by Shelly Crane
“I’m sorry,” I told him before I tried to leave, but couldn’t. “Release me, please.”
He opened his mouth a couple times before finally saying softly, “Go on into the house, Ava, and get warm. I’ll be back in the morning. I promise you.”
I turned and went into the house and didn’t look back. Whether it was for his sake or mine I didn’t know.
Ten
“Seth!” I smiled and bit my lip as I leapt into his arms, wrapping them around his neck. I was in my pajamas again, but somehow it didn’t matter. He was so warm, even if this was just a dream. I could feel him, feel everything about him.
Seth hugged me back for just a second before setting me away from him. He wasn’t his normal self tonight and I knew right away.
“Oh, no. What did she—I do?”
He smiled sadly. “Nothing I didn’t deserve.”
“Oh, Seth. What’s going on?”
He took my hand and we walked along the rooftop for a little bit before he finally said. “She hates me. She thinks our relationship is nothing but a thing to keep us from being in withdrawal. She doesn’t think it goes beyond that.”
“Seth,” I implored softly, “that can’t be true. I’m her.” I pulled him to a stop so he’d look at me. “Don’t you get it? I’m her, she’s me. This wouldn’t all be happening if not for a reason—the fact that you can bring me here and dream walk and all. I feel things…” I stopped and noticed the way his mouth curled up on one side. “If I can feel things for you then she can and does, too. She’s just confused. Maybe she thinks that that’s all you think the relationship is.”
He shook his head. “No. There’s no way she can think that I think that.”
“I can be stubborn,” I offered. “Maybe you need to lay it out for her exactly how you feel, what you want.”
He swallowed. “It won’t scare her?”
“Maybe. But maybe she needs to be scared.”
“We had so much fun yesterday…for about ten minutes.” He smiled and I knew he was thinking about her. About me. “I felt like things might actually be okay and then my family had to go and ruin it again.”
“What happened?”1
“I think you were right, the other you. I think they’re trying to sabotage us. And I hate it. I don’t want to admit that. I don’t want to give up my family. I don’t want to be thrown away so easily. I don’t want to be so expendable.” He pursed his lips angrily. “But it looks like that’s probably the case. The thing they called me away for yesterday was bogus. And Harper has been coming by my house every day and I’ve had to send her away. If the other you knew that, she’d go ballistic.”
“Harper?” I asked and felt all my bones tense.
“She’s my cousin,” he said and smiled. “You and the other Ava are more alike than I thought.”
“If she’s your cousin then why does it matter?”
“Because she’s not really my cousin, it’s just how I see her. They’re my family, but not by blood.” He sighed and I could tell he had something he didn’t want to say. I nodded so he’d go on. “When I turned twenty, my Uncle Gaston came and asked if I wanted to be bonded to Harper, his daughter. They can force an imprint.”
I just stared, feeling my heart hurt. He took my face in his hands. “She was and has always been my cousin to me. I told them that, told them it was disgusting for them to even think that I’d want to, and to never bring it up again. Harper was never in on the idea. I think it was all her dad. We’ve always been friends. Really good friends.” He let his hands fall and took my hand again as we started walking. “But I’ve never, ever thought of her beyond that. I don’t know why Uncle Gaston thought I’d go for it. He knew I was waiting for my significant. I’d told him that before.”
Something clicked.
“Wait a minute. They force their imprints with alchemy, they don’t get them naturally.” He squinted. “They thought you weren’t going to bond the natural way. They thought they were going to have to force one with you, too.” I gasped. “You’re human. You shouldn’t even have imprinted in the first place. It’s really rare for humans to imprint. But they were trying to force you to at an earlier age with Harper, who is a Virtuoso.”
“Yeah,” he said, whether he was following or not.
“So you didn’t know that you were human. You’ve always thought you were Virtuoso and that your mother died,” I said softly, “and that the Watsons took you in. That the world is a normal place of humans, but the Watsons were special and you’ve always known it.”
“Yeah, pretty much. I just always thought I was one of them until your mom told me otherwise.” He looked down and then back up slowly. “They still don’t know that I know what they did. It’s hard to be around them and act natural. I’m trying so hard to see if I can find something good in them. And honestly, I’m keeping an eye on them.”
“For her,” I realized.
For me.
He nodded. “I don’t want to tell her, but I keep going back to them because I need to make sure they aren’t planning something else, planning another attack or something. But even if they were, I don’t think they’d tell me or talk about it around me.”
I sucked in a quick breath. “You could pretend you’re in a fight.”
He swung his head over. “What?”
“Pretend you’re fighting with her and the family.”
He thought. “Well, I am about to be on for a couple days at the fire station, so I wasn’t going to be able to go see her anyway. It might work. Maybe I could fool them enough to trust me.”
“Go ahead,” I goaded and grinned, swinging my shoulders left and right.
“What’s that, gorgeous?” he asked, his smile wide.
“Say it.”
He laughed. “I’m not sure what you want me to say exactly, but you’re a genius. An adorable little evil genius.”
