“Maybe she's changed.”
“No one can change that much.”
A tear streamed down her cheek. “Why is it so hard for you to think she's hasn't changed and yet...” She swiped her cheek and started walking in the opposite direction toward the foreman's house.
“Sara?”
She didn't stop walking, so he changed directions and followed her.
“Where are you going?”
“Back to the reservation, like I should have done all along.”
“You can't do that. I...” It was hard to say the words. He needed her. It wasn't the same as it had been the first day Jonathan had come to the Double T. He wasn't as inept with his son as he had been that day or the days following. His hands started shaking.
“What, Mitch? You need me?”
He widened his strides and caught up to her quickly, bracing her with his hands to keep her from going any further. “Yes, I do.”
Her smile was bittersweet. “You know how to take care of Jonathan now.”
“I'm not talking about Jonathan.”
Her expression broke his heart. “Mitch, when I left Dave the first time, he destroyed me. I checked into a hotel room and found out the next day from the hotel manager that Dave had cancelled my credit card. I picked myself up only to find that he'd withdraw all the money we had in our bank accounts. I had nothing. So I went to some friends we'd had for years...” Her voice cracked. “They turned me away. All my friends suddenly became Dave's friends and I was just a bitter soon-to-be ex-wife trying to get whatever she could from him. Even my housekeeper refused to let me into our home after Dave had changed the locks and threatened to fire her.”
Mitch reached for Sara. He'd had no idea it was that hard for her to break free of her husband's cruelty. All he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms now and tell her she didn't have to endure that pain anymore. But when he moved closer, Sara took a wide step back and knotted her arms across her chest.
“He convinced me to come back and I felt I had no choice. It was either that or live on the streets.”
“I had no idea.”
“No one did. I felt too ashamed to tell anyone about it.”
“I'm so sorry for what you had to go through.”
“Maybe Lillian felt that kind of desperation. People get stuck in situations sometimes and don't know how to get out of them. If you can't believe that she could make a mistake and change, then you'll never believe that I have.”
“I know a thing or two about mistakes, too, Sara.”
She took a step forward then, swiping her cheeks with both hands. “All the more reason you should understand. If I can change and you can, why can't Lillian? Maybe having Jonathan has changed her.”
He shook his head. “No matter what you say, you're not like Lillian. You don't scheme and lie.”
She dropped her hands to her sides in defeat. “Then you haven't been paying attention. Because when you look at Lillian's face and I see all that hate you have for what she's doing, you might as well be looking at me. The things I did to get away from Dave weren't any better than what Lillian is doing. That kind of desperation forces you to do things you'd never do otherwise. I knew the only way to get away from Dave was to play his game. So I did. And none of the things I did made me feel proud. It only fueled the idea in peoples' minds that I was a spiteful soon-to-be-ex-wife.”
“Is that true?”
She staggered before his eyes, clearly thrown by his questions, but quickly recovered. “They didn't know what went on behind closed doors. It was the only way to get away. Dave had a way of tearing down my spirit. Cornering me relentlessly. I blame myself as much as I blame him for it. He wanted to destroy me so that I had no confidence that I could make it without him. And for a long time, I actually believed him. At the time, I didn't think I had anyone to turn to.”
Mitch was infinitely glad Sara’s ex-husband was far away in another state where Mitch couldn't unleash his anger on him and inflict bodily harm.
“Would you do it again?”
“Things are different now. I'm different. But given the same circumstances, yes, if I had to,” she said quietly.
“Good,” he said, taking another step closer to her, hoping to God she would run away.
He wanted her in his arms so he could comfort her. But he'd let her make that move when she was ready. Right now, she looked so fragile, he was afraid she'd break if he so much as touched her.
“That still doesn't make you like Lillian. She had choices you didn't. What you did makes you a survivor. You're not going to be a victim. I admire you for that, Sara. I really do. Because surviving just happens to be something I know a lot about myself. You can't keep hating yourself for doing what you had to do to get away from an abusive man.”
“I can't help but think that Lillian regrets giving up Jonathan. I saw the way she looked at him last night.”
A muscle in his jaw jumped. “He's my son, too. She never even bothered to tell me about him. She was going to give him away without me even knowing he existed. And when I finally found out about him, I didn't abandon him.”
He remembered that desperate feeling the moment Corrine had told him Lillian left Jonathan for him to raise. How desperate he felt and the initial urge to run right back to Baltimore to confront Lillian.
Sara stared at him for a long moment, and he sighed. Part of him wanted to know what thoughts she kept behind the depths of her dark eyes. There was suddenly such sadness there, and he wanted to wipe it away. He wanted to drag Sara into his arms and wanted her to know that all the ugliness of her life in LA was too far away to touch them now. He needed her comfort, her gentle voice to soothe him, and her tender hand to keep him steady.
But he kept his distance. Because he knew that those secrets she held tight to her were not words he wanted to hear.
“If you can't stand by me on this, Sara, then maybe it would be best if you didn’t come to Baltimore with us.”
