by Erin Trejo
She lowers her head and looks me in the eye and asks, “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“When you first killed someone, what did you feel after that?” Jesus. Why is she so hell bent on killing? What the hell did I do to this girl?
“I didn’t feel. That was the point. I shut myself off to feelin’ anything. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want what came with it.” Her eyes search mine for a second.
“Have you ever let yourself feel since then?” Fuck! I don’t like answering these kinds of questions.
“After I killed Vera. I let myself feel for a minute. That was all, though. The hurt, the betrayal, it was all too much for me. I didn’t want that shit. The last time was when I thought I lost you.” Shannon gasps, her eyes burning into me.
“You didn’t lose me though,” she says softly. I thank God every fucking day that I didn’t lose her, too. She has no idea.
“But I lost my daughter.... And I did lose you for a while. It hurt, Shan. I’ve never felt that kind of pain in my life.”
“You never lost me, Bash. I was always here. I’m sorry I hurt you,” she says. Fuck!
“You didn’t hurt me. I hurt me. I hurt myself lettin’ you in. I hurt myself for wantin’ to keep you when you had no business bein’ mine.” I shake her slightly but she doesn’t waver. She stands in my face, the picture of stoic. So fucking beautiful, and full of a life she doesn’t even see.
“I was meant to be yours. Everything that’s happened just proves that. I will prove it.” She pushes up, kissing me roughly. The guys all scream and holler around us but it’s her that I feel, it’s her that I hear.
Her heart talks to mine in a language that only we can understand.
Chapter 43
Shannon
I toy with the necklace Bash gave me as I sit in the damn classroom.
“This is stupid,” I mumble under my breath knowing damn good and well they can hear me. Bash made sure I was fitted with a hidden microphone before he made me come back to school. I don’t want to be here, I don’t want the reminder of what happened to me.
I can almost hear his chuckle on the other end. I know Link is on there. He promised to be there all day.
“Hey, Shannon,” Tyler says when class is finally over. I grab my bag and head toward the door, needing some kind of air. I feel like I’m drowning in this place.
Tyler calls out to me but I keep running. Once I’m outside I take big, deep breaths.
“Are you ok?” His hand comes to rest on my back as I lean over, my hands on my knees.
“Yeah, sorry. It’s just a lot to handle.” His hand moves up and down in a comforting way but something feels off.
“I bet. I’m sorry, Shannon. About everything.” I push myself up and look over at him before I give him a small smile.
“Thanks. I’m doing ok. Being back in there was just a little much.” He throws his arm around my shoulder when I hear that growl behind us. I know it’s Bash.
I spin around quickly and take in his features. The hardness of his eyes. He looks at Tyler like he may rip his throat out.
“What are you doing here?” I ask taking another step away from Tyler. Bash grabs my wrist, pulling me into his hard chest, and kissing me roughly.
“Caveman much?” I laugh when he finally pulls back. His eyes never leave Tyler, though.
“Just makin’ sure pretty boy knows what’s mine,” he grits between his teeth.
“I know. Far too well,” Tyler says before turning on his heel and leaving. I watch him go before he I look back up at Bash.
“What the hell was that and why are you here?” I ask him. He said he was busy today and Link was listening in on me.
Link. He must have told him.
“Link said you were havin’ a rough day. Thought I’d make it better. If you want me to leave you alone to pretty boy, I will.” Bash pushes out of my grasp and starts to walk away. It’s not until I see the spot where I was stabbed that I lose it.
I walk over slowly, and drop to my knees. Everything that I’ve tried so hard to keep bottled up inside of me comes rushing back.
Bash must have heard the sobs. He’s back at my side in the matter of seconds. Asshole.
“What? What’s wrong?” His caring side comes out now. I love it though. He may have a bad attitude but he knows when I need him the most.
“This is where she died,” I cry harder. Bash wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly.
“Fuck! I shouldn’t have told you to come back,” he mumbles into my hair. He couldn’t have known that it would happen. He couldn’t know that I would lose my shit, once again.
As I cry into his shirt, I let it all sink in. This is it. As much as it hurts me that I lost her, I can’t keep living like this. I have to move forward. I have to move on with my life.
As of this moment, this is the last time I will cry over this. She can’t come back to me. I will never see her smiling face.
Now, I have to find the asshole that took her away from me. I have to watch their life fade like they did hers. I have to be more like Bash, and cut my feelings out of the equation.
Chapter 44
Sebastian
I stand around talking with the guys in the main room, tossing back shot after shot.
Basket is on his way over and says he may have news on who stabbed Shannon. He doesn’t have full details but he has something, or he wouldn’t be on his way over here.
“You see that last hit? Fuck, that bastard went down.” Dax is still hung up on the last fight. I can’t blame him, that was Mack’s best fight yet. That kid is going places.
We all agree when we hear the shots. We glance at each other before we take off.
“Get the girls!” Bomber yells. I run out of the side door with Link, Bomber, Bullet, and Micah right behind me with our guns drawn and ready.
Another shot, and we all come to a stop. What the fuck is she doing now?
