by Lisa Jordan
Stephen pried the hymnal from Lindsey’s stiff fingers, closed it and slid it into the holder. Placing a hand at the small of her back, he leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Let’s get out of here.”
She kept her gaze on the carpet so she wouldn’t have to see the raised eyebrows coupled with looks of pity. She tuned out the whispers and allowed Stephen to usher her down the aisle.
In the foyer, he paused to grab his jacket. They slipped out the front door.
Hand still at Lindsey’s back, Stephen guided her past the church, up Center Street, toward Triangle Park. Vehicles lined both sides of the street. Wood smoke from one of the houses they passed fragranced the air. They sidestepped two giggling girls playing hopscotch on the sidewalk. A car drove by and honked. Stephen raised his hand in acknowledgment.
Their path snaked along the river. Stephen spied a nearby bench that overlooked the water. A nearby weeping willow swept low, grazing the grass with the tips of its cascading branches and canopying the bench with privacy. He steered her off the sidewalk, through the grass and to the bench. Two ducks waddled up the bank, passed them and pecked the ground.
Lindsey sat. She stared at the water while her neatly polished fingers opened and closed the clasp on her gold watch.
Stephen glanced at it. Then looked again. Yep. That was the watch he had given her for her twenty-second birthday. Either she really liked it— No, he wasn’t going to let his imagination run wild. Reality was crazy enough to deal with. He didn’t need to create a fantasy world where he imagined Lindsey was still in love with him. She’d made her feelings pretty clear.
He shoved his hands into his pockets, jingling coins. He pulled out a shiny penny and handed it to her.
Frowning, Lindsey reached for it. “What’s that for?”
“Penny for your thoughts?”
“I doubt they’d be worth that much.” She placed it back in his hand and curled his fingers around it.
“Try me. It can’t be that bad.”
Her nostrils flared as she clenched her jaw. “Your penny. Don’t ask for a refund.” Her back as stiff as the iron armrest, Lindsey drew her sweater tighter around her middle. Legs crossed at the knees, she swung her booted foot back and forth quickly.
“You’ve never been a drama queen, Linds. What happened at church?” He hoped his questions came off as casual instead of accusatory.
“He’s gone. And he’s not coming back.” She reached down and brushed dried mud off the toe of her boot. A slight breeze waltzed with a lock of her honey-blond hair.
Tired of playing by the rules, Stephen twirled the hair loosely around his finger before tucking it behind her ear. He wanted to rest her head on his shoulder so he could weave the rest of her silky strands through his fingers. Instead, he cupped her shoulder and squeezed gently. “No, honey, he’s not.”
“I know that. I’m not crazy, you know.” She gave him a sharp look, then returned her gaze to the water. Her foot stopped moving. Her shoulders sagged. “It’s not like I talk to him, expecting him to show up or anything. But…” Her voice hitched as her chest shuddered. “I miss him. I miss him so much that my heart feels like it’s being scraped with a carrot peeler.” A tear slid down her cheek.
Stephen thumbed the wetness from her face. “I know. I do, too.”
Lindsey flicked off a small leaf that had settled on the razor-edged crease of her trousers. “Mom has her second chance with Max. I’m happy for her, for both of them. It’s just, when I saw him sitting next to her—in Dad’s place—well, I realized everyone else has moved on.” Her voice choked. “I’m the only one clinging to his memory.”
“Why do you think that is, Linds?”
Brushing the back of her hand across her cheek, she shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s almost as if—”
“What?”
“If I let him go, he’s gone. Forever.”
Stephen slid an arm around her and pulled her against him. He rested his cheek against her hair, inhaling the fruity fragrance of her shampoo. “You’re only human. God never placed the responsibility of clinging to his memory on your shoulders. You took that on all by yourself. By holding on to your grief, you’re allowing your father’s memory to have power over you.”
He turned and tilted her chin up so she would meet his eyes. “When you’re ready to give it back to God, His hands are open. Our time on Earth is temporary, Linds. You’ll have eternity with your dad in Heaven. Let it go. Give it up to God. But the choice has to be yours.”
