by Meg Jolie
I found what I was looking for: a thick, disposable paper plate. I loaded it with cookies and covered it with plastic wrap. Slipping my sandals back on, I stepped outside. I was instantly wrapped in a blanket of heat. I walked backward toward Alex’s truck, cookie plate in one hand.
I scoured the roof, raising my hand to shield my eyes from the sun. Alex had stopped what he was doing to glance down at me.
I pointed at the plate and then to his passenger door. “May I?” I called.
“Hell, yes!” he called as he grinned back.
Chapter 3
It was close to five when Claire finally made it home. Alex was loading up his truck when she pulled in. I parted the curtains for just a moment, watching. Claire chatted with him for a while—presumably about the job he was doing—before coming inside.
For just a moment, I wondered if I should go out to tell him goodbye. I decided not to. Just because we’d shared a few cookies and chatted a few moments didn’t really make us friends, or anything. I tried to push away the pleased feeling that wormed its way through me when I realized I’d be seeing him again tomorrow. And possibly every day for the rest of the week. I shook my head at myself, realizing I was being ridiculous.
He could be married for all I knew. With two or three kids. Granted, he wasn’t wearing a ring but I knew that sometimes it was best not to wear jewelry of any kind when doing manual labor. That realization was enough to make me push away any even remotely PG-13 thoughts I might have been having about him.
I backed away from the window so I could meet Claire at the door.
She had a brown bag under her arm and she was balancing a pizza in her other hand. I relieved her of the pizza as she kicked her shoes off. “Pepperoni and mushroom, just like always. I hope that’s still okay?”
“It’s great,” I assured her.
“They won’t deliver out this far in the country. I had to get a take and bake one,” she explained. “I meant to get here a few hours ago but…” she shrugged, “there’s always so much to do. Then I had to make a few stops.”
Claire was sneaking little glances at me. I couldn’t miss the sympathetic look on my friend’s face. Instead, I chose to ignore it. Soon, the bruises would fade, the scrapes would heal. I hoped that for the most part, all would be forgotten. Left in the past, where it belonged. Because as far as I was concerned, there was no room for it in my future.
“It’s fine. I knew you’d be busy with work,” I told her with a smile. I had finally resorted to watching some bad television to pass the time. “I don’t want you to change your schedule, or anything else for that matter, because of me.”
It was the first day I’d had to myself in a very long while. I didn’t need to worry about going home, only to find out that I’d done something to upset Jason. Or that something at work had upset Jason. Or one of his friends had upset him. Any and all of the above were enough to set him off. Enough to make him take out his frustration on me, regardless of whether or not I was the cause. Usually it was done verbally…emotionally…but lately…
Lately he’d become more physical.
I continuously reminded myself that I no longer had to worry about that.
In fact, I didn’t need to worry about Jason at all. The realization was…liberating.
Claire was a few inches taller than my five foot four frame. She had creamy skin, pale green eyes and curly auburn hair. She had it pulled up in a loose bun. Minus the bag that most probably contained wine, she looked just like the Claire I’d grown up with.
“Don’t worry,” she said with a sigh, “this time of year I’m so busy I apparently can’t change my schedule even when I want to.”
I followed her into the kitchen as she placed her purchases on the counter. Claire then turned, narrowing her eyes at me. “Do I smell cookies? Please tell me I smell cookies.”
I laughed and pointed to the container on the counter.
She peeled back the lid and pulled one out. “Oh, yum. I never take the time to bake,” she said around a mouthful. “You must’ve been bored?” she asked with raised eyebrows.
I shrugged. “Not too bad but yeah, I wanted to find something to pass the time.”
“I’m sorry about Alex. That he popped in on you like that. Sometimes I forget to turn my cell phone on when I’m making last minute deliveries. I should’ve answered it so I could’ve warned you,” she said with a grimace.
“It was fine. I mean, he was outside. I was inside.”
She nodded as she finished off the cookie. “Good. He’s a nice guy, I think. I mean, I don’t know him well. But I do know he does good work. I met him last year when he shingled the roof of my shop. He came highly recommended. I was happy with the job he did there so it only made sense to have him do the house too. Just my luck I ended up with two fixer-uppers. Actually, the shop wasn’t bad. Other than the roof, I only had to do some minor work. The house,” she said as she made a face, “was a different story.”
I glanced around. “It looks really nice.” Claire had always been the artistic one. It showed in her decorating.
She beamed at me, loving the compliment. “Thanks. It’s been a lot of work but it’s been worth it. I’m so glad to finally be at the end of the remodeling.”
She’d purchased the house nearly two years ago. I had never been here but Claire had e mailed me some pictures. That was back when we still talked on occasion, before we’d drifted apart completely. Those pictures were only a vague recollection but I knew a lot had been done to the place.
“Alright,” she said as she gave the counter a slap, “I’m going to go shower. Then if you don’t mind, we’ll dive right into the pizza and,” she pulled two bottles of wine out of the bag, “these.” She had a devilish glint in her eye as she set them down. “Do you realize that you and I have never had a drink together? I mean, not since we became legal?”