Shannon fires another shot at the target, oblivious to the fact that we’re all out here.
All of us share a glance when Bomber steps forward. He places his hand on her shoulder before she startles.
“What’s goin’ on here?” he asks her. Shannon turns to look at him, a deadly glint in those pretty eyes. Something’s off with her.
“I want to protect myself. I don’t want to be weak anymore, Bomber.” Fuck! I knew this already and I told her we’d work on it.
Link steps toward her, the others falling back.
“You have protection, Shannon.” Her eyes jerk to his and a small evil smile pulls across her face. I cock my head to the side and study her features. The way they’ve hardened, shifted. Something’s different about her.
“You guys? Where were you when I was attacked? When they stole my daughter’s life? Was I protected then?” The look of shock dances across Link and Bomber’s faces. I take that as my cue to move in.
“That’s not fuckin’ fair and you know it,” I grind my teeth but her fury turns on me.
“Isn’t it? My daughter is dead!” she screams. I slide my gun back into the back of my jeans. My hands clench at my sides. The little voice in my head is telling me to not rip her fucking stubborn head off but that’s proving to be harder than I thought.
“Our daughter. She was mine too, goddamn it, Shannon! We didn’t know anyone was out there or you can bet your ass we would have fuckin’ protected you!” I roar. Bomber’s hand comes to rest on my chest. He can clearly see the rage in me.
“Look, we’ve had a shitty couple of months. All of us…. Things happened that we can’t fuckin’ fix now. Do I hate what happened between the two of you? Fuck yeah, I do. Do I hate that I will never see that baby either? You’re goddamn right. Now, you two are some kind of fucked up that I don’t get. I don’t think any of us do. But right now, you can’t be divided. We will find who did this and Shannon—if you think you have the fuckin’ courage to kill—I’ll let you.” My eyes jerk to meet his. I can see the
truth in them.
“Fuck that! She’s mine! I’ll kill whoever put their fuckin’ hands anywhere near her!” Shannon shoves at my chest, Bomber stepping back.
“I’m done being the weak link. I’m done letting people take what they want from me. You will not take this chance from me, Sebastian.” Her teeth grind together.
“Basket’s here!” Dax hollers from the door. I hear the guys sigh before turning and walking away.
“I don’t want you ruined by killin’, darlin’. It takes a piece of your soul.” Her eyes soften when she leans into me. She wraps her arms around my waist.
“They already ruined me, Bash. You’re the only thing holding me together.”
Chapter 45
Shannon
Bomber said it was ok for me to sit in on the meeting with Basket. If you call sitting in Bash’s lap while he holds me in a death grip sitting in, then that’s what I’m doing.
“Word on the street is this shit isn’t club related. It wasn’t exactly random either,” Basket says before taking a long pull from his bottle. I shift in Bash’s lap, not sure what the hell that means.
“How the fuck is it not club related?” Bomber asks leaning forward. They all thought it was something to do with the club.
“I don’t have enemies. I don’t even have friends,” I add. They all look at me but it’s true. I have Danna, and that’s it.
“I know. I looked into you, too,” Basket says. Bash moves me in seconds, flying out of the chair.
“What the fuck you mean you looked into her!” He slams his fists onto the table when I grab his arm.
“Shut the fuck up and let him talk.” He turns his head and I can see the anger but he listens. He sits back down, yanking me into his lap once again.
“I knew she was taken before, Bash. That’s all. I wanted to see what came out of that. I got nothing. No one that I can find has shit against her. The people we got talking around campus said that they went straight to her, though.” Everyone looks at each other when Link says, “Who the fuck are we lookin’ for then?”
Isn’t that the question. The room goes silent. No one says a word. It’s like they’re reasoning it out. Nothing makes sense.
I shove out of Bash’s grip and head to the door.
“Shan!” Bash hollers behind me. I don’t listen. I keep moving.
I run through the main room and up the stairs until I get to my room.
Just like always, I go into the bathroom and drop to the floor letting my cheek melt into the cool tiles.
It wasn’t club related but I was their target. Who the hell would have done that to me? Why would they have done that to me?
I don’t know of anyone that would hate me to the point of trying to kill me and my unborn child. I don’t have friends so how can I have enemies?
One thing that I do know for sure, is that I will kill them. Once I know who it is I’m up against, they are dead.
Bash may not think I have it in me but I can feel it. I want it. I want to see what he sees. I want to feel what he feels when that life slowly fades from their eyes. I want to know what it feels like. For them to know what it feels like to have a life slowly ripped from your grasps.
“Twizzler?” Bash says when I see his boots hit the floor. I smile before pushing myself up to look at him.
“You can’t win me over with candy,” I tease him. He grins before sitting on the floor next to me.
“There’s so many things that I want to say to you, Shan. I just don’t know where to start.” I reach over and grab a Twizzler before he smiles again. “I love you. You know that much. I don’t wanna see you hurt. I don’t like seein’ you in pain. When I looked in your eyes outside earlier, fuck... it scared me, baby.” I don’t understand what he’s saying. I watch him and I can tell that he’s torn here.
