“Defensive much?” He taunts. “Where were you?”
“Your house.” I’m being a shit— feeling like I’m betraying Mason but I won’t allow anyone to come before Caden. “Mason’s been on a bender.”
“Fuck.” He punches my console. “You okay?”
“He didn’t hurt me. He’s hurting himself.” I reach for his hand. “Julie cried all week for him. Deacon has to tell Saylor the truth. And I’m being tugged in all directions. I can’t turn my back on him but I can’t condone what he’s doing.”
“I’ll fix it, Aves. I promise.” I sigh and look at him.
“Caden, you can’t fix someone who isn’t willing to fix themselves. He isn’t three. You can’t force him to stop taking pills. You can’t make him stop drinking. You can’t ground him or place him in time out for refusing to play nice with others. He has to make the choice. He has to decide which path he takes. One leads him further from us and that’s the one he’s following. I don’t want to lose him.” His fingers grip mine.
“If we lose him we have to believe he’ll come back.”
“But, what if he doesn’t?” My voice a mere whisper as I think the unthinkable.
“No. We won’t let it happen.” We’re home and sitting in the car. “I don’t want to sleep without you.”
“Me either. But Breck is home and I know she’ll want to hear about Kinsley and she’ll need support. I don’t know if I should tell her or let her find out everything as it unfolds.”
“Don’t tell her. Let her enjoy being home and the baby. There’s time for the truth later.” I nod.
“I love you.” He takes my face in his hands and presses our lips together. I rest my forehead against his; breathing him in, inhaling the tranquility he brings to me.
“Call me if you need me.” He winks and watches me walk to the door. I flick the porch light twice to let him know I’m safe and head to the bathroom for a hot bath. Breck’s light glows bright as she stumbles to my door.
“Give me fifteen. Make some coffee.” She gives me a thumbs up and I climb into the tub to catch a short breather.
Closing my eyes, I let the past hours wash through me. Mason. Drugs. Alcohol. Caden. The truth. Brecklynn. Saylor and Deacon welcoming Kinsley. I was shocked Lee Lee didn’t check in . . .
“Hurry up, you’re turning into a prune.” Breck calls from my door. Hardly— a full seven minutes won’t wrinkle my skin.
“Alright. Alright.” I stand and dry off, get dressed and head to catch up. Weighing down my mind is if I tell her the truth. I’ll do everything I can to avoid it because it deserves to come from him. I take the coffee she hands me and ask, “How was your trip?”
“Amazing. Sad. Beautiful but ugly.” She inhales the steam from her mug.
“You okay?”
“No. But I don’t want to discuss Mason. This is why it isn’t a good idea for friends to date. When things end, sides are chosen, feelings hurt, and there’s no clear cut answer.” My heart flutters and my stomach drops. “I refuse to put anyone in the middle. I’ve told Brody to back off. I don’t want anyone to feel any different. I know things will be odd for a while, but please don’t feel like you have to choose. He was your friend first and I’m your roommate.”
“You’re more than a roommate, Breck. You’re my friend. Yes, Mason’s been in my life forever but I’m not blind to his flaws. I can admit he was wrong. I won’t stop being his friend and I won’t stop being yours. We’ll muddle through this . . . somehow.” I grip her fingers and squeeze.
“Deal.” Her smile is forced but she launches into a detailed report of what she saw, the devastation, the beauty she found through the flaws. We fall asleep side-by-side curled into balls and the nightmares seize my brain. Everyone finding out Caden and I are together . . . our breakup, everyone choosing sides. Our worlds never being the same. I know I can’t live without him, but I don’t think I can live without my friends.
I’m sitting in the chair with Brecklynn crouched in front of me, looking at her pictures from the island when Mason comes barging through the door. “Doll.” He says her nickname with an air of desperation as her eyes fill with tears.
I’m an intruder and I should leave. Instead, Breck stands and stumbles. I steady her and give her a quick hug as I head to my room. I don’t hear their conversation, only the tones and pleas from each of them. Their pain so palpable it forces its way into my bones . . . it grips my heart and won’t let go.
