“You guys aren’t still—”
“No.” I shook my head, turning to dig through my suitcase. “No, that’s still done. Just like I told you.”
“If you say so,” Em replied.
My head snapped up. “What does that mean?”
“Means Rob always finds a way to bring you up in conversation when he’s with me or Kit. He does it in the most awkward way, too. Like, we’ll be discussing the music for the ceremony. All of the sudden Rob will start talking about how much Bruno Mars you had on your playlist for the engagement party, and how he wonders if you’ve ever been to one of his concerts because they’re ‘great fun’. He’ll ask after you. How things are going at EP Designs, if you’re enjoying London. That kind of thing.”
My heart did a neat little somersault inside my chest. He’d noticed the Bruno Mars?
“He really asks about me?”
Emily nodded, one long dip of her head. “Does it all the time. Made us think you two might still be an item.”
“We’re not,” I said. And then I repeated it to myself: we are not an item. Never could be. At least according to Rob.
“I was sorry to hear about you and Philip.” Emily cleared her throat. “You seem to be a little torn up about it.”
Philip’s not the one I’m torn up about, I wanted to say. I’d tell Emily everything eventually. Just not right now. Not before the wedding. I knew she’d stress about Rob and I interacting so much after what had gone down between us.
I managed a tight smile. “You were right. We weren’t a good match.”
“You’ll find your forever man.” Em patted my shoulder. “In the meantime, let’s have some fun. I’m going to change real quick. Then you wanna have a drink? I think I saw a bar by the pool on our way in.”
I took a deep breath. Leaving my stateroom meant seeing Rob.
For weeks now I’d thought about this moment. Dreamed of it. But now that it was here, I wasn’t ready.
I felt equal parts wired and exhausted. Flying halfway across the world would do that to you.
Apparently I wasn’t the only one feeling a full day of travel. Em wrinkled her nose, like she smelled something bad. Or was about to puke.
“You all right there killer?” I asked.
“Yeah.” She put a hand on her stomach. “Just a little seasickness, I think. Although…”
“Although what?”
“I’ve been pretty stressed lately—”
“You’re only planning the wedding of the century,” I said, grinning. “No big deal.”
“But my period is a day late. It’s never happened before.”
My heart skipped a beat. I just stared at her. There was a reason Em and I were best friends. We were both responsible to a fault. Careful. Thoughtful in every decision we made. An unplanned pregnancy would be so unlike her.
“Wait. You think there’s a chance you’re pregnant?”
She blinked, her eyes widening. Then she shook her head. “No. No, I can’t be. I’m on the pill. Kit and I are always so careful.”
“Then I’m sure it’s just seasickness. Or maybe even jet lag. We could grab a test, though, if you wanted to be sure?”
Em chewed on her lip for a minute.
“Nah, I think I’m fine,” she said at last, waving me away.
I patted her back. “You’ll find your sea legs. Some food will probably help.”
She perked up at that. “Some food will definitely help. Meet me on deck in five?”
“Sounds good,” I said, pasting on a smile.
I just hoped—dear God I hoped—Rob kept his shirt on. I could resist his smirk. His eyes. But the shoulders and abs and groin-hip-v-thing?
Save. My. Soul.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Rob
I was stirring a little more whiskey into my Coke with my finger when I heard footsteps on the stairs leading up to the deck.
A laugh—a girl’s laugh—rose over the gentle rustle of the water three meters below.
Aly.
My stomach clenched; my heart took off at a sprint. I leapt to my feet. Adjusted the waist of my trunks. Tried to make it look like I hadn’t been thinking about her all day. All week.
All month.
I had to calm the fuck down. I’d ended things between us in no uncertain terms. I’d made it clear that I didn’t deserve her. Nothing had changed since then.
Nothing, including how much I missed her. Craved her.
Sipping on my drink—shit, that was toxic—I squeezed my eyes shut. I had to stay in control around her. Now that I knew how she felt about me, there could be no fuck ups. Not if I didn’t want to hurt her.
