There she was, looking at him again, saying something to the bartender. And now coming back, definitely showing him something.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “but I’m going to have to ask you if I can see your I.D.”
Odis just looked at her, thinking, What’s this? “Hey,” he said, grinning, “I’ve already had one, right?”
She shrugged. “The bartender doesn’t remember serving you. He doesn’t think you look twenty-one.”
“Tell him thanks, would you?”
“I will. But I need you to prove it.”
There was something going on between them. He was sure of it. Odis leaned back in his chair and tucked in his shirt, pulling it tight across his chest. Then he looked her up and down. She liked that-he could tell.
Okay, then. He reached into his pocket. “Look,” he said, “I don’t got no I.D. right now.” He took out his roll of bills. “But I got a lot of this, and my cousin, he got more.”
She nodded and smiled, getting it, looking right into his eyes. “Okay,” she said, walking back to the bar.
Damn, this is easy!
And here comes Alphonse, sitting down, smiling. “The plane’s on time,” he said. “ ’Bout an hour and a half.”
Odis looked back over at the bar, the girl now just waiting while the bartender was busy for a minute talking on the phone. She looked over to him and smiled, so everything was cool. Odis smiled back.
Alphonse noticed. “What you doin’?”
“Nothin’ yet. But you got me thinking about it.”
“What’s that?”
Odis jerked his head toward the bar. “What she got.”
“Well, you think when we get over there. We got no time for that here. I tole you it ain’t no different.”
Alphonse picked up his umbrella drink and sucked at the straw. He stared into the empty glass. “I could get used to these, you know? Maybe that’s all I’ll do over there is suck up piña coladas.”
“Piña coladas?”
Alphonse shook his head, patient. “That’s what we’re drinking here, Odis. Piña coladas.”
Odis was just about to tell him that he’d ordered some mai tais for the second round when this guy looked like the Refrigerator came up and hovered over their table.
“Excuse me,” he said, all business, a giant standing light on his feet, hands folded in front of him. “Can I ask you gentlemen to show some identification?”
That’s when Alphonse bolted.
Expecting him was one thing. Actually seeing him at the door was another.
It had been her door for so long she’d forgotten that it had once been both of theirs. Dismas coming home from work every day those-how many?-years. Up the stoop, then hearing the key in the deadbolt. In those days, even before the baby, Jane getting home before him, making some hors d’oeuvres or blender drinks before he got home, sometimes bringing her friends with her, sometimes Dismas getting home with his. Once in a while twenty people descending on the Hardy fun house.
But most nights, just Dismas, home from work, loving her.
And now here he was, again, on the stoop, with no keys of his own, ringing the doorbell. The door’s top half was a frosted window, and through it the silhouette was Dismas, her Dismas, who’d once wanted it all and then none of it.
She opened the door.
“Hi.” She was, for some reason, embarrassed, unable to say more. She wore dolphin shorts and a tank top and was barefoot, this buyer for Magnin’s. She backed up a step.
He walked in all right, then the weight of the place slowed him down. Through the living room he seemed to feel it more. Without talking, she headed for the bedroom. She was forgetting what he’d have to pass.
He got to the door that entered the hallway. By that time she’d come to the entrance to the bedroom. Dismas stopped in front of her little used sewing room. He stood there a long time. The door to it was closed.
“Remember how we wouldn’t close the door the first few weeks?” he said.
“How we wanted to hear every sound?”
He leaned back against the wall. She walked a few steps toward him. She heard the long breath.
“Maybe I should have come over to your place,” she said.
“You think I was wrong?” he asked, letting himself down to the floor. “Now, here, it seems so… immediate.”
She came a little closer. The only light in the hallway came from the kitchen, around an L-turn to the left by her bedroom. “I guess I got used to it,” she said. “The house, I mean. The room.” It didn’t sound right, but she had to say something. “I had to go on.”
“I couldn’t.”
“I know.”
Jane came and knelt next to him. She touched his hair. “If it’s any help, I understood. Even then.”
“Things just stopped mattering.”
“I know they did.”
“I mean, why do anything anyway? I thought everything made a difference. I’d make a better world.”
She pulled his face into her breast. “Shhh,” she whispered.
“I was just like Ed Cochran. And see where that gets us.”
She stroked him-his face, his hair-letting him get it out. At least he was with her, not running, his arms around her.
“I didn’t-” He stopped, pulling back slightly. “Leaving you,” he said, “that was wrong.”
“It wasn’t a lot of fun,” she agreed, “but I lived.”
“I never explained it, did I? Just upped and left.”
“You think I’m dumb, Dismas? I got it.”
“I just couldn’t handle caring anymore. That much.”
“I said I got it. I had to.”
He motioned with his head. “What’s in there now?”
“It’s my sewing room.”
“You mind if I look at it?”
They got up. She opened the door and flicked on the light, watching Dismas trying to imagine it as it had been. Now it was a different place-the alphabet wallpaper gone, no trinkets or kid stuff or upholstered edges. It was a working room, pleasant and dull.
