Something in her tone—regret?—crushed the air from his lungs. Good god. “You cheated on him.” He wanted to gag on the words, they made him so sick. She made him sick. “When? With who? Did he know?”
“He knew.” She blinked like she saw nothing in front of her. Like all she could see was a disgusting truth she’d swept under the rug for years.
It was nauseating. Here she pretended to be this prim and proper moral goddess and the whole time she’s no better than the rest of them. He blasted the outside air to cool down before he completely lost it.
“It was a mistake,” she said firmly. “A horrible, horrible mistake. We had a long road after that. I’m trying to save you from all that pain.” Her hand curled around his wrist. “Paige doesn’t want the life you want. It took years for me to adjust.”
He ripped away from her slimy touch. “Don’t do that. Don’t you compare yourself to her.” Paige was nothing like Gracie. She said whatever the hell she wanted, but at least she was honest.
“We have to protect your father’s legacy, Benjamin,” Gracie said quietly. “Everyone loved your father. He was a good man.”
“His legacy has nothing to do with me.” And neither did her secrets. All those secrets did was confirm that fact that he needed space from her, from the family. He had to become his own person. Do things his way.
“How can you say that? If you go into politics, no one will remember what he did. They’ll be watching you. And I won’t let you tarnish his reputation with another scandal.”
“Paige is not you,” he ground out, jaw locked with disgust. And thank god for that.
“No. She’s not.” The words were patronizingly soft. “But is that really what you want for her? To never feel like she fits in, like she will never measure up to everyone’s expectations?”
Despite the shock of it all, he almost smiled. Something told him Paige couldn’t give a shit about everyone else’s expectations.
“You lived that life, too. You know what that world is like. Do you really believe it’s right for her?”
He hit the brakes again so he could face her, so he could look in her eyes and let her see the truth. “I don’t know. I don’t have to know right now.” For the time being, he had all the information he needed. Paige was different, real and unafraid and tough as nails but fragile, too. He leaned closer to Gracie, so her eyes couldn’t escape his. “But I’m gonna find out. I’m gonna spend time with her. Don’t stand in my way. Don’t do anything that you’ll regret later.”
Because if she tried to get between them, he’d sure as hell make sure she regretted it.
* * *
Good god, what had she done?
Tricking Luke into asking her out seemed like a good idea at the time, and she was definitely in a pinch, but something about the way Avery gaped at her made her stomach hurt.
“Are you crazy?” Avery paced across the kitchen with her hands resting on her pregnant belly. “I mean…Luke? Really? Luke Simms? You want to go there again?”
“Luke is pretty hot.” Ruby fished a gallon of fudge gelato out of the deep freeze and set it on the island between her and Paige. She pulled out three spoons. “Something about a fireman. Especially in uniform.” With wide, devious eyes, she cranked off the lid and dipped in her spoon.
“This from the one who’s sworn off men for some mysterious reason.” Never one to resist a good temptation, Paige picked up her spoon, too. Ruby insisted she didn’t need a man to be happy. She steered clear when anyone tried to flirt with her at the lodge. And yet she was one of those gorgeous, voluptuous women who made men forget their own names. “Maybe we should discuss your love life instead of mine.” Maybe she should try to bring up Sawyer again…
Ruby’s radiant eyes darkened. “No thank you. Nothing to discuss. Yours is way more interesting.” She shoveled in a huge bite of gelato.
If it was anyone else, Paige would push more, but there was something too delicate about Ruby. Anytime they asked her questions about her past, this horrible look took over that pretty face, a look that blended pain and fear, and Paige almost didn’t want to know what had happened to her. Whatever it was, it left a serious mark.
Avery paused at the edge of the island and snatched the third spoon. “Really, Paige. Forget Luke. I think you should give Ben a chance.”
“That’s not what your husband thinks,” she reminded her. “Or Ben’s mother.” Or her, for that matter. “It’s not practical, you know.”
