by Lila Felix
Her face drained of all color like water drains from a sink.
“What?”
Her stink eye told me volumes. “You’re still a liar. I wrote you every week and never got a letter back. What happened to you, Ranger? You swore you would write and you would come back and now I swear that I will never let you wriggle your way back into my life again. Two more dates and then I never want to see you again.”
I grabbed onto her biceps strong but not enough to hurt her. I never wanted to hurt her again or see the pain and tears in those beautiful eyes.
“I wrote you, Hero. I wrote you back every time you wrote me. I swear it upon Grammy’s grave.”
Grammy didn’t have a grave yet, but this way she knew I was serious.
“Well, the post office must have a personal vendetta against you because I didn’t receive but more than a few. And don’t you ever swear on my grandmother’s grave. She will come back to haunt you.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I did write you.”
“I believe you but that doesn’t solve anything. Letters are just words. You never came home. We needed you. Garrison needed you. I needed you.”
There was nothing I could do about what came next. My lips crashed down on hers – ten years of built-up frustration and love and hate and longing for something that wasn’t mine. For a moment, Hero didn’t return the gesture. She stood, still as a statue…until I began to pull away.
Before my lips fully left hers, she grabbed me by the waist and kissed me as if we’d been chaperoned for one too many nights and she had finally gotten me all to herself. Like we’d been good all night at prom and were now alone. Like we’d been waiting ten years to kiss each other again.
And then just as it began, it ended.
The sting from her slap snapped me out of the fog and back to reality.
“I’m not sure you get the meaning of all this, Ranger. I’m pissed off. I’m angry. At one point, when you showed up at the farm, I wanted to blow your parts off. This was not the time to kiss me.”
Which meant there was a time to kiss her.
And her blush, the one that started at her cheeks and sprawled down to her chest told me she didn’t hate me at all.
“Fine. I won’t kiss you again. But I can guarantee you’ll kiss me again.”
“Rules, Ranger. Rules. I know how to follow them.”
“You’re talking to a soldier, Hero. If there’s anything I know about, it’s how to follow a set of rules.”
“Apparently not.” She took the dually signed piece of paper from the attorney’s office and waved it in my face. “Rule. Breaker.”
I didn’t even justify her with an answer. I got onto the horse and began to ride back to the stables.
All with a gigantic smile on my face.
Chapter Nine
Hero
I PULLED MY pillow tighter to my chest as the tears still flowed. I was certain I couldn’t cry anymore and then BAM more came out of nowhere. I needed to be over Ranger Bronson, but my heart couldn’t let go. He said he wrote back every time I wrote him. He had to have been telling the truth because he wouldn’t have sworn on Grammy’s grave. I knew she meant a lot to him and he wasn’t one to just throw around those words. But why had I only received a few of the letters he claimed to write me? Could they really have gotten lost in the mail? Was that even possible? No…it wasn’t possible – he had to be lying.
I made myself get up out of bed and go down to the kitchen. I had skipped dinner because my emotions were making sure I didn’t leave the bed. I flipped the kitchen light on and saw a note from Grammy on the counter. She went to help out one of her church lady friends who recently broke her hip and she would be gone all night. Wallace, Bryson, and Gramps left after dinner to sell off some of the cattle. I was alone in the house and thankful for it. My family has been dealing with me a lot lately and I was certain they were sick of it. I was sick of hearing it, but I didn’t know what else to do. My heart belonged to Ranger, but he wouldn’t reciprocate.
I filled a glass with water and listened to the whipping rain outside. It was going to be a muddy mess in the morning…well, in a few hours…when I have to feed the animals.
“It’s going to be a long day.” I sighed.
My alarm went off way too early. Certainly my eyes were going to be bloodshot and puffy. Not to mention the dark circles I’ll be toting all day. Of course the animals wouldn’t care as long as I fed and watered them.
I slipped on my extra tall rain boots and added a sweatshirt to my morning outfit. I could feel the coldness seeping through the windows.
I decided the few head of cattle we had left should be fed first. Taking the horses out there with would be a muddy nightmare later and I didn’t want to add more chores to my list today since I was going to be alone doing them.
I used the four-wheeler to ride out to the back forty and was thankful I didn’t bring the horses. As I approached the gate I noticed something was off. Normally, the cattle would be closer and ready for their food, but now all I saw…
“Oh no.” I gasped and jumped off the four-wheeler. I stared in disbelief as a large portion of the fence was knocked over. Was it from the wind? Where were the cattle? “Oh my God.”
There was no way I could fix this on my own. I looked all around me for the animals and for someone to magically appear to help. But there was nothing in sight and I had no one to call.
Ranger.
My heart twisted thinking of his name. My lips were still on fire from our kiss. I had wanted him to kiss me for the longest time, but not in the manner he did. I needed my Ranger back. The kind, joking, and loving man I remember. Not this person he’s become. I understand people change, especially those who go off to war. Deep down, I loved him and I wanted my old Ranger back. I had to be the one to remind him who he was.
I pulled my cell phone out of my back pocket and called him.
“Hero?” He sounded almost out of breath.
