Dodd coughed under his breath. “It’s Saturday, man, no problem.”
“Uh … yeah, right. Sorry.” I did a quick calculation. Shit … nine days … it was Saturday. “Days were starting to blur. Glad to be out of there.”
“Hey, sweetie.” Lil beamed, walking around me to meet Tal, who obviously heard the commotion at the door.
“I’m so glad you guys came. This is so nice.” I felt bad for my initial reaction. She didn’t seem to mind the company at all. Actually, I think she was really enjoying it. “And seriously, you’re crazy, you must’ve been in the kitchen for hours. You better know, I will expect you for dinner. We need help eating all that food. Thank you so much.”
My suspicion was correct, we had at least a dozen individually wrapped dinners in our freezer.
“Hey, what about me? I’m feeding two here,” Sierra chimed in, coming around to kiss Tal too.
“Of course.” She giggled. I missed that giggle almost as much I missed her smile. I was a total dick. All her family and friends’ support was exactly what she needed. “We need to fatten those babes up.”
“Oh, don’t you worry.” Sierra pulled her shirt tight. “I already got the bump.” Tal reached for Lil’s hand and squeezed.
My woman’s life was completely turned upside down and she had every right to be spinning around that deep dark hole, but instead she was beside herself with joy for her girlfriend. She caught me gazing at her in awe. I moved to her side and squatted down to eye level before I reminded her how much I loved her.
She returned my sentiment then lowered her voice to a whisper, “Would you mind helping me onto the couch? My back is getting a little sore and I don’t want to spook the little ones.”
My chest tightened, I hated that she had to ask. I should have known. Without saying a word, I scooped her up and squeezed her tight. This was what I meant. I wanted her in my arms, nine days was too long.
Now with her comfortable on the chaise end of the couch, I kissed her like she deserved. Screw our company, we were all on borrowed time and I was taking every single opportunity I got to kiss her.
“Thank you.” She brushed my cheek with her hand. “You okay?”
Not Tal too with that question. I was fine.
“Fine. You need any pain meds, you hungry?”
“No, I’m good.”
She was good. I was fine. Fuck.
We were finally settled and her head was lying on my chest where it should have been hours ago. The crew had left a little after seven and the aid I never wanted in the first place was supposed to arrive around eight, but I canceled her. Tal disapproved, but she got over it. No one could blame me, I just got my woman back home where she belonged, and dealt with sharing her all afternoon with our family. No way in hell I was sharing again, least of all with an aid—a stranger whose job was mine. Tonight needed to be about us.
“I think the shower went well, you?”
“Huh?”
“The shower, Tal. Did you like the seat? Was it comfortable enough? There were several choices. I went with the one with more back support. But now I’m thinking the padded seat would’ve been better.”
“They’re plastic, Ace. I’m sure they’re all about the same. It was fine. I’m not in there all that long.”
“Right.” I was on to the grab bar placement by the toilet. “I’m gonna have the contractor stop in tomorrow and adjust the bar, it seemed low. He should’ve realized when he installed the taller toilet, you’re gonna need it a little higher when you’re transferring.”
“Do we have to talk about this right now? I’m finally in your arms, let’s just enjoy this.”
“Yeah. Fine. You’re right.” I tried to take a deep breath, but my chest just wouldn’t expand. I tried again. Nope. And I couldn’t shut my brain off. I kept bouncing from room to room thinking of ways to make her life easier. The dishes and glassware needed to be moved to the bottom cabinets. Then I remembered the swivel Lazy Susan thing my sisters had on the pool table today. How did I not think about those? They would work in the fridge too. Actually the whole bottom freezer situation had to go, a side by side was a better idea. And the coffee pot was definitely pushed too far back, too.
“Can you rub my back, please? Help me fall asleep.”
What was I doing? We were home, in our bed, Tal tangled in my arms—no IV poles, no recliner chairs, no stiff white sheets, no pungent Lysol smell—and I was moving shit around in my head. I just didn’t want to forget. Damn, the area rug in the guest room needed to come up. Tomorrow.