“Love shouldn’t be practical!” Avery’s arm waved and the blob of gelato shot across the room, splatted against the refrigerator door. “Oops.” She licked the spoon.
Smiling, Paige hopped off her stool and tore off a paper towel. Elsie kept her kitchen spotless. She’d die if she found a splotch of gelato.
“I’m with Ruby,” she said as she wiped it up. “I don’t need a man to complicate my life right now.” She had things to do. Big things, if she could make this trip a success for Bryce.
Avery scooped out another spoonful of gelato. “You only date men who have no potential,” she accused, shoving the whole thing in her mouth.
“Excuse me?”
“That’s what Bryce said. He said ever since you dated that one prick, you haven’t gone out with anyone who had potential for a serious relationship.”
“Like Bryce knows anything about relationships.”
“Is that why you won’t go out with Ben?” Avery demanded.
Her face flamed. “Of course not.”
Avery leaned into the counter, watching her carefully. “So you’re not attracted to him?” she asked, skepticism etched into her smirk.
Her stomach pulled into a tight knot and threatened to implode. “Of course I’m attracted to him.” She was a woman, after all.
Avery smiled victoriously. “Then what’s the problem?”
She shook her head and made disgruntled face. “You’re as bad as Ben.” Except he wasn’t bad. He was good. So good. God, the way he’d kissed her…lips so firm and generous. The memory sent her stomach rolling.
Ruby whapped her shoulder. “Wow, girl. You’ve got it bad. You can’t even say his name without blushing.”
“I knew it!” Avery pumped a fist in the air. “You so want him. As bad as he wants you.”
Paige focused on the gelato so she didn’t have to look at them. Wanting him didn’t mean she should have him. She smirked. “I want Gerard Butler, too. Preferably in a Scottish kilt, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna get him.”
Avery rolled her eyes. “Ben is so much sexier than Gerard.”
Her jaw dropped. So did Ruby’s.
“What?” Avery demanded. “Believe it or not, a happily married woman can still recognize sexy.” She waved a finger in Paige’s face. “And believe me. Ben is sexy.”
She didn’t have to tell her. She’d been trying to ignore that fact since she’d met him.
“Seriously.” Avery leaned into the counter and propped her chin on her fist. “Look at Bryce and me. That wasn’t exactly practical, now was it? And look how happy we are.”
She laughed. “You should’ve heard his pep talk on the drive back. He all but forbade me to date Ben.”
“Bryce will come around.” She licked her spoon suggestively. “I do have influence in that area, you know.”
Paige made a face. “Gross. He’s like my brother. I’d rather not hear about how you influence him.”
Ruby laughed. “I love working here. You’re so lucky to have each other.” Her eyes looked sad again, but they were determined, too.
“We’re glad you’re here, too.” Paige squeezed her shoulder on her way back to her seat. “Now instead of talking about the man I can never have, let’s start talking about the trip. Is the food packed?”
Before Ruby could answer her, the door cranked open and Petey peeked in.
She did a double take. Her brother never came to the lodge. And what was he doing poking his head into the kitchen?
His eyes me
t hers and he pushed the door open all the way. “Paige. Bryce told me I’d find you in here.”
“You found me,” she said, the uncertainty weighing down her voice. Something had to be wrong…
“Um…I need to get back to the office.” Avery waddled to the kitchen door. With a soft smile at Paige, she scooted past Petey. “Nice to see you again.”
He nodded at her, then strode to the island looking nothing like the most carefree of all the Harpers.
“Yeah, I should go, too.” Ruby stood, eyes wide with concern. “I gotta check on the dining room. Make sure they’re all set for dinner.” She disappeared before Paige could stop her. Before she could tell her she might need reinforcements. Because Petey’s mouth had a sad twist and his eyes kept looking down. He didn’t tease her at all. That was how they communicated. He teased. She griped at him. And it worked. But now his face was too serious.
He waited until the door closed behind Ruby, then rested his palms on the island across from her. “There’s something you should know.”
“Okay.” She wished her heart would stop hammering, that her hands would stop shaking. Whatever he had to say, it obviously wasn’t good news.
