by Kate Hardy
‘It’s not an option for me,’ she said. ‘I lost a baby at twenty-eight weeks, Daniel. Yes, I know that right now our baby could be considered as little more than a collection of cells, but I just can’t...’ She blew out a breath. ‘I told her no.’
‘I’m glad,’ he said. ‘Because that’s how I feel.’
‘OK. So we’re agreed that we’re keeping the baby. That leads us to the next decision we have to make,’ she said. ‘Do we raise the child together, or will I be a single parent?’
‘You and me. A family,’ he said. ‘We could do that.’
‘There’s not just us to consider,’ she said.
He could have kissed her for that; it told him that she wasn’t going to push Iain away.
‘How would Iain feel about it? About us all living together, about the baby?’
‘Iain hasn’t stopped talking about you since you fixed his arm on the football field. I don’t know if it’s that, the fact you play trains with him, your brownies, or that amazing day out you organised at the Planetarium—he adores you and he’s forever asking me when we can see you next,’ Daniel said. ‘I think I can safely say he’d be happy about it. But, I warn you, if you live with us you’ll have to put up with hours and hours of questions from him.’
‘He’s bright.’ She smiled. ‘He’ll come up with interesting questions. I’ll enjoy that.’
‘On a Friday night, when I’m tired and I can’t think of answers, it’ll be nice to have someone else to come up with suggestions.’ He paused. ‘So how about you? Is that what you want?’
‘All I can think about right now,’ she admitted, ‘is how scared I am that everything’s going to go wrong.’
‘There’s a fairly big part of my head doing the same right now,’ he said. ‘But then I think of my little boy. Things did go wrong for us, but we’ve muddled through and we’re doing OK.’
She swallowed hard. ‘My situation didn’t have an option for muddling through.’
‘What happened to you,’ he said softly, ‘was terrible. I’m sorry you lost the baby, and I’m sorry that you were so low you didn’t want to be in this world any more. But there’s an inner strength to you, Beatrice. You got through it. And you know what we said about this being our second chance?’
She said nothing, but he could see a spark of hope in the fear in her beautiful blue eyes. And he wanted to fan that hope into a proper flame. ‘Maybe this baby is part of that second chance. Yes, we both have fears—even though we’re doctors and we know the risks are small, we’re human so of course we’re going to worry that the past will repeat itself—that you’ll have an abruption, putting the baby at risk, and that I won’t spot any signs of postnatal depression and I’ll let you down. But we can talk about our fears instead of shutting them away inside, and then they’ll lose their power to hurt us.’
The hope in her eyes brightened and then dimmed again. ‘I let you down. I knew what had happened with Jenny, and I shouldn’t have just walked out on you. I should’ve at least told you that I’d come here.’
‘You said yourself that you panicked. If I put myself in your shoes—well, maybe I would’ve done the same thing,’ he said. ‘And at least you called me a couple of hours later. You didn’t let it get to the stage where I had people looking for you, worried sick that something had happened.’
‘I was so looking forward to going away with you,’ she said. ‘I thought it was going to be a romantic weekend where we’d spend time together and get closer. Sunshine and sand and the sound of the sea.’
‘That’s what I wanted, too,’ he said.
‘We’ve only known each other a few weeks. The way I saw it, we’d keep dating for a while and we’d get closer, and then maybe we’d fall in love. We’d make a family with Iain when we were ready and we’d all got used to the idea. But the baby’s changed all that.’
‘Has it? Maybe it’s just changed the timescale a bit,’ he said.
‘So, what—we make a family and then hope we fall in love?’
Did that mean she didn’t feel the same way about him? Or was she trying to be brave and breezy and not put any pressure on him?
If she didn’t love him, he had nothing to lose.
If she did love him and she was trying to be brave because she didn’t think he loved her, then he had everything to gain.
‘I didn’t say the order had changed, just the timescale,’ he pointed out.
Her eyes went wide. ‘So are you saying...?’
