“Captain, are those your beliefs?”
“Don’t you think denying nature is wrong, perhaps even harmful?”
Kayleigh replied, “I’m Catholic, which is to say I’m bound by the gospels and the doctrine of the church. However, my mother and father are from Ireland. They have more questions about the church than I do. Father says there’s mud on the church’s boots. Your ideas fascinate me. I never expected to hear such ideas, and it would please me to hear more; would it please you to discuss them with me, Captain?”
Griffin spoke with excitement. “I have no one—”
“Dr. Acton anticipated Darwin.” William spoke with authority; the tone and volume of his assertion signaled his desire to direct the conversation. He had overheard Griffin and Kayleigh’s aside.
“This anticipation is a fact not surprising to any educated, progressive man. The doctor states that woman’s nature is directed toward the home, the nurture of children. That is her natural state. That is the source of her happiness, indeed, natural happiness, if I too may use the word. Can’t you see? Women are the equals of men, but our spheres of influence differ. Women, as do men, satisfy their own natures, thus bringing that nature to its highest development, generation by generation. So man and woman must occupy their own place to find happiness and fulfillment. Each must be respected and encouraged, but in different ways.”
Hanna Christison turned toward her husband. “William is a wonderful husband. He has always protected me. You saw how he courted me, Kayleigh.” She hoped Kayleigh understood her intent to change the topic of conversation.
Kicking Billy smiled and held Hanna’s hand momentarily. “I loved my Maude. She brought me happiness. When I was sick in bed, she took my place on the Natick as its master. Truth be told, she was a better navigator than I am—understood Bowditch better and made sense out of Maury. She brought a black cat aboard to amuse the crew.”
Griffin chuckled.
William Jr. remained serious. “But was she happy, Father?”
“As a clam, William.”
Griffin smiled at Kayleigh, and then addressed a question to William. “Have you considered the most salient issue with Darwin: that we are descended from the apes?”
Kayleigh watched William Jr.’s face contort and then redden before he answered Griffin’s question. She felt an odd sense of satisfaction.
“The Bible is divine revelation. It cannot be in error since it is the word of God. Darwin is wrong. Such ideas are dangerous. God put the rings on petrified trees at Creation. These are the very same rings that lead some to assert that these trees were living more than six thousand years ago. He placed rings there as well as fossils, and for his own good purposes, perhaps to test us.”
Griffin was startled, “Ex nihilo?”
Those words puzzled Kayleigh, although she understood Latin. She sensed conflict. “I’m sure the Bible is correct, William. It is we who do not comprehend God’s work. What does it matter to Him if a day is a day or a million years? Time is mere thought to our Eternal Father.”
Griffin turned his head toward Kayleigh momentarily and made sure her eyes met his. He smiled. He then resumed staring at the white tablecloth while drumming the table slowly with the index finger of his left hand. He stopped drumming to speak to his dinner partner in a subdued voice.
“Does it matter? Really? Creation is no more than clockwork set in motion; so is life. We spin for a time without intervention like gears in a watch, nothing more.”
Kayleigh thought he looked into her eyes to see if she understood what he had said. She hoped he had chosen to reveal his mind to her, to trust her, to see her reaction. Had he wanted to know if she would reject him?
Kayleigh momentarily glanced at the people sharing the table and then focused on Griffin. As their eyes met, she slowly moved her right hand toward Griffin’s left hand. He responded. His left hand inched toward hers. She smiled; he smiled, in unison.
We can be totally open with each other.
Hanna also observed the wordless exchange.
The remains of the meal, the mincemeat and custard pies, were removed. Hanna invited Kayleigh to the parlor while the men remained in the dining room for cigars and liquor. Kayleigh stopped Hanna abruptly at the parlor door.
Six
A Matched Pair of Carriage Horses
Dancing is the poetry of the foot.
