‘Please breathe.’
She explains how much lube to use:
‘About a dime-sized amount on your left index finger so that it doesn’t run out – and if it does for some reason, get more; even if it’s in the middle of stroking, and just let your partner know. With the “OneTaste” lube, it’s very easy to use and isn’t runny. If you use liquid lube it’ll get messy.’
She puts some lube on her stroking finger – and then starts to play. As she plays she tells us about the strokes that she’s using. I can’t take notes. I just sit in amazement, as we all do, with our pulses racing.
‘I’m going to go straight in with quite a firm stroke at the beginning to establish the connection.’ It’s really like watching Yo-Yo Ma sweeping down with his bow and hearing the cello sing. Justine started to make noises like a welltuned cello. I don’t mean the kind of over-the-top screaming that you hear in low-rate porn or sex on TV – I mean soft, low groans that come from some deep place in her.
‘Then a very light stroke increases the sensation.’ Nicole is utterly focused and connected with Justine but also aware of the room. Justine’s breathing changes and she starts to make a different kind of music. Powerful stuff. Everyone in the room is aroused in some way or other. Men and women – with a mixture of shock, admiration and awe.
‘And the upstroke takes her higher.’ Justine starts to gasp and pant. We all start to. The notes that are coming out of Justine also get higher. She grasps the bed and then lets go again. I seem to sense the sensation rise in her.
‘A downstroke gives a grindy, earthy sensation.’ Nicole says. As we are near the front we can see her finger moving really quite fast. Far faster than T has ever played me. She is certainly confident in her playing. Justine’s making a different sound – deeper, much more grounded.
‘And it feels good to see how deep you can take someone, as well as how high.’
Nicole’s smiling as she both creates and shares the pleasure. I want to laugh. It’s not nerves, it’s the sheer undiluted joy in Nicole. I’ve seen Yo-Yo Ma play the cello too. It’s the same kind of pure exhilaration – only better as very few people as far as I’m aware experience the kind of pleasure when watching Yo-Yo Ma that the audience is feeling here today.
‘Then, when you go behind the clit that is a different sensation again,’ I remember earlier that Nicole had said this is the sensation that makes the strokee want to declare undying love to the stroker. I didn’t see Justine about to do that but from the sounds that she was making we could get an impression of the experience that she was having.
Nicole speaks to the person right at the middle of the front row who is almost immediately between Justine’s legs. ‘Look carefully at the muscular contractions – those are involuntary and they are my guide as well as what I feel. Anyone else who wants to come forward and look, go ahead.’
This may seem to you to be a little unfair on Justine to have half the room invited to come and look between her legs but Justine was very happy in that moment. Believe me.
‘Then when you’ve taken a woman way down you can take her way up again.’
We almost feel the metaphorical sweep of the bow as Nicole changes strokes.
‘Will everyone in the room please exhale?’ Nicole smiles. ‘You are all part of this experience. Justine is in a state of heightened sensitivity right now and feels everything in the room. It’s hard to her to relax fully if you all stop breathing.’ We breathe out obediently.
‘Then when she’s up there you can just let her fly for a while if you maintain it with a light stroke.’ By this time everyone who had started nervous and tense has relaxed and is enjoying the ride.
‘Who would like to come forward and feel the energy?’ Nicole asks. A few brave souls raise their hand. ‘Come then.’ Another well-dressed helper with a name badge that says
‘Rachel’ directs people to come forward and very gently lay their hands on Justine’s thighs. Both men and women come forward. I raise my hand and am invited forward. I lay my hands very gently on Justine’s upper thigh and can feel, quite clearly, a form of electricity run through me. The same that I feel if I am pleasuring T. But here I’m just standing fully clothed in a room of a hundred people. I notice the subtlety and the strength of the sensation that travels into my hands and up my arms, passes through me and warms my head and my toes. After perhaps a minute Rachel makes a signal for me to step back and for the next person to step forward. T raises his hand and takes a turn and all this time Nicole, standing on the other side of Justine, plays on lightly – just keeping her at a very high point of vibration … or something. Thirteen minutes and Nicole says – ‘OK, I’m just going to spend the last two minutes grounding her – bringing her back down to earth.’ The sounds coming out of Justine change again. We watch and listen. My heart is pumping with admiration. ‘And lower,’ Nicole says. ‘And I just press on her pelvic bone at the end to make sure that all that energy goes into her and can be used. Men you’ll be surprised how hard you can press at this point. Strokee, if your stroker doesn’t press hard enough during this last grounding then just grab his arm yourself and pull it down to help him.’
