The pilot cut back up into the clouds, turning to fly the plane on its side through a thick patch of nimbus.
"Can we open the window?" Daly strained to make herself heard, tapping the pilot on the shoulder and gesturing her intent.
"Yeah, but be careful," he yelled back.
She leaned forward, grasping the large steel handle, then pulled the hatch up and open. Wind rushed into the cabin, pushing the aircraft off balance for a fraction of a second. Daly's seatbelt held her securely. She looking back at Laine for strength, and found her mother wearing an unfamiliar expression. Bliss, maybe? Her focus shifted to the never-ending sky.
"Hi, Daddy," she whispered. "Hi, Kashi. I've missed you guys. Hope you are keeping each other good company." Smiling through tears, she reached for the tin in her lap. "I promise to visit you more often, but for now, I've brought you this."
She held up the tin and removed the lid. "This is part of me, and I want to give it to you." The wind grabbed the ashes and carried them away. Swirls whipped past the window and disappeared. "Take good care of it."
Sunlight reflected off the tin's cool metal surface in her lap, reminding her of the mysterious Iron Pillar at the Qutub Minar. Its promise of magic had appealed to her. She'd asked for her mother, and the pillar had delivered. She was beginning to realize that, like paintings, the most colorful lives needed the full spectrum. The bad complemented and heightened the good—each emotion represented by a different color. Contrasts and shadows rendered the most powerful piece of art, the life most worth living.
Daly looked to the sky. For a brief moment, her old self fluttered through the wind. She was a magical pillar, standing tall and strong against the sky. She needed to believe in herself, in her ability to cherish life's gift in honor of those she'd lost.
As the plane made its final descent, she turned skyward. She could have sworn she saw two men and one little girl in the clouds, walking forward into the sun while holding hands.
The plane landed and rolled back into the hanger. How she wished she'd made the trip years ago.
As they'd woven in and out of the tapestry of clouds, the wind had rushed past her ears, seeming to call her name. Oliver had been waiting the whole time, exactly as he'd said he would be.
His wispy caresses gave her exactly what she needed. He'd given her permission to move on, and driven by new purpose, she made up her mind to join the creative writing class at the university. The time had come to tell her story of triumph over grief, to write her memoir, and to live again.
Maybe one day she would work on a catalog of womankind, a collection of stories about their gender’s unique hardships. She'd interview her friends at the women's shelter, maybe even travel to India with Daly's help to interview the women there.
Carrying on with her life would not mean betraying Kashi's memory. He would understand if she opened her heart again. He'd want this for her, too. One thing she knew for certain was that she needed to prove her academic advisor wrong.
Not only would she be graduating with her art degree, she'd finish at the top of her class. She could do it, and she would.
Laine came in and pressed a picture into her hand. Daly stared down at the glossy print of mountains, clouds, and sun.
"I took this today. I think you know what you need to do." Without another word, Laine left Daly to her thoughts.
Daly studied the serene photograph and immediately understood. She set the picture in the center of her small student's desk, and extracted her art supplies. No canvas today. Instead she would recreate her childhood mural on her new bedroom wall. In this creation, she would give herself permission to return to that innocent time, to look forward to the future with a smile.
She mixed her paints on the palette. Focus. A ring of yellow to get her started. The sun. Warmth passed over her, tickling her skin.
Then he came to her. Kashi. His hand cupped over hers, guiding her brush strokes. He had been the inspiration, breathing new life into her art from the moment he'd entered her life. Now he would always be with her—a built-in muse.
Daly smiled. Whenever she missed him, she simply had to create, and he would come to her.
While she painted, the smile never once left her face. A few more strokes and Daly took a step back to examine the work.
The vivacious purple mountains caught her attention first. They stood tall, proud. Rising up from the earth must have once seemed an impossible task; now they had begun to climb toward the sky, and they didn't want to stop reaching. Not now. Not ever.
Next she found the sun, bright and carefree, shining down on the mountains, illuminating them—encouraging them to continue climbing.
At last she noticed the clouds—peaceful, happy, surrounding the mountains in a wispy embrace, helping them rise ever higher. They circled the sun, reflecting its grace, delighted to be in the company of such strength.
Looking past the swirls of the cumulus and cirrus, she discerned a face in the clouds.
It was her own. Only her own.
---THE END---
Acknowledgements
When I first started writing A Colorful Life, I had no idea that it would prove to be my most difficult venture yet. It's the novel that taught me how to write; the one I queried to the faceless gatekeepers that are literary agents; the one I rewrote more than a dozen times. A Colorful Life changed titles several times. It went from the hands of an agent to a small press, and finally morphed into something I decided to publish for myself.
I based this novel on my love affair with my first husband, and by the time it was ready for market three years later, I was in the process of divorcing him. It made me cry as I relived our happy moments, made me angry as I reflected on the hurt, and sent me to the brink of insanity as I pulled a string of all-nighters just to get it done in time for the launch date.
Yes, it's been a wild ride, and those who've supported me on this adventure have done so wholeheartedly and constantly. They've helped me survive an otherwise devastating scenario.