‘I’m saying you’re right, we haven’t known each other for very long—but we’ve known each other for long enough for me to know that I love you,’ he said. ‘There’s you at work, all kind and calm and professional. You’re very easy to like. But it’s not just the fact I like you. It’s not just a physical thing, either, even though you’re gorgeous and, as Iain says, you have hair like a princess. It’s you. The woman who talks to me last thing at night so I go to sleep smiling. The woman who makes chocolate cake that I actually enjoy eating, and believe me I’ve had more than thirty years of loathing chocolate cake. The woman who dances with me in her kitchen and makes me feel as if I’m walking on air. It’s you. The way you make me feel. When I’m with you I feel that I’m living, not just existing.’
‘That’s how I feel about you, too,’ she whispered. ‘That I’m living, not just existing. That there’s always something to look forward to in a day, whether it’s a walk in the park or talking to you on the phone before I go to sleep, or drinking Prosecco in the sunset on my patio. I like being with you.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘And I hurt you today. I was a coward. Instead of talking to you, I ran away—just like Jenny did. I hurt you.’
‘Yes, you did.’ It was only fair to acknowledge it, now they were being honest with each other. ‘But I understand why.’ He paused. ‘And you could always try kissing me better.’
‘I could.’
The flicker of hope in her eyes was now the blaze he’d wanted it to be. He opened his arms, and she stepped into them.
And then she kissed him.
It was slow and sweet at first, even a little shy. But then he let her deepen the kiss and he wrapped his arms tightly round her. This was where he wanted to be. With her. Holding her. Loving her. Being part of her life.
When she broke the kiss, they were both shaking.
‘I love you, too, Daniel,’ she said. ‘And I want to be a family with you. The two of us, Iain and our baby. And the extended family—I like your mum, and I think you’ll get on just fine with my lot. I’d like to be friends with Jenny, so she’ll know she’s always welcome in your life. And it really doesn’t matter whether we get married or not, as long as we’re together.’ She stroked her face. ‘But I think we shouldn’t move in together until we’re sure that Iain’s happy with the situation. That he knows you’re still his dad; that although I’m not his biological mum and I’d never try to push Jenny out, I’d like him to think of me as his other mum; and that he’s going to have another little brother or sister to boss around.’
‘Agreed,’ he said.
‘And,’ she added, ‘I’m going to try and push past all the fears. I don’t want our pasts to get in the way of our future and I know you’ll have my back—just as I’ll have yours.’
‘Always,’ he said, and kissed her.
EPILOGUE
A year later
‘THE PLANETARIUM?’ BEATRICE ASKED. ‘I love it here, darling, but I’m not sure your baby brother’s quite old enough to come here.’
‘But, Mum,’ Iain said plaintively, ‘it’s my favourite place—well, except Great-great-great-uncle Sebastian’s observatory on Grampa’s roof, and maybe the park if we’re playing football.’
‘Let’s do the park and play football today, and then we can come to the Planetarium another day, when one of your grandmothers or your mum can look after Rowan for us,
’ Beatrice suggested.
Iain shook his head. ‘But he’ll love it, Mum. He loves the starry sky lights I chose him.’
The light show that played constellations, the moon and the sun over the ceiling. They’d chosen it together after the twenty-week scan—which Iain had come to with them, and had been convinced that his new baby brother had waved to him, so Iain had been adamant that the starry sky light should be his ‘welcome to the world’ present to his baby brother.
‘He might start crying in the middle of the show,’ Beatrice said gently, ‘and that isn’t fair to all the other people who came to see it.’
‘But we have to go,’ Iain said, hopping from foot to foot. ‘Tell, her, Dad!’
‘I’m with Iain. My vote’s for the Planetarium today,’ Daniel said with a smile.
She was all for the father-son bond, but the pair of them really hadn’t thought this through properly. ‘What if Rowan starts crying in the middle of the show?’ Beatrice asked again.
Daniel coughed and indicated the fast asleep baby in the pram he was pushing. ‘I’m pretty sure he’s out for the count.’
‘He might wake up.’