She pulled out of his embrace and slid over to the edge of the bench—as far away from him as she could possibly get. “It’s not that easy.”
“Why not?”
“God let me down. He could have saved Dad. Instead He let him die.”
“So you’re angry at God?”
“Aren’t you?”
Stephen shook his head. “When your dad died, I lost a mentor and a close friend. My heart ached, but I didn’t blame it on God. He didn’t kill your dad. Hank Earle did.”
Her head jerked up. “What? You know who killed him?”
Stephen could have kicked himself for the slip. He didn’t want her finding out this way. Rubbing a hand over his face, he told Lindsey what he knew. “I promise you, we’re doing everything we can to find him. He will pay for his crime.”
“God could have stopped it. Then none of this would have happened.” She jumped up and stomped to the edge of the bank.
“But He chose not to.” Stephen moved to his feet. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he joined her, but kept a couple of feet between them. “I don’t have the answers, Linds. God is a whole lot smarter than me. Everything He does or doesn’t do has a purpose. If you allow your grief, your bitterness, to consume you, you’ll miss out on many blessings and seeing God’s riches.”
Lindsey snorted. The unladylike sound tugged up the corners of Stephen’s lips. “God doesn’t want to use me. He tuned me out years ago.”
“Is that what you really think? Or is it a cop-out for something deeper.”
“Don’t you get it? I prayed, Stephen. The entire time Dad was on the operating table, I prayed. And God ignored me. He ignored Mom. He turned His back on us.”
Stephen snapped off a willow leaf and ran it through his fingers. “Growing up, did your father ever tell you no?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” She scowled at him.
“Did he?”
Shrugging, Lindsey crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, yeah, I guess.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. He was my dad. He didn’t always give me a reason. I guess he wanted to protect me. He knew what was best for me.”
“Exactly. God’s the same way. His word is flawless. He is our shield when we take refuge in Him.”
“It’s not the same. God abandoned me. Just like my dad. Just like…”
“Just like who, Linds?”
“You, Stephen. You rejected me. Abandoned me when I needed you most.” Her words were merely a whisper in the wind, almost as if she were afraid to say them out loud. But he heard. Each word piercing his soul and drawing blood.
“I hated you. You broke my heart. I never wanted to lay eyes on you again. I didn’t think I’d ever recover from such pain.”
“Do you still hate me?”
She shook her head.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. But I had to do what was right.”
“Right for whom?”
“For all of us. You. Me. Bethany. Tyler.”
“But why did you have to marry her?”
“It was the honorable thing to do, Lindsey. I was so drunk the night I was with her that I didn’t even know her last name. I was UA for duty—”
“UA?”
“Unauthorized absence.
“I overslept. I reported for duty and got reamed by my commanding officer for sleeping with his daughter. He revoked my 96 chit—my four-day-leave pass. I was supposed to com
e home for Melissa’s wedding. I missed my own sister’s wedding because I partied too hard. Melissa didn’t speak to me for six months.”
“I remember.”
“I disgraced my family. I worked hard to regain their trust. I wanted to become a cop. Your dad, he was the best mentor a rookie could ask for. Thom was a straight shooter. Told me I had to get my head screwed on straight if I was going to be worth anything. So I did. I worked hard. I met you. I thought my life was going in the right direction.”
“Then Bethany showed up with your child.”
“What choice did she have? Her dad kicked her out when he found out she was pregnant. She tried making it on her own for two years, but she was young, alone, scared—and very sick. Ending our engagement was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. You have to believe that. But I had to do the honorable thing.”
“Do you miss her?”
He could pretend he didn’t understand, but they’d both know he was lying. He rubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah, Linds. I do. When we exchanged vows, I took them seriously. Crazy, considering we were basically two strangers who had a child together. Over time, I grew to love her. We shared a bond. Probably more like close friends than husband and wife, but it was there. I’m thankful she was part of my life. She taught me a lot. She was a terrific mother. And, well, because of her, I was a better husband, a better person. I have no regrets about my marriage. I hope you can forgive me someday for hurting you as deeply as I did.”
