by Rue Volley
“I can handle my shit,” August said as Jami relaxed and leaned back, placing his hands behind his head and looking up at the night sky.
“Are you okay?” Zoey asked him as August tried to accept her sudden caring nature. She was as fucked up as anyone else he knew. She could easily pretend to be soft. He knew this as he knew her. Since Zane had died she went from hot to cold and back again. Her emotions even more of a jumbled mess than before everything happened. He moved slightly to break her touch to his face. She sighed and decided to lay on her back too, she leaned against Jami as he glanced at August who stood up and leaned his head back, staring at the vast amount of stars above them.
“Fucking crazy, huh?” Jami asked as August looked at him and shook his head.
“I have had better.”
Jami laughed and looked back to the stars.
“I meant the stars, you dick.”
August laughed and looked at him as Zoey closed her eyes against Jami’s shoulder. It reminded him so much of when Zane was alive and Zoey would always fall asleep against him when they had nights like this. He paused and then looked back towards the stars.
“I didn’t mean.”
“Don’t worry about it, Zoey told me about you.”
August looked back at him and waited for Jami to expand on exactly what he meant.
Jami smiled and looked back to the stars.
“Told you what?” August asked as Jami grinned, happy that he was finally able to spark his interest.
“You are like Orion.”
“Orion?” August asked him.
“Yep, always chasing and getting fucked. I get it.”
“I am familiar with Orion and I am not like that.”
Jami turned his head and looked at Zoey who was now sleeping.
“She is a lightweight.”
“Not always,” August said as Jami stood up and left her lying there in the soft grass. He stepped up to August and then looked up at the sky. August watched him closely as the moonlight looked beautiful on his skin. His features familiar and yet just foreign enough to cause a feeling of comfort and interest deep inside of him. Jami looked at him and noticed he was staring.
“How long have you been gay?” Jami asked him and August was taken back.
“I’m not.”
“Oh really?” Jami reached down and grabbed his dick and August coughed and stepped back from him but not before his dick hardened a bit and Jami smiled.
“It would be much easier if you just fucking admitted it, but that is up to you.”
“I am with Zoey.”
Jami looked at him and laughed.
“Really? If that is what you call it.”
August watched Jami as he looked back towards the sky and smiled.
“I fucking love Orion, what a warrior. I mean he was a badass you know? But I swear, it seems like every fucking thing he wanted would just get all fucked up and taken from him.”
“Stories,” August said as his jaw tightened up a little it. Jami looked down and then over to him.
“So I take it you don’t care for mythology.”
“I know mythology, but it is just that, myth, stories and not truth.” August said as Jami watched him.
“So there is nothing about the stars that you like huh?”
August paused and then looked towards the sky.
“I love the Milky Way, but you can’t see that shit with the naked eye anymore because of cities and smog.”
“What?” Jami asked him and August looked at him and narrowed his eyes.
“The Milky Way.”
Jami laughed. “I know what the fuck it is, I mean what do you like about it.”
August looked up and Jami watched him as he started to speak.
“The Chinese thought of the Milky Way as the River of Heaven, where the mothers of the Sun and Moon bathe their children before they enter the sky.”
Jami looked up and smiled. “So a layover, like at the airport.”
“What?” August asked him and Jami sat back down and tapped the earth beside him. August hesitated as Zoey mumbled something and rolled onto her side. Jami looked back at her and shook his head.
“I am not trying to suck you off, come here,” he said as August decided to walk over and sit down, leaving a couple of feet between them. Jami smiled and then looked up.
“I like the idea of it being a river, pretty sweet.”
August shook his head and then continued on.
“Yeah, I mean the Chinese care about what happens after death, I mean whatever the fuck that is.”
Jami looked at him and then August turned his head. The silence said everything that words could not.
“Do you believe in God?” Jami asked him and August laid back and placed his hands behind his head as he stared up at the night sky.
“I believe in science,” he said and Jami lay back too.
“There is no romance in that.”
August laughed. Jami looked at him and grinned.
“Well I am glad I could make you laugh.”
August stopped and then stared at the stars with more intent.
“According to old Chinese folklore, the Milky-Way is a wide river that separates two star-crossed lovers represented by the stars Altair and Vega. Only once a year can the two reunite, for one night.”
Jami looked up at the night sky and smiled.
“Okay so you do believe in romance.”
August smiled and continued on.
“A young man named Niulang ( which is the star Altair), came across seven fairy sisters bathing in a lake. He stole their clothes and only agreed to give them back if one of the sisters would marry him.”
Jami laughed.
“Sounds like a perv.”
August nodded. “Yeah, sounds like he was desperate.”
“Go on.” Jami said and August smiled and looked back to the stars.
