"Giancarlo? My Giancarlo?"
"I believe he’s Jamie’s Giancarlo," he corrected, "but he seems to like you, too."
"How on earth…?"
"I asked Jamie who cuts her hair ‘cause she always looks so trendy," he said, pleased with himself. He carried their plates into the dining room, while Ryan brought out the coffeepot and two place settings. Once they were settled, he continued his tale. "Anyway, Giancarlo confirmed what I’ve always believed–women love the way gay guys look. Now, I don’t want to look too gay, because I’d prefer to have women hitting on me, but I figured if I picked up the style right when the gay guys were done with it, I could look cool for a straight guy."
"I hate to admit this, but I think you might be onto something," Ryan mused, shaking her head in amazement.
"That Giancarlo is a cool dude," Conor opined. "At least I think he is…To tell you the truth I couldn’t understand half of what he said."
"That’s my Giancarlo," Ryan agreed, smiling at her now trendy brother.
After breakfast, Ryan put on some navy blue Dockers and a crisp Tommy Hilfiger oxford-cloth shirt that Jamie had recently bought for her. She generally didn’t like to advertise for designers, but in this case, the logo was very discreet, and she really did like the shirt. It was light blue and white striped cotton, with bands of pink and white striped fabric inside the collar, cuffs, and placket. She knew that no matter what she wore she would be wrinkled and wet from the baby, but she thought she should at least try to look neat to welcome her beloved back home.
She pulled up in front of Tommy’s at a few minutes to nine, deciding that she might as well go to church so she could peek into the auditorium and see her aunt for a few minutes. The baby was waiting at the screen door, sitting on her little butt and shrieking with delight when she saw her cousin. Ryan grinned from ear to ear when she made eye contact with the deliriously happy baby. Letting herself in, she scooped Caitlin up in her arms for a big hug and a sloppy kiss. The tyke was still in just her diaper, so Ryan carried her into her room to get her dressed. Annie was tossing clothes all around the room, trying to pack for the trip. "Oh Ryan," she said with relief, "thank God you’re here. I haven’t been able to get one thing done this morning," she moaned as she gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Tommy’s not due home until ten and she’s been a terror today." She stopped short when she heard herself and said with a tired laugh, "I guess that’s not a very good sales pitch when I want you to take her for four days, huh?"
Ryan placed a few noisy kisses on Caitlin’s back, then she said, "Don’t worry about it, Annie. She’ll be fine. If we need anything, we’ll just buy it. We don’t get to spoil her nearly enough, do we, pumpkin’?" she asked the laughing baby as she tickled her bare tummy.
"Sure you don’t," Annie laughed. "I think every nice outfit she has is from you two. Speaking of which, you need to get going if you want to be at church on time. Come here, sport," she said as she held out her hands to take the baby, "Time for some clothes."
She chose a little dress that Jamie had bought at the same time she got Ryan’s shirt. It wasn’t identical, but it was also starched oxford-cloth. Caitlin’s was a sunny yellow with blue and white striped trim around the neck and the little short sleeves. Tiny white socks and soft black slippers completed her stylish ensemble, and she was begging for Ryan to rescue her long before her mother was satisfied with her look. "I was going to try to cut her hair before we left, but it took me an hour to do her nails this morning," she admitted, grasping a few strands of the haphazardly cut hair.
Ryan had to admit that Caitlin’s white blonde locks did look a bit scruffy. Annie tried her best to keep them trimmed but she generally had to do it while Caitlin was asleep, not the ideal conditions for a neat haircut. "Do you mind if we give it a try?" Ryan inquired, loving a challenge on any field.
"Be my guest, Ryan." In her normal easygoing style, Annie patted the taller woman’s back and said, "It’s okay with me if you shave it off and start over. Almost anything would be an improvement over what I’ve been doing. One more element of motherhood I was not prepared for," she smirked.
Ryan handed Annie the long list of instructions she had prepared for Pebble Beach, then fished the keys to the house from her pocket and made sure Annie noted her pager number on the bottom of the list. "Call me if you have any trouble. I think I covered everything, but you never know. Oh, one last thing," she said with a slight blush. "I didn’t add this because I didn’t want to embarrass Tommy or myself, but there are security cameras in most of the common areas. We found out the hard way that it’s best to keep intimate behavior confined to the bedroom."