I opened them, and there she was on the deck. With her hair down in this ridiculous itty-bitty thing she was passing off as a dress. All lips and legs.
Legs that went on for fucking days.
Jesus Christ.
She was with Kit and Emily and a few of their friends. Aly was smiling. A smile that faded a little bit when she saw me. She was wearing sunglasses, so I couldn’t see her eyes. But I felt them raking over me, over my bare shoulders and skin.
I was assaulted with guilt. Want. Excitement. All at once.
I could hardly fucking breathe. How had I forgotten how pretty she was? How confident and sexy?
“Hey,” she said. She offered me a little wave.
“Hey, Aly,” I said. “Get in okay?”
She nodded. “Yeah. You?”
“Fine.” Awkward pause. “You look well.”
“Yeah. Yeah, you too,” she said, tucking her hair behind her ear. That perfect little ear, the lobe studded with a star-shaped earring. Simple. Pretty.
My fingers tightened around my plastic cup. There were a thousand questions I wanted to ask her. A million things I wanted to talk to her about.
I wanted to take her to my room and peel that dress off her and make her come. I’d heard from Kit that she and Philip were no longer an item. Did that mean she was just coming on her own? Or had she found someone new to get her there? Someone less fucked up than me?
I couldn’t. Couldn’t touch her.
“Quite the friend you have.” She tipped her chin at the ship around us. “This thing is ridiculous.”
“Going to be a great weekend.” I looked away at the water. At anything but her. “Weather’s supposed to be good.”
“You’ll let me know if I can help with anything?”
“You just have a good time, yeah? Relax and enjoy.”
I glanced at her. Her brow was furrowed. My heart dipped. This small talk bullshit was killing her, too. “Robert—”
The deck beneath our feet shuddered. A beat later, the engines rumbled to life in the bowels of the ship. We were due to sail around at sunset (early this time of year), stopping in Nassau later tonight where we’d head out to some clubs.
Kit let out a hoot. “Time to get the party started!”
I looked at Aly. I wanted her to finish her thought—I wanted to know what she was thinking—but I had no right. The less we interacted, the better. I had to keep her at arm’s length. No matter how much I wanted to pull her close.
And this was Kit’s weekend anyway. He and Em had to come first.
“That’s my cue,” I said, hooking a thumb over my shoulder.
Aly let out a little laugh. “Go do your best man thing.”
We looked at each other for another heartbeat. Then another.
I miss you, I wanted to say. So fucking bad.
“See you later,” I said instead, and turned away.
Later That Night
The bass thumped, causing the ice in my whiskey and Coke to shake against the glass. It was just past midnight, and the club was packed. Colored lasers zoomed over the crowd as it undulated to the beat. It was loud and hot and smoky.
It was also filled with creepers. Aly was in the middle of the dance floor with Emily and the other girls. So far, no one had bothered them. But I watched blokes begin to circle them f
rom my perch at the bar, my back to the counter. It wasn’t my place to step in. Maybe Aly wanted to talk to guys, I didn’t know. But if one of them touched her—
“Why are you doing this to yourself?”
I looked up at the same moment Kit nudged a beer into my hand.
I decided it was best if I played dumb. I didn’t feel like talking right now. I just wanted to watch Aly dance while mentally snapping the necks of every man who stepped within a twenty foot radius of her.
“Doing what?” I said, tipping back my cocktail.
“You like her,” he said. “Aly. And she likes you. But you’re being an idiot and pushing her away.”
I shot him a glare. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do.”
I looked away. Took another quick, vicious pull of whiskey. “She’s a nice girl, Kit. Blokes like me hurt girls like that.”
“Blokes like you?” he cocked a brow. “You mean blokes like Alexander.”
“I am Alexander.”