“I don’t think I can do that yet, Stephen.” She rubbed her arms. “I think we should be heading back. I’m getting chilly.” Lindsey turned to walk away, but Stephen caught her arm.
“I can’t do more than apologize. I can’t go back and erase the past—I’m not so sure I would even if I could. It’s a part of who I am today. Pain can be a wonderful teacher. Because it is so costly, God doesn’t want us to waste it. Even though you may feel justified in holding on to that pain and anger toward me, your forgiveness needs to come freely. As it stands, it’s too expensive—more than I can afford.”
Chapter Ten
She didn’t want to go into Cuppa Josie’s, but when Melissa called and invited her to lunch, Lindsey couldn’t say no. Couldn’t she have picked a different place? In Melissa’s defense, she didn’t know Lindsey hadn’t met Max’s daughter, Josie. Looked as if that was about to change.
Lindsey’s head pounded. Mostly from crying herself to sleep last night. When she had finally made it back to her mother’s house, the last thing she had wanted was to argue with her. Nothing had gone right from the moment her borrowed car edged into the city limits. She couldn’t wait to shake the dust of this town off her feet and hole up in her inn where life wasn’t so challenging.
Expelling a deep breath, Lindsey pulled open the smoke-colored glass door with a steaming cup etched in white and stepped inside Cuppa Josie’s. She inhaled the aroma of the different blends lingering in the air. The whirring and swishing sounds of the cappuccino machine competed with the chatter coming from the table where the Tea Grannies talked over their teacups. Men and women in business attire stood in line texting or had their cell phones molded to their ears. How could they hear with all the noise?
Two teenagers slumped on the couch in front of the gas fireplace, their hands wrapped around stout bistro mugs. Shouldn’t they be in school?
Her eyes flicked across the prints of Italian outdoor cafés hanging on the frosted blue walls as she scouted the room for Melissa.
Not seeing her, Lindsey slid onto an upholstered high stool at the marbled window counter and pushed a votive candle nestled in a bed of coffee beans out of the way. The flame dipped and flickered, but stayed lit.
The curvaceous dark-haired barista behind the counter wore an ice-blue apron with chocolate trim. She had her espresso-colored hair pulled back into a ponytail, exposing high cheekbones and a graceful neck. Her full-lipped smile stayed in place, despite the busyness of her hands. From Max’s description, the woman had to be his daughter, Josie.
She tried not to stare, but the way the woman pumped, swirled and poured, it looked kind of like creating art in a cup. As she chatted and laughed with customers, her warmth radiated inside the café, making everyone feel at home.
The door opened. Lindsey dragged her attention away from the woman to see Melissa breezing in with a swirl of leaves at her feet. Melissa fluffed her hair and shrugged out of her jacket as she glanced around the room. Jacket now slung over her arm, she rubbed her lower back.
Lindsey slid off the stool and weaved through the maze of tables. She gave Melissa a hug. “Hey, glad you made it.”
“Sorry I’m late. What a crazy morning. After hanging up the phone from talking with you, Nate called and asked me to find some information for him at the church. He’s out of town at a district ministerial meeting. And now with all the Center Street construction, I couldn’t find a parking spot close to Josie’s, so I drove home and walked the three blocks. Such a beautiful day anyway. I should have done that in the first place. Just not in these new boots.” Melissa popped up her foot to show Lindsey the heels on her boots.
She linked her arm through Lindsey’s. “Have you been waiting long? It smells so good in here. I’m sick of my own cooking. Let’s order and find a table. Wow, I didn’t expect this place to be so packed. Josie must be running a good special or something.”
“Melissa?”
“What?”
“Take a breath.”