The lion's share of gratitude goes to the individuals who believed so much in Daly's story that they refused to let me give up, even though I so badly wanted to put it in a drawer and never look at it again.
First, my best friend, Rebecca McBee. If not for your encouragement and excitement, I never would have gotten past the first chapter. Thanks for telling me, "Hey, you're a really good writer," and making sure I believed you when you said it. Thanks for allowing me to read the embarrassing love scene aloud to you over smoothies at Panera; that was fun. Thanks for reading multiple drafts and never losing enthusiasm for the story.
The next person who pushed me forward is my former literary agent, Timothy Staveteig. You found me on Twitter and got excited about my work. You encouraged me to revise and resubmit, giving me pages of excellent suggestions. You made me feel good enough to pursue my dream, not like a child dressed up in her mama's pearls. Thank you for understanding when I chose to end our contract and pursue a different route. And thank you for the long talks about work, life, and the industry we both love.
Kira McFadden, your ceaseless understanding and willingness to lend an ear and a stream of suggestions came at this book's most pivotal point of development. You helped me make this book better, and you helped me to become a better writer on the whole. You became one of the people I care most about in the world, and you became my mentor, although you are three years younger than me. Without you, this book would have died somewhere around draft eight. You connected with the characters, with the themes, with me. You wouldn't let me give up when giving up seemed like the only option. You're kind of my hero.
To my editors, Stevie Mikayne and Lane Diamond, you improved my voice while making sure it stayed my own. You taught me so much about writing and about myself in such a short, squishy period. Stevie, you doubled as a therapist. Lane, you didn't judge me when I cried into the phone and told you a bunch of yucky emotional girl stuff. You also didn't begrudge me for naming a female charact
er after you and changing the spelling of your name to boot. I look forward to working with you both much more in the future. Stevie, I'm flying out to Canada to eat Nutella on toast with you. I think we've earned it!
Mallory Rock, thanks for designing this cover not just once, but three times! You captured the theme and tone of the novel perfectly, and you made me feel like a celebrity by making my author byline billboard-size. I'm taking you out for fro-yo; you've earned it.
There are so many others to thank. My family both in the U.S. and India. Although I'm not a Handa anymore, you all still touched my lives so deeply. Thank you for introducing me to your beautiful culture and for accepting my weirdness. I'm glad I never had to face the rejection Daly endured in Delhi. You loved me right from the start, and I will never forget the times we shared together.
Thanks to my fellow author friends, of whom there are too many to name. Hopefully, you know who you are.
Thank you, readers and fans. I still can't believe I have actual fans. You've touched me so profoundly. You've handed me my dream, allowed me to be who I need to be, made me whole.
Book Club Discussion Questions
1) Discuss the title of this novel, A Colorful Life: Drawn in Broken Crayon. How is Daly's life colored by those around her?
2) Daly uses many media throughout the book: sketching, pastels, oil. Discuss how each of her artistic choices reflects her state of mind. Compare the times when she chooses to sketch versus when she chooses to paint. Is it significant that she uses a complex medium—layered paint—to recreate her mural?
3) What is the significance of the mural on Daly's old bedroom wall? Daly recreates the mural in watercolor at the end of chapter two. What do the mountains, sun, and clouds represent? Do these images represent any characters specifically? If so, who and what does the painting reveal about the characters?
4) Compare and contrast Daly and Laine. How do their similarities drive them apart? Bring them together? What makes Daly able to rise above her tragedy when Laine is so mired in hers?
5) A common belief is that women marry men like their fathers. How are Kashi and Oliver similar? Different? What traits does Oliver bring out in Laine that are similar to the traits Kashi brings out in Daly? How has Daly's relationship with her father influenced her relationship with Kashi?
6) Daly openly prefers her father to her mother throughout most of A Colorful Life. What draws her more toward Oliver than Laine? Whom does she take after most? Is it significant that Daly was so young when her father died? Had she been older, how might her perspective of him changed? At the end of the book, would she still say she preferred her father?
7) Kashi's sisters ask Daly to describe the differences between the United States and India. Daly talks about the feeling of anonymity created by the American culture, and about how she struggles with her celebrity status in New Delhi. How does the physical setting of India differ from Michigan? What impact does this setting difference have on the characters' behavior, particularly Daly's? How might Kashi's family react to the sparse Midwest?
8) When Laine flies to India, she quips that Daly has found her Suitable Boy in Kashi. How does Laine's affinity for reading color the way she sees the world? Why does Daly react so negatively to her mother reading Lady Chatterly's Lover in the beginning, but find her Suitable Boy comment endearing? Is it significant that later, Daly is in a relationship of her own?
9) Discuss the role of preparing food in this novel. How is cooking significant to the development of relationships? When Daly travels to India, she helps prepare food with Kashi's mother, while earlier, Meghann prepared food with Laine. How does Laine's reluctance to allow Daly in the kitchen represent their overall relationship?