He forced the words passed the lump in his throat, wanting to snatch them back or have her say that yes, she would stand by him. When had he come to need her so? He hadn't needed anyone in such a long time. Now when it mattered the most, he didn't want to need anyone. He wanted to stand up for his son like his parents never seemed to do for him. He wouldn't fail Jonathan that way.
Her bottom lip trembled. “If that's the way you feel.”
She turned and walked back to the foreman's house. His home. He had the strangest feeling that when he returned with Jonathan, Sara would already be gone.
* * *
Sara hadn't expected the deluge of tears. At least not as many of them. But they came just the same.
It was worse somehow than the first time. When she'd known her marriage to Dave was really over, she'd begun the slow and painful process of ending things. First step, letting go of the relationship. Second step, looking at her part in all of the mistakes. Third step, letting go of the blame.
She wasn't sure she'd quite come to terms with that one. But in time, hopefully she would. Each step was as important as the one before and none could be skipped over. She kept moving forward until she was one step closer to having the courage to actually leave him.
In the end, there were no tears. No gut-wrenching sobs that tore at her soul. But as she drove down the long road leading to her mother's home on the reservation, there were tears. Both for Jonathan, for Mitch, and for herself.
She'd fallen in love with Mitch, despite knowing in advance that it was absolutely the last thing she should do. The heart listens to no one, her mother had once said. Hers certainly hadn't listened. She'd walked in with eyes wide open this time and given her heart even knowing she'd be hurt in the end.
This had been her goal. Coming home. All the way home. And she'd failed at that too.
The car rolled to a stop in front of the house she'd grown up in, and fled from nearly ten years ago. It hadn't been her home in a long time. The porch light was on and it would be shut off at
nine-o'clock on the nose, regardless of whether everyone was home or not. Conserve electricity. Even in the absence of daylight, Sara saw crisp white sheets clipped onto a long clothesline out back. Something her mother did each and every day. Some things never change here at home, or on the reservation. It was just one more reason she couldn't wait to leave when she was younger.
Maybe she hadn't been fair. Things had changed for all of them. Her mother's jet-black hair was streaked with age. It was beautiful on her now, Sara realized. She thought of all the times she'd religiously colored and cut her own hair to keep it looking more sophisticated. And yet, her mother had worn the same hairstyle and grown into a more beautiful and graceful woman because of it. Sara had somehow missed that lesson in life while she was here the first time. Maybe all young people did.
She jammed the car into park in the driveway and turned the ignition key off.
She was home. But it wasn't home anymore. Not really. Home wasn't in LA and not here on the reservation. Where was it, she wondered as she pushed through the screen door and caught her mother's bewildered expression?
Alice glanced down at the suitcase Sara had hastily packed before leaving, just as she plopped it down on the floor.
“Do you mind if I stay here?” she asked, knowing full well her mother would never turn her away.
Alice immediately opened her arms. It was there that Sara let her well of tears run dry.
* * *
The house was quiet. Too quiet, Mitch thought as he rocked back and forth in the rocker in Sara's room. He hadn't gotten around to moving Jonathan's crib into his own room. Now he sat in the dark, staring at the rise and fall of his son's chest as he slept peacefully. Selfish as it was, he wished Jonathan would wake up. He didn't want to be alone.
Fear had settled itself good and deep just beneath the surface of his composure, making him unsettled. It had been a long time since he'd felt so restless. He thought time had erased most of the scared little boy he'd been. But he was there still buried inside the man Mitch had become. With Lillian’s threat, he’d showed his face again. And it terrified Mitch.
He wanted Sara. He needed...
In the still darkness, Mitch chuckled wryly. Yes, he needed Sara. As much as he didn't want to, he did.
Oh, he knew he'd get along just fine with Jonathan on his own. Sara had seen to that. But this was something different. He needed the woman, needed her quiet strength, her tender touch, and the gentle sound of her voice to ease this burden of fear threatening to consume him.
Lord, Mitch could hear Sara’s voice in his mind, talking softly to him, the smoothness of it echoing in the room and halls of this house.
It wasn't just his house anymore. A family lived here. Jonathan and Sara had moved not only into his house, but also into his life. He couldn't imagine being without either one of them.
His goals were still firmly in place. He'd have his own ranch one day. Except now things had taken on a new dimension. His life wasn't just about him or what he wanted. It wasn't his life or his home. It was their home. And Mitch was so terribly afraid he'd be left behind without either one of them.
Lillian wanted Jonathan back. And Sara had left. Good God, the house seemed so empty without Sara. He dragged his hand across his face and rocked hard out of the chair to a stand, leaving the rocking chair to swing back and forth in a reckless dance in the wake of his force.
He stared down at his son and felt emotion well up deep in his chest, squeezing it until he couldn't breathe.
What a revelation to come to. He'd spent most of his adult life believing he didn't need anyone but himself. Like Sara, he was a survivor. Now after a few short months, Sara had crept into his heart and he couldn't get her out. More importantly, he didn't want her out.
Jonathan stirred and murmured in his sleep and a bittersweet smile tugged at the corners of Mitch's mouth. He loved this little boy. His boy. Lord Almighty he couldn't lose his son. He couldn't bear it. He could only imagine what might happen to him at the hands of Lillian.
