than girl at this point, with the number of times her skin’s gone through the sun’s punishment.
Sofie and Jenny appear again a short while after sunset, walking together in the direction of the bus they can catch to the townhouse. Ash doesn’t follow them, waiting instead until more time passes and, eventually, Lily slips through the warehouse door and shuts it again behind her.
Feeling like a creepy stalker— and why the hell is she feeling bad about that, she’s a goddamn vampire, she’s practically contractually bound to do some creepy stalking once in a while, her conscience is clearly in need of a major kick up the ass— Ash follows Lily as Lily takes a meandering route through the streets. It’s clear that Lily’s hunting, and clear that she isn’t going to find anyone to fight. Between Blake’s gang and what’s left of the gang of hunters, the only vampires that’re still calling Chicago home are ones that know better than to end up in the path of a patrolling vigilante.
They walk and walk, and as they’re walking down an ordinary-looking suburban street, Ash catches the scent of another vampire. Not just any vampire, either. Bette’s crouched in the low branches of a tree, just beyond the boundaries of a garden of a house which Lily is now walking up the front path towards.
Ash slips quietly into the space beside Bette, who doesn’t seem at all surprised at having sudden company for her peeping-tom-like activities. Ash feels a moment of gladness that Lily’s senses aren’t as sharp as theirs. She wonders if her own smell and sight and hearing will grow less precise if she stops drinking blood, too. Ash is pretty sure her sense of taste will never stop hating the grossness of the cocktail, or stop wanting blood. That would be too easy.
Rose steps out of the front door of the house, swaying on her feet a little as she starts to follow Lily back through the garden to the sidewalk.
Lily stops and turns, face pinched into a glare. “Are you even up to coming out tonight, dude? You reek.”
“Yeah, yeah, I just gotta sober up a little, gimme two secs,” Rose says, collapsing back until she’s lying prone on the front lawn. Lily tries to pull her back up to her feet, but Rose shakes her off. “It’s okay, nobody will see me. My parents are out on date night, eugh. And I think Tommy went to a movie with Jay or something.”
“You still shouldn’t be lying there like that. Come on, I’ll help you get back inside and you can run your head under cold water or drink a coffee or whatever.”
“Who are you, my mom?” Rose asks. Lily snorts, flopping down beside Rose.
“Nah, your mom would probably tell you to go to bed, not to come out hunting vampires when you’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk, I’m… jovial,” Rose says, sounding about as un-jovial as anyone ever has.
“I like the smell of new dew on grass,” Lily muses, spinning several blades of the grass in question idly between her fingers, not bothering to reply to Rose’s assertion of non-drunkness. “But you know what I really, really miss? I miss the smell of cut grass. Fresh-cut grass on Saturday mornings at Will’s house, after we’d been up all night at a show.
“When we were about your age, we’d wake up late in the morning to the sound of the lawn mower and that smell. Nobody mows their lawns at night, so I never smell it now. Just another little reminder of how shitty being a vampire is.”
“Being a human is shitty too, though,” Rose points out. “I think it’s, like, you know.” She smirks a little. “The grass is always greener.”
Lily shrugs, as much as anyone can shrug lying on their back on the ground. “Maybe. I liked being a person more. Nothing I ever read about vampires, in the whole time I was a hunter, ever said anything about how lonely it is.”
“Maybe that’s just because you and Will aren’t in a big group. Maybe…” Rose bites her lip, sitting up and glancing off into the dark beyond the edges of the garden. Ash can feel Bette tense slightly beside her, as if afraid of discovery, though there’s no chance that Rose’s human senses would be able to detect them in their hiding place.
“Don’t be a douchebag,” Lily retorts, punching Rose in the thigh. “Being a vampire wouldn’t fix any of your problems; it’d just give you even worse problems to distract yourself with.”
“I’m just sick of everything changing.” Scowling, Rose punches Lily back, then lies down on her back on the grass. “I want everything to just stay how it was, forever.”
“Being a vampire doesn’t stop everything changing. It changes everything,” replies Lily, sounding almost philosophical, except that she follows the words up by stretching her legs out beside Rose’s and kicking Rose in the shin. “Seriously, quit romanticising it; you’re too old to believe in crap like that.”
“I wish
I was younger,” Rose says, as if that’s the obvious response to Lily’s words. “I’ve wished that since the summer. Since before there were vampires in the equation at all. Because… because growing up fucking sucks.
I know adults all say they wouldn’t go back to being a teenager for anything, but everything just gets harder and harder as you get older and older. Maybe there are perks like independence and choices and wisdom and whatever, I don’t know, but there’s also fucking up so bad that it feels like nothing is ever gonna fix it ever. There’s also falling in love with someone so badly that the thought of never being skin-to-skin with them ever again seems a thousand times worse than death. There’s also lying awake at night and thinking about all the things that you can’t take back. And when it’s as bad as it gets, I keep thinking, what if it just gets worse later? What if this is what being grown-up is? And I don’t… I don’t want it, I don’t want any of it, if I can’t have her there with me when I get it. What’s the point in living until I’m twenty, thirty, fifty, eighty, when Bette won’t be any of those? How am I meant to just keep going?”
Rose’s words catch on a sob, a and she goes silent.
“I don’t know,” Lily answers quietly. “You just do, I guess. We all just do.”
Bette slips down off the branch and back onto the ground, landing silently. Ash follows her.
“Come on, let’s go to my club. This is boring,” Bette says. Ash does her best to ignore the tear-tracks that Bette wipes at with shaking fingertips as they walk together.
BLAKE
Blake can’t remember offhand the last time his gang had a base of operations as public as Bette’s nightclub. The townhouse remains their primary home, of course— in Blake’s more fanciful moments, he’s been heard to call it their lair— but Scrimshaw is increasingly the place where they go when they wish to relax during the course of a night. Hunting within the premises is verboten, naturally (disposal of bullies excepted) but Blake views this as, at best, a general suggestion.
The Wolf House: The Complete Series Page 57