"Intimate behavior, huh?" Annie teased. "I think I remember what that is," she said with a thoughtful look as she cocked her head. "Oh yeah, that’s how we got Sweet Pea, here," she laughed. "I really appreciate all that you and Jamie have done for us, Ryan. But I feel so guilty leaving Caitie with you on the day that Jamie gets back. I’m really afraid you won’t be able to enjoy each other. Intimate behavior becomes a dim memory with this little scamp around," she said affectionately, ruffling her daughter’s blonde locks.
Trying to appear magnanimous, Ryan assured her, "We get to enjoy each other constantly. Another week of abstinence won’t kill us." She paused for a second and decided to ask, just to make sure. "How do you feel about us being close with Caitlin around? I mean, I obviously wouldn’t actually have sex if she was awake, but where should we draw the line?"
Annie furrowed her brow and tried to think of what to say that would be most helpful. "I think you just need to play it by ear, Ryan. Both of us take her in the shower with us, so she’s used to naked adults, and we try to be physically affectionate around her. I think it’s good for her to see that we love each other, and that we express our love physically. We take her into bed with us whether or not we’re dressed, but obviously we also would never have sex when she was awake." She shivered visibly and said, "That’s just too creepy. I guess it depends on how you feel about it, because I don’t think she’ll be affected one way or the other. If you can get aroused with another person in the room with you, don’t be afraid to have fun while she’s asleep. We’ve gotten pretty good at making love without a sound," she admitted. "Sometimes it’s actually kind of fun to see how quiet you can be."
After a week’s worth of abstinence, I don’t think either of us would win a prize for quiet, Ryan mused privately. "Do you let her come into your bed often?"
"More often than we thought we would," she admitted. "She goes through periods where she just seems to need to be held at night. I just don’t see how it’s healthy for her to be alone when she’s like that."
"My guess is that she’ll be pretty needy when she realizes she’s not going home for a while. Is it safe to sleep with her all night?"
"Oh yeah. You won’t sleep very well at first, though. You just have an awareness that keeps you from rolling over onto her, but it doesn’t let you sleep as deeply. I wouldn’t do it if you’ve been drinking or if you sleep really soundly, but we’ve adapted so we actually sleep as well when she’s with us as not."
"I don’t plan on drinking to excess when I’m in charge of this precious bundle," Ryan assured Annie. "But Jamie sleeps like she’s flatlining, so I think we’ll keep her in her crib."
"I’m not worried, Ryan. I know you’ll do as good a job as we do."
"I’m sure it’ll go fine," Ryan agreed, "but I also know she’ll miss you both a lot. Call us tonight before you go to bed, okay? I think we’ll probably leave for Disneyland in the morning, and I want to make sure you’re settled before we take off."
"I will, Ryan. And thanks again. You just don’t know how much I’m looking forward to this trip." She sighed heavily and admitted, "It honestly feels like it’s been ten years since I’ve had any time to myself. As much as I love Tommy, I wouldn’t have complained if he wasn’t able to go with me. I plan on spending four days remembering what it was like being Annie Clancy rather than Cai
tlin’s mommy, which is my new name, by the way."
"I’ve heard people refer to you that way at church," Ryan admitted. "It must be kinda hard to have your identity redefined when you have a child."
"It is," Annie agreed, "but I wouldn’t change a thing."
It was getting late and Ryan knew she had to take off to be on time. "I hope Pebble Beach is as magical for you as it was for us," Ryan said as she hugged her.
Annie picked the baby up and kissed her on every exposed inch of her face and head, with the baby spluttering at she tried to avoid her mother’s overly enthusiastic farewell. Pulling away slightly, Annie hugged her tightly as she closed her eyes to fight back the tears. "You’d better go before I upset her," she said with a trembling lip as she handed her child to Ryan.
Ryan patted her back as she said softly, "We’ll take good care of her, Annie. I promise," she said fervently.
"Jamie, dear," Catherine said with an indulgent smile, "We have plenty of time to get there, and fidgeting in your seat isn’t going to help."