‘Mum. It’s our special place because we live in London and we can’t always go to Great-great-great-uncle Sebastian’s observatory,’ Iain said. ‘I know he’ll love it there. Please.’
Daniel produced an envelope from his back pocket. ‘We’ve got VIP tickets, as it’s Rowan’s first time at the Planetarium.’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake. You’ve got more money than sense,’ Beatrice said, rolling her eyes. ‘And if your son does start crying in the middle of the show, Daniel Capaldi, you’ll be the one taking him out and checking his nappy.’ She put her hands on her hips and stared at Iain. ‘And you’ll be going with your dad, Iain Capaldi, to hold the nappy bag. And if it’s a really stinky one, it’ll serve you both right.’ But her indignation was mostly for show. She loved Iain’s enthusiasm for the stars, she loved the fact that he’d wanted to call her ‘Mum’ as well as Jenny—with Jenny’s blessing—and she loved the fact he wanted to share everything with his new baby brother.
Life with her new family was pretty much perfect. Although she and Daniel had worried about the pregnancy and what would happen afterwards, her maternity team had kept a close eye on her throughout the pregnancy and reassured them both. She’d flinched every time she’d got behind the wheel of the car in her twenty-eighth week, but she’d made herself drive to help her put the past behind her, and Daniel had been there to reassure her that everything would be just fine. And it had been; she got to the twenty-ninth week, and finally she could put the fears behind her.
Everything had gone smoothly for the rest of her pregnancy, and Rowan had decided to make his appearance on his actual due date rather than surprising them early or making them wait longer.
After Rowan’s birth, it had been Daniel’s turn to be twitchy and Beatrice’s turn to reassure him. As the days passed and she hadn’t shown any sign of postnatal depression, he’d begun to relax. Now Rowan was three months old, happy and healthy; they’d moved from Daniel’s flat to a house with a garden and the potential promise of getting a rescue dog. And the world felt full of sunshine.
The auditorium was remarkably empty, Beatrice thought as they made their way inside. ‘Are we super-early for the show?’ she asked Daniel as they took their seats—ones she’d chosen as near to the door as possible, so they could make a quick and quiet exit with the baby if they needed to.
‘No, we’re right on time,’ Daniel said.
‘But nobody else is here.’
‘We’ve got VIP tickets, Mum,’ Iain reminded her. ‘Especially for Rowan’s first show.’
Which the baby was sleeping through quite contentedly, Beatrice thought wryly. ‘OK,’ she said. Maybe Daniel had booked a short private viewing for the four of them—though surely he would’ve said that rather than telling her that they had VIP tickets?
A man she assumed was that session’s astronomer took the stage. ‘Today’s showing is a special tour of our solar system,’ he said. ‘Starting with a flight through Saturn’s rings.’
That was an odd choice, Beatrice thought. She would’ve expected him to start either with Neptune, the furthest out, and work inwards; or the sun itself and work outwards.
The lights dimmed and music began playing. As the first pictures of Saturn came into view, the astronomer left the stage.
That was odd, too, Beatrice thought. The astronomer usually stood to the side of the stage and talked everyone through what they were seeing.
Even odder was that Iain and Daniel both quietly got up and walked towards the stage.
She was about to protest and call them back to their seats when the picture changed, becoming static rather than a video of Saturn and its rings. The picture was still Saturn, but there was a message written on the planet’s rings in bright pink lettering.
Beatrice Lindford, will you marry us?
The lights came up to reveal Daniel and Iain on the stage, both of them kneeling on one knee in the traditional pose.
‘Mum, we love you to the end of the universe and back,’ Iain said.
Daniel opened his hand to reveal a velvet-covered box with a solitaire diamond ring nestling in it. ‘For the last year, since you moved in with us, you’ve made us both so happy. And now we’ve got Rowan, too.’
‘You’re the only one in the house who isn’t a Capaldi, and you need to be a Capaldi,’ Iain added.
‘So will you marry us?’ Daniel asked.