Was he with someone?
“Hero, are you okay?”
I shook my head and focused on the task at hand. “The wind knocked down the fence.” I couldn’t bear to say I needed his help.
“I’ll be over in ten.” He ended the call.
I surveyed the damage and realized I’d need some supplies. I hopped back on the four-wheeler and drove like a bat out of hell to the shed. Gramps kept spare wood pieces and tools in there. I gathered everything and tied it down. As I was about to head off, I heard Ranger’s truck pulling up. He waved at me and I drove over to him.
“Let me drive,” he said firmly.
Without hesitation, I moved back enough for him to climb on. Memories of when we were kids flashed through my mind. Ranger and me on one and Garrison on the other. We’d race around the empty fields. I could still hear our laughter and taunting of each other. It was amazing we were never seriously hurt.
The muddy ground made it hard for me to hold onto anything but Ranger. I didn’t want too, but I held tight to his waist. He still smelled like him. The mixture of sandalwood and fresh cut grass. It matched him. I inhaled him and it took me back to our first kiss. It was quick but memorable.
It was our first date. Ranger didn’t go all out like boys do. He didn’t need to impress me. Heck, I’d been in love with him since we were little. I just wanted us to be alone for once.
He’d brought me out to his place and planned a nighttime picnic.
It was perfect. And it was there, under the moon and stars that he became my whole universe. His lips were gentle and whispered across mine. It would be the first kiss of many that we shared.
“The cattle are gone.” I told him as we stopped by the fence.
“I’m sure they’re just on the other side. We’ll find them.”
“Great.” I rolled my eyes.
“Look, I’m here to help you. I’m sure the cattle are fine.” He pulled a pair of gloves out of his back pocket.
“It’s simple for you to say.” I grumbled
as I opened the small tool chest with nails and hammers. “That’s our money.”
He stopped for a second. “Where’s everyone else?”
“Selling some of the cows.” I stomped over to the first fence post, being sure to kick mud around him. He just had on his cowboy boots.
His shoulders deflated. “We’ll find them. Let’s get this fixed.”
I nodded handing him a hammer. For the next couple hours, together, we mended the fence. It wasn’t the greatest job, but it held. We locked up the gate and began to walk the pasture and tried to find the cattle. As we strolled silently, Garrison’s voice filled my head. He constantly told me I had to be happy and live my life. I couldn’t without Ranger, and I’m not sure if I ever would be able to move on.
“Look.” He pulled on my arm and stopped me in my tracks. “There.” He pointed to the left. “Told you so.”
There, in the furthest point of the field, the cattle were grazing happily, without a care in the world. The smaller calves running and hopping with joy. I watched them intently wishing for the carefree existence. I had those feelings once before but not anymore.
“Don’t you just hate it when I’m right.” He bumps my shoulder.
“Yes.” I spun around and stormed off toward the gate.
“I came to help you and now you’re mad at me?” he shouted.
I was mad at myself, not him, but he’s going to feel the brunt of it. I scooped up some mud in my hands and with all my might flung it at him. My intentions were to hit his boots or lower legs, but Grammy taught me how to aim and it landed right in the middle of his chest.
“Are you kidding me?” He grunted.
The laughter bubbled up from the pit of my stomach and kept coming until I leaned over grasping my side.
“You think this is funny?” I heard him say and then a slap came against my side.
I looked down and saw a massive blob of mud on the side of my sweatshirt. “What?” I gasped and glared at him.
“Aw, did the little princess get dirty?” He singsongs his words.
He knew how much I hated to be called princess. Wallace and Bryson would call me that to make me mad when we were fighting. The word reminded me of my parents. I didn’t have many memories of them but there were a few that stood out. The day I received Donut, a Christmas celebration when I got a pair of pink cowboy boots, and the night I heard the doorbell. The police were outside and Grammy was crying. They came to inform them about my parents’ accident.
I shoved him with all the strength I had. He barely moved. “Don’t call me princess.” I hissed at him.
“Then don’t sling mud if you can’t handle it being thrown back.” He gritted.
“I can handle anything you sling, soldier. I’m much stronger than I look.” I gathered another handful of mud and tossed it at him.
He dodged my throw but grabbed some of his own and hit my shoulder as I turned away. Then the mud began to fly everywhere. It was in my hair, all over my clothes, and it almost hit my face. I began to run away but he tackled me causing us both to hit the ground. I rolled, or at least tried, to get him off me. Every move he was able to counter it until pinning me to the ground. He wrapped his hands tightly around my wrist.
His green eyes lit up with delight. The way they used to when he looked at me. When he was my Ranger. My breath caught in my throat, thinking he would kiss me again.
“Get off me.” I bucked my hips. “Get off me, Ranger.”
His eyes lost the spark and he released me. “You always hated fun.” He rolled off me and stood up.
“I don’t hate fun. I hate you.” The words tasted like poison in my mouth knowing it was a lie.
“Really? Pretty sure you were the one who was off having a life when I left. Hard to hate me when you didn’t care.”