Dismas, hands in pockets, just stood in the doorway, nodding. “I should’ve seen this about five years ago,” he said. “I kept seeing it like it was.”
“You thought nothing would change?”
“The old interior landscape,” he said, “it never did.”
She turned off the light, taking his hand. “So what happened?” she asked. “Now, I mean.”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I really don’t know.”
“You’re the same, but you’re so different,” Jane said.
“Who isn’t?”
“I don’t think I am.”
“Which one, the same or different?”
“Different,” she decided.
Dismas was sitting crosslegged on the bed. He drank some of his wine. “You must be different, too,” he said, “or I don’t think I could be here with you.”
She reached over and touched his leg at the knee, where the jeans were worn nearly white. He was barefoot. His print shirt had a collar and needed ironing and the top two buttons were undone.
“Well, either way, I’m glad you are.” She leaned over and kissed him.
“How am I different?” he asked. Then, as though to himself, “How am I the same, come to think of it?”
“Well, you’re still intense.”
“I am intense,” he agreed.
“But it’s like it’s more controlled now. Like you think about things more before you do them.”
He kept his eyes on her, gray sleepy eyes that didn’t seem tired. She chuckled deep in her throat. “See, you’re doing it now. Just looking, thinking about things.”
“I do think about things,” he said. “No, it’s not that so much.”
“It’s not?”
“It’s more the way I think. I guess I just don’t jump into things anymore.”
“But isn’t this investigation…? Didn’t you just jump into that?”
<
br /> “I make exceptions.”
She touched his chest at the V of his shirt. “And Pico and his shark. And you definitely jumped all over me at Shroeder’s.”
“I did? I thought that was you.”
“No, that was you.” She kissed him again. “Mostly. Which makes three jumps in a week. There could be a pattern emerging there.”
Dismas lay back on the bed, against the pillow, a hand back under his head. He held out his wineglass and Jane reached for the bottle on the floor and filled it.
“You know, it’s funny,” he said. “Running into those things again, that I jumped into. It’s not like I see them and decide. It’s almost automatic. Back then everything was passion. Being a cop, the law, you. I guess old Diz just lost himself with all that.”
Jane put the bottle back on the floor and stretched herself out beside him. “Is that why you quit them all?”
“They filled me up. They were what I was.” He closed his eyes and drank some wine. “Then when Michael died…”
“It’s okay, Diz.”
“I know, I know. But I realized all those… passions, they weren’t me. I was just a guy who did things pretty well-played cops, argued, made love maybe…”
“Definitely,” she said.
“… but none of it mattered. Or maybe mattered too much. I guess losing the kid made me realize that. There wasn’t any me- any Dismas-left there to handle it.”
“So you dropped out?”
“I didn’t look at it that way. I changed careers, that’s all, killed off that romantic idiot. You can’t have things be that important. You lose things. That’s life. You gotta be able to deal with it.”
She ran a hand over the stomach of the man who’d been her first husband. He was smiling at her, in spite of what he was saying. Still a wonderful smile. She kissed him on the cheek, the ear, the neck. His arms came around her.
“So have you been happy?” she asked.
“I haven’t been unhappy. I haven’t thought much about it.”
“Except developed your theory of love the attitude, the love-without-pain theory.”
He shrugged. “It’s a good theory. Have you been happy? Who’s happy, anyway? It’s a dumb concept.”
“I’m happy right now,” she said. “I don’t need to think about what it all might mean tomorrow.”
“Another difference between us.”
But really, saying it all as if it were suddenly a pose, his lips curving up a little, eyes twinkling. “But this isn’t bad.”
“Thank you so much.”
The kiss now slow, deep, hands moving. Feeling his breath soft over her body. “This isn’t bad either. Or this. Or…”
“Diz?”
“Huh?”
“Shhh.”
It wasn’t often Rose couldn’t sleep.
The last time had been when they’d had the Paulist missionary for that week, and that had been in February, she thought, or March, she couldn’t really remember. She did know that when the diocese sent around the missionaries, she was more nervous about her cooking, her housekeeping. It was, she felt, a reflection on the fathers, and she didn’t want to do anything to embarrass them, so she tended to stay awake, going over things she might have forgotten or that she could do better.
But on the other, regular nights, like tonight was, normally she’d finish the dinner dishes for the fathers and whatever guests they might have had, then watch television doing her needlework in her room until nine or so, then turn out the light. The days started early at the rectory and she knew she wasn’t a spring chicken anymore-she had to get her sleep.
But the thing with Father Cavanaugh just wouldn’t get out of her mind. And it probably wasn’t even important. She could bring it up to him in the morning, and that would be that. But her body just wouldn’t listen to her, and she lay awake, waiting for him to get back from seeing how Steven was progressing over to the Cochrans’.
She looked at the clock glowing on her nightstand. It was after eleven. She’d be sore tired tomorrow. “Come on, you old woman,” she said to herself, disgusted, “it’ll keep.”