10) How do dreams inform the novel? Consider Meghann's dream before she goes into labor and Daly's before she burns her sketch diary. What emerges from dreams that the characters cannot say aloud? How do the characters' dreams relate to their spoken desires: Daly's dream to be an artist; and Meghann's to be a good mom? Is it significant that Kashi never gets to live his dream of a large estate with peacocks roaming the grounds?
11) Discuss fire in A Colorful Life. Is it significant that Daly's marriage to Kashi was both forged in fire, and cast down in flames? How else does fire play a role in Daly beginning or ending relationships or ties?
12) What is it about Meghann that instigates change in Laine and Daly? How are Meghann's actions and virtues different from Daly's and Laine's? Daly often feels as if Laine has "replaced" her with Meghann. What are potential reasons for this replacement? How does Daly's selfish attitude contribute to her feelings of abandonment and Laine's actions toward Meghann?
13) Meghann is a strong character because of her faith. How does faith affect Meghann and Daly differently? What is the relationship between Meghann's faith and Kashi's belief in fate?
14) In what ways do Mishti, Jaya, and Priya reflect Daly, Laine, and Meghann respectively? How is each Indian woman different from her American counterpart?
15) A Colorful Life features a great deal of symmetry—the similarities between Kashi and Oliver, between the American women and their Indian counterparts, and several specific scenes. What instances of symmetry did you note while reading? How does this device further shape the story?
16) Why does Elijah's birth have such a strong impact on not only Meghann, but Daly, Laine, and Kashi? Is there any significance in Meghann's and Priya's children both being boys?
17) Peacocks are Kashi's favorite bird and they appear many times throughout A Colorful Life. What is their significance? Daly creates a collage of photographs from her first date with Kashi, imitating a peacock. Why?
18) The number three is repeated throughout the novel. What is its significance? Where is it repeated? How does its use impact the novel and the characters? For example, three women are in the U.S. and three are in India, creating symmetry. How does that symmetry reflect the differences and similarities of the different characters and their cultures? Also consider Meghann's faith and the Holy Trinity. Are there any examples where the Holy Trinity might be represented in the manuscript?
19) Discuss the reasons why Chand chose to reverse traditional gender roles. For example, in The Heart of Darkness, white man enters Africa. The wild unknown is often referred to being feminine in fiction. Why do you think Chand chose to have a woman travel to the East rather than a man? How would A Colorful Life differ if Daly were a man and Kashi a woman?
20) Why is Daly's encounter with the Iron Pillar a turning point in her story? How does it serve as a metaphor for her journey on the whole, and how does it foreshadow the ending of the book? Is her wish at the Iron Pillar indicative of her true desires in life? In the end, does she regret her wish?
Interview with the Author
Q: Setting is very important in A Colorful Life. Why did you choose to set part of the book in India? How does the setting of Oxford, Michigan, reflect New Delhi?
A: Our setting often defines us. Do we belong where we live, or are we hopeless outsiders? Daly and Laine never quite fit into Oxford, yet they call it home. The small community stifles both women. Daly is unable to pursue her dreams, and Laine chooses to settle for good enough as a way of numbing her loss. New Delhi offers a stark contrast. Where Oxford is bland and colorless, Delhi is alive and vibrant. These two cities represent me personally as well. Oxford is where I grew up, but New Delhi is where I truly found myself.
Q: A Colorful Life features a great deal of symmetry (i.e. Oxford vs. New Delhi, Laine and Daly's relationship at the beginning and end, the missing painting in Daly's room at the beginning and the new painting at the end). What other devices did you use to relay the sense of symmetry? Why did you include so many of them in the novel?
A: The human experience is fundamentally mundane. Individual lives form patterns and separate lives flow in parallel. The characters in A Colorful Life believe themselves to be quite isolated, yet they have many unacknowledged shared experiences. Daly and Laine have d
ifficulty bridging the gap in their relationship despite their overwhelming similarities. It is their similarities that keep them apart. Plus, life has a way of repeating lessons until they are, at last, learned.
Q: Daly, Laine, and Meghann are a trinity in the U.S. while Mishti, Jaya, and Priya are a trinity in India with Kashi as a central, masculine point. While Oliver, Daly's deceased father, plays a similar role, why did you choose Kashi to be the person to unite Daly with India?
A: Kashi has many of the same traits Daly so admired in her deceased father. He's jubilant, kind, and a bit silly. The familiar strangeness of Kashi appeals to Daly and brings her out of her shell, allowing her to embrace multiple aspects of herself. Like Daly, I met my true self when I met my (now ex) husband, Hitesh. Kashi is based on Hitesh, but I didn't realize how similar Daly and I were until going through the process of divorce.
Q: In traditional fiction, the East, or the unknown, is often represented by the feminine. In this case, the genders are reversed—Daly travels to the east as the civilized Westerner venturing into the unknown. If women represent chaos, what does Daly's position as a Western woman say about the U.S. in A Colorful Life?
A: Daly has a chaotic soul; we can see it in her when she paints. However, a life of continual disappointment has prompted her to seek comfort in the rigidity of ordinary life. The extreme differences presented by her travel to India allow Daly to acknowledge the core of who she is and effectively release her from this confined normality.
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