You could hear a pin drop in the room.
‘And that’s time.’
Justine sits up, looks at the room with a huge, pure, natural blissed-out smile. The room breaks into generous applause. For Nicole, for the amazing playing and for
Justine, for the sheer undiluted generosity and guts of what she has just done. Some people in the room are laughing and some are crying. We give them a standing ovation. The audience would be cheering too but we’re too dumbfounded.
‘Well T, if I’ve seen anything more extraordinary than that in my life, I can’t remember what it was.’
‘That was it for me.’
You too can see this. You can’t say that I don’t introduce some interesting possibilities for Saturdays out in London, right?
• • •
In the afternoon Nicole has gone and another bouncy, sexy American woman in a slightly less red dress takes over. She explains how to OM by giving all the men a pencil with a little rubber on top and showing how best to stroke it.
Then there is a simple exercise where you walk around the room and ask, ‘Would you like to OM?’ and receive the reply ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Then they repeat it so someone asks you, ‘Would you like to OM?’ And you reply either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. With all options open the practical part of the day begins for all those that want to stay and experience OM. For most of these brave souls it will be the first time.
Very few people leave. Maybe ten. The rest, those who have come to this event alone, are about to walk up to a total stranger and say, ‘Would you like to OM?’ There are women who are able to do this? I definitely wouldn’t have the courage to be here if I didn’t have T at my side.
While we’ve been out for the break they’ve built ‘nests’.
We have our own cushions, towels and scarves that we’ve brought. Opposite our little nest, a woman in a wheelchair is being helped onto a table by two men. Surely she isn’t here alone?
‘Did you just choose a partner from the room?’ I ask her.
‘No,’ she smiles, ‘this is my husband.’ I’m relieved. This is hard enough without the vulnerability of having to ask a stranger to remove your underwear and spread your legs for you.
The OM starts. I’m more nervous than usual but T’s been inspired by the demo and wants to make use of what he’s seen. He uses a faster stroke than he has done before and I notice what a different sensation it produces. A bit like finding a new note that he’s never played before. Rachel walks around to each couple giving an instruction or two. When she reaches us she says to T. ‘Stroke with intention. Penetrate her with your stroke.’
‘What?’ said T, momentarily distracted from his playing.
Penetrate with the stroke? What does that mean? Does it just mean stroke more firmly? Or if it means to stroke with a clearer intentio
n – just exactly what is the intention in a goalless OM? There are so many levels to this amazing practice.
I go back to enjoying the sensation – and the experimentation. Both experiencing the beginnings of new tunes, new notes, new rhythms, and the anticipation of what notes these could become when we are braver. This is courage of a different kind. There is so much mystery in our bodies.
The 15 minutes ends (always a sad moment) and T and I sit and hug each other. Overwhelmed by the close proximity of others, overwhelmed by the day, overwhelmed by everything.
I managed to ask Justine a quick question:
‘About the different strokes?’
‘Ah, the spots on the clit and the strokes … Yes. They are difficult to talk about because people tend to leap to concretizing them and the clitoris doesn’t work like that. In general, though, a fast light stroke at the 1 o’clock spot has a feeling of reverence. Stroking the 6 o’clock spot quite firmly is like fucking and a stroke of the 3 o’clock spot is like love.’
I had experienced none of these differences. T and I had mainly been experimenting with a medium stroke at 1 o’clock as the book instructed.
