by C. T. Phipps
I closed my eyes, trying to control my emotion. “If you could do that, why not resurrect your own Mandy?”
“I don’t want her to see this world,” Other Gary said, balling his fists. “I want her to be in one she’ll recognize. A better one without all the toxicity the past few decades have built up. Besides, I don’t want my wife to see me like this. I want her to know me only as I was, will be, once I have settled all of this.”
“No harm, no foul because everyone you will have murdered will be alive again?” I asked, trying to understand his mindset.
“Who would be the wiser?” Other Gary joked.
I wasn’t in a joking mood anymore. “God.”
“What has he ever done for us?” Other Gary said, the bitterness in his voice almost palpable.
“So, you just bring back Mandy and I let you go to go on and murder everyone, including me and Mandy. This doesn’t seem like a very good deal.”
Other Gary didn’t seem to be listening. Instead, he was looking off into the distance at the great vast nothingness about us. “I am the original. The first one to bear the name Gary Karkofsky who started this insane cycle of temporal manipulation and murder. I am you as the timeline originally intended.”
“So, that’s a yes.”
“Gary,” Cloak said. “For the longest time I have believed the timeline’s integrity should be preserved and your casual messing around with it was foolish.”
“Yeah?” I said back to him.
“Forget it. If it helps you stop this madman, go ahead and knock it to pieces.”
“Thanks,” I said, shaking my head. “Not that I believe any of this. I’m the original, O.G, Gary Karkofsky.”
“You don’t believe me?” Other Gary said.
“Let’s say I retain a healthy amount of skepticism when alternate reality versions of me show up and explain why multiple planetary genocide is necessary,” I said, reminding myself this guy was insane. “How did you kill Ultragod anyway?”
“With a gun,” Other Gary said, sighing. “The problem with so many other supervillains is they are projecting their anger onto the world to the point they need to draw out the act of murder. I didn’t hate Ultragod so I was able to get close enough to him to kill him with a gold ultranium bullet. The mundanity is what allowed it to succeed.”
“If it was that easy, he would have died years ago.”
“Ultanium is not exactly a commonly known weakness. You, me, Ultragod, Ultragoddess, the Nightwalker, Tom Terror, and Guinevere are the only ones who were familiar with it. It’s also a rare element only extractable from certain places—like, say, the spot I knew the Nightwalker kept his sample in the Old Clock Tower. There is also the fact that I have a face he could trust.”
I wanted to punch the living shit out of him right then and there. “You used his trust of me to kill him.”
“Yes,” Other Gary said. “He, too, will come back in this New World I’m creating. The Nightwalker, Ultragod, our father, and others will all be restored. You’ll be alive and so will your Mandy.”
“The world can’t be frozen,” I said, pitying my doppelganger more than hating him. “All the heroes of the world can’t be stuck in a cycle of nothing ever changing and only the good things happening. Change is necessary for the world to move on. Sometimes, that requires us to make sacrifices we don’t want to make.”
I felt like such an enormous hypocrite saying that.
Other Gary snorted. “People don’t want to see Ultragod and the Nightwalker retire or die. They don’t want to see their heroes grow old, marry, and have kids. No, they want them stuck in place with an eternity of pointless villain and hero fights. Characters in a grand story acting out a pantomime of good versus evil that prevents real growth or critical analysis.”
“Which you want to return to.”
“Give the people what they want, I always say.” Other Gary sighed. “It’s why I was able to persuade Omega to work for me. Despite having a freaking time machine, the idiot had been defeated hundreds of times by the Society of Superheroes and various costumed champions over the ages. All I had to do was promise him a chance to win and win again to get him on my side. As much as I’m doing this for noble and understandable reasons, Omega is just a dick and happy to be always going forward to a dystopian future that will never come.”
“And Ultradevil?”
“Ultradevil is different,” Other Gary said. “Ultradevil and his world were created by Entropicus as a way to analyze the nature of human morality. On that world, everyone who is good is evil and vice versa. Imagine being born as nothing more than an inversion of a real person. A fictional character created for the sole purpose of being the villain in another man’s drama. Ultradevil went mad when he learned the nature of his world and spent years trying to kill Ultragod out of a sense of outrage that he was not a real person at all. All I had to promise him was the chance he would be able to replace Ultragod in this reality. In truth, I’m going to remake him when I fix the world and give him the chance to be the hero he always wanted to be.”
“Versus, you know, just being a hero.”
Other Gary frowned. “I take it I’m not convincing you to go along with my plan?”
“Your attempts would be a lot more persuasive if you weren’t a bag full of crazy containing another bag full of crazy.”
“You realize, that’s still just one bag full of crazy, correct?”
I blinked. “Huh, you’re right. That’s a terrible phrase.”
“Well, I suppose I’ll have to kill you then,” Other Gary said, frowning. “Unfortunate.”
“Yeah, I bet you have severe regrets about that, what with having already sent President Omega to kill me once.”
“He’s not exactly the most loyal ally, what with being a homicidal lunatic and all.”