“I’m sorry.” My fingers started in her hair, finding her scalp, working my way down across her neck and shoulders to her back, doing it in the way I knew she loved, but gentler. When my fingers brushed over the ratty edges of the Steri-Strips still covering her incision, my breath lodged in my throat. This time it wouldn’t come free. Her ear was positioned over my heart, there was no way she missed it or my spiking heart rate. God, what was wrong with me?
“I’m glad Tack finally caved and listened to us, not that I love the idea of my son spending a night at the Cape, alone in a hotel with his girlfriend, but he needs this time. It’s a lot to take in … all of this. When he called before I told him to spend the day, no need to rush back. What are the chances he’ll listen to me? He’s so stubborn sometimes.”
I knew exactly what she was doing. And it was working.
“No shit, he’s all you.” She pinched my nipple and I squealed like a girl, “Ouch.” How did she do that? Her legs were dead weight beneath her and she was making this normal. For me. I owed her the same. “Teeps, I hate to break it to you, but Tack’s nineteen, with two years of college under his belt. He’s spent more than just tonight, alone, with Paige and whoever else.”
“Eww, stop. I can’t … no … really? You think … no.” I felt her little nose scrunch against my bare skin. She was adorable. She was Tal. She was the same person.
“I’m a guy, I was his age. I don’t think, I know.”
“Uhhh ... great. A lunatic goes postal on us, I get shot, who knows what’s going to happen with my—by the way who gets shot in real life—and I haven’t had a nightmare yet. You go and plant that … um … seed, uh, no pun intended. Now I’m definitely going to have a nightmare.”
I shook my head and we both let out a little nervous laughter. Nothing about what we were going through was normal, yet normal felt right. And even though that fear of the unforeseen future was still a heavy blanket weighing on our shoulders, it felt an ounce lighter.
She snuggled a little deeper into my chest, sighed, and began to hum. Like clockwork. But this one I liked. Scratch that—I loved and had missed it like crazy. Brushing her hair off her face, I kissed her forehead and wrapped her in my arms a little tighter. Her breathing slowed and her humming faded away within moments. My stubborn woman was too exhausted to admit it, but I knew the truth. She slept like shit at the hospital and I spent most nights watching her. I needed this as much as she did. I began to drift off and inhaled deeply, this time feeling my chest relax enough to expand. And it felt … good.
“Dr. P, you’re getting some guns, girl, damn.”
Tal smiled at Julius as she continued to curl the free weight into her chest. We were five and a half weeks into our six-week daily home rehab routine. And my woman was driven.
“Looking good, Teeps. You guys working on abs or legs today?” Julius was strict when it came to keeping Tal’s legs as strong as her arms. Not only did he continually stretch her to avoid spastic contractions, he also made sure she put her entire body weight on her legs as often as possible. Two weeks in, we invested in parallel bars where she would stand unassisted while his assistant moved her legs, mimicking the walking motion. This exercise was extremely important, not only for preventing muscle atrophy, but posture enhancement, as well as to increase circulation and maintain joint integrity.
“Legs, big man. We’re good here. I’ve got her. If you need to run some errands or something
I got an extra hour for her today.”
“Nah, I got some work in my office. Thanks, though.” We had our entire day mapped out start to finish and this was when I caught up on emails and made some calls. Suzie was holding down the firm while I focused on my more important job. Yeah, the health aide never happened, and Tack definitely took that as his opportunity to tease me about my credentials’ exponential growth. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
“Ace, why don’t you go? Julius and Karry will stay till you get back. Go to the gym.” Tempting, but I wasn’t leaving her. Not yet. It was too soon.
“I’m good, Teeps. Really.”
