I stopped by the floor to ceiling glass wall and watched the clouds twist through the gusty wind. This view was the same from my apartment. And one you never got sick of. Chase shuffled papers behind me, only confirming the fact that he was stewing on something. His tension radiated off my back.
“It’s the needles, man.” My stomach churned. “Every fucking day she grimaces in pain. Her stomach is so black and indurated it’s starting to look like the skin of a goddamn avocado.”
Lili. I knew it. They still couldn’t get pregnant. And you didn’t have to be a shrink to see that Chase blamed himself. When Lili was lying comatose, Chase had a decision to make. To use KimCore, his own equipment, would reduce brain swelling and give her the best odds of intact survival, but the near freezing body temperature was contraindicated in pregnancy. Chase made the call and Lili survived. The baby didn’t.
“When the hell did she start injecting herself? I thought she was just taking a pill and you were keeping track and shit.” Fertility and ovulation were definitely not what I thought I’d be talking about before my second cup of coffee, or ever.
“Yeah, well, several months of just Clomid weren’t working. She’s been doing the injections for a couple months now.” Typical, he rattled off meds and I just nodded, having no clue what he was talking about. “I wanted her to take a month off, enjoy our honeymoon. The wedding was stressful enough. But nope, she insisted on continuing.”
“Shit, C. I don’t know what to say. Sucks, man.” I sat down in the chair on the other side of his desk. I threaded my fingers through my hair and leaned back.
“And don’t get me started on her fieldwork. I know she’s a social worker and it’s part of her job, but they have her working with some serious lowlifes. I hate it. But I can’t say jack shit. She’s pumped with so many hormones, she’d go ballistic on me.”
“Man, I think you could take her on.” I wasn’t making light of the situation, just trying to calm him down. Chase took a deep breath. “Seriously, anything I can do?”
“Nothing. We’re doing what we have to do. Means I’ve got an appointment with a cup and some porn.”
I smirked, knowing exactly what he was talking about it. “Ha. Porn. Nothing wrong with a little self-satisfaction, but can’t Lil help you out with that? Just saying.” From his lethal expression I could tell he wasn’t feeling my humor. I held my hands up in surrender. “I’m just wondering. And listen, no need to jerk off in a cup. I’ve got that shit frozen already. Just take mine. I’m sure my swimmers would kick the shit out of yours any day of the week.” I kept trying to break him.
Unfortunately I remembered that day like it was yesterday. Not sure what was more embarrassing—knowing my mother was in the waiting room or the brunette nurse with a nice rack nonchalantly asking if I wanted a magazine or the binder to pick a video. No joke. The act, as I knew it, was supposed to be private and fun, not a job. Sure felt like it that day. Definitely the last thing a horny teenager thought he’d be forced into doing. The nurse tossed me a plastic wrapped sterile cup and my sweat drenched slimy-assed hands bobbled it. Shaking my head in pure mortification, I reached down and grabbed it off the floor. I came back up to a huge ass smile. ‘I think you’ll find everything you need, cup goes in the fridge when you’re done,’ she said, pointing to a room twice the size of a closet. Classy. I must have been the color of a tomato. Only saving grace was she was at lunch when I was done.
“You competitive dickhead, now you’re taking bets on the speed of our sperm. What the hell is the matter with you?” He half smiled. Yup, my job here was almost done. “My kid would be half you, just what I fucking need, another you running around.”
He was definitely spot on. I would never want to jeopardize an offspring with my shitty genetic history. But instead of going down that road, I continued on my mission to lighten him up. “Oh come on, C, when I look in the mirror I see … tall, good-looking, successful, fit, all-around great guy, a perfect catch. I’m sure Lili would be happy with my sperm.”
“You’re fucking crazy, and obviously in my absence your already big head has quadrupled … who’s the new chick stroking your ego?” I probably could have laughed at his joke, if guilt hadn’t pierced my gut. “But that’s not my point, I was just saying I wouldn’t be surprised if you haven’t already fathered several kids.”