“And you have so much in common,” I said, faking shock. “I’m going to have to kill you, Other Me. Sorry. I understand what you’re feeling better than anyone, but I also understand your Mandy would prefer to be dead than let you do that.”
“We’ll see about that. I suppose talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words.” Other Gary snapped his fingers.
I felt an immense sense of necromantic power radiate outwards and wash over me before spreading out in every direction. There was a strange sense of reality being restructured all about me, and it was like no magic I’d ever witnessed.
I took a step back, stumbling in the process. “What have you done?”
“Restored your Mandy, of course,” Other Gary replied. “I may have to kill you because, quite literally, you’re the only person who knows how to get around my sort of plans but I’m not a complete monster. You should have some time to spend with her before events go completely out of control.”
“That’s impossible.”
“Not at all. I’ve not only arranged for her to be healed, but have also given her plenty of involvement in our current little struggle. She, alone, can now tell you exactly what’s going on and what needs to be done. It required a bit of finagling with the timeline, smashing a few realities back together, and rebooting portions of the universe but it’s all better now. She’s as good as new. Better even. Don’t worry, though, I didn’t directly make any improvements. They just naturally flowed from her personality.”
I stared at him, unsure how to respond. “You’re lying.”
“Am I?” Other Gary said, smiling. “You’ve struggled for the past year to resurrect Mandy, so why would it surprise you to know that I, who have had centuries of experience, am able to do what you have been working toward?”
I opened my mouth then closed it.
“Unless, of course, you want me to reverse it?”
“No!” I shouted, raising my hands up. I hated owing my doppelganger anything but the prospect he’d done just what he’d claimed paralyzed me from making any hostile moves.
Other Gary chuckled. “I thought not. Who knows, perhaps you will be smart enough to realize i
t is better to enjoy what precious little time remains with your wife than attempt to fix what cannot, should not, be fixed.”
“Leave me alone,” I said, looking away.
“As you wish,” Other Gary said. “The simple fact is I’ve accounted for every eventuality and have already eliminated all those who stand in my way. You should be grateful, in a way, since this means you really were this world’s greatest supervillain.”
With that, Other Gary vanished, and I was left alone in the empty void. I didn’t know if I was alive or dead in the real world, though I suspected I was fine if my doppelganger was so certain I was still a threat to him. He wouldn’t raise my wife from the dead to screw with me unless he assumed I needed screwing with in the first place.
“You can’t actually be thinking of trusting him,” Cloak said, sounding utterly appalled.
“In what universe did you think I would?” I said, honestly offended he’d think I’d go along with this joker.
“Sorry, I never quite know what you’re going to do.”
“I don’t have many standards but I kind of draw the line at genocide. Actually, I draw the line significantly further back. Like in New Jersey.”
“I shouldn’t have doubted you even for a second.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.” I needed a second to collect my thoughts. “Is it possible he’s telling the truth?”
“At least as far as he thinks he is, probably. I’ve encountered many evil doppelgangers over the years.”
“That’s a statement that should never be uttered.”
“It also explains a number of things I’ve been wondering about for some time. How Ultragod was able to be killed, how Omega was able to get so powerful so quickly, and what their peculiar obsession with you is.”
I took a deep breath. “Cloak, you’ve got to believe I would never do anything to hurt Moses. I mean, even if I didn’t like the guy, and I did, I would never hurt Gabrielle.”
“Gary, I’m aware you’re not a monster. The fact your Mandy is dead and you didn’t become someone like your doppelganger is proof positive of that. There’re an infinite number of variations on the same basic person spread throughout the universe. You’re no more responsible for his actions than the cannibal pimp Gary’s.”
“We keep coming back to that guy with a disturbing regularity.”
“Alternate pasts.”
“Yeah-yeah,” I said. “Well, at least as long as we’re agreed I’m nothing like him.”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Nothing alike.”
“Don’t take that as an insult,” Cloak responded, surprising me. “You are a criminal mind who is of remarkable acuity and unpredictability. You seem to know how heroes and villains will react before they happen as well as how to respond appropriately. I believe this version of you is responsible for what has happened because of that ability. It also means we need to play against his ability to defeat him.”
“You’re saying my evil doppelganger is dangerous because he has my genre savvy nature.”
“Yes, I suppose I am.”
“Great.” I closed my eyes. “What about that whole Mandy business?”
“It’s possible,” Cloak said. “You do not have the pedigree or natural aptitude for truly powerful magic, but that sort of thing can be compensated for. This version of you possesses an immense amount of innate magical power. His plan to remake reality and create his own version of the Earth is probably impossible but such plans have been tried before. The Brotherhood of Infamy planned something similar, if you recall.”
“Great, three major adventures and we’re already recycling story beats.”
“Think of remaking reality as your villains’ motif.”
“I want it to be true,” I said, trying to get a handle on my emotions. “But I can’t bring myself to believe it. Reality is never this kind.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, you won’t be living to enjoy it,” President Omega’s voice spoke behind me.
“Ah crap,” I said, turning around.
There, behind me in the endless void was President Omega in some sort of red and gold mechanical armor with a helmet covered in a translucent face plate. Both his hands glowed with strange energies which I could feel from several feet away. An omega symbol was on his chest plate and he looked sort of like an evil cybernetic Transformer.