“Well, the youngest and most beautiful of the fairy sisters, Zhinü ( which is the star Vega) agreed to his request for marriage. They lived happily together and had two children. But the Goddess of Heaven found out that Zhinü, a fairy girl, had married a mere mortal. The Goddess was furious and forced the fairy back to her former duty of weaving colorful clouds, a task she had neglected while living on earth with a mortal. On Earth, Niulang was very upset that his wife had disappeared, so he carried his two beloved children off to Heaven to find Zhinü. The Goddess discovered this and was very angry. Taking out her hairpin, the Goddess scratched a wide river in the sky to separate the two lovers forever, forming the Milky Way between Altair and Vega. Zhinü must sit forever on one side of the river, sadly weaving on her loom, while Niulang watches her from afar and takes care of their two children.”
“Well shit,” Jami said as August looked at him.
“Yeah shit.”
“I swear the Gods and Goddesses were a bunch of cunts.”
August laughed and looked at him.
“Anyone with power is a cunt.”
Jami nodded and rolled onto his side as August watched him closely.
“I am not here to be a dividing river between you and Zoey.”
August shook his head as Jami went on.
“I am also not Zane, I never could be.”
August looked back to the sky and closed his eyes as Zane’s face became clear to him without decay.
“I didn’t mean…” August whispered.
He then felt Jami’s lips against his own and at first he wanted to push him away but as the comfort of having his lips pressing down calmed him, he lifted his hand and touched his face. He needed this; he needed a reminder of who he was and what he truly wanted. He did love Zoey as much as he was able too but his true passion had always been for Zane, it was not something he did to try to hurt his brother, it was just his true nature and sometimes you have to accept that before the river is so dividing and the boat will appear on the shore.
Chapter Ten
Accepting Your Fate
; I sat in the library and watched people pass me by. It was an old habit, one of which I had almost forgotten about. Something I once enjoyed so much with Holland. I closed my eyes as her name had not entered my mind in years. Her death had come and gone like a trend to me in a way. It is funny how time and age changes you and everything you see around you. I then looked up as I heard two girls giggling at a table. A boy had passed by them and I sighed. Perhaps this was a bad idea and as that thought had me standing up and grabbing my coffee I saw her. She stopped and stared at me and then decided she had come this far, why not continue. She walked up to the table and I sat down as she did. She placed her purse on the floor next to her and set her hands on the dark wooden table that separated us. I started to open my mouth but she spoke instead and I allowed it as I felt that I should.
“Hello Bethany.” Molly said as she looked me over.
I swallowed and then tried to produce a simple grin, not anything that would seem insensitive to her. In fact I don’t remember ever feeling like this with anyone and it was so unfamiliar to me. All I did know is that the letter from my Mother had changed something in me, gave me courage that I thought I already had but did not. Knowing your worth also means accepting responsibility. I meant to do that now.
“Thank you for coming.” I said as I lifted my coffee and took a drink. It was hot but the burn against my lip was needed to wake me up and keep me alert to whatever she would say or do.
“I was surprised to hear from you,” she said as she adjusted in her chair and crossed her long legs. Her shoes were designer, as was everything on her. I looked down and was glad I wore Chanel. At least I was classic and not looking overdone. In fact I was in all black as usual, my new feeling and color of choice.
“Would you like something to drink?” I asked as she reached down and grabbed her bag. She pulled out a designer flask and took a small drink from it, hissing a bit and then holding it out to me, I shook my head but she tilted hers and poured a quick shot into my coffee as I watched it sink and swirl. She watched me and then put it away as she licked her lip and interlocked her fingers on the top of the table. I picked my drink up and took a small sip, not wanting to appear rude at this point. The liquor was strong, tainting my coffee but perhaps it was needed. I coughed and set it back down as she grinned at me.
“So.”
“So,” I said as I leaned back and watched a couple of girls walk by. I let my eyes linger on them as Molly turned and saw them and then she looked back to me.
“Lesbians,” she said and I quickly looked at her.
“What?”
“Lesbians, surely they are. Look at how they lean against each other. I mean they are probably at a quiet table in the back giggling and touching each other under the table.”
She then looked at me and grinned.
“Or, I could be wrong but I would suspect I am not. I mean you were a lesbian correct? What was her name again? Some country, one of those naturalistic places…”
“Holland,” I said and she stopped and leaned back as she looked me over with a bit of shallowness.
“Yes, Holland. Died didn’t she? That was tragic. Too young.”
“Yes, it was.”
“So you loved her,” Molly said and I took another drink and then looked down at my cup. I heard giggling again across from us and a boy sat down with the girls at the table, flipping his chair and appearing to be cocky. I didn’t need the reminders of anything; this was hard enough as it was.
“She was my best friend,” I said as I looked up at her and she tilted her head.
“Mmm,” she said as I decided to talk and steer this in another direction.
“I am sorry for your loss,” I said to her as she suddenly lost her grin and laughed, one quick sharp sound that echoed in the large library. The girls stopped talking across from us and they watched me for a moment while Molly leaned up and stared into my eyes.
“Loss.” She repeated to me and I nodded to her.