“What? What did you see?”
“I saw me. I saw the killer that comes out in me. The one that wants nothin’ but blood. It fuckin’ scared me to see that in you, Shannon.”
Chapter 46
Sebastian
“I feel it, Bash. I feel so much anger and rage. I don’t know where to focus it. I just want it,” she says. I grab her and pull her into my lap. She straddles me, her eyes locking with mine.
“You may want it now—but after it’s all over—you will hate yourself. I know your heart, Shan. Let me do this. Let me do this for us... for her.” Shannon shakes her head, leaning into me.
“That’s why I can’t let you. I need that closure, Bash.” Fuck, I hate that I can see it. I hate that I know that feeling, too.
“If anything goes wrong, you move back, yeah?” Agreeing with her isn’t high on my list of things to do today but she isn’t going to let this one go either.
“Deal. Now fuck me.” Now, that I won’t argue with.
I flip us both so she’s lying under me. Her hands are already yanking at her zipper.
“I think I’m gonna fuck you nice and slow. Make you scream my name. Make you beg for what you want,” I say as I grind against her. Her eyes flutter like they always do when she’s horny. I fucking love seeing it, too.
“You won’t tease me, Bash. You love me.” I sit back, yanking her jeans down her legs before getting mine off next.
“I do love you, but this.... What’s about to happen right here, has nothin’ to do with love.” I grab my dick and tease her clit, watching her arch her back to get closer to me.
I chuckle and keep toying with her. She tries to move but I just press my free hand down on her pelvic bone, keeping her nice and still for me.
“What’s that again? I won’t do it?” I ask her. I slide the tip in before pulling back out. Shannon whines beneath me.
“You bastard,” she pants, making me harder.
“I love when you get pissed,” I grumble before doing it again. Each time, I give her a little bit more before taking it away.
“Bash! I fucking need this!” she cries. I smile down at her but I won’t give into her demands so easily.
“Beg me for it. You want it that bad...” I pull out and circle her clit with the tip. Her body wants to buck off the floor.
“Please,” she says softly. Not good enough.
“That’s not beggin’,” I tell her. Sliding the tip in once more, she bites her lip.
“Bash, fuck me!” Her cheeks are red with want.
“More—” I demand.
“Please. Bash! Please just fuck me!” I release my hold on her and lift her hips. I watch her face as I slam into her.
Her mouth opens, my name falls from her lips. Her eyes clench shut as I fuck her harder than I ever have before.
“God, yes!” she screams. Her nails dig into my forearms. The look of pure pleasure paints her cheeks. That’s how I want her to look all the time.
“Is that hard enough for you?” I plunge into her deeply. There isn’t anywhere left for me to go. She’s taking all of me.
“Bash! I’m gonna cum!” she screams as if I didn’t know that already. Her little body is so worked up I can practically taste it.
I slide one hand down to her clit, making hard rough circles. Shannon’s grip on me tightens before she loses all control.
When she lets go, she pulls me with her.
I fill her little pussy with everything I’ve got inside of me.
Hate.
Anger.
Love.
Chapter 47
Shannon
Sex with Bash is something out of this world. I love every second of it. Even when he isn’t being rough with me. Which is rarely.
I hold on tightly as he takes the twists and turns of the road. He said he just needed to get out and clear his head.
This ride wasn’t just for that though. He’s thinking. I know he is because I am.
My life has turned into a puzzle of thousands of different pieces. None of them are connecting the way they should right now.
The part that is bothering me the most is that I don’t know who and why.
I think the why is harder to not know than the who. What kind of person do you have to be to take a child’s life? An unborn child at that?
The bike slows as we reach an intersection. The area isn’t one that I know. I wonder where he’s taking me?
I don’t ask. I know he has his reasons and I’ll let him have that for now.
We drive a little further when he finally stops. Pulling up along the curb I take in the area. It looks almost like a ghost town. There are no people in sight.
“Where are we?” I ask. Bash doesn’t answer. Instead he climbs off the bike, offering his hand to me.
I hang my helmet next to his before following him into what appears to be an abandoned apartment complex.
He walks the halls like he’s lived here his whole life. Like he knows exactly where he’s going.
I slow my steps and just watch him. The way he holds himself, the tension in his shoulders.
He stops at the last door before his head drops. He takes a deep breath before pushing the door open.
“Come on,” he says to me. I walk over and follow him into the old rundown apartment. Bash seems to be waging a war within himself. His eyes are distant.
He walks through the filth and litter before pushing into another room.
“Right there. That’s where I killed her,” he says, nodding toward an old filthy bed. I walk up next to him and look down.
“She deserved it,” I say. Bash grabs my shoulders quickly, shaking me as he looks into my eyes.
“Did she? Did she fuckin’ deserve it or did I just want it? Did I just want to fuckin’ take what wasn’t mine?” His eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen. He’s gone. This is the killer that Bash has kept hidden from me.
“Everything we do in life has to be for somethin’,” he says. “Wait here.”
He turns and leaves the room. Leaves me standing where he killed his girlfriend. The one that he told me about.