Levitating beside President Omega, his arms crossed and his feet pressed together like M. Bison, was Ultradevil. His eyes were a glowing shade of red and he was looking down at me with a look of complete disdain.
“Oh, were you looking for Other Gary?” I asked, pointing behind me. “You just missed him.”
“Actually, we’re here to kill you,” Ultradevil said, chuckling. “Frankly, after having to listen to that moron’s prattle nonstop for the past few months, it’ll be quite therapeutic.”
I was fairly sure I was outmatched here. “Actually, having known him for five minutes, I now know why men hate me and women tolerate me. He has amazing looks and a horrible personality. Wait, aren’t you guys supposed to be working for him?”
“With him,” Omega said, frowning. “Even then, only until he manages to finish his plan to accumulate universe-changing levels of necromantic energy. Then, I plan to kill him and use it for myself. After all, why spend centuries or even millennia conquering this universe when I can just do it all at once? I mean, there are so many other universes to conquer.”
“And what about you?” I said, hoping to delay my imminent death. “Didn’t he say you were all obsessed with the fact that you’re a bad guy and want to be a hero instead?”
“I do want to be a hero,” Ultradevil said. “I wasn’t handed my heroism on a silver platter like my alternate in this universe. After the universe is remade, I intend to launch a crusade across the Multiverse, exterminating all nonhumans and bringing peace as well as order to alternate Earths throughout the space-time continuum. I will be remembered as the greatest hero who ever lived.”
“Well, I suppose you can take the villain out of the evil dimension but you can’t take the evil dimension out of the villain,” I said, taking a few steps back. “I don’t suppose I could play the three of you against one another in hopes of defeating you all and saving the day?”
“I’m afraid not,” Omega said, raising his glowing right hand. “I’m sorry, Gary, I really am. You’re much more amusing than your doppelganger, and I would have enjoyed teaming up with you to butcher billions.”
“What is with you three and genocide?” I said.
“It’s fun,” Omega said, smiling. ‘That wonderful little feeling when you look down at the world, see it’s full of dots, and then start removing thousands at a time.”
“You realize Harry Lime was the villain in The Third Man, right?”
“Not much of a movie buff.” That was when he fired an energy blast and I just barely managed to move my head out of the way.
“Ultradevil, kill him!” Omega shouted.
Ultradevil conjured a seventeen-foot-long Ultra-Force battle axe to cleave me in two.
Right before I woke up.
Denying my enemies their prize.
Chapter Nineteen
Where I Reconnect with My Wife
I became aware again and found myself breathing in humid air with the noise of water lapping against the side of stone. I didn’t open my eyes immediately because they felt heavy. My chest hurt like hell and the rest of my body was like lead. I’d been shot through the heart. Partial-invulnerability or not, I was pretty sure that should have killed me.
“It actually missed the heart by a few inches,” Cloak said. “Not that you didn’t almost bleed out.”
“Was I dreaming or did we meet with my crazy sixties doppelganger?” I asked. I was as stunned by his appearance as anyone.
“You were dreaming and yes we did.”
“Great, just when I think my world can’t get any weirder after riding a cybernetic d
inosaur, this happens,” I said, stretching. “Now, I suppose we should go find out who is holding us prisoner. Why am I hearing Bon Jovi?” It was pretty vague but I could definitely hear “You Give Love a Bad Name” playing in the background.
“I hear it too,” Cloak said. “I don’t know who is holding us but I doubt its Darklight. They probably prefer metal.”
“Hey, I like metal. Whatever the case, I think we can officially chalk up the United States government to be on the side of the bad guys this time. At least until we can remove President Omega from office.” I’d deal with Other Gary afterward. How hard could it be to deal with someone who knew your every thought and motivation?
Oh right.
Cloak telepathically made a noise that sounded like a sigh. “It seems we may actually have to revert to your plan to take out the false president and end his fascist reign over the country.”
I smiled, which hurt. “So, what you’re saying is, I’m right?”
It wasn’t often I managed to get one over on one of the world’s greatest superheroes.
“Please stop acting like you’re twelve years old,” Cloak said.
“Oh hush, I’m acting like I’m fourteen at least.”
Forcing my eyes open, I saw I was lying face down on a mattress in the middle of a circular brick chamber next to some sort of river. Clearing my head, I realized I was underground beside a storm sewer pumping station with access to the river. There was a black top-of-the-line speedboat nearby and a small armory of guns, armor, and grenades casually propped up against the wall.
A big steel door was drawn up over the entrance like a portcullis. The walls were covered in newspaper articles hammered up, posters of Mandy’s favorite bands, and pictures stolen from my house. There was also a porcelain statue of a bull terrier stolen from a novelty shop. The Bon Jovi song was coming from a nearby boom box sitting on a metal chair. I shouldn’t have been surprised that this was where she’d been hiding the entire time. Falconcrest City exceeded New York in terms of massive sewer size, and its storm tunnels were home to entire communities of people who didn’t want to be found.