Beatrice blinked away the tears, checked that Rowan was still fast asleep, then walked over to the stage to join them—the man she loved and the little boy she loved as if he was her own. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Most definitely yes.’
Daniel slid the ring onto her finger and kissed her thoroughly. Iain, meanwhile, was busy using Daniel’s phone. And then Daniel’s phone pinged to signal an incoming text.
‘I’ll get it, Dad.’ Iain peered at the screen.
‘All OK, son?’ Daniel asked.
‘Yup.’ Iain was grinning his head off, clearly delighted about something.
But Beatrice didn’t have a chance to ask what her menfolk were plotting, because Daniel said, ‘Our slot’s about to finish. Let’s go out this way and we’ll go and get a cup of tea to celebrate.’
‘And cake,’ Iain said. ‘It won’t be as good as your cake, Mum, but almost.’
‘Tea and cake it is,’ Beatrice agreed. She followed them out of the door, only to be greeted with a barrage of party poppers and loud cheering.
It took her a moment or two to realise what was going on—but then she saw that all their family was there. Her parents, her brothers and sisters-in-law, her niece and nephews, Daniel’s mum and his grandparents, Jenny and Jordan and their new baby girl. There was also a fair sprinkling of their friends outside work, along with everyone from their department who wasn’t on duty. ‘I can’t believe everyone’s here!’
‘It’s not every day you get engaged. And you can’t have an engagement without a party,’ Daniel said, looking very pleased with himself.
‘But—how did you manage to get everyone here?’ she asked.
‘We asked them,’ Iain said, looking even more pleased with himself than his father did.
‘You both arranged this whole party on your own?’ The room was decorated, there was food and drink, there was music, there were balloons... Everything was perfect.
‘We had a bit of help,’ Daniel admitted. ‘Our mums and Vicky organised the invitations and did all the booking, so you wouldn’t accidentally see an email or anything.’
‘So everyone knew except me?’ She was amazed that they’d managed to organise everything without her knowledge and that everyone had kept it secret—especially Iain, who was still young enough to blurt things out and frequently did so.
/> ‘It was really hard not telling you,’ Iain said, ‘and I nearly told you three times, but Dad said you’d be so happy if we surprised you that your eyes would go all shiny, like when I called you “Mum” the first time and when Rowan was born.’
‘I am happy, darling.’ Beatrice hugged him. ‘You and Dad and Vicky and the grannies have done a wonderful job. Look at all those balloons. Oh, and the cake!’
‘Vicky made the cake,’ Iain said. ‘She put Saturn on it.’
‘That makes it even more special.’ She hugged Iain again, then straightened up and turned to Daniel. ‘And you are amazing.’
‘I had help,’ he said again. ‘I really can’t take very much credit for this. Our mums and Vicky were phenomenal.’
‘We wanted to help because you’re perfect together,’ Catherine said, coming over arm in arm with Susan.
‘Exactly,’ Susan agreed. ‘And when Daniel said he wanted to ask you to marry him somewhere special, Iain said it had to be here. We looked into it, and...’ She spread her hands. ‘Well, here we are. I knew when I first met you that you and Daniel were meant to be together. Welcome to the family, Bea.’ She hugged Beatrice warmly.
‘Welcome to the family, Daniel,’ Edward said, handing him and Beatrice a glass of champagne. ‘And, yes, Bea, before you say it, I know you’re feeding Rowan, but a celebratory sip won’t hurt.’
‘Can I have some champagne, Grampa?’ Iain asked.
‘My little Scottish chieftain, I have something even more special for you. Let’s go and find it,’ Edward said, and swung Iain onto his shoulders.
‘Congratulations.’ Jenny hugged them in turn. ‘I’m so happy for you both, And Iain’s thrilled that you’re officially going to be his other mum, Bea.’
‘I’m thrilled, too,’ Beatrice said, hugging her back.
Rowan was scooped up by his grandmothers, and Daniel held his hand out to Beatrice. ‘Come and dance,’ he said with a smile.
