“Yeah, that was our name, baby.”
Chase’s answer surprised me. But I was happy he spoke up since Tal and I were trying to swallow past the huge lump that had taken up camp.
“I know it was a long time ago, and I know it wouldn’t be the same without Kim, but I would love to hear you guys play something. For old times sake? Please, maybe?” Lil sounded hopeful.
“Maybe, Blue.” Chase kissed the tip of Lil’s nose.
He really had come so far. After Kimi died I never thought he would ever consider his guitar again. I looked back to Tal who seemed to be frozen and still not breathing with her glass in the air.
“I’m sure we could work that out,” I finally chimed in. “To friends. Cheers.” My words were repeated.
Tal’s mouth moved, but I never heard her voice. We clinked and sipped.
“Oh, I’m so excited. I can’t wait to hear your voice, Tal. Ash and Chase both rave about it.” Lili literally bounced in her seat and quietly clapped. I cringed for Chase’s sake; Lili still seemed a bit too chipper. “On another note, any plans on coming this way? We just moved to Boston a few months ago, and we love it.”
Yup, leave it to her to dive right in.
“Um ... working on it.” Still white as a ghost, Tal gave her a small smile and picked up her drink.
After her last visit here we had finally discussed a possible move. She hadn’t shut me down and now that everything was out in the open, she was seriously considering it. Halle-fucking-lujah. I was breaking her down layer by layer, and I wasn’t averse to begging if needed. She assured me she had some calls into some of the larger dermatology groups. Hell, if it were up to me, she never needed to work another day in her life. I had us covered. But that wasn’t Tal, and never would be.
“Not fast enough for me,” I teased. Even though I wasn’t teasing.
“That’s awesome. Then we just have to get Sierra and Dodd here, too.” Lili beamed.
“I’ve been considering selling my derm practice for a while—been wanting to spend more time teaching. I’ve dabbled in it over the years and have really enjoyed it. I’d like to get involved with some research too. Now seems like as good a time as any.” None of what she said was a surprise to me, but Tal’s eyes were glued to mine as she struck a chord. “And I have to admit, I’ve missed home.” Home, make that a really sweet chord.
“I bet Chase could help with that, right?” Lili asked, looking at Chase to agree. “You must have some derm friends at the hospital.”
Chase’s demeanor shifted, he finally looked comfortable. Medicine was safe ground. “Of course. University hospitals are always looking for faculty wanting to get involved with research, and we have a pretty large derm residency, as I’m sure you already knew. I can put out a feeler, if you’d like?”
“Thanks, I appreciate it, but I’ve already been in touch with the chairman.” Good answer. I would’ve been a little perturbed, to say the least, if she accepted his help. I might not have been a doctor, but I sat on the board and was responsible for half the donations rolling in. Jealous much? I never knew what jealousy was until Tal. And this was one trait I wasn’t feeling particularly proud of.
Chase half smiled, half laughed. “Tal, don’t take this the wrong way, but how the hell did you pick derm? I don’t see it.” His wife backhanded his stomach.
“Could you be any more egotistical? Not everyone wants to be a surgeon.” Lili huffed, shaking her head and frowning at Chase.
“No, it’s okay. I probably would’ve chosen surgery, he’s right, but quality of life was more important. It wasn’t just about me.” Her breath hitched and she blinked a second too long. Oh fuck. “A mother’s priorities and all.”
“Oh wow.” Lili didn’t miss a beat. “You never mentioned it, and I can’t believe I never asked. I just assumed … that’s amazing. How many kids do you have? How old?”
“Just one, he’s eighteen.”
“Eighteen? That’s crazy. You don’t look like you could have a child that old. He must be, what, in college now?” Lili continued the conversation, oblivious to Chase’s sudden rigidity and ticking jaw. It was like watching a train derail in slow motion.
I squeezed Tal’s thigh, hoping my strength said it all. I got you. Her fingers found mine. Yeah, she heard me. She was done carrying this load alone. Lil kept talking, about what I had no clue. I was busy watching Chase’s abrupt exit from the room, screeching chair and all. The terrace French door opened and slammed shut. Talia tensed. Lili finally stopped talking, the silence filled in around us. Her wheels were turning as fear crept in, darkening her baby blues.