“Mom has MS,” he said, his voice tighter and an octave too high.
“What?” Too much air escaped. She gulped some back in to fill her lungs. Please. No. Images of Gramma Lou’s gnarled body flashed in her mind. She pulled out the stool and sank before she collapsed. “MS? Are they sure? How do they know? How—?”
“They found out yesterday.” Petey spoke slowly, like he was afraid she wouldn’t understand what he was saying. And she didn’t. She didn’t understand at all.
“Doc says it’s pretty advanced. She’s had symptoms for a while, but you know her.”
“No.” She shook her head. “No, Petey. I don’t know her.” Tears stung her eyes, but she fought them back. “You know why I don’t know her? Because she was never around. Gramma Lou raised me.” Even with all of the blinking, tears slipped out.
He walked around the island and steadied a hand on her shoulder. “I know things haven’t been easy with Mom and Dad. But they did their best. That’s all they could do.”
They did their best. Did they? Maybe they did. Maybe that was all they had to offer by the time she came around. Maybe they’d used up their patience and love raising her siblings and they had nothing left for her…
“Thing is, Paige, we’re gonna need some help to keep things running. They can’t afford to hire someone right now.” Pete stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I know it’s not your gig, but it’d be pretty great if you could help out. For a while.”
She blinked at him but couldn’t speak because her heart was breaking apart in her chest, dislodging the things that had been stuffed so deep down…disappointment, hurt, but also guilt because she hadn’t tried hard enough. It was easier to distance herself when she felt like she didn’t fit in, but she could’ve worked harder. She could’ve tried.
Petey let go of a sigh and for the first time ever, he looked smaller and weary. “Once the ski season starts, things’ll pick up again. We’ll hire more help. But until then…” he paused and looked at her with sadness drooping his eyes. “She shouldn’t deal with all the stress. She shouldn’t be on her feet so much. You know?”
Tears built again. It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense. She pressed a hand to her mouth to stop a sob. “Why didn’t they call me? Why didn’t they tell me they were doing tests?” Why did they pretend she wasn’t even part of their family?
“You know them. Dad’s as stubborn as an ox. He’d die before he’d ask for help. But I thought you should know.”
Her eyes closed on another round of hot tears. “Thank you,” she whispered, then opened her eyes and let the tears fall.
“I know you love your job.” He glanced around the kitchen. “Maybe Bryce will give you a leave of absence or something. It should only be a couple of months.”
“I’m sure I can work something out,” she said, more confident than she felt. Summer was a busy time at the ranch. They needed a full-time guide. If she went to work at the café, Bryce would have to hire someone else. He’d have to give away her position.
She gathered in a deep breath and let it raise her head, her shoulders. It would be worth it. For her to spend time with her mom. To try to get to know her the way she’d always wanted to. Before it was too late.
Too late. God, how could the world change so much in one minute? How could there be a time limit on reconciling with Mom? Sorrow nearly gagged her. “Did they say how long…?”
“No.” Petey’s eyes reddened. “But you remember how it was with Gramma Lou. Mom’s pretty depressed about it.”
So was he. She could tell. The light was gone from his eyes. He hadn’t given her a noogie or tousled her hair once. She stood. “I’ll try to get by and see them today.”
“I’m sure that’d mean a lot.” He turned toward the door, then paused and glanced down at her. “They love you, Paige. You’ve gotta know that. Even if things haven’t always been easy.”
“Thanks,” she whispered.
He offered her a sad smile, then left.
They love you…
She’d never felt loved by her parents. Tolerated, but never loved. They didn’t love her the way Gramma Lou had, giggling with her, pretending with her, getting down on the floor and playing with her. But maybe that was simply who they were. Maybe she had to learn to accept them for who they were, for what they could offer her.
Before they were gone forever.