“Whoa.” I held up my hand. “I practice safe sex.” Chase busted out laughing. I couldn’t help but join in. “I have five nieces. If that isn’t a reason to glove, I don’t know what the hell is.” I should’ve patted myself on my own goddamn back. I knew how to crack this intense mo-fo every time. Now I was definitely done. And since it was so far from an appropriate time to bring up Talia, I needed to leave. “So you gonna go jerk-off or what? Oh and say hi to the hot nurse who’s gonna give you your cup … I think her name is Jane.”
Shaking his head he continued to laugh. “Exactly my point … is there a hot nurse in this hospital you haven’t bagged? Don’t answer that. Just be ready to get your ass kicked. Gym at seven?”
I grinned and stood up to leave. “My only tip, pay attention. You wouldn’t want to miss the cup and waste your load. Dude, they’ll make you come back. Then you’d have to explain to Lil how you got distracted over some hot piece of ass in this month’s Playboy.” And with that I left. A string of expletives followed me down the hall.
I stepped onto the elevator and tapped a quick text.
Tear it up?
Yup.
Jealous.
Whatcha doing now?
Showering...
Alone?
Perv.
She thought I was joking. I wasn’t. Sure, I was jealous she got to mountain bike all year long, but the fact she was dripping wet and someone other than me might be enjoying the show, yeah, that thought made me crazy. That was one opportunity, if ever given the chance, I would never take for granted. Friends shower together, right? And there lied my problem—over the last few weeks I had become a jealous loser. Even though she told me straight out that the douche was a non-issue, I couldn’t seem to shake an overwhelming and completely foreign sense of jealousy bubbling deep in my gut. I wasn’t that guy. Never was and sure as shit never thought I could be.
I needed a plan to fix that. We had two lives. Two very separate, very different, very established lives. This was me contemplating a merge, aka, relationship. Since that word ceased to exist for me I needed to pull out a dictionary and read that definition. But the bigger question was would she even want that, or was she content with the friendship we had going?
The elevator doors opened to a sea of grey concrete. Sort of fit my mood. Dark and depressing.
“Asher? Why are you here?” Lili snapped me out of my fog as she closed her car door. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah fine—board meeting. More importantly, I just left your other half taking care of business as we speak.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head, making me chuckle.
“Hey, don’t blush on my account.”
“Shut it, Asher. I can’t believe he told you. This sucks. I wish he didn’t have to do this.”
“I’m sure he’s making the best of it,” I said through a smirk. One she luckily missed, distracted by digging in the bottomless pit of a bag hanging from her arm. Talia’s wristlet thingy looked that much more sexy.
“I’m actually glad he told you, though. I hate when he bottles stuff up.” Unfortunately she knew that shit firsthand. “I wanted us to get pregnant and stay pregnant on our own so bad. Between my first miscarriage and emergency surgery after my accident, and then this last miscarriage, I think my body is just plain screwed up. I’m sad and discouraged and I shouldn’t be either because there are so many people so much worse off than me … ugh, sorry, I’m venting.”
“Lil, you had another miscarriage?”
Her blue eyes filled with tears. “Crap. I just figured he told you…”
“Come here.” I hugged her. �
�Everything will work out, you have to believe that. Promise me you’re not dwelling on what you have no control over. This is the time to live for the moment. You and Chase have been through so much, you deserve to enjoy your life.” Figured I should push my motto. What the hell did I know about any of this? I could only hope and pray a baby was in their future.
I fingered a loose tear sliding down her cheek. “Hey, I haven’t even seen you since you’ve been back. And I know this unnecessary stress sucks, but how was the honeymoon? Looks like it agreed with you, you’re gorgeous as always.”
“Thanks, Ash. You always make me feel better. It was awesome. You know Chase, a total perfectionist. It was insanely romantic and absolutely beautiful.” Her lips turned up through her glistening eyes.
“I wouldn’t expect anything less, you know what they say about surgeons…”
“No detail goes left unturned, ya think?” She finished my thought and we laughed.
Chase was so fortunate to have found Lili. She was just plain awesome.