But she kept returning to it, and it might really be something Father would have to act on right away. Even if they had a suspect already, it might make a difference. He’d want her to bring it to his attention, even if she turned out not to be right. If he’d told her once, he’d told her a thousand times, “Rose, nobody’s infallible but the Pope.”
So if he’d just made that little mistake-and she wasn’t even sure it was a mistake (Lord knows, his memory was so much better than hers)-then she thought he’d want to know, especially since it concerned Eddie’s death, to say nothing of the official police investigation.
And it had been gnawing at her ever since morning when Tibbs and Renko (that’s what she called them-wouldn’t that be a good show if they put those two together?) had had that discussion where she’d poured the coffee. She’d gone over it in her mind about fifty times since then, the question of whether it had been Sunday or Monday that Father had gone out with Eddie, and she was pretty sure it was Monday.
The only reason she was sure-or thought she was sure-was that Sunday, a week ago yesterday, they had had Bishop Wright over from Oakland and she’d made a prime rib for the dinner and everybody had commented on how good the Yorkshire pudding was, and the au jus sauce. They’d invited her to eat with them, even, which was special for when they had guests.
She thought she remembered Father Dietrick opening a second bottle of wine, and the three of them retiring into the library after dinner while she cleaned up. But, of course, she couldn’t be a hundred percent sure, since she’d gone to her room after washing up and she hadn’t seen either His Excellency or the fathers again that night.
And she knew it had been an early Sunday dinner-she had timed the roast to be done at 3:30, so she must have served at around 4:00-so it was possible that their “party” had broken up early and that Eddie had come by after that.
The thing was, she remembered somebody ringing the doorbell on Monday night after dinner, but again she hadn’t seen whether or not it was Eddie. Father Cavanaugh had answered the door himself, sensitive to interrupting her, and that had been the last she’d seen of him. He hadn’t come back until after she’d gone to bed, and unlike tonight, she had slept soundly.
But it was her memory of Sunday, of Bishop Wright being there, that made her believe it hadn’t been Sunday that Eddie had come by. His Excellency had never gone home early before. Usually Father Cavanaugh and he would “burn the midnight oil” over some cognac (and nothing wrong with that-the men need to be allowed some release) while they discussed philosophy or theology or politics. She knew what they talked about because Father Cavanaugh would often share with her some of what they’d said the next morning.
She sighed, turning on her side. Eleven-twenty. Maybe she should just wake up Father Dietrick and ask him if he remembered what time their discussion had broken up that night. But no, he’d…
There it was! The back door opening and closing quietly. She swung her feet to the floor and grabbed her robe from where she’d hung it neatly on the chair next to her bed. She wanted to move quickly before Father had had a chance to get to bed-it wouldn’t do to disturb him after that-but she wasn’t about to go out with pins in her white, thin and brittle hair either, even in the middle of the night. She stopped by the bathroom and took them out. She stepped into her slippers.
Father stood in front of the open refrigerator, peering inside. Seeing him, bless him, she knocked softly on the wall by the kitchen door.
“Rose,” he said, smiling. “Caught me, I’m afraid.” She made some gesture. “What are you doing still awake?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” No point in rushing right into it now. It probably wasn’t that important. She moved into the kitchen. “Can I make you something?”
He stepped back, acknowledging the kitchen as her domain. She knew what they had left over. He leaned over and pecked her
on the cheek, which made her blush with pleasure. Father loved her, and it was a wonderful feeling, as comfortable as being married.
“I’ll just sit at the table and you surprise me,” he said. “But do you think a beer while I wait would be sinful?”
He opened a Mexican beer while she took out the plate with the chicken on it. (See! It paid to take the extra minutes to slice the meat from the carcass.) Then the Best Foods (nothing but) and Clausen’s pickles. She saw the Swiss cheese. Swiss cheese? Why not. And the potato bread that came in such big slices.
“How is Steven?” she asked, assembling. Without turning around, she could see Father shaking his head. “That poor boy.”
“Is he all right?”
“He’s been through a lot, but he’s all right. I’d say it’ll be a couple of months before he’s really over it.” Now sipping his beer. It really was amazing, she thought, that she knew his rhythms so well. She didn’t even have to be looking at him to know what he was doing. “Youth is really something, isn’t it, Rose?”
“That it is, Father, though I’m not the expert on it I once was.”
Father chuckled at her jokes, that was another thing. “None of us is, Rose, none of us is.”
Lettuce? No, not with the pickles. One green was enough. “Frankly,” Father said, “I’m almost more concerned about Erin and Big Ed.”
Well, of course you are, she thought. But she kept it to herself. How he felt about Erin was a secret. At least he thought it was. But anyone who knew him like she did could tell without any effort.
She brought the sandwich over, along with another beer. It was a good big one, and she knew he’d finish the first beer right in the middle of it.
“Are they all right?” she asked.
He dug into the sandwich, chewed carefully, swallowed, then drank some beer. “Oh, Ed’s a rock, you know. It’s mostly Erin.”
She nodded.
“She feels like she’s neglected Steven, drove him to running away, so everything that happened because of that is her fault.”
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