I grinned back. “We haven’t, have we?” We’d had our share of nights out and partying in high school. Memories of fun times, times long past, flitted through my mind. It seemed like a lifetime ago yet those memories with Claire meant everything to me.
I was hit by a sense of nostalgia and realized she must’ve been as well.
She dove at me, pulling me into another gentle hug. “I know I’ve already said it, but I’m probably going to keep saying it. I am so glad you’re here. This is going to be just like old times!”
She released me and darted off to shower.
I smiled to myself, so relieved over her excitement. I crossed the kitchen, turned the oven on, and allowed it to warm up. I had a feeling that Claire had skipped lunch today in an effort to get home sooner. I pulled out some plates and glasses for dinner before sliding the pizza in. Then I settled back onto the sofa to wait.
I’d been worried that things would be weird, or at the very least, strained. I was sure we both knew I was to blame for the lapses in our communication. But it hadn’t felt that way at all, neither weird nor strained. As I waited for Claire to join me, I felt that I had, without a doubt, made the right choice.
I wanted to start a new life.
I was going to start a new life.
And I hoped to do it here, in Grafton.
*******
“Yes!” Claire said with a giddy, drunken little clap of her hands. “Yes, you can stay here as long as you want to! I would love to have a roommate!”
“What about Sean? Is he going to mind?” I hesitantly asked. Claire was more than an entire glass of wine ahead of me. I wasn’t nearly as giddy as she was. I didn’t want to cause problems in her relationship. “I mean, staying for a week or two is one thing. Moving in…whole different story. And really, it doesn’t have to be too permanent. I can leave anytime you want, if you decide it gets to be too much. Mostly, I just need to get on my feet.”
It was a bit embarrassing to admit, but it was true. And admitting it to Claire wasn’t hard at all. I knew she’d understand.
We’d eaten and cleaned up the ensui
ng mess. Since then, we’d worked our way down memory lane while we drank our way through a bottle of wine. We were currently working on our second bottle as our conversation turned to the present. I had asked Claire about her business. She was obviously in love with her job. Better yet, it was going well.
Buying an existing business had paid off. The elderly woman she had purchased it from had been in business for years. She had built up a favorable reputation.
In all honesty, Claire told me, a lot of people from town probably hadn’t realized the business had changed hands. They just continued to do business at The Petal Pusher, not really giving a second thought to ownership. She had managed to buy her way into the perfect set-up.
I was happy for her, though I didn’t doubt for a minute that her success hadn’t come easily. I was sure she’d worked hard. She had found a career that she loved and that she could support herself with. After that, the conversation had swung back around to me. Claire wanted to know what my plans were. When I had hesitantly told her that I might want to stick around Grafton indefinitely, she’d taken the news better than I had ever hoped.
She had been surprised but elated.
“I’ll keep saying it until you believe me. I would love it if you stayed. And Sean? Pshaww,” Claire said as she tried to brush aside my concern with a wave of her hand. “He has a roommate too. He lives with his brother, Clay. Oh!” she said. Her eyes got big and wide and I knew exactly where she was headed in the conversation so I cringed. “You should meet him! He’s cute,” she informed me, drawing out the word. “He looks a lot like Sean but he’s a few years older. He’s a couple of inches taller and his hair is blonder.” She finally noted my look of hesitation. “Too soon?” she guessed. I nodded. “Okay. But eventually?” she asked, clearly hopeful.
“Sure,” I agreed. Mostly because it was easier than disagreeing but also…Why not? I thought with a sigh.
“What do we need to get you settled in?” she wondered. “Go ahead and do anything to the room that you want to. Or just leave it. It doesn’t matter to me. How are you sitting with clothes…?”
I shrugged. “Good. I was able to grab everything. I um…I actually packed almost everything up a few days ago. I was just waiting until after graduation.” Claire was watching me, her lips pursed in an apparent effort to keep them sealed shut. “I have some money in savings but right now, the two things I need most are a cell phone and a job.” I said this with a smile, hoping to keep the tone light, despite the weight in my stomach. I felt my anxiety weighing me down. But maybe that was normal. I realized all recent graduates must feel somewhat displaced.
Claire started nodding. “Bummer about forgetting your phone.”
It was. But really, did I need a cell phone? I frowned at the thought. Sadly, I had very few people I could call. And one of them was going to be my roommate. I’d lost touch with everyone else over the years.
“The phone is easy,” Claire said as she leaned forward to refill her glass. “Whenever you’re ready we can go to town for that. A job…” She looked contemplative.
“There were a few things listed,” I said, injecting more optimism into my words than I actually felt. “I’ll check them out. I’m sure something will come along.”
“As long as it’s not waitressing.” Claire snorted a laugh. “You’re the world’s worst waitress.”
“Yeah, I know,” I agreed with a small smile. I had to write everything down. Everything. Worse yet, I could never master balancing those heavy trays. And I’d always needed help remembering who had ordered what. It had been ridiculous. Waitressing had really not been my thing. “I thought maybe I should look in the local paper. I’m hoping there will be a few more listings in there.”
“Hmm,” Claire said, “okay. I’ve gotten to know quite a few people in town. Sean’s from here so maybe he would have some ideas. I’ll ask around. In the meantime, I’ll stop and get you a paper tomorrow. Maybe that will help.”