—John Dryden
Friday, March 29, 1872
Boston
Kayleigh stood directly in front of the parlor door with the serious face of a sentry challenging an approaching stranger. “No, Hanna, we’re going to the dining room. Aren’t you insulted that women aren’t invited to stay? Haven’t you felt it unjust that they are allowed to drink and smoke while we must confine ourselves to tepid sherry and Harper’s? Don’t you want to go back? I do. Isn’t it time?”
To Hanna’s surprise, Kicking Billy and Isaac welcomed them warmly. William Jr. said, as if under duress, “Hanna, Miss MacKenna, you are welcome to join us. Please stay.” He then frowned in Hanna’s direction.
Kicking Billy offered a round of Kentucky bourbon whiskey served without ice or water. “It’s called sour mash. I like it as well as a good brandy. Griffin likes it too.”
Kayleigh responded, “My father taught me to drink whiskey this way. He has a snake and a pot still from Ireland. I like its fire and spice. It’s a little raw, like life itself.”
William Jr. whispered to Hanna, “What next, cubeb cigarettes?”
Kicking Billy winked and asked, “Kayleigh, do you know ‘Whiskey for Me Johnnies’?”
“Oh, no, I don’t know that song. You men just want to sing. Hanna warned me.”
William Jr. looked anxiously at his wife and interjected, “Let’s go to the parlor. I’ll play the piano so we can dance.” He then raised his eyes beyond the room’s ceiling, beyond the sky itself.
***
William Jr. took his seat at the piano, then ruffled through some sheet music and chose a waltz. It was obvious that he played well and took pleasure from entertaining at the piano. Hanna stood behind him for a moment and placed her hand on his shoulder, then bent close to his ear and whispered, “Thank you, Sweet William.”
Kayleigh saw Isaac smile and then bow gracefully from the waist to Hanna. He turned and asked Kayleigh to dance.
Hanna attempted to dance with Billy, but he was able only to turn slow, jerky circles with her. Hanna steadied the elderly man and buoyed his spirits by appealing to his mischievousness. “We must take turns watching Kayleigh and Isaac and tell each other what we see. They mustn’t know we’re watching.”
The old imp smiled.
Kayleigh and Isaac waltzed. Kayleigh was able to teach him little flourishes. Dancing gave them an opportunity to talk about themselves as well as holding each other and having no more than a dozen or so intimate inches between their faces. Kayleigh wondered if he was aware of her perfume, a blend of flowers and nutmeg. Hanna had given the perfume to her. Then Griffin spoke.
“Kayleigh, ‘ex nihilo’ means ‘from nothing.’ William as much as said God is capable of lying.”
Kayleigh was taken aback. “I’m sure that wasn’t his intention. He doesn’t seem to question things, Captain. Perhaps he simply believes what he hears and reads. So many do.”
She then asked out of the blue, “A clockwork? Are you an agnostic?”
“I’ve read Huxley. I don’t know. Maybe I am an agnostic. I don’t see God intervening in our lives; there’s no need. The only time I feel God is at sea. The sea feels no...”
Griffin paused to consider his words. Kayleigh had asked him a question whose answer he had never fully realized.
“It can bless or kill without caring or even conscious thought. In so many ways—I just don’t know—that seems godlike. In seminary everything was reason, corpse-cold reason—no majesty, no awe, no love. Then I’d sneak off to the little churches, where the preachers ranted and stomped and drove their congregations into fr
enzy. An emotional peak would occur, then a release of these emotions. There was no substance and a seeming glorification of ignorance; the Bible was the lone authority and absolutely inerrant. I was lost to religion. Reason and emotion seemed irreconcilable.
“The sea involves you and challenges you to survive it. It lives but doesn’t. These challenges, and courage, have to give our life meaning and insight into our purpose.”
“Captain, you are a puzzle. For a man who seems to doubt God, you think so much about Him. It seems God trickles through your fingers like water. You seem content, but you are not.”
Griffin replied, “I am? Please call me Isaac.”
“Kayleigh.” She smiled. “Just cup your hands and drink.”
“That seems so simple, Kayleigh.”
She smiled. “It is, Isaac. Just open your heart.”