“How dare you?” I lunged for him, but he held me in place. “You know my feelings were true. Unlike you, I can’t just turn them off.”
“I guess your feelings ran deep for a lot of people then.”
If I had the ability to I would have punched him square in the jaw. “Get off my property.”
“Gladly.” He let me go and bolted away from me.
This time there were no tears – only anger.
Chapter Ten
Ranger
SHE COULD HATE me all she wanted. Thought I couldn’t say the same for her anymore. There was a time when I would say I hated her.
Truth was, if my pride wasn’t standing in the way, I could love her all over again.
I’d been in town for two days trying to let both of us cool off. This gap between us was causing nothing but headaches and more time not pursuing our goals.
My phone buzzed but I was in no mood to take any calls.
“What?” That’s the answer people got when I didn’t want to answer the phone. When I had turned it over, I hadn’t recognized the number. Maybe it was the manners police and they had arrested Hero.
“It’s Wallace. You’re not with Hero, are you?”
Apparently, she hadn’t told her brothers about the mud incident.
“No. What’s up?”
“Anyway you can get over here? I’ve got to fix the hog fence before this afternoon.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. “Y’all don’t have hogs.”
“I know. Just can you get over here or not? Bryson is getting the hogs from a guy we know. Never mind. I’ll call someone else.” He cussed while hanging up on me.
Ten minutes later, I was letting myself into the gate. From the front of the farm, I could see Wallace all the way past the barn doing a piss-poor job of putting the pen back together.
“Hey. I’m here to help.”
The look on his face contradicted what he said. “I’m good.”
“I can see that. Here. I’ve got this side. Hold up the other one and we can get the stakes in the ground.”
We worked for the next three hours in silence with the occasional grunt or nod facilitating the job. Maybe she had told him about the mud. It would explain his attitude.
“If you want, there’s some clean clothes in the house.” He nodded down toward my jeans. The rain the day before had made a mess of the whole farm. Good thing hogs like mud. There was plenty of it around the pen.
“Yeah, I’m gonna take you up on that. Where?”
I remembered exactly where Hero’s room was. There were lots of times I’d helped her climb out of that window – and sometimes back in the next morning.
“First one on the left. The one that used to be Mom’s sewing room, then Grammy’s.”
I faintly remembered it. What I did remember was Grammy working on Hero’s prom dress in that room. She wouldn’t let anyone in, not even Hero. She didn’t see the dress until about an hour before I picked her up that night.
“Thanks.”
I took off my boots, stepped into the house and walked toward the long hallway. The door to the first room on the left was closed, so I knocked, waited a second, and then walked in.
It must’ve been Wallace’s room.
No, it smelled sour, with a tinge of plastic. A layer of dust covered the desk in the corner. A camouflage backpack was in the right corner and pictures near the bed. I knew those pictures.
Those pictures were of my family.
Posters around the room and a folded blanket at the foot of the bed confirmed what my heart and stomach had already registered.
My brother had been here.
Maybe this was his and Hero’s room. Maybe they stayed here together. My anger propelled me down the hall a little further to the room I once knew as hers. I flung open the door to find it much the same as when I’d left. Still way too girly for her, but it had stayed the same since her parents had died. There was nothing of my brother’s in there.
Maybe they just switched rooms or were afraid of Grammy so they picked other spots.
I hit my head on the wall next to me and went back into his room. It looked as if nothing had been touched in ages.
I sat on the edge of the bed, knocking over a stack of old paperback sci-fi novels. Those had been his favorite. Some were marked with those little flags he loved to stick in at his favorite places and quotes.
Along with the books were stacks of notebooks, some black and white marbled and some the cheap wide-ruled single subject ones. The pages were warped and fat from the ink that weighed them down. I didn’t have the courage to see what that ink said.
There was another worn-down recliner next to the window. More books gave it an audience on the floor along with more notebooks and a coffee cup full of pens and markers.
“He read everything in the library in town and in Rainesville. People would give us books and notebooks. He ran through them all faster than we could bring them in.”
Her voice was a soft eulogy.
“He always loved to read.”
She pointed to the antiquated set. “The TV only gets a few stations and he didn’t care for it anyway.”
Jealously hung in my throat. Not over Hero and Garrison but over the fact that he gave her the honor of taking care of him over his own family.
It was my fault. I didn’t give him any other option. It was either this or he would’ve died alone.
“Was he in pain? Did he suffer?”
She sat in the chair by the window – his chair – and looked out, taking one of his books and restacking it.
“For the last month or so, he had one of those morphine pumps. It had enough in it to make sure he wasn’t ever in pain. He was pretty thin. The chemo made his stomach sick all the time.”
I looked around again, taking in what my brother had before he died.
“He wasn’t alone.”
“No. We made sure he wasn’t. We took shifts.”
A tear streamed down my face but I caught it before it got too far.
“It was here?”
She waited a while before answering. “No. He knew it was coming. He said he could feel the darkness rolling in. I took him on Donut out to the pond and propped him up against the oak tree. Sang to him when his breathing got labored. He loved “You are My Sunshine.” I felt so silly singing it.”