Her cries get louder, his pleas stronger . . . an impasse can’t be breached. His footfalls are soft as he leaves, so I head to her room where she fled. “Hey.”
Her face is red, splotchy, wet. “He’s addicted. He says he can’t remember. I’m that forgettable.”
“No, Breck. No. He’s making mistakes, you aren’t to blame. I think the one thing that stops him from giving up completely is you. His memories and love for you.” I sit next to her and rub her back.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice isn’t accusing . . . more confused.
“A few reasons. It’s his journey. His failure. It should come from him. He has to face what he’s done. Also, if I told you it would have seemed as if I was making excuses . . . taking sides. We agreed that wouldn’t happen.” I wink at her.
“Yeah, I guess. I know it seems like I abandoned him while he’s at his most vulnerable but I can’t be responsible for him getting better— or worse. I can’t be his reason to heal.”
“Yep, oh wise one. He has to do it for himself. His friends won’t discard him but I can’t enable him.”
“How?” She asks in wonderment.
“I don’t know. Mason’s always been the jokester. The calm one. The one who makes things better. But baseball . . . it’s in his blood. Like the camera is an extension of you and painting and art is for me. I can’t say if I’d do the same thing in his shoes. I’d like to think I wouldn’t . . . but the mere thought of never picking up a brush again sends me into a panic attack. I can’t get my feelings, my emotions free without art . . . that’s how he feels when he stands at the mound. It’s his sanctuary.”
“Fuck.” Realization hits her.
“Yeah.” I agree.
“What are we gonna do?” That’s the million-dollar question.
“Love him.” It’s the only solution.
“That’s the easy part. I don’t think I can stop.”
“But, Breck— love yourself a little more. Don’t let his problems become yours or it will create a cycle you can’t break.” Those words stick in my throat.
“I hear ya’.” And that will be her cross to bear. Finding a way to help him without overlooking his habits. His addiction. She can’t let him substitute one addiction for another. Her or drugs. Her and drugs. Mason has to heal and Brecklynn has to let him— his own way. We all do. “How’s David?” She waggles her eyebrows, drawing the attention from the heavy subject.
I shrug. “We’re casual.”
“Yeah. Causal is what I call sneaking out, spending all night in someone’s bed . . . real casual.” I laugh at her nonsense. If she only knew— but nobody does.
Chapter Sixteen
Holding her in my arms for an entire night is bliss . . . until her fucking phone alerts her to a text message. I read it over her shoulder and my body tenses.
Shortstop: You can bring David to Julie’s party.
Hell no she can’t. “Relax.” She kisses my nose. “I didn’t invite him. They’ve been digging for information. Because, apparently having a best friend hooked on pills and two new babies isn’t enough to keep them occupied.” Her sarcastic tone brings a smile to my face. “But I’m gonna have to fake it with him because they’re bugging me.”
My frown returns. “I don’t like it.”
“I’m aware. You’ve never tried to hide that fact.” She’s a smart ass. “But minimal time. I swear. Maybe a few parties as a group. You can be there.”
Because that would work . . . every time she’s near him, I want to for
nicate in front of everyone. Issues. I own them. “You know when I knew it was you?” I ask her.
Her eyes light and a smile spreads across her gorgeous face. “When?” She snuggles closer to me.
“Birth.” I dig my fingers into her sides and let her laughter wash through me.
“Be serious.” She slaps my chest and I grip her hand.
“I am.” I take my other hand and wrap a curl around my finger and watch it, mesmerized, as it straightens and bounces back. It’s my favorite pastime. “I don’t remember a time I didn’t notice you. The paint in your nail beds. I knew if you were painting sunsets or sunrises. Dark mood or happy. Frustrated or at peace.”
Her head lifts from my chest and her eyes are wide. “You could tell all that from the paint colors staining my hands?”
“Yes. You are a mood painter.” I swat her ass and settle her down. “I noticed those cute red Chucks you wore . . . until they disintegrated. I’d worry when you were traipsing the town for your lost and found expeditions and made sure someone was with you. I think we were fourteen when I begged your dad to make you stop.”