“He’s not his.” The words erupted from Tal without warning, fast and sharp, slicing through the silence. Lili stared with wide eyes. This. Sucked. “I know what you’re thinking, I lied about having an abortion, why wouldn’t I lie about this? But I swear on my life, he’s not Chase’s son, he’s his brother.” You could’ve heard a pin drop. Lil’s jaw dropped open. It took me a second to get my bearings. Tal’s verbal diarrhea approach took me by surprise as well. Didn’t see that coming.
“What … wait ... you never had an abortion. Chase’s thought all these years … do you know what he put himself through … the guilt.” Lili’s voice was punctuated and deliberate, like she was trying to process what the hell was going down. For a minute I thought she didn’t even hear Tal’s last statement. “What do you mean they’re brothers?” Lili’s wide eyes welled with tears. Talia’s were already dripping down her cheeks. “Oh my god. No, Tal. Oh my god.”
“Lil, I need you to calm down. I’m going to grab Chase. He’s not gonna want to hear this, but he needs to. He needs to know the truth.” I lifted Tal’s chin to meet my gaze and whispered, “Okay?”
“Okay.”
The terrace door closed behind me, but Chase didn’t budge, his sights were fixed on horizon. “How long have you known?”
“You need to calm yourself down and hear her out.”
“How long? It’s a simple question.” He was seething. “The sex that fucking good, worth stabbing me in the back?”
Now I was seething. Leeway passed. “I’m going to try and forget what you just said. This time. Disrespect the woman I love again and we will have a problem. To answer your question, two weeks and NO ONE stabbed you in the back. I get you’re in shock, I’ll give you that. But you need to check it and get your ass inside and hear what she has to say. The only person who got royally fucked in all of this is Tal.”
One look and he saw I was telling the truth. Without a word he stalked back in. Jack Colton better have been rotting in hell.
The women were back in the living room sitting across from each other when we came in. With one knee bent against her chest and the other tucked beneath her, Tal silently massaged her bare foot.
Lil rushed to calm Chase. “Babe, please just listen, please.”
He said nothing. His angry eyes did not waver from Talia. I stood in between and not because of torn loyalties. I had Tal’s back, no matter what. But I also needed to be at arm’s length to shut Chase down if he was too stubborn to rein it in.
Tal’s eyes met mine. She didn’t need encouragement, the woman redefined brave. I nodded anyway, letting her know I wasn’t going anywhere.
“His name is Tack…” She spoke uninterrupted for a good five minutes, reliving her nightmare all over again for Chase. She opened by admitting she was already pregnant when she slept with Chase, that there was no possible way he was Tack’s father. Her genuine remorse was undeniable. Lil quietly sniffled against Chase’s shirt, while he shook his head, confused. There was no mistaking his moment of clarity. The second Tal uttered Jack Colton’s name, the tension exploded. Chase raked his hands through his hair, his eyes cemented to the floor. His telltale sign that he was losing it. Lil’s sniffles turned to sobs, but Tal stayed focused on me and finished. Her recap was almost identical, without disclosing the pictures. That was her decision to make and I gave her that.
When Chase finally spoke, I didn’t recognize his voice through his gritted teeth. “My father raped you?”
Tal broke and started to cry. I moved to where I belonged, next to my woman, pulling her in close. I had two weeks to process all this shit, but my insides still burned and the bile still stung the back of my throat.
“I never said no, it was my choice. I have to live with that.”
“No, Talia. That sick, sick bastard!” The disgust and anger on Lil’s face as she spoke mirrored my own. “You were a child, he was the adult. He knew exactly what he was doing, HE was wrong. You can argue the semantics all you want, but he violated you.”
We shared the same sentiment. How could that pathetic waste of a life do that to a young and innocent girl? Lili’s horrendous rape had to be flooding her memory and Chase looked to be doing everything in his power to control his emotion. You could have bounced a ball off of his intensity. I knew the rage he bottled inside was combustible. And aimed at his dead father. I could guarantee he was as close to exhuming his body as I was, if not closer.