“Listen, I’ve got an appointment in a few, I’ve got to run.” She pecked my cheek and walked up to the parking garage elevator. Pushing the button she looked over her shoulder and continued, “Let’s plan something. You around the Wednesday before Thanksgiving? Sierra and Dodd will be in town—we were talking about dinner and drinks.”
“Sounds great, count me in.”
She smiled and stepped inside the elevator. “Bring a date,” she yelled before she disappeared between the closing doors.
Lil anticipated my answer, that’s why she waited until the last minute to throw it out there. Random social and work functions, absolutely. I loved the company of a beautiful woman. Close friends and family events, rarely. That’s why I always got harassed. But it worked. I’ve been satisfied and content for the last twenty years. So when those elevator doors shut and Talia was my only thought, I felt my boat rock. Damn, up until now I was lucky if I thought about a woman longer than it took to get her in my bed. Here I was obsessing about a woman, someone I’ve known a good portion of my life, have yet to kiss, let alone share a bed with, and I was completely undone.
“Hi Ace.”
I missed her voice. Texting, even if it was twice a day, wasn’t the same.
“Hey, you. How was your day?”
“Busy, you know popping zits, dermabrasions, a little Botox. Oh and when I have a little extra time, saving a couple of lives here and there. Ever heard of those pesky little skin cancers?”
“You know I’m just teasing. Without you we wouldn’t be able to bake in the sun, apply those browning oils, and bust out the tinfoil.”
“Asher!” She snapped.
“I’m kidding, kidding. You know I think you’re awesome.”
“Yeah well, thanks, I think.” It was hard to hear her through the blaring music in the background.
“Damn, Tal, that shit’s loud. You trying to blow an eardrum?” The girl still loved music. Sweet.
“Oh sorry, hold on a second.” And then dead silence. She totally muted our call. “It was a neighbor. I’m constantly telling them to turn it down.” Liar. “Better, right? So what are your plans for Thanksgiving?” I debated calling her on the music bit, but was content enough knowing Dr. Pryce and TP were still one and the same. Or so I hoped. I couldn’t let my mind wander to any more scenarios that fueled my green-eyed absurdity.
“Heading out East. Maggie would never go a single holiday without cooking a feast. What about you? Your mom still in New York?”
“Not anymore, she passed away a couple of years ago. Had a massive heart attack. I’d say it took us by surprise but it really didn’t. Even though my parents were divorced, she never really stopped loving him. After he died she let herself go—overweight, high blood pressure, high cholesterol—the perfect setup for heart disease.”
“Teeps, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I heard your dad had passed and I tried to find you and send my condolences… ” She was so young to be alone.
“Thanks for that. It was tough for a while. A little lonely. You never realize growing up how important it is to have a sibling until both your parents have died. Fortunately, I’ve made a great group of friends over the years who have opened their doors and adopted me and … and don’t mind an extra guest around during the holidays.”
“It sucks I’ve missed so much of your life, Tal.”
“We’re working on changing that…” She perked up a bit.
“Well, you’re one lucky girl, getting out of cooking every year. Maggie’s got me trained for that damn kitchen. She’s got three daughters, yet she’s got her only son rolling out pie dough at eight in the morning.”
She laughed. “Asher in the kitchen. I need to see this.”
Did my completely delusional mind hear her correctly? She wanted me in a kitchen. Done. I’d fly in shrimp from Aruba and handpick oysters in Wellfleet to see her at my table sipping her bubbly and savoring each bite.
“Not so lucky, this year I’m in charge of making the turkey … sounds like I need some tips from the Master Chef.”
“Hey, I like that show, don’t make fun.”
“Listen, I’ll take whatever help I can get. Thanksgiving is two days away and I haven’t even bought a turkey yet. First on the list for tomorrow morning.”
“Nothing like waiting until the last minute.”
“Thanks for rubbing in my procrastination, Ace,” she sarcastically retorted. “But seriously, send your family my best. How are your parents?”