“Holy crap. That’s when he hired a car until I turned sixteen.” She’s laughing.
“And had GPS installed on your car and cell.” I chuckle. “I was crazy with worry all the time. And fucking Zander. I can’t believe you asked him to that dance.” I growl and refocus. “If you came to school with your hair pulled up I knew you had a late night painting or studying.”
“Is that why you’d take me to the library during lunch to help me study when I showed up looking like death?” Her lips trail across my pecs.
“Yep. And you could never look like death. Beautiful.” My stomach muscles flex with her fingertips caressing them.
“I didn’t know.” She whispers.
“I know. When did you know?” I need to know her connection is as strong as mine. I need something to hold onto.
“The dance. You were in a perpetual bad mood . . . I knew you’d always be there and you were my hero in so many ways I didn’t know. But the dance— when your hands touched my skin when we were dancing. The way it set my heart beat in overdrive. The goose bumps, the butterflies . . . it was something I hadn’t felt but I was addicted. The way you looked at me, I could feel the burn. Then you went cold.” I did— for all the good it did me.
“I didn’t want to ruin your life. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” I sigh into her hair.
“What changed your mind?” I think back to that night when she asks and feel the rage consume me.
“Fucking Zander was there. You were drinking. I lost my shit. Consequences be damned . . . it wasn’t a need to claim you, but a desire to make you want me.” I’m raw. Exposed.
“I’d wanted you forever. Loved you longer.” We spend the next hour wrapped in each other before having to head to Julie’s second birthday.
“You ready for this mayhem?” Emberlee winks as we walk to the door. It feels wrong that I can’t reach over and thread my fingers with hers . . . but we’re relegated to friends in front of everyone.
“Is it that bad with the girls?” I question her. I’ve heard her complain but I’ve been busy with games and school.
“Yes. Lee Lee is devoted to Mason and thinks we’re all crazy. Saylor is walking a fine line with her love for Mace and Deacon’s adamant refusal to see him. Breck seems to be the target for Emberlee.”
“Shit. And you?” She shrugs. “Aves, talk to me.” The door swings open and mayhem was a kind word to describe this.
“He has to hit rock bottom.” Deacon’s in the middle of everyone, arms flailing— face red.
“Fuck off, Deacon. He needs his friends.” Shortstop and Lee Lee are side-by-side, taking Deacon’s wrath and pushing him to the brink of explosion.
“Can’t we let him come today? We’re all here. Nothing will happen.” If anyone can get DD to relent it’s his wife.
“He’d die before he’d hurt our kids, I know this. That isn’t what this is about. I’m trying to make him see what he will lose if he continues down this path. His fucking life. His entire existence. Not us. Not his family. He’s gonna kill himself.” Deacon delivers the harsh truth and I can see it’s tearing him to pieces . . . along with all of us.
I find Aves’ hand while we aren’t the center of attention and squeeze her fingers. What I wouldn’t do to be able to shelter her and hold her from the chaos ripping through our lives.
One pill.
Round. Oval.
Gel filled.
Large. Tiny.
Each capsule damaging our foundation one swallow at a time.
“You’re being dramatic. They’re prescribed, legal pills.” I know Emberlee isn’t this clueless but she’s sticking to her naivety.
I snap and deliver an admission to her. One I have a front row seat to view and am helpless to stop. “That he’s abusing, Lee Lee. He’s driving after taking narcotics. He’s going to class. To therapy. And when that’s done he goes back to his fucking hidey hole with his little, round companions.”
Lee Lee ignores me and focuses her ire on Deacon . . . and Brecklynn. I whisper to Aves, “this is why you should spank your children. She’s behaving like a spoiled brat. She acts like she’s the sole crusader for him.”
Brody tries to intervene but his wife storms from the room and he’s watching his sister fall apart and his girl is responsible— not solely, but in part. I move further into the room and squeeze Brody’s shoulder as Brecklynn tells him to choose his baby momma. She’ll be fine. I pluck her from him and hold her. “Hey. Don’t feel bad. None of this is your fault. These are his choices.” Her tears soak my shirt and it may be a new year, but I want to throttle Emberlee all the same.