“That’ll do.” I pulled him down to me, hugging him around his neck, and kissed his cheek. His arms around my back tightened and he stayed close, looking like he wanted to do so much more in that tenacious moment growing between us. I pushed his hair that had fallen over his forehead back, loving the way his eyes seemed to roll when I did it. “Have you kissed her yet?”
He shook his head. “No,” he said gruffly.
“Why?” My breaths started to turn ragged. “Don’t you want to kiss me?”
“More than I’ve ever wanted anything else,” he said with delicious conviction and let his fingers comb my hair back, “I want to know what you taste like.”
I closed my eyes for a second and then looked at him, needing to know. “Why haven’t you?”
“I’m waiting for her to look at me like you do, like you are right now.”
My heart galloped. “Seth, I—”
He cupped my face fully with both hands. “It’s okay.” He moved forward and I closed my eyes, anticipating those lips I’d been waiting on. I felt the warmth of his breath and then his forehead touched mine, but that was as far as he got.
I opened my eyes to find his eyes closed, him just soaking me in. But that wasn’t enough. “Kiss me,” I whispered. “Seth.”
“I want the first time to be with her.” He leaned back and made sure I was listening. “I’m sorry… That’s what we’re fighting for, right? For Ava, for me and her, for us, for all of us. To see if she can love me like I love her.”
I gasped and Seth’s eyes went wide before he smiled in that caught way. He squinted and cocked his head. “You think that I’m crazy? How can I love someone who obviously hates my guts, who I’ve known such a short period of time?” He shook his head. “Maybe I am crazy. But I’m falling in love with Ava Jacobson. I just want to be worthy of her, to be worthy of her falling in love with me, too. I hope…one day she sees that I am.”
When he looked back up he was surprised to find me crying. “Sweetheart…I’m sorry.” He seemed at a loss for a few seconds before he leaned away. “I’ll go. I shouldn’t have said that
—”
“Come here.”
He sighed. “Ava, you don’t have to—”
“Seth, come here.” He came towards me and I wiped under my eye before wrapping my arms around his neck. “Can I just hold you for a minute?”
“No,” he exhaled his words and smiled, “but I’ll hold you.” He sat on the bricks and leaned against the stone wall with me in his lap. I pressed my face into his neck, inhaling and soaking in this small piece of heaven. He did this little chuckle-sigh thing. “Heaven is right,” he whispered into my hair. Had I said that out loud? “You smell so good.”
“Don’t make me crazy, Seth.” I pushed his chest a little.
He laughed at that. “Join the club, little bird.”
I pulled my knees up, leaning them on his thigh, and put my hands on his chest. “She’ll come around. I know it. She won’t be able to resist forever. We’ll just keep working, keep doing what we’re doing, you keep making her fall in love with you, and one day she will.”
He swallowed. “I hope you’re right.”
“I am.”
He pulled my head back into the crook of his neck. “Let me hold you a little longer before I have to go back.”
With my face against his neck, he took my hand and laced our fingers over and over on his chest. I shivered and he smiled, I felt it against my forehead. “Goosebumps,” he mused. “Check.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” he whispered and trailed his fingers down the goosebumps on my arm. “Something the other you said. She said she hadn’t gotten goosebumps with me yet. There was a little list of things she said we were lacking. I’m making it my mission to obliterate that list as soon as my rotation at the fire house is done.”
“How can she not like you? Truly-?” I laid my head back down snuggly in the valley of his neck. “You’re so…likeable.”
He tucked me into his body tighter and sighed. “We’ll figure this out, Ava. I’ll figure this out for us.”
“She loves pancakes.” I felt him turn to look down at me. “I love pancakes. And I love art and music. And I love overly-dramatic displays of heroism and chivalry.” He cocked his brow with a confused smile. “Opening doors, opening pickle jars, slaying dragons.”
His smile was adorable. He nodded and laid his forehead to mine. “Okay. I’ll remember.”
“How long are we going to have to keep her and me separated?”
He rubbed his nose against mine, just once, causing my heart to riot in my chest. “You tell me, little bird.”
_ _ _
“He’s here already!” Mom called up the stairs.
“He is?”
My phone chimed. I picked it up and looked at the text, knowing it was him.
Thought we could get breakfast before school if you wanted.
I pressed my lips together. He wasn’t really giving me a choice, was he?
Coming.
I quickly put on my coat and my scarf. It was freaking cold out. Even though it had snowed last night, I still slipped my Chucks on. I left my hair down today in the brown waves my mom loved so much. Sleep waves she called them. Long, natural, soft, God-given curls that came from rolling around in my sleep, no curling iron needed. Thank you, because I had not the time nor patience to deal with it today anyway. Sometime my curls were awesome and today was definitely one of those days that I was thankful.
“Mom, Seth wants to take me to breakfast,” I said as I grabbed my bag and made my way sluggishly toward the door as my back pulled and my arms ached.
“Remember what we said about being alone.”
“I will. Promise.” I gave her a look. “Not like I’m ever alone anyway with Jordan and Drake lurking about in the background.”
She gave me a look in return. “What did you expect your father to do after what happened? Love you, baby.”
I stopped at the door and looked at her. “Love you, Momma. I’ll see you later.”
