Venus of Shadows

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Venus of Shadows Page 37

by Pamela Sargent


  “Don't worry about it. He hinted that Grete might like some of our strawberries—I'll take her some another time.” She looked around at the small group. “Where is everybody?”

  “Emilia and Kolya went to her parents’ house,” Bettina replied. “Paul and Grazie decided to go to that gathering in the main dome with Patrick. They wanted me to come, but I think I prefer to celebrate quietly this year.”

  “And Chen?”

  “He's inside,” Sef said. “A message from Earth came—I don't know what it was about. He was getting ready to view it just before we came out here.”

  “I'll go get him,” Risa said. Sef reached for her hand and squeezed it before letting go.

  She walked toward the house. Chen sat in the common room at his table, his head bowed. “Don't tell me you're going to sit here carving tonight,” Risa murmured.

  Her father lifted his head. “I had a message from your cousin Sylvie Lilias before.” Chen cleared his throat. “Your grandmother Angharad died a few days ago.”

  She had expected such news. Angharad was old, and had been failing for some time. She had not expected to feel so moved at the death of the grandmother she had never met.

  “You gave her some happiness,” Chen continued. “You must know that. It helped make up for Iris's death, knowing she had a granddaughter here, and it kept her from grieving too much over what Benzi did. She lived to see great-grandchildren and know her line would go on here.”

  She knelt beside him. “You knew her,” she said. “This must be harder for you.”

  “She was so angry when Iris and I told her we wanted a bond. We had to keep it a secret during the years Iris was at the Cytherian Institute—Angharad couldn't have the town think her daughter wasn't leading a proper life as a free woman with many lovers.” Risa nodded at the familiar tale. “I remember how she cursed at me in her message after your mother's death,” he added. “I didn't think she'd ever contact me again, but you changed that.”

  Chen was not that much younger than Angharad. She shivered. Perhaps that was the source of her grief, the realization that she might lose Chen before too long. But he was still strong; Bettina was sure he had at least another decade ahead of him and maybe more.

  “I should send Sylvie a message,” she said.

  “Tomorrow's soon enough. Let Sef and the children have their celebration for now.” He gripped her hand as she helped him to his feet. “I'll come outside.”

  She led him to the door; he was leaning against her a bit more than usual. As they stepped outside, he released her and walked toward Bettina with a surer step.

  Sef drank some whiskey, then motioned to Risa with the bottle. “Care for some of this?”

  She shook her head. “I've had enough to drink already.” She sat down on the blanket next to her daughter. Eleta was still sleeping, with one fist nestled next to her broad, chubby face; she had Risa's stocky build. Unlike Chimene, she might never be more than a mildly pretty young woman, but maybe that was for the best; Chimene's perfect beauty was a little intimidating. Perhaps that was why Risa had heard no talk about a potential bondmate for her other daughter, even though Chimene was almost nineteen; many young men thought they stood no chance with her.

  She sighed. Much as she hated to admit it, even to herself, her love for Eleta was warmer and stronger than her love for Chimene. Perhaps that was because she was more certain of Sef's love than she had ever been of Malik's or maybe because Chimene had always seemed to be more of a visitor than a part of the household. During the past years, Chimene had continued to spend half the year with Risa before returning to her father, but she had grown more reserved as she grew older. Chimene rarely complained, almost never argued about anything, and did her schoolwork and chores diligently enough, yet Risa could not escape the feeling that her older daughter was only playing a part, mimicking feelings she did not have.

  Risa shrugged off her doubts about Chimene. It couldn't have been easy for the girl to migrate between this house and Island Two. Risa had suggested that Chimene remain with her for the entire year and make short visits to Malik, but her daughter had rejected that idea, probably out of loyalty to her father.

  At any rate, Chimene had turned out well enough. Malik might complain mildly that she could have done more, but there was nothing wrong with following his profession and becoming a teacher. Chimene was finished with her studies and would be coming back to Oberg in a few days after completing an apprenticeship under an older teacher in ibn-Qurrah. Theron had told Risa earlier that the west dome's school needed no new teachers, but presumably one of the other domes did. She had not asked Chimene where she would be teaching, and she had not bothered to check the records; she would not be the kind of mother who pried into an adult daughter's plans.

  Chimene would let her know and was probably preparing to live here for the time being; Risa would have more time with her. She had heard stories about Chimene being seen at meetings of lshtar in ibn-Qurrah, but Sef had calmed Risa's worries by pointing out that many attended such meetings only out of curiosity. Chimene knew how she felt about Ishtar and would probably abide by her wishes. Maybe living here, and seeing how Risa's bond with Sef still endured, would turn Chimene's thoughts to a bondmate and family of her own; even if they set up a household elsewhere in Oberg, they would still be close by. Risa pondered the future and felt content, her happiness marred only by the fact that Angharad would never receive more messages from the next generation.

  She leaned over Eleta and smoothed back the child's dark hair. “Wake up,” she murmured. “You don't want to miss the show, do you?” The little girl rubbed her eyes. “Come on, it'll begin very soon.”

  Eleta sat up. “I'm hungry.”

  Sef laughed and handed her a piece of dried fruit. Risa leaned against her bondmate; Dyami settled himself in front of them, flexing his already broad shoulders in the same way his father did. Across the way, in front of Thierry Lacan-Smith's house, a young man Risa had seen on patrol earlier lay with his head in the lap of Thierry's daughter, Valerie, his wand at his side. Farther down the path, she could hear the music of a flute; the tune died.