Tal wiped her eyes and sat straight up. “Thank you for your support, Lil. I might have been vulnerable and impaired, but I wasn’t innocent. And in the end it doesn’t really matter how it happened, just that it did. As much as the vague memories from that night haunt my dreams, there has never been a single day, in nineteen years, that I haven’t woken up and thanked God for my greatest blessing. I regret plenty, oh god, you have no idea, but my decision to keep my child, never, ever.” She took a deep, shaky breath and continued. “My deepest regret … is what I did to you, Chase. I am so, so sorry. I wish there was a more powerful word than sorry, because it doesn’t even begin to cut it. If I could take it all back, what I put you through, I would in a heartbeat. I lied and broke your trust, but worse, I abandoned you when you needed us the most. I have to own that and live with it, and one day in another life, face your sister for it. The day I came to you and told you I was pregnant … please just know, that in the sea of my lies, my only truth was saying that I loved you. You were the brother I never had.” Her voice crackled with sincerity. She laid herself bare.
Lili’s gaze shifted from Chase to me, unsure of what to do next. As if there was some unwritten etiquette on handling fucked up situations. Tal’s grip on my hands tightened. We waited. Chase remained silent, then moved to the window. I mentally started counting down, my stomach churning. The only other time I had seen this look in his eyes was when he found out there was nothing he could do to save his sister. He was helpless and empty, much like he was today. There was no quick fix, no altering the past. What was done was done. Nothing could be changed; nothing could be reversed.
Lili joined her husband, securing her arms around his waist and laying her head against his back. I tucked Tal against my side and kissed her forehead.
“You know he’ll come around, right?” I whispered. “He’s the same guy, he’s us.”
Tal knew this, but it didn’t stop her lip from quivering. God, I just wanted to make it better—make it all go away. I felt her pain deep in my chest.
“Tack’s here in Boston, Chase. He’s a sophomore, pre-med. Ironic, huh? He knows about you.” Her voice wavered and a single tear slid down her cheek. She was trying so hard to keep it together. “I told him a few weeks ago, everything. At first he was mad—furious, actually. I’ll never forget the look on his face, he looked ... he looked just like you. But he’s coming around, slowly. He’s working that heart of gold of his, reiterating how upset he is for me. I know he’s struggling with finding out his biological father was anything but the amazing person I disillusioned him with throughout his childhood, my own wishful thinking. I told him his paternity means nothing, doesn’t define him, and has no bearing on the man he is. When he asked me how I could be so sure, the answer was simple ... you.”
The single tear turned into a full stream. I thumbed her cheeks and kissed her wet lips, mumbling, “I love you.”
Lili hadn’t moved, her head was still buried against Chase’s back. I could see her body trembling with her silent sobs. I watched him release Lil’s hands from around his waist as he pulled her to his chest and turned around.
“I want to meet him.” His words were simple. Yet poignant. The only ones that mattered. Tal let out an audible sigh as her entire body went limp against my chest. She uttered an incoherent thank you or thank God as her tears continued to roll down. I just held her. We still had a long way to go, but this was a giant step in moving forward. I figured Chase deserved a pass this once. But it was close. I was teetering on that edge where beating the shit out of him was in the realm of possibility for prolonging Tal’s pain. But I’d come back from that edge only because my woman felt a whole lot lighter.
“Thank you.”
I walked toward Tal’s curled body hidden underneath a mound of blankets on the couch.
“For what?”
“Somehow making everything okay, believing in me. I would have never had the strength. I’d still be living the lie. I feel lighter; those secrets are finally off my chest and out of my mind after so many years. I forgot what it feels like to be me. And all because of you. But most importantly, thank you for letting me earn your trust again.”
No surprise the evening ended early. Chase and Lili took off shortly after the women whispered and sniffled a little more, planning another get together. It was clear a new bond had been formed between them. They had more in common than they ever imagined. They both had figured out a way to play their shitty hands and come out on top. Pure strength.
All parties involved were emotionally exhausted. And even though Chase didn’t say anything I knew he was headed straight for the bags with a picture of his father as the target.