Jamie gave her a sheepish grin as she admitted, "I know it doesn’t help, but I’m so anxious I can’t stop myself."
Their departure from the cottage had been a little strained, as David, Patsy, Louise, and Oliver could not understand why six members of the family had to leave together to help Adam and Carolyn prepare for their hasty move to Europe. The tension from their final conversation only added to Jamie's anxiety over finally being with Ryan again, making her more fidgety than she could ever remember being.
They had been in the limo for nearly an hour, and traffic was running freely, leaving them ample time to reach their flight, but Jamie was so anxious that she could only foresee some disaster or another interfering with their plans. Just to reassure her, Catherine had made a call to the airline a few minutes before, but her attempt to soothe her daughter had backfired when she relayed the information that if they missed their scheduled flight, the next available one was not scheduled until five o’clock that evening.
"Jamie, I’m certain that we’ll be in plenty of time. I’m just worried that you won’t be able to sit still all the way to San Francisco. Do you think you’ll make it?"
Shrugging slightly at herself, Jamie asked, "Do you think they’ll mind if I run up and down the aisle the whole time? I think I’ll be okay if I can blow off some steam."
"It always amazes me how much you can get away with in first class," Catherine said drolly. "I’ve seen far worse behavior than a little aisle running. Have at it, Dear."
Ryan and Caitlin settled into their seats at 9:20, after a very quick trip to the auditorium to say hello to Maeve. Or rather, Caitlin settled into Ryan at 9:20, since she was still too small to sit upright on the hard bench. Thinking ahead, Ryan had selected the end seat in a pew right by the side door, so they could get out easily for their frequent forays around the building. Even though she and Jamie had taken Caitlin to church on several occasions, Ryan had never done so alone, and she was a little overwhelmed by the huge diaper bag that Annie had given her as they left. The bag held three bottles of breast milk, four jars of baby food, one lemon biscotti, and six diapers and a complete change of clothing, as well as soft felt picture books and some sturdy plastic toys. If she needs this much stuff for an hour, what are we going to have to take to Disneyland? We’re gonna have to rent an RV!
As Ryan tried to get comfortable in the unyielding pew, she realized how very sore she was. Even though she'd had frequent massages and had iced her knees and ankles every afternoon, the constant pounding on the hard court had taken its toll. Caitlin was standing on her thighs, observing the crowd, and Ryan was trying to decide if the pain in her legs was helped by the unintentional massage when someone slid into the pew next to her. Ryan had started to turn her head when the woman leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Hi," Sara Andrews said, a happy smile on her face. "Where’s your girlfriend?"
Ryan blinked slowly, trying to remember the question. She knew it was her turn to talk, but her brain wasn’t firing quickly this morning and she looked confused for a second. "Oh!" she said, finally tracking, "she’s visiting relatives in Rhode Island."
"That’s a drag," Sara sympathized. "Why didn’t you go with?"
The question was simple enough, and Ryan knew the correct answer, but for just a flash she felt a little left out to not have been invited. Mentally slapping herself, she focused on the facts and replied, "One…Jamie wanted some alone time with her mom. Two…I had to go to Santa Cruz for a week for volleyball training camp. Just got back last night."
Sara shivered in sympathy, remembering the not-so-distant past when she was in training for the upcoming soccer season. "Is Jamie coming home soon?"
The relief on Ryan’s face was evident as she sighed and said, "This afternoon." She gave her old friend a wry smile and added, "It seems like time is standing still."
"Speaking of standing," Sara said as she focused her attention on Caitlin, "who’s this little beauty standing on your thighs?"
"My cousin Caitlin," Ryan whispered as the priest began to walk down the aisle.
The baby stared at Sara with interest, leaning hard against Ryan’s chest for added security until she felt comfortable with their unfamiliar visitor. She batted her big green eyes at Sara, glad that someone new was paying attention to her, and graced her with a shy but charming grin.
The warm-up period did not take long, and Caitlin slowly inched closer and closer to Sara, indicating her willingness to allow this person to entertain her. "Can I hold her?" Sara finally asked, unable to resist the baby’s charms. She held her hands out in invitation, and the baby immediately went to her, leaning forward to tumble into Sara’s lap.