Deep down, he knew it wasn't love for Jonathan that was driving Lillian. He'd been blinded by her lies before. But now he knew better. He had to fight. He didn't know any other way. And if he had to do it alone, then so be it. He wanted Sara, but he'd stand on his own if he had to. It's what he'd done his whole life.
#
Chapter Ten
Mitch had taken the truck to the airport himself. Beau had offered to drive him, but since Mandy was due any day to have their baby, Mitch didn't feel right taking Beau from home. Beau needed to be with Mandy regardless of whether there was a string of people at the Double T to help her along if she went into labor.
He parked the car and unbelted Jonathan's car seat from the front of the truck. It was going to rain. Even though the sun was still bright in the sky, Mitch could smell it in the air. A slight rumble of thunder rolled off in the distance where a puff of clouds were brewing. The plane would be in the air before the bad weather reached them.
A hat sat cock-eyed on Jonathan's head, protecting him from the wind. He was kicking up a storm in his car seat, jabbering and drooling like he always did. His son was such a happy baby.
It tore at Mitch's heart.
With Jonathan strapped inside, Mitch placed the car seat on the floor at his feet as he talked to the ticket agent.
“I made a reservation last night. I was told I could pick up the tickets here.”
The woman smiled, still looking at her computer screen instead of meeting Mitch's eyes. “Name?”
“Broader. Mitchell.”
“To Baltimore via Dallas/Fort Worth.”
“Yes, that's right.”
The agent glanced over at him for the first time. “And the baby?”
“I have him in the car seat.”
Behind the ticket counter stood a standing oscillating fan whipping back and forth across the ticket agents back. With each sweep, a fluff of her hair lifted and fell back into place as she stamped and enveloped two tickets. She handed them to Mitch.
“You can leave your luggage here and just take your carryon bag. They're loading now.”
Since it was easier to hold the car seat and diaper bag without his luggage, Mitch agreed. “Thank you.”
The walk across the tarmac was hot and sticky with humidity from the coming rain blanketing them. Down the runway another plane was taking off and the shadow of it as it flew overhead swept across the ground, catching Jonathan's eyes.
Mitch smiled at the hugeness and wonder he found in his son's eyes as Jonathan searched for the source of the shadow and noise.
Searches, discovery. Father and son did both in different ways. Jonathan searched for and discovered new objects to learn and grow. Mitch searched for answers and discovered he didn't have them.
Mitch stepped inside the plane and was immediately bathed in the coolness of the cabin. He handed the flight attendant his tickets.
Polished and pressed in her crisp powder blue blouse and navy skirt, the woman smiled as she handed him his ticket stubs. “You'll need to store the diaper bag in the overhead compartment before lift-off. But if you need anything, you can take it back down after the seat-belt light goes off.”
“When will we be leaving?”
“In about five minutes. You have plenty of time to settle both of you in.”
She glanced down at Jonathan, giving him a wide grin as she brushed her red-tipped fingernail across his cheek. She was rewarded with a drooly, toothless grin and a wave of an equally drooly fist.
Laughing, she said, “Enjoy your flight.”
Pulling off his straw hat, Mitch hoisted Jonathan's car seat high to avoid hitting anything or anyone as he carefully navigated the narrow aisle. He stopped short when he got to his seat number.
His pulse thrummed hard. “What are you doing here?”
Sara offered a quick smile, but it instantly faded.
“I thought...it would be easier for Jonathan to stay with me while you're in court.�
�
She sat across from him on the single seated side of the plane. He and Jonathan occupied the twin seats opposite her. He strapped Jonathan into the seat by the window before standing up and placing the diaper bag in the overhead compartment.
When he was done, he took his seat and said, “My mother offered to watch Jonathan for me while I go to court.” His heart longed to reach out to Sara, touch her silky black hair, stroke his thumb across the plains of her smooth skin. He loved this woman, yet he couldn't bring himself to tell her how pleased he was that she was there right now. Lord, she was here with him. That empty feeling that had weighed him down all night and all day had lifted.
Sara simply nodded. The light in her eyes had faded some, but not her determination. Mitch could see it. He dropped his hat in his lap and fiddled with it to give his hands something to do.
Sara leaned forward and peeked at Jonathan.
“It may be easier to have me watch the baby and have your mother go to court with you. For support, I mean.”
“I don't...” He was about to say he didn't need his mother. He didn't need anyone. It had been an automatic response most of his life. His adult life anyway. And for the most part, it had been true. Until a few months ago. Now he knew he needed someone. He needed that special someone.
“I'm going to Baltimore, Mitch,” Sara said, her voice filled with determination. “I'm going.”
He waited a second, tried to find the words so he wouldn't trip over his tongue or his stupid pride.
“Thank you.” His voice was low and thick and threatened to crack.
Minutes later, they were speeding down the runway, wheels lifting into air like the feet of a hawk. He didn't know which one of them had made the move, but their fingers met and entwined, clinging together across the aisle. His eyes sought out Sara's and found instead, she was staring straight ahead. But her face, strong and sure, held a hint of a smile he felt deep in his heart.
* * *
His Heart for the Trusting (Book 2 - Texas Hearts (Contemporary Western Romance) Page 12