The brief rap at the door is too soft to allude to the scene that’s brewing. The pain it’s going to unleash. The uncertainty of our actions is being brought to the forefront.
“You can’t be here, Mason.” Deacon’s voice and resolve wobble. Breck freezes and backs from me.
“It’s Julie’s birthday.” Damn it, Mace. I wish he’d stop pretending. The truth is still tucked within the lies . . . he needs to confront them. Let us help him.
“UNCA.” Julie cries when she hears his voice. That little girl worships him . . . if he can’t get better for himself, or anyone else— he can for her.
I miss what transpires with the scene because I can’t hear over Julie’s wails. My eyes go to Aves and she’s near the verge of crumbling.
The strain in Mason’s voice has Breck swaying. Lee Lee and Brody appear and her brother steadies her. Saylor holds Julie as sobs wrack her body; Emberlee grabs Darby and leaves, Brody following at Brecklynn’s insistence. It’s as fucked as a soup sandwich . . . I don’t know how to begin to wade through this mess.
In a flash the door is slammed, Deacon holds his wife and daughter, breaking down with the gravity of the situation. Rare, unblemished, crushing pain sears through the group . . . is this rock bottom? I hold my arms open for Aves and she curls her tiny body close to me, gripping Brecklynn. We’re all holding onto someone . . . something . . . because realization is pulling us under, and we’re all going together. One of the group flounders, we all flail. And that’s why Aves and I are a secret. Deacon, Saylor, and Emberlee’s melee damn near destroyed us, Mason is testing us . . . if I throw Avery and I into the mix— we’ll be done. That and my love for her I’m certain of.
A shrill whistle pierces the silence. Deacon raises his head and nods. We head outside . . . followed by everyone. Mason’s sitting against the curb, tears streaming down his face. “This is it, guys. He needs help. We’re gonna give it to him.” Brody tells us.
I step to his side and pull him into a hug. “Damn it, Mace. You fucking scared me.”
“I’m still scared.” His words sober me.
Deacon rushes to him. “Don’t be. You have us.”
I miss Saylor’s words as she pushes through but Julie is loud and clear. “My Unca. Mine.” Maso
n picks her up and the love he has for her embraces us all. It’s powerful. It’s pure. It’s unbreakable. “Miss.”
He whispers to her and she catches the cuss word. I hold my hand over my mouth to silence the chortle.
“What now?” Avery hurries to his side and worms her way next to Julie. That little girl isn’t having any and reminds my girl that Mason is hers. For a minute . . . the air is light and filled with happiness. I have hope with a healthy dose of fear.
Mason scrunches his face. “I need to talk to my parents.”
“Want me to drive you?” I ask. I’ll take him to the bridge of hell and remain by his side if he promises he won’t cross to the other side.
“I’m clean today, but yeah, if you don’t mind.” I sigh in relief.
Clean.
Today.
I’ll take it.
We only get ahead one step at a time.
This isn’t a sprint . . . but a race. It doesn’t matter what place we finish because if he comes through this— we’re all winners.
But blow me over with a feather. “I’ll drive him.” Brecklynn steps to him and I can feel the love emit from Mason. From Brecklynn. From all of us. I step back, letting him have this, giving her what she needs. I pull Avery to me and we all watch her car leave with him.
And we pray.
“Do you think he’ll be okay?” She clutches my shirt as she’s pressed to my side. After Julie’s party, Deacon’s dad was heading to evaluate Mason.
“I hope so. I hope he’s stronger than pills but if he doesn’t admit the root of the problem— baseball— he’ll never get over it.” I’m honest with her. I’d rather she wasn’t hurt in this mess but I don’t want her blindsided if Mason stays in denial. I know he made the first step but he has to continue taking them. “How’s Breck?”
“She came home exhausted. I didn’t press her because it’s her decision. Part of me feels if she stays with him it’ll give him an edge. But the other side says he needs to do it on his own and I don’t want her dragged down with him. She cried herself to sleep and it was painful to hear.” The conviction in her voice cuts me in two.
Fighting Fate (Endgame #4) Page 18