‘But …’ Justine continued.
‘Here is the hard part – none of this is created by the stroker. It can only be evoked if present between the stroker and strokee.’
Then why are we being encouraged to OM with strangers with whom we may not have any chemistry? But Justine was gone. So many people want her attention. Imagine running a community based on sexuality. Brave woman.
There is one final exercise. We all gather in one room and sit in a circle. Everyone is asked to speak out one or a few words about their experience.
There are many of us so I don’t write anything down. I have no idea what T and I said. There is just one response that stands out in my mind. A man, laughing, says, ‘What exactly have I been doing in my life until today?’
Late Summer Adventure
So now, assuming you are still reading, we are going on an adventure. I’ve been invited to visit San Francisco to attend a conference as a guest of Nicole Daedone and the OneTaste Community. I’ve never been to the West Coast of America, let alone to attend a conference about sexuality and clitoral stroking. I thought you may be curious to know what would happen. T can’t come and he’s hugely disappointed and boiling with envy. But all I need is my notebook and I can take you along. No expensive tickets necessary. Just make sure you’re sitting comfortably.
The First International Conference of Clitoris Stroking
This morning I woke up in San Francisco. The sun is shining and I’m experiencing the now familiar feeling of mild terror.
This is day one of ‘OMX – the Orgasmic Meditation Experience’. And it’s the first international conference primarily about clitoris stroking (weirder and weirder) and somehow I’m here. There are lectures from leading experts on female sexuality but it isn’t just academic, it’s hands on. Obviously.
There are over 1,000 people here in a good gender balance, and in one very large room 500 ‘nests’ have been set up. As if that isn’t challenging enough I’m also staying at the San Francisco OM community where 50 of those who practice this extraordinary form of human connection live together.
Every morning at 7.30 they have an OM Circle as their morning practice. They do one orgasmic meditation with one partner for 15 minutes and then a second for 15 minutes, usually with another partner.
I’m able to walk up to any man here and say, ‘Would you like to OM?’ and he will say either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. In my experience men rarely say ‘no’ unless they have practical reasons, in which case they’ll say, ‘I’m not sure when we could.’ Or, ‘I’d love to but …’ Mostly they say, ‘Yes. When?’ especially with any new partner.
You may be thinking, ‘Isabel, have you lost your mind and your soul? Aren’t you the person who wrote about Tibet? Who interviewed His Holiness the Dalai Lama? The Isabel who cares about spirituality? Morality? Ethics? Love?’ Yes, this is still me. Please keep reading.
You see, I have a simple and staggeringly obvious observation from many years of study, about the current rules system in our society. It simply doesn’t work, does it? I’m not suggesting that we should run away from marriage and monogamy – of course not. But I am suggesting that – based on the current divorce rates, the additional number of people that are not divorced but are having affairs, the couples that are neither divorced nor having affairs but are simply not happy in their bedrooms – based on the sum total of human unhappiness and loneliness I see in relationships around me, I think it’s worth examining our conditioning and the status quo.
What I hate about the current system is the lies. It seems that to lie is necessary for far too many people. People lie to protect their partners from the truth and worse – they lie to themselves and pretend that they are happy in a relationship when they may be screaming for freedom. It seems that relatively few of us can make it work.
I’m also not saying that living in a community based on a particular consensual sexual practice is any more likely to succeed in the long run. I’m just saying that, based on the statistics, it’s good for us to consider other models in case we can learn something. OK?
There is kindness and generosity here. Both men and women ‘OM’ with people who, in our ‘normal’ society wouldn’t stand a chance of getting any sexual needs met – or even any simple human connection. You see young women say ‘yes’ to an OM request from men that, frankly, I find repulsive. And I see beautiful men OM with women who are three times their age or three times their size. Similarly: class, race, career status, religion, politics – none of these thing matter here. ‘Would you like to OM?’ Answer: ‘Yes, please.’ Or, ‘No, thank you.’ If someone says, ‘No, thank you,’ ask someone else. The lack of a feeling of scarcity is very unusual.