“Fine.” Kit met my gaze head on. “You are just like him. You’ve shagged the entire city of London since you and Aly stopped hooking up.”
I took a long, slow sip of my drink. Shook my head. “No. I haven’t slept with anyone.”
Kit cocked an eyebrow. “See? You aren’t like him. Not at all. Think about it, Rob. You haven’t looked at another girl all night. Hell, you haven’t looked at another girl in months. He was always looking at women. You remember—his wandering eye never rested.”
I wanted to fight Kit on this. But what he said was true on both counts. I’d had no interest in women lately. Women who weren’t Aly, anyway. And Alexander had ogled until his dying day. Literally—I’d watched him flirt with his hospice nurse hours before he died.
The heaviness in my chest lightened. Just a bit.
“I’ve learned a lot from being with Em,” Kit said. “She taught me I didn’t need to protect everyone all the time. Just like you don’t have to punish yourself for having a good time in your twenties. You’ve been a bit wild. So what? Lots of people are. Doesn’t mean you’ll be that way forever. Maybe you just haven’t met the right girl until now.” He turned around and rested his elbows on the bar behind him. “Yeah, you’re Alexander’s grandson. But you’re also related to dad. And dad was really, really good to mummy, Rob. He made her happy.”
I watched Aly throw her hands up when a Bruno Mars song came on. Her smile was infectiously huge as she sang the words to the song. I wanted to be out there with her. I wanted her to curl those arms around my neck so I could pull her close.
I wanted to be with her. All the damn time. Day and night. Right now.
I sighed. “She wants it all, Kit. The relationship. The ring. The Volvo.”
“A Volvo? What?”
I waved him away. “Inside joke.”
“You guys have inside jokes?” He elbowed me. “Listen, mate. She wants you.”
Another sip of whiskey. “What if I hurt her?”
“You’re hurting her now, Rob. I see it in your faces. I don’t believe you’re inherently a wanker. But you’re definitely acting like one.” He tapped the butt of his bottle to mine. “So take your head out of your ass and go get your girl. We’re all bloody terrified. Relationships are a scary thing. Do it anyway. Try it with her anyway, Robert. You think you won’t end up destroyed and bitter like our grandparents if you keep her at arm’s length. But that’s exactly what’s going to happen if you keep this up. We all deserve a happy ending. You can have yours, but you’ve just got to give yourself a chance.”
I finished my cocktail so I didn’t have to meet Kit’s gaze. So he couldn’t see the way my eyes were watering.
My heart was hammering inside my chest. Damn it. He was right. I was hurting Aly. I was being a jackass. The things I’d tried to avoid were happening anyway.
I looked back out onto the floor. Aly was still dancing. Still smiling. Our eyes met.
I swore I’d stop falling for this girl, and it was happening anyway.
All this time, I should’ve believed her when she’d said I was a good guy. That I couldn’t be more different from my grandfather. She’d looked at me like I was thoughtful, kind, responsible. Treated me like it, too. Like an equal. I should have believed her, just like I was believing Kit right now, because it was true. It killed me, thinking about everything we’d already missed out on because I was a bleeding idiot.
I was one lucky bastard to have found her. Now I just had to keep her.
I tugged a hand through my hair and cursed. I’d never meant for any of this to go down. But here we were.
This was my last chance.
“Thanks for that,” I said gruffly.
Kit clapped me on the back. “Any time. I mean all of it, Rob. ”
I looked at him. I don’t know where the question came from, but suddenly it was there inside my head. Refusing to be ignored.
“Aly told me,” I said. “About how your engagement to Em wasn’t real in the beginning.”
Kit swallowed. His eyes cut to meet mine.
“I understand why you didn’t tell me at the beginning,” I continued. “But why didn’t you tell me after? When you proposed to Em for the second time—for real?”
He hung his head, shaking it slowly. Passed his beer from one hand to the other.