Melissa laughed. “I’m talking too much again, aren’t I? Stephen said my baby is going to be born with a cell phone in one hand and a megaphone in the other.” Melissa dropped her jacket on a two-seater that had just opened. “Josie serves the best coffee in town, but that’s nothing compared to her pastries. Oh, girl, they are to die for. They add pounds to the hips simply by staring.”
They took their place in line, which moved fairly quickly. Lindsey read the daily specials written on the whiteboard and decided on the white chicken chili and a chai latte. Melissa ordered the same and then decided against the chai before settling on a decaf mocha latte. They headed back to their table.
Melissa settled on her chair and rubbed her back, a frown creasing her forehead.
Lindsey touched her hand. “Hey, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I must have pulled something when I got out of bed this morning. Not an easy task these days.” She laughed as she massaged her bump.
“How many more weeks?”
“Three. Sometimes it feels like infinity.”
Josie brought their lattes to the table. “Hey, Melissa. Sorry I missed the shower. Hannah and I were out of town.”
“We missed you. Josie, you’ve met Lindsey, right?”
The woman smiled at Lindsey. “No, I’m sorry. We haven’t met.”
“Seriously?” Melissa’s mouth flopped open.
If the butterflies in Lindsey’s stomach hadn’t taken that moment to do a rousing Lindy Hop, she may have laughed out loud at Melissa’s expression. Instead, she stirred the whipped cream into her latte. She put her spoon on her napkin and wiped her hand on her khakis before holding it out to Josie. “Lindsey Porter.”
Josie took it. “Josie Peretti. Nice to meet— Oh, Porter. Lindsey. Oh, stupid me.” She thunked the heel of her hand against her forehead. “I can be such a dork at times. You’re Grace’s daughter. I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“I really wish I could say the same. I mean, it’s nice to meet you, but the hearing-much-about-you part. I just learned my mom is dating your dad.”
Josie gave her a sympathetic smile. “Yeah, I heard. I’d so kill my dad if he did that to me. I’m really sorry about that.”
“No worries. Your dad seems like a nice guy.”
“He’s the best. You truly have nothing to fear with him. He treats your mom really well, but it’s so easy to do. She’s a great lady. Well, if you’ll excuse me, I have to tend to my other customers. Nice meetin
g you, Lindsey. Please come in sometime when it’s not so crazy busy. I’d love to chat and get to know you better.”
“Thanks, I will.” Lindsey gave her a little wave and then turned her attention to Melissa. “She seems nice.”
“I’m such a doofus, Linds. Why didn’t you say something when I suggested eating here?”
“Not a big deal, Mel. I’d have met her sooner or later.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“Forget about it. I’m a big girl. I’m fine. Really.” She clasped her hands under the table.
“Okay, if you’re sure. Hey, thanks for the baby outfits you brought to the shower. They were so adorable. I didn’t get a chance to thank you after the shower. Why did you sneak out without saying goodbye?”
“Everyone was oohing and aahing over the baby cradle. Don’t get me wrong. It’s gorgeous. Stephen did a fantastic job—he has such great hands—” Melissa laughed.
Heat crawled across Lindsey’s cheekbones. “I meant to say he’s very talented. I just, I don’t know.”
“Oh, honey. Your time will come.”
“I don’t exactly have men knocking on my door these days unless they’re married and checking into the inn.” She sipped her chai latte. The creamy sweetness slid down her throat like warm honey.
“You have a little cream on your nose.” Melissa pointed to her own nose.
Lindsey wiped off the cream with her napkin and smiled. “I’m going to miss you when I go back to Maple Valley.”
“I wish you didn’t have to go.”
“You know I can’t stay here.”
Josie returned to their table with steaming bowls of chili. “Enjoy, ladies. Let me know if you need anything else.”
Melissa grabbed Lindsey’s hand. “Mind if I pray?” Without waiting for a response, she closed her eyes and asked God’s blessing over the food. She shifted in her seat and rubbed the small of her back. “My back is still killing me. I guess the baby can’t get comfortable, either.” She laughed, but then pressed her lips together and squeezed her eyes shut.