When I stepped out the door, Seth stepped out of his. I wanted to roll my eyes. He could have just waited. I would be there inside the truck with him in a minute. I saw him look at the ground and forgot he always heard everything I thought. I squinted, hard.
“Sorry,” I muttered.
“It’s all right. I deserved it after last night, I guess.”
When I was almost to him, my Chucks betrayed me and slipped on the snow covered patio bricks in front of the mailbox. I would have been sent airborne and then on my backside if not for Seth, who gripped my arm tightly to catch me.
“You all right?”
“Yeah.”
“Where’s your boots?”
I huffed. “I like my Chucks.”
He smiled and then tried to cover it with a cough. “Uh…yeah. I can see that.” I stared at him with an open mouth, but before I could say anything he reached up and closed my mouth with his gloved-finger under my chin. “Let’s go get breakfast. Here, let me help.”
“I’ve got it.” I pulled away, but the tugging in my back reminding me that I needed his touch. I held out my hand for his and he watched my face as he took his gloves off and took it slowly.
When our skin touched, even I couldn’t stop the hiss. I fell into his chest and let all the aches and pains drain away. And the irritation, too. Most of it.
I reached up and touched his neck, my fingers painting lines of pleasure across his skin with every movement. I longed for the same, but knew we couldn’t. When he groaned, and copped my cheek, I opened my eyes to see him completely blissed out. It jolted me awake, aware. I pulled away and crossed my arms, unable to handle not touching him. Unable to handle the weird vibe of our relationship. I just wanted it to be normal. I just wanted to be loved for me, not for my touch. I just wanted him to want me, but I wasn’t sure that was the case. I wasn’t sure if Seth wanted me or wanted the thought of me and what I represented. I thought he was disappointed, that he had waited this whole time to find his significant and I was what he got stuck with.
He was breathing heavier than usual and when our gazes collided he seemed angry. I leaned away, surprised, but he gripped my arm gently to stop me.
“Don’t fall. Come on. Let me buy you breakfast,” his mouth said, but his face was anything but looking like he wanted to buy me food right then.
He helped me into the passenger side and then walked to the front of the truck. He stopped and put his hands on the hood, as if he needed time, needed a minute before getting inside. Great. We were just pissing each other off left and right. I looked out my window and waited. A few seconds later, he got in and put it in reverse without waiting or saying another word. When he reached over to put his hand on the head rest, I inhaled at the possibility that he might touch me. It looked like a flinch though, I was sure, and he seemed surprised by it, naturally. He sighed through his nose, looking even angrier, and drove without a word.
He took me to a pancake house. My favorite pancake house to be exact. “I love this place.”
He looked over stoically and exhaled. “Well, I was bound to get something right at some point.”
He got out and I sat, wondering what we were doing to each other. He opened my door and I started to get out, but he helped me down by gripping my waist and easing me gently to the pavement. My breath halted with our faces so close. “I’d hate to see you eat it with those Chucks on.”
Though his words were playful, his face was anything but.
“Thanks,” I told him and followed him in to the restaurant since he released me as soon as my feet touched the ground. We sat and I ordered a short stack. He ordered a double. We both ordered coffee and waited quietly for it to come. It was an awkward silence, but it was expected, and that was a comfort in a strange way.
I poured the creamer in, stirring before taking a hesitant sip. “Wow, that’s really good.”
He looked up, surprised that I had talked. “You’ve never had their coffee? At your favorite pancake house?”
“I don’t usually drink coffee black.” He sm
irked. “What?”
“There’s so much cream in that coffee you could make a pie. That’s not black.”
I sat stunned. Was he just stating a fact or playing with me and being a smartass?
He shook his head, licking his lip. “There’s that word again.” A smile finally made an appearance.
“What word?” I asked and smiled a little. “Smart?”
He chuckled just as she brought the food.
Yeah. Smart.
He winked as she set it down in front of us. I had just started to feel a little better when his phone chimed and it all came crashing down.
His phone was going to ruin us.
He sighed and then banged his fist loudly on the table next to his plate of pancakes, causing me to jump. It was so loud that the waitress looked over and lifted her eyebrows at me as if to see if I needed help or something. I waved her off and looked at Seth, watched him to see what he was going to do.
He pulled his phone out, without looking at me at all, and he read the text aloud, since he knew that I could read it through him anyway I assumed.
S, I’ll stop by while you’re on the nightshift and bring you those earbuds Daddy bought me. I know you’ll like ‘em since they’re pitch black & you used to have a pair just like them. See you then! – Harp
I swallowed down the bite of pancakes I had which had suddenly turn to concrete in my mouth. He let his eyes move up and nothing else. We stared at each other.
“Does she come up and hang out at the station with you often?”
He shook his head. “Not anymore she won’t.”
I don’t know why that answer made me crack inside, but it did. He was trying so hard, it was obvious.
“Why don’t I start at the beginning? I never got to explain everything to you that day in my apartment.” I nodded. “And you’ll listen and not use this against me? You’ll wait until I’m completely done and not call your mother to go and bomb every family member I have with her Visionary powers or…whatever the hell it is she can do?”