Sara bit back a laugh at the forwardness of the little girl who was now happily standing on her own thighs. Caitlin started her favorite game of ‘grab parts of the big person’s face’–always a crowd pleaser. Luckily no one was sitting right behind them, so they could stay seated and get to know one another intimately during the opening hymn. As the baby got more and more comfortable, she grabbed Sara’s nose so hard that the older woman had tears in her eyes. Chagrined, Ryan tried to take her back, but Sara waved her off with a good-natured smile.
Caitlin found the new person thoroughly fascinating, her interest captured by Sara’s willingness to allow her to do whatever she wanted to her. The baby had examined Sara’s ears, her eyes, and her hair in minute detail by the time the hymn was finished, and Ryan couldn’t help casting fond glances at the twosome who were so thoroughly entertaining each other. As the congregation sat down to listen to the bible readings, Caitlin announced both the completion of her investigation and her satisfaction with the results by grabbing two handfuls of hair and planting a very big, very wet kiss right on Sara’s mouth.
"Isn’t she a little young for that?" the amused woman whispered into Ryan’s ear with a chuckle.
Ryan gave her helpless shrug, shaking her head with surprise. "She usually doesn’t make a move like that until the second date," she whispered. That drew a very familiar, warm laugh from the woman at her side, the melodic sound now a little deeper and a little fuller than it had been when they were young. Sara gave her old friend a gentle nudge with her shoulder, a gesture she had made a thousand times over the years.
When the congregation stood for a reading from the New Testament, Sara remained seated with the tyke, and Ryan gave them a quick glance to find Sara whispering into the tiny ear, delighting the baby each time her breath tickled. Since Caitlin’s second favorite game was ‘do whatever it is that I like until I’m sick of it,’ Sara willingly went along with the program, whispering into Caitlin’s ear again and again.
When the congregation began to sing the Celtic Alleluia, Sara held Caitlin up high on her chest so that the baby could easily see her face. Her warm, smooth soprano voice filled Ryan’s ears, and she involuntarily closed her eyes as she remembered all of the services they had attended together in high school. Sacred Heart required dail
y attendance at Mass, and the two friends always managed to sit next to one another, even though they were in different classes. Whichever young woman arrived first would save a seat for the other, and no one ever attempted to sit in the seat that the whole school knew was saved for one half of the O’Flaherty/Andrews pair.
The melody of the familiar tune surrounded her like a warm embrace as Ryan was touched by a very strong sense memory of sitting in the little chapel at the high school, listening to Sara’s voice. Ryan recalled that there was always something so warm and comforting about it, and to her surprise, she felt the same old tingle. With a start, she realized that it must remind her of her mother’s voice, which, to her memory, was very much like Sara’s. Caitlin was now under the spell of that angelic voice, as she leaned back in Sara’s arms to watch her mouth move as the words came tumbling out.
Feeling very shaky, Ryan sat down after the gospel reading and tried to listen to the homily, but she was having little success. There was a very large part of her that wished her old friend had not chosen this day to attend Mass, even though it was nice to have a hand with Caitlin in what was likely to be a long day. It was hard enough to have her anxiety building about Jamie’s return without the added stress of her friend’s presence and the accompanying memories that assailed all of her senses.
The ten or fifteen minutes of the homily were always the toughest time of the Mass for Caitlin, since only one person was talking and there were very few visual effects to keep her focused. But today she snuggled up against Sara and spent most of the time investigating her heavy bracelet-style watch and the interlocking three-band ring she wore on the ring finger of her right hand.
Ryan cast repeated glances at the twosome, pleased that Sara was so adept at entertaining the baby, but still uncomfortable with her old friend’s presence. After a while, Caitlin’s lids began to blink slowly and she fought to stay awake, jerking herself upright several times. Sara instinctively handled her just perfectly, putting her hands on the baby’s back and giving her a gentle massage. In a matter of moments, Caitlin’s fair head dropped into the soft valley between Sara’s breasts and her little thumb drifted towards her mouth, where she began to suck gently. I can’t count how many times I’ve wanted to do that, you lucky kid, Ryan thought with a tinge of envy, before catching the thought and giving herself a mental shake. Knock it off, Ryan! 1992 is over!
Fidelity - SF6 Page 31