Those who are more experienced practise OM with a far wider range of partners than I would ever be capable of having such a connection with. It’s hard not to have preferences. Some of the leaders in this community have had years of Buddhist experience. Buddhism teaches us to have neither ‘attraction’ nor ‘aversion’ and this is certainly a place to realize the clarity of that. The greatest challenge, for me, is not asking for an OM, which some find hard, nor a fear of rejection – if a man says ‘no’, that’s his prerogative – the problem is finding men I want to ask.
But I’m here and feeling very alive. I’m looking out for men I feel comfortable to approach. I try to read them on an energetic level. Does this sound unlikely to you? Me looking at a room of men wondering which ones I’d like to ask? It sounds unlikely to me too. I guess I’ve come a long way since I wrote that first letter to T and was terrified even to OM with him. It seems that it is possible for us to learn slowly, to drop some of our inhibitions.
I’ve now relaxed a bit and asked several men here if they’d like an OM partner at some point in the conference and they’ve all said ‘yes.’ It’s a bit like going to an oldfashioned dance where you learn that you need ten dance partners and you only have two lined up.
It’s 11am as I write this. The conference starts in an hour. How am I feeling? Nervous. And how is my clitoris feeling? Well, as they say around these parts, ‘Like – totally awesome.’
• • •
Five hundred nests with 500 couples and we all OM at the same time. Many women seem to love this experience. They say that they can feel the energy of the room and it enhances their sensation. I heard one woman in the queue going in saying, ‘I’m so excited I can barely breathe.’ Some people are moved to tears, some are laughing and, and …
I hate this. There’s a woman about two nests from me who is making weirdly loud retching and groaning sounds during the OM. I’m concerned that she’s about to be sick. An assistant approaches and tells her to relax and breathe.
I’m thinking of the cup of coffee I’m going to treat myself to when the OM ends. It’s interesting to notice though that when my mind is els
ewhere I feel almost nothing. I suppose if I was a little more advanced in my practice I’d say, ‘I’m sorry, can you stop please? I can’t do this with a woman sounding tortured beside us and I feel far too distracted to feel any sensation at all.’ This is a practice based on pleasure and if I don’t tell the poor man that I’m having a bad time and not feeling any pleasant sensation how is he going to know? Not that I’ve ever done anything remotely similar to this during actual sex. Of course. Not.
• • •
So now, with coffee, I’m sitting in a large auditorium and they are pumping out music with a loud bass – Anthony Robbins-style hype. This is so far from the subtle beauty of the clitoral strokes that we are here to learn how to give and receive. Am I at the wrong event?
‘We are here to celebrate orgasm!’ a young woman leads from the stage. Everyone cheers. ‘One thousand three hundred people registered!’ everyone cheers. They list the countries and cities, ‘And who is here from Las Vegas??’ A small group shouts. ‘I said, ‘Who is here from Las Vegas???’ They obligingly cheer louder. ‘And who is here from New
York?’ More obliging cheers – and so on. Then amusingly she says, ‘Who is here from the EU? Total silence. I’ve met people from France, Germany, Ireland, Spain and Holland, but no one thinks of themselves as ‘from the EU!’ so this is met by silence. Then the crowd whipper-upper starts on – ‘And who has been OMing for a long time?’ We cheer. ‘And who is new to OMing?’ We cheer. They dance and say, ‘That’s AWESOME!!’ a lot. I understand that they want to celebrate. It’s taken work to get ‘OneTaste’ to their first international event and I’m being grumpy. They’d say I’m not ‘turned on’. They’d be right.
Finally, at 8pm, Nicole comes on and starts to talk sense and I relax and enjoy her as always. She tells us that millions of women in the US take medication because they have a new condition – ‘Female sexual arousal disorder.’ I have no idea whether this is supposed to be an actual figure that she’s giving us but there are certainly ‘a lot of’ women’ taking medication. None of the women here are: that’s for certain.
Sensation Page 11