He spoke before she could finish. “I am an actor on a stage. Everything I do is for others, the sailors and my ship—would you feel less of me if I told you I felt fear? Would you reject me if I have doubts about my decisions? I’m sorry. I finished your sentence. That was rude.”
Kayleigh moved closer to him. “I’m glad you did. I would be hurt if you felt you could not share with me. May I share with you?”
Words were not needed to answer her question.
“You must feel alone aboard ship, Isaac. Is there anyone to confide in? How lonely it must be to have no one in whom you can seek comfort.”
Gripping his hand more firmly, she continued, “All you can seek is counsel; all you can show is confidence in your decisions. How lonely you must be. We both pretend to be brave. There’s something I must show you.”
Kayleigh took his arm, let him take her to a pair of parlor chairs sitting by a small table, then reached into her reticule and pulled a folded letter from it and showed it to him. She summarized the letter for him. “The doctor is warning me against continuing my work as a nurse at Massachusetts General. He says it will ruin my reputation and disgrace my family.”
Griffin took the letter, read it quickly, and returned it to her. “I don’t understand this at all; he acknowledges that you accept no money for your work, but you will ruin your reputation?”
“Yes, he believes nursing should be done by matronly married women or by elderly widows. Then, too, so much of the work is drudgery, cleaning.”
Kayleigh removed a glove to show him what such work had done to her. Griffin took her bare hand in his and with the thumb of his left hand unconsciously stroked her knuckles.
Kayleigh continued, not withdrawing her hand. “Do you realize what this reveals about how he regards women? He’s saying a single woman should not nurse the sick and injured. He thinks it’s below my class. He also implies drudgery is the lot of ordinary women.”
Griffin responded, “That’s so much in so few words. I never realized.” He paused to think. “He amazes me. Why doesn’t he respect your courage and compassion? I do, and I don’t share his ideas about women’s lot in life either. I’ve seen too much.”
Kayleigh saw Griffin’s anger surface in the color of his complexion and the whites of his eyes and placed her hand gently on his forearm and smiled. “He thinks no one would marry me. He’s a kind man; he truly is.”
Griffin responded honestly but without thinking. “I’d marry you.”
Kayleigh quickly caught her breath. “Well, I’ll certainly not show this letter to my father now.”
“You’ve confused me—your father?”
“You seemed surprised.”
“Why—are you afraid of your father?” Griffin extended his hand to hold hers, and then, realizing what he had done, withdrew it quickly.
“No, of course not.” She again took his hand in hers. “He does have a temper, though, like you. I would worry for the doctor.”
Kayleigh felt Isaac’s hand gently pressing her own. He then moved closer to her.
“We were talking about being alone, Kayleigh. Maybe we share more than we realize. I’m glad you showed the letter to me.”
Kayleigh replied, “Let’s dance again. These things can wait. William is playing a waltz now. Dancing makes me happy.”
He helped her to her feet without ever letting loose of her hand.
They danced silently, their bodies closed to within no more than a hand’s breadth from each other, and periodically brushed together. The focus of their eyes betrayed that these gentle collisions were not accidental.
The dance ended. They found themselves so absorbed in each other that they remained in each other’s arms. Kayleigh had noticed Griffin glance at the tops of her breasts and was sure it was not intentional. Her nipples hardened. It was the same reaction she’d had when she let her eyes first linger on his.
I wish I could chide him. Make him feel uncomfortable. Then I could smile and let him know I was just teasing him.
“Must you look at your feet so often?” She giggled, breathed in, and exhaled slowly.
He blushed.
Hanna noticed how they still held each other and said, “Oh, William, you must play another waltz.”
Kicking Billy laughed quietly.
William played on.
Isaac and Kayleigh slipped easily into the embrace of the music and continued.
“I’m impressed with the relationship you have with Commodore Christison.”
“That’s a long story, Kayleigh. Do you want to hear it? Sailors are famous for long yarns.”
“I’ll listen if you tell it. Is it famous or infamous?”
They stopped dancing momentarily to laugh. Their foreheads touched briefly.