“Thanks. I should probably wait a few days before I head out looking for anything, though,” I admitted.
Claire nodded as she slanted a look at me. “Do we need to be worried about him showing up here?”
I shook my head. I didn’t want her to worry about that. I never would’ve shown up on her doorstep if I thought Jason would be a problem. The very last thing I intended to do was to pull my best friend into the mess I’d made.
“No,” I said decisively. “He has no idea where I’m at. And even if he did, I don’t think it would matter. It’s pretty clear that things are over between us.” But just to be on the safe side, there was a reason I’d chosen to come here as opposed to heading back to my hometown. I knew that despite the emotional distance between us, my dad would’ve welcomed me back with opened arms, I was sure. Especially now that he had the house to himself. I knew how lonely he must be. I planned on visiting him soon. But moving back to my hometown would’ve been too obvious.
I really didn’t think Jason would come looking for me. But I wasn’t willing to take that chance. If at all possible, I’d rather avoid him completely for the rest of my life. Also, it was hard enough to own up to my mistakes when it came to Claire. I didn’t want to have to explain things in detail to my dad. I wasn’t sure how much he was aware of. He’d been so wrapped up in Mom when Jason and I were together.
As he should’ve been.
Unlike Claire, he might’ve missed the warning signs completely.
In fact, I was sure he had. If he’d had any idea of how Jason had treated me, he wouldn’t have tolerated it.
“I really don’t think he’d look for me anyway,” I said. I honestly didn’t think he’d care enough to look for me.
I had realized that one perk of leaving my phone behind was that he couldn’t call me. At the time, I’d been sick over it. But now, I thought it might be a blessing. I was sure I hadn’t shut it off as I’d left it on the end of the couch. If he hadn’t found it right away, he’d undoubtedly tried to call it. As of now, I was completely inaccessible to him.
“I wish you would’ve come sooner,” Claire said quietly.
I sighed. Claire had said no questions asked. I knew she’d hold to that. And yet, I knew I did owe her an explanation.
For the longest time, I had not wanted to tell anyone. Just the thought of it crushed me with apprehension. But now, sitting here with Claire, I felt differently. If you’re lucky, you will find friends in life that are there for you. No matter what. No matter how much time or distance has come between you.
Claire, I knew, was one of those friends. The kind that everything can fall right back into place with, as if no time or distance had ever come between you at all.
I hesitated briefly and Claire didn’t say a word. It seemed that she knew I was standing at a mental crossroads. She waited patiently as I took another sip of my wine, trying to decide which path to take.
I decided maybe I’d feel better if I had everything out in the open. And hopefully she would too. I wanted her to know that I realized I’d made mistakes and that I was trying, in my own way, to make up for them.
It wasn’t as if either of us could feel any worse if I dove into the truth.
I hoped.
So I gave myself a mental shove and that’s what I decided to do.
Chapter 4
“I don’t want you to worry about me, even though I know you’re going to. And that you have been,” I admitted. “So I’m going to start out by saying I’ve gone to counseling. I started seeing someone shortly after my mom died. She…she really helped me to see things more clearly.”
I could immediately see the change in Claire. My words had allayed her fears, her concerns, at least a little. Just as I had hoped they would.
I started at the beginning, when I had transferred to Haden University my junior year. I was only there a few months when we found out Mom was sick. If I’d known before, I never would’ve made the transfer.
Things would’ve been so different.
�
�I decided to live in the dorms because I didn’t know a single person in town,” I explained. “I didn’t get to know my roommate very well. She was into partying. I was into studying. I had no friends, not really. It just wasn’t a priority. I could barely deal with my emotions, let alone my class load.
“One night, my roommate insisted I go out with her. She said that since we were living together, we really needed to get to know one another better. I agreed because I really did need a break, something fun to look forward to. So I went and that was the night I met Jason.” I paused to take a long sip of my wine. “I had no interest in dating but I definitely needed a distraction. That was all that I’d planned for him to be. As days turned into weeks and those weeks turned into months, we started spending more time together. Somehow, he’d managed to work his way into my life.”
I glanced at Claire who was listening intently.
“At first, he made me feel better. He provided the one bright spot in my life. It wasn’t his fault I had no other friends. I barely had room in my life for him. Little by little, things became serious. As things got worse with my mom’s health, I turned to him more and more. He was my escape. I moved out of the dorms and I moved in with him.”
Even now, all this time later, pain tore at my heart. Thinking of Mom’s illness was still hard. Thinking of what a horrible daughter I’d been was even harder.
“When Mom was sick, I felt like I was living my life in a haze. I didn’t mind, I maybe even actually liked, that he took control of everything. I wasn’t in any condition to do much more than struggle through school and my part-time job. After the funeral, after she was gone…One weekend I had packed to go see my dad. Jason refused to let me go. He started in with excuses about why I couldn’t leave. We hadn’t seen each other much that week and he had a busy week ahead. I was always so buried in my studies that it never left time for him. That kind of thing. I really just wanted to see my dad. I needed to. And he kept talking, twisting things around, until I decided he was right, I really didn’t need to go.”