I leaned in and kissed her forehead. “First of all, you never need to thank me. It’s not a choice to believe in you, to trust you. I just do and I always will. You’re Talia, you’re mine. That’s our story, there’s no rewriting it. Got me?” Her smile melted her eyes. Good, she got me. “It’s time to trust in us.”
“I want Tack to get to know you first, because I do trust in us. I want it to be the three of us. I want us to be a family. Do you think you have room in your life, room in your heart for my son?”
“He’s part of you, he’s already there.”
“How can you be so perfect?”
“I’ll take that as you’re moving.”
“You sure you know what you’re getting yourself into, Ace? No backsies. I come with a lot of baggage. You may want to turn back now. Take your perfect gentleman status and go and pick any woman you want to start your own family with. I don’t want to take that from you.”
“I have the woman I want. I have my family. You and Tack are it. Case closed.”
“But what about kids of your own? You’re amazing with your nieces—you’d be a great dad. You deserve that experience.”
“You want more children?”
“Me? I haven’t really thought about it. I guess I dreamed of having a daughter for a while, to give Tack what I never had, a sibling, but that was years ago. I have Tack and he’s more than enough. Besides, I don’t know, I know I’m technically not old, but…”
“Let’s start with the fact that we’re the same age. And we sure as shit aren’t old. But, I’m going to be brutally honest with you, Tal. Kids were never part of my plan. I scratched that idea right about the time the oncologist rambled on about unknown long-term effects and handed me a sterile cup, because my pre-chemo genetic material was such a prize. I don’t need to pass any of that on.” I wondered if she knew that I wasn’t referring to cancer. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m on borrowed time. So don’t worry, you’re not taking anything from me. If anything, I’m being selfish asking you to roll the dice on me.”
“Hey, stop that.” Her hand massaged my hair. “You’re healthy, you’ve had clear scans for over fifteen years, you beat it. And we’re all on borrowed time, so what? The important part is making the best of
that time.”
“I’ll try and remember you said that one day.” Now look who was talking who out of us.
“Asher Evan Craig, I know you and I know your greatest fear. Trust me when I say, you will remember, and if one day life screws us over and takes that from you and you don’t remember me, I promise I will spend every day reintroducing us.”
“Do you have any idea how much I love you?” I found her lips and kissed her deep, proclaiming my love. She matched me with the same passion.
Pulling away slightly she spoke against my lips, “Think I have a pretty good idea. I can only imagine it’s as much as I love you.” She leaned back a little further and took my breath away with her heart-stopping smile. “I always have. Always. I can’t remember not loving you. I loved you when you were that awkward kid with the monogrammed backpack, spinning your drumsticks and slurping Grasshopper ice cream straight from the container. I loved you. It’s only ever been you.”
For the first time ever, I lost all ability to think. I had said it to her countless times over the past two weeks, but hearing her say the words out loud leveled me. She rocked my world and rendered me speechless. All I could do was feel. It was a sensation that started deep within my chest … a pressure, a heat, a tingle, a release. If your heart had the ability to orgasm, I came a thousand times over. Her smile grew with my reaction, her eyes melting into the sweetest pools of chocolate.
“Remember when you asked me why there wasn’t a ring on my finger—why I never got married? It’s true that I was consumed with being a mom, and Tack was my priority, but it was also because they … they weren’t you.”
“Tal, stop talking.” My heart beat so strong that I felt my pulse in every single artery. I kid you not, I felt it behind my knees and the tops of my feet. My fucking thumbs bounded. Was that even possible? Whatever, it was euphoric. I felt … alive.
“I can’t tell you how many times over the years I dreamt of you, being with you, laughing with you, singing to you, touching you. I’d wake up clenching my pillow, trembling. The best kind of tremble. I went to bed countless nights with a smile, willing those dreams to visit. You made my loneliest moments better. There’s never been a time you haven’t taken care of me.” She mischievously bit her bottom lip, arousal pinking her cheeks. “But I have to tell you, the reality kicks the fantasy’s ass.”
Beautifully Done Page 19