“Mom’s great, Dad’s becoming a little forgetful, nothing crazy yet.” Without saying it out loud she understood what I meant. She saw my grandfather mentally deteriorate and knew my uncle had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s too. “It’s been two years since his official diagnosis, seems all the meds are slowing it down.” I never talked about this shit. Ever. And over the phone, no less. I hated the forced rhetoric that always followed.
They might find a cure...
Just because three generations of Craig men died from it, doesn’t mean…
I’m so sorry.
I was relieved she didn’t go there. “That’s a good sign, it is. Getting old just sucks.”
“Isn’t that the truth.”
“That’s why we need to live for now. Period.”
Damn, this woman knew me.
“Just a reminder of how short life is.” Shorter for some. “Shit, first Kimi, my whole genetic pool, your parents, Chase’s dad-”
She cut me off. “What? Chase’s father?”
“Yeah, about six months ago. Dropped dead on the golf course, ruptured aneurism.” Too quick and too kind in my opinion. But who was I to judge? He had to answer for his sins. “Constance kept it all pretty hushed, claimed he would have wanted it that way. Ha, more like she didn’t want disgruntled investors resurfacing in hopes of an insurance policy.”
The line was silent. Too silent. Wait, was she crying?
“Tal, you there? You okay?” Hell, she might have been across the country when he reached the depths of despicable and wrote off his comatose daughter, but Chase’s dad was far from a saint when we were kids. And I knew firsthand that Talia’s parents, like half the upper East side, were screwed out of millions by the infamous Jack Colton Ponzi scheme. So much so, it was rumored Talia’s dad was broke by the time he died. So yeah, her tears confused me. Unless she was worried about… “Chase is fine, Tal.”
Sniffle. “Oh, I um … I hadn’t heard, and I just feel bad, you know. Even if there was no love lost, losing his father after Kimi, too. It can be a lot.”
“Yeah, it was a shock, but he had Lili to get him through it.” I was jealous.
“Lili must be his new wife. I’m so glad he found someone,” she said sincerely.
I felt like a dick.
“It’s weird, but she’s a lot like Kim.”
“Then I know I’d love her.” No doubt. “I miss her so much still … every day something reminds me of her. Every single day. I might
have stopped torturing myself with what-ifs a long time ago, but I’ll never stop thinking about her. I can’t. And I don’t want to.”
Her sadness was palpable. If I could have jumped through the phone to hold her, I would have.
“Yeah, me too, Tal.”
Then she said something unexpected, “You ever see that Drew Barrymore movie, Never Been Kissed?”
I started to laugh and she joined in. “Josie Grossie. You ladies definitely had your moments.” Tal and Kim were the queens of self-deprecation, oblivious to how gorgeous they were. Hands down made them even hotter.
“I know, right? We defined Hot Mess.” She continued to giggle.
Not even close.
And that opened the floodgates pouring out tons of funny memories. She talked for at least an hour. I hated the phone, always did, but to laugh with her like that I would have glued that damn thing to my ear and pulled an all-nighter. When we finally hung up, I decided to follow in Chase’s footsteps, nothing wrong with a little self-satisfaction. Yeah, this friend thing wasn’t working.
The crew had already moved to the bar when I strolled in with a last minute redhead in tow. We obviously missed the dinner at one of my personal favorites for French cuisine. And damn did my stomach grumble, the food at Mistral was just that good. But nothing compared to the restaurant’s cool ass rustic ambiance. Sierra slid off her high-back stool and slung her loose arm around my neck.
“Lili said you were coming alone,” she slurred in my ear.
“Sorry we’re late, I got stuck in a meeting.” Bullshit, but I couldn’t use the traffic excuse. I lived two blocks away.
Dodd unwrapped Sierra and her tiny self from my neck and shrugged. “Can you tell we don’t get out much?” She was clearly enjoying herself sans the little one.
“Sierra, Dodd, this is Sam.” I lifted my chin behind them to finish introductions with Lil and Chase. She small waved them. Enough said. Who the hell scrunched just their fingers to wave if they didn’t have some sort of sash across their chest? And she hadn’t even had a drink yet. It was gonna be a long night. My sister owed me big time.
Beautifully Done Page 6