Instead, I retreated back to my new home office that took up most of the guest room and banged out three sets of fifty push-ups. I needed to keep up my arm strength, too. I never wanted Tal to think I couldn’t lift her with ease. I wiped my brow and plopped in my chair, tapping on my screen. Funny how Chase just texted a few minutes ago asking me to hit the ring. He’d have to deal. We needed a few more weeks at least. I wasn’t ready to mess with our routine. It worked. Up before seven, showered and dressed by eight, breakfast over by eight thirty, physical therapy nine to eleven thirty, lunch by noon. A stroll outside, but back by two for round two. Some days, massage; others, occupational therapy till four, then time to start dinner. During the week it was usually just the two of us, but weekends were generally filled with the fam. Our night routine varied—sometimes a show, other times a movie, some nights we read, but we always ended in each other’s arms.
A week and three days ago, Tal had a breakthrough. A good one, no, actually a great one. It was after dinner but before our TV time, Tal insisted on a second shower. I walked away to grab a new bottle of shampoo when I heard her shrill. I flew back to meet a humongous smile. She said she wiggled her right big toe. We were both ecstatic, to say the least. This often meant that the brain may be starting to transport signals through the nerve pathways connecting to the muscles. Unfortunately, she’d had nothing since. Tal avoided the topic altogether and whenever I brought it up she fired back with, ‘Doesn’t mean anything, Asher. I did it once, but it might never happen again. I have to live with that—more importantly, be okay with that.’ That one wiggle seemed to have really set us back. Tal was shutting down.
“Your girl rocked today, my man. Getting stronger and stronger. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s benching me soon.” Julius winked at Tal and flashed his peace out goodbye.
His PT aid, Karry, rolled her eyes as she closed the door behind them. I laughed. Julius was so over-the-top positive I got the reason behind the eye roll. Tal didn’t seem to mind, whatever made her happy.
“Let’s eat at that new little cafe down at the end of our block. It looks so nice today.” She was in a really good mood today. I looked at my watch, already twelve forty-five. We needed to be back for OT at two.
“We don’t have much time before OT. I don’t want to be rushing.”
“Fuck OT.” I stopped mid-stride and felt the circumference of my eyes dilate. Number one, Tal hardly ever swore, and number two, we had never canceled a therapy session.
“What?”
“You heard me. I’m canceling it today. I want to put on a tank top, burn the top of my shoulders, and eat like a normal person on a sidewalk in August. It’s practically Labor Day and I have yet to enjoy summer.”
I continued to stare at her, trying to process this very convoluted statement with more meaning than anything she’d said in weeks.
“You don’t burn your shoulders. You’re crazy about sunscreen.”
She angled her chair toward our bedroom and wheeled away. I sucked in a sharp breath and rattled off a string of expletives in my head.
Normal. Normal was stuck on repeat.
I followed her, stopping at the jamb to our bedroom. Her back was to me as she crossed her arms and lifted her pale pink t-shirt and sports bra over her head. The definition in her upper back and shoulders was sick. I felt a shudder ripple through my body while I envisioned my tongue running along each carved line. I welcomed the ache in my chest as my heart slammed against my ribs. This part of my brain had been sacrificed. Shut down and turned off. It was the only way to keep my sanity and focus on what really mattered, getting her better. For some reason, maybe because normal was echoing loudly, I was losing the lockdown battle.
She removed her ponytail and shook her head as a cascade of blonde locks fell around her bare back. The act so sensual, so sexy, I could barely breathe. That subtle movement of her torso exposed the perfect silhouette of her tits. Hell, I saw her tits every day, even helped her wash them. But this was different. This was normal. This I missed.
“Ace.” She must have heard my heart ricocheting because I was completely silent otherwise. “I wanna try.”
“Huh?” I said it. She slowly turned around and I was done. One head turned off and the other turned on. My body’s reaction to her partially naked form—Lord help me if she asked to take a shower right now—was completely overpowering my brain. I had no clue what she was talking about.
“We have to try. I want you … and you want me … I think.” Her voice trailed off to a barely there whisper.
Wait. What? Hold the fuck up.
Every one of my senses was on overdrive. I heard her crystal clear.
She was asking to … whoa.
“Tal,” Two strides and I was kneeling in front of her, “I miss you too, like crazy.” No way was she gonna think I didn’t want her. “But we don’t have to do this. Not now. Not like this. If you are worried about me, don’t. I’m fine. I love you so much. I’m not going anywhere. You are my life. There is no me without you, got it? Tell me you know that.”