Chapter Nineteen
Funny how one conversation can change the way you see everything. Paige stood outside the café, but instead of focusing on the cracked bricks, the tacky signage, and the dingy windows, she studied the curtains her mother had sewn herself—from red-and-white checkered material she’d found on sale in a store a few towns away. She remembered Mom sitting at the dining room table sewing those curtains night after night, long after everyone else had gone to bed. Mom had done little things like that all the time. Things Paige didn’t bother to notice. Like those curtains. Had she ever even looked at them in all the years they’d hung there?
A heaviness settled inside of her—the weight of sadness and regret bearing down.
Paige pushed open the door, knowing that, even though they were closed on Wednesdays, her mother would be there. She’d be taking inventory and doing her weekly cleaning, scouring the stoves and ovens and refrigerators, working her fingers raw like she could somehow scrub away the new reality she found herself living. Gramma Lou had tried it, too, that desperate denial. She’d planned a three-day backpacking trip for her and Paige the day after she’d been diagnosed. They’d packed and prepared, both pretending nothing had changed, both denying the changes they’d already seen taking place for the last year, the weakness in her right leg, the tremors, the tingling numbness she’d complained about. On day two of the trip, when they were cresting a small ridge, Gramma Lou had lost her balance and taken a fall. She’d only broken her wrist, but that day marked the start of a rapid deterioration. It had been her last trip in the wilderness.
Blinking against tears, Paige made her way to the kitchen. The café sat dark and empty. Instead of chatter and laughter, a profound silence hung heavy and solemn. It was the same silence that had weighted her thoughts for the last three hours.
A clang from the kitchen lured her to the back. She inhaled deeply, then held the breath tight in her chest until the ache receded. Quietly, she crept to the kitchen doorway and peered inside.
Mom was up on her toes, yanking pots and pans off the shelf above the stove and stacking them on the stainless counter next to the sink. She looked the same, but that was the funny thing about a disease like multiple sclerosis. Things were only changing on the inside, nerve damage, muscle weakness. It might not be what killed her, but it would bring pain and frustration. It would make her life harder. In the end, those were the things that stole Gramma Lou’
s life. That made her believe life was not worth living.
And she wouldn’t let Mom come to that same conclusion. She would do whatever she could to make things easier for her, to do what she hadn’t been able to do for Gramma Lou. Straightening, blinking out tears, she marched into the kitchen. “Need some help?”
Her mother froze, still holding a saucepan. She stood that way for what seemed to be an eternity, that saucepan dangling like it was about to fall from her hand. Finally she set it on the counter. “Pete told you,” she said without looking at her.
She didn’t deny it. “Why didn’t you? I was just here. You could’ve told me about the appointment.” You should’ve told me. Because mothers were supposed to tell their daughters those kinds of things so they didn’t have to go through them alone.
Mom wiped her hands down the plaid apron she wore. When she turned to face her, Paige sucked in a breath.
She had changed. Dark circles gouged underneath her mother’s eyes. Her face had thinned, sharpening her cheekbones.
Sadness flooded through her, overflowing into guilt. She braced a hand against the counter for support.
“I kept thinking the test would come back negative,” Mom said with a ghost of a smile. “That the aches and pains and numbness were all part of getting old.”
Paige closed her eyes because it was so hard to look. So hard to see reality instead of what she wanted to see. “How bad is the pain?”
She shrugged. “Not terrible. It comes and goes. The doctor says it will get worse.”
It would. She remembered Gramma Lou lying in her bed moaning. Begging for medication. She remembered feeling so helpless that it hurt her, too. There was nothing she could do for her except sit there, show her pictures of their adventures, open the windows and let the breeze spawn memories.
Looking at Mom, knowing what she knew, caused something to shift inside of her. Whenever she’d looked at her parents, she’d always felt like she stood on the other side of a canyon, wondering how to get there, how to build a bridge that would bring them together. Now she realized it was up to her. They’d both put the distance there, but she could be the one to leap over it. Once she’d been too afraid that she’d fall, that it’d all be for nothing. Funny how a diagnosis could give you the courage to do what you should’ve done a long time ago.
Something Like Love Page 17