“I thought about telling you.” He lifted his head and looked at me. “But I didn’t want to put that on your plate. You were still torn up about Alexander’s death when it happened. I knew you were struggling to tell up from down.” He shrugged. “Em and I—we’ve found our fairy tale. But we had go through hell to get it. I suppose I wanted you to see only the good part—I wanted you to see that goodness and happiness in a relationship really do exist, and that you can have them, too.”
It was my turn to swallow. “You were looking out for me. I appreciate that. I still wish you’d told me.”
“I’m sorry, Rob. Really.”
I looked at him. Then I pulled him into a hug. He let out an oomphf.
“So go be happy with Aly,” he managed. “Be good to her. I know you can.”
I hoped he was right.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rob
I set my empty beer on the bar and rolled my neck. It was getting late. The opportunity to make my move was slipping through my fingers with each passing minute.
My hands were shaking.
I was tempted to get another beer. Liquid courage was better than no courage at all. But I didn’t want to be messed up for this. If she shot me down—I wouldn’t blame her if she did—I wanted to feel the pain. All of it.
Because I wanted to feel all the joy if she said yes.
I looked at Aly across the club. Still dancing. Still smiling. Gorgeous and lit up and hot hot hot in that little black dress.
Kit joined in. He went right for Emily. Like horny teenagers, they immediately started sucking each others’ faces. They were clearly lost in their own world, oblivious to anything—and anyone—else.
Aly turned away, eyebrows up to her scalp as she began to dance on her own. She sipped her beer. Kept dancing. The creepers were circling closer now.
Fuck it. I was going in.
I pushed off the bar, my pulse marching in my ears as I made my way into the throng. I tugged my baseball hat low on my forehead. By some miracle, we hadn’t been recognized. I wanted to keep it that way.
I sidled up behind Aly. Ducked down to murmur in her ear.
“Sweetheart.”
Her head turned, hair moving over the ball of her shoulder. I resisted the urge to bite that shoulder. Take it in my mouth.
My heart seized when her eyes fell on my face. Her smile faded. Her eyes went wide. She stopped dancing.
“Hey,” she said. “Everything okay?”
I shook my head. “Can we talk?”
She glanced at the bride-to-be. Emily was currently grinding on Kit, her head thrown back as she butchered the lyrics
to “Back that Ass Up”.
“They’re gone for the night,” I said.
Aly scoffed. Tipped back her beer. “You’re right. Doesn’t mean I want to talk to you, though.”
I let my head fall back. That was fair.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
Aly held her fingers to her ear. “What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”
“I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “Still can’t hear.” Her eyes met mine.
“I’m sorry!” I shouted.
“I can’t hear you,” she sang. She was biting back a smile again.
I hated this game.
“I’m sorry!” I shouted, so loud that people turned to look at me.
Aly pursed her lips. “Okay. I heard it that time.”
“Can we talk now? Please?”
Setting her beer on a nearby ledge, she turned to glance at Em and Kit again. Now they were engaged in what appeared to be illegal sexual activity in public.
Good for them.
Aly turned back to me. “Yeah. We can talk.”
We walked down the hill toward the dock where the tender back to the Siren was waiting. It was past one in the morning, but the streets were bustling with late night revelers. The further we walked, the quieter it got.
Aly was careful to keep her distance. The light from a street lamp caught on her skin, glinting off her forearms and thighs. She looked so beautiful it made my chest ache.
I’d never felt like this about a girl. Ever. I still had to fight the impulse to pull away. Deeming myself unworthy had become second nature. I did it almost automatically.
I hoped to God that Kit was right. That Aly was, too. Even now, my hands curled into fists at the thought of hurting her.
“I’m sorry,” I said without preamble. “I fucked up.”
Her eyes met mine. She didn’t say anything.
“I feel horrible about the things I said. I didn’t mean any of it. You were right—I was trying to push you away. Like an idiot.”
Royal Rebel: An Enemies-to-Lovers Romance (Flings With Kings) Page 15