“Commodore Christison and I are old, old friends. It was he who brought me from before the mast. It was he who guided me, promoted me, and is like a father to me. He did this despite being a tyrant. The men call him Kicking Billy.”
He looked into her eyes and found no reason to stop his story.
“He rescued me from being shanghaied in San Francisco by crimps and runners.” Griffin paused. “He became my mentor. Billy is the reason I am the master of Providence.”
“Why is he called Kicking Billy?”
Griffin replied, “Before Maude, he needed little provocation to kick a man who appeared slow to do his duty. He did kick people.”
“My goodness. I don’t understand runners and crimps, Isaac.”
“They’re parasites. They like to slip on board a ship in harbor when the officers are not looking and steal the crew.” Griffin’s face showed disgust and anger. “It’s slavery. Crimps, shanghaiers, or boarding masters get sailors as soon as they leave their ships, drug them, then sell them to ship owners or captains for the sailor’s dead horse—that’s his advance on his wages. Sometimes they’ll steal sailors before they even get ashore.
“Once on board the ship, the sailors are beaten into submission and forced to sign articles but are paid no money for their work. There’s so much money in places like San Francisco or Portland, the legislators, the police, the mayors. All turn a blind eye to it. It’s slavery; that’s all. Sixty dollars for a seaman, one hundred for a cook in San Francisco. It’s done here in Boston too.”
Kayleigh asked to hear more, although she was less interested in what he had to say than in what it told her about his character.
“Sometimes, these men reappear after working their way back from China or Australia; sometimes they just disappear and are never heard from again. That’s why Billy rescued me. No one asks about sailors lost at sea.”
Kayleigh smiled and squeezed his good hand lightly. “But you’re here with me.”
William Jr. played a polka. Since Isaac could not do the bold steps, he asked Kayleigh to sit with him.
When seated, Kayleigh looked directly into Griffin’s eyes. “Will you show me your hand when we’re alone? Does it cause you pain?”
He replied, “I’ve tried to hide it. It’s badly scarred and discolored, an ugly white. I’ve seen people’s reactions to it.”
“I’m not afraid to
see it or to hold it in my hand, Isaac, not at all.”
Hanna’s back was turned to the couple. She and Kicking Billy were a few feet away, near the piano. Hanna looked at Kicking Billy and asked, “What are they doing?”
Billy stopped and composed his thoughts. He then replied, “What Maude and I did when we realized we wanted each other.”
Hanna asked her husband to play another waltz.
Kayleigh and Isaac resumed dancing together. Hanna observed that with this waltz they had not quickly resumed conversation. They were watching each other’s eyes. Toward the end of the waltz, Hanna caught a brief snippet of conversation. Kayleigh had just giggled. “That would please me even if we are to marry.” Hanna could not hear Isaac say, “Is that so impossible?”
It was getting late, and time for the event to wind down.
Kicking Billy turned to Hanna and whispered, “They are a matched pair of horses. Damned if they won’t pull well together.”
Hanna laughed quietly and smiled at her father-in-law’s remark. “I never expected it. Who would?”
Seven
Joy and Consultation
O, gather me the rose, the rose,
While yet in flower we find it,
For summer smiles, but summer goes,
And winter waits behind it.
—William Ernest Henley
Saturday, March 30, 1872
Boston
Kayleigh MacKenna and Hanna Christison were seated in Hanna’s small sitting room. Breakfast was over, and the ladies were, at last, out of earshot of the men and the servants. Hanna exclaimed, “Jane Austen! Pride and Prejudice! What happened last night? You despise Jane Austen.”
“I like Isaac, though. I like him, and may even love him. It’s incredible. Oh, Hanna, it was like being struck with lightning. The first time our eyes met. We both knew it. We both felt so restrained. We wanted to talk. The talk about Darwin—he revealed something to me. I don’t think he wanted to embarrass your husband. He was really saying ‘See, by revealing this to you, I’m saying I trust you.’ ”
“Kayleigh, this joy is so sudden. I’ve not seen you so happy in years. You’re like a child.”
The Downeaster: Deadly Voyage Page 5