“Asher, stop.” She cupped my cheeks. “I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. We need to try. I need to know. You deserve to know, you have your whole-”
I cut her off mid-sentence because I had no intention of listening to a second more. She shut her eyes, sealing me off. I spoke louder to compensate. “Oh hell no, don’t you start. You wanna try? We’ll try. It doesn’t work? It doesn’t work. I don’t care. Open your eyes, Teeps.” She was shutting down so fast, this felt like Fort fucking Knox. Hesitant at first, she finally connected with my fiery gaze. “I. Don’t. Care. You are it for me. Always was and always will be. No matter what.”
She did what Talia does and mouthed, “Okay.” I wasn’t feeling it. She needed to see, needed to believe that I was not going anywhere.
I cradled her legs under one arm and rested her back against the other. I splayed her gorgeous body out on our bed. “You are so fucking beautiful.” My mouth found hers in a way we both had buried. Of course we kissed and spent a lot of time doing it, but our intimacy was about comfort and safety, both of which she needed to start healing. From the inside out. Yes, it was different. Different from what we shared before, but no less special. It was ours. It was what worked. And up until now, up until she shared with me her desire, I would have lived with that forever.
“Please.” She dug her fingers into my hair and pulled me closer. Raw and desperate, she matched me movement for movement, tongue for tongue, as we equally devoured each other’s mouths. My hands instinctively wandered, kneading and rediscovering her new physique. Her arms, shoulders, and pecs were all tighter, more defined. I palmed her firm breasts and fingered her taut nipples. My mouth left her lips and kissed a path down between her cleavage. I moved and circled her perfect buds with my tongue. She gasped and arched her back in response. Damn, she was hot. She was mine.
“You’ve got to tell me what you need. God, I missed this. You are so hot. I can’t wait to be inside you. What I want to do to you.” There was no thinking—my sex mouth took over. Our ragged breathing was all I could hear, my pulsing dick all I could feel. It had been so long, too long.
Kneeling above her, I paused to appreciate the sick view before I gently peeled down her yoga pants and tiny black thong. She couldn’t lift or shimmy so it took more effort than before.
Whatever, this was now. And she was just as perfect. Her eyes were locked on mine, self conscious and searching.
“I’ve got you … it’s still just us. I want you more right now than I ever have. Trust me.” I placed one of her hands over my thumping heart and her other over my raging hard-on.
She drew in a sharp breath and before she let it out I was there, tasting her sweet mouth. Her hands grabbed at my tented track pants. She didn’t need to ask twice. Gone. My heart pounded like a seventeen-year-old virgin. Naked and panting against her lips, after everything—despite everything—I never felt so close to another human being in my life. Yet this was uncharted territory. A first of all firsts. Definitely causing more anxiety than my actual first time. But when she uttered, “I love you,” I relaxed and the last few shards in my chest mended.
I wanted her so badly it fucking hurt. Real pain. Love wasn’t supposed to hurt. But this wasn’t love. This ... we … were so much more. “Love’s not even close, Teeps. Not even close.”
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t researched, hadn’t scoured the web and online support groups. This was trial and error, case by case. Yet this wasn’t just another case report for someone to publish in a cutting edge medical journal. This was us.
Tal’s deficits were strictly motor. Her sensory functions were intact. She felt pain, she felt pressure, she felt heat and she felt cold. Some areas were more diminished than others, but she had feeling. Even with sacral sparing, there were no guarantees as to sexual function, though. And from everything I read, she was the exception, not the norm.
But that was Tal in life … the exception, not the norm.
After thoroughly exploring every inch of her mouth, I slowed my assault, reluctant to sever our connection. Every nerve ending in my body was humming. I knelt back up and gently maneuvered her legs apart one at a time using small, even movements. With wide eyes, she bit her bottom lip, cautiously accepting my control. For as dominant as she was in life, she had always been submissive in the bedroom. But this was different. This was a trust like no other. My chest swelled while my dick begged to seize.
Beautifully Done Page 28