“If Cass…” She held her hand up to me and then slammed it down on the table while a quick “shhh” came out from across the room. I leaned back as was far too close to me for comfort.
“Cass… Cass is an abomination of nature. He should have never been born,” Molly said to me and the words infuriated me but I also knew I was dealing with a grieving Mother who had buried her only son. My silence must have caught her off guard as she leaned back, watching me closely. I guess she expected me to defend him and what he had done, but truth be told I had no intention of doing that. I simply wanted to speak my peace and allow her to vent and so I was prepared to accept her venom without spitting any of my own.
She then waited. I mean I guess if I were in her shoes I would wait too. I would expect something to come back at me. It is human nature to defend your own regardless of how evil they may be but honestly I have defended for so long, pretended that we had a loving home, loving children, a future which could never be. I was tired it would seem. Tired of being this cardboard cutout of Bethany Bittermend, a woman who I knew could be more so I am trying my best to start right now. I then leaned up and placed my hand on top of hers and she closed her eyes.
“I am not here to defend him in any way. I only wanted to express my grief for you. I have lost in my life, I have lost friends, family, and I go through the motions much like you probably do. I sometimes scream so loud I am surprised the whole world cannot hear me and I know what I am, I accept it the best that I can, but I want you to know that I feel for you, I honestly do and I am so sorry for your loss at the hands of my son.”
She jerked her hand from underneath mine and rubbed it, as if she was trying to work a terrible cramp out of the muscle tissue. I watched her as she narrowed her eyes to me and shook her head.
“Your family is a fucking curse to humanity. It all started with your father, Thomas. He was Satan himself,” she said and I watched her with much curiosity as my father being mentioned was confusing me.
“I never really talked to my father.”
She laughed as I took another drink and she watched me.
“You know exactly what he was, don’t you?” she said and I set my cup down and shook my head without looking into her eyes.
“I know he was not a good man.”
She laughed again and then looked around the room. She finally settled her eyes on me and then let her fingernails tap the wood until I was forced to stare at them and then up at her. She grinned and leaned back, shaking her head a bit and calming down. I know my Father was not loved, shit I hated him myself as did my Mom and most of his business partners.
“When I was young I had hope. I mean I knew where I lived but my parents were fabulous. When I say fabulous I mean they talked to me, Bethany. They read me stories at night. We took trips together, as a family and vacationed often. Laughing and creating memories together and then it was all taken away from me. All of it,” she said as she trailed off and stared at the table. I reached towards her again and she sat up straight and almost changed personalities.
“I thought about all the reasons I should not come today, why you did not deserve to meet with me. I knew whatever you felt you needed to say, but this is not about you and your conscious, this is about me and how your fucking family has done nothing but plague this planet with disease and famine.”
I shook my head and decided to speak.
“You need to stop going to church,” I said, joking of course, but getting tired of the references to my family being the anti-Christ.
“I don’t, I don’t need that foolish bullshit to know what you are.”
“What is that Molly? What exactly am I but a woman just like you, well off with money, born into it, tell me how we fucking differ?”
“Oh,” she said as she laughed and pulled the flask again. I then realized she had been drinking prior to coming and that would explain a bit of her aggression. Liquor always forms a shield of sorts and allows people to speak things they normally would word differently. Once I reali
zed that she was drunk I felt a bit of my anger subside. I had dealt with my Mother many times as the liquor had her rambling on about things that never made a lot of sense to me. I had also dealt with Ryan as he drank over the years and would rant about things at dinner, sometimes only to me but unfortunately he sometimes did it in front of Cass and August. I wished so much he had not but you can only shield a child for so long before the inevitable happens and it had on a few occasions. My jaw tightened and I tried to not allow that to change my pity for her and her situation. I mean Cass was institutionalized but her son was buried deep in the earth and would not return to her in any form.
“Do you remember Christmas morning?” she asked me and I looked at her and could not imagine where she was going now.
“I do,” I said to her as I remained calm.
“Christmas morning to a child is magic. I mean the kind of magic that carries you into your best dreams and imagination. I loved Christmas, I mean I did up until it was taken from me,” she whispered.
I leaned up and shook my head slowly.
“Molly, I know you were abducted and I don’t know anything about it, but I do know that I always felt sorry for you and that I could not imagine…”
She tapped my hand and then squeezed it. It felt like a tight hold at first until it started to ache a little bit and I felt her nails digging into my skin. I tried to pull my hand away but she held on like her life depended on it. I looked around and then spoke to her.
“You are hurting me,” I said very quietly as she continued to try to cut me with her nails. “Molly,” I said as my muscles in my jaw tightened up and I pulled harder.
“I love him,” she said to me as her face looked contorted from anger and I narrowed my eyes.
“What?”
She changed what she said to me making it past tense.
“I loved him.”
“Who?”
“Your father, I loved him,” she hissed at me as I suddenly jerked back from her and rubbed my hand as her admission suddenly started to sink into me. I shook my head as she watched me closely.
“What the fuck are you saying?”