  She lifted her head. The disk of light at the dome's center suddenly blazed brightly; directly above her a green-and-blue globe appeared, Venus as it would be. Dyami sucked in his breath; Eleta giggled with delight. The globe turned as it began to revolve around the disk that was now its sun.

  * * * *

  Risa's team had let her go early, but Chimene was already sitting outside the house, watching Eleta crawl over the grass. As Risa approached, Chimene rose in one graceful movement and held out her arms. Risa embraced her, then stepped back. She had not thought that Chimene could become more beautiful, but her dark eyes glowed and her long black hair was so thick and lustrous that it didn't seem quite real.

  “Grazie got home a little while ago,” Chimene said. “I told her not to fuss, but she and Kolya are already in the kitchen, and they insisted that I relax, so I brought Eleta outside. She's growing, I see.”

  Risa smiled at her younger daughter. “She'll be three in a few months. It's hard to believe, but then it often surprises me when I remember you're a woman now.”

  Dyami emerged from the greenhouse, carrying a basket of fruit and beans. He moved toward the house; Risa beckoned to him. “Where are you going?”

  “Kolya needs this,” the boy replied.

  “That can wait for a bit. Your sister's just come home—you can spend some time with her.”

  Dyami walked toward them warily; he often had that veiled expression on his face when he looked at Chimene, but for a boy of seven, he often seemed solemn or contemplative around others. Maybe now that Chimene was back, he would grow more used to her and treat her more warmly; she had always been kind, if a bit distant, to him.

  Chimene and Risa sat down; Dyami seated himself near the path. “I was talking to Dyami before,” Chimene said. “He tells me he's been enjoying his lessons.” She turned toward the boy. �
�And what do you think you'd like to do when you're older?”

  “I don't know,” he replied. “I like testing designs on the screen, and math, too. Maybe I'll build something.”

  “This is a new interest,” Risa said, “but Dyami takes it quite seriously. A Habber woman who advises some of the engineers is even taking the trouble to teach him a little about dome design.” Chimene frowned. “I can't see the harm. It's just a few lessons and computer simulations and talks over the screen—he knows I don't care to have him over at their residence. Bartai may be a Habber, but she doesn't seem a bad sort.”

  Chimene arched her brows. “You've certainly grown more tolerant.”

  “She keeps her distance. Anyway, I'd rather be open about it than having him hide things from me.”

  “You wouldn't have been so easygoing with me when I was his age.”

  “I don't suppose I was. Maybe I was too hard on you sometimes, and maybe I've learned more since then.”

  “Bartai's all right,” Dyami said.

  “It may seem so.” Chimene leaned forward. “But you mustn't be fooled by Habbers, Dyami. They try to find our weaknesses so that they can play on them. They may pretend to be kind, but they're devious and tricky—don't ever make the mistake of thinking that they're people like us. They claim they want to help us, but all they really want is to bend us to their will and force us to serve them.”

  Risa cleared her throat; Chimene was rather overstating the case. “Habbers may be deluded,” she responded, “and I'll confess to feeling uneasy around them, but I don't think—”

  “They help us,” Dyami said.

  “For now,” Chimene replied. “They'd like to have us dependent on them, but that will change.”

  Dyami gazed at her indifferently; he had again retreated behind his customary mask. Eleta crawled over to Chimene and tugged at one of the silver buttons on the young woman's long black vest. The well-tailored red coverall under the vest was becoming; Cbimene had always been as vain as Malik about her appearance. She took her little sister's hand and gently removed it from herself.

  “Sef!” Eleta suddenly shouted. Chimene's eyes narrowed a little. “Sef!” The little girl stood up and ran down the path toward her father; Sef scooped her up in his arms.

  He strode toward Risa, then set Eleta down. “Welcome back, Chimene.” He grinned. “Now that you're here, maybe you can help me talk some sense into your mother. I've been asking her to renew her pledge with me, and she keeps saying we can wait.”

  “You could.” Chimene lowered her eyes. “Your bond won't lapse for a while.”

  “I know, but I'd like to renew it before it lapses—another twenty years, maybe. After all, I'm not going anywhere.”

  “You seem very sure of yourself,” Chimene murmured. “I guess you must be happy still.”

  “And why shouldn't I be?”

  Chimene's lips curved into a smile; her long lashes hid the expression in her eyes. Sef's contentment often seemed to surprise her; Risa wondered why she sometimes felt that Chimene regretted their happiness together. In Chimene's presence, she could still feel a bit insecure, as though her bond with Sef was luck she did not deserve.

  “I'm glad you're happy.” Chimene looked up at Sef. “You should renew your bond if you feel that strongly about it.”

  “I'd better see if I'm needed inside.” Sef waved a hand. “Stay out here and visit with Risa—she'll want to hear all about your plans. I don't suppose there's some young man—”

  “Not at the moment,” Chimene said quickly.

  “Bound to be one before long, though.” Sef ruffled her dark hair, as if Chimene were still a young child, then walked toward the house. Dyami scooped up his basket, took Eleta's hand, and hurried after his father.

  “Well,” Risa said. “I hope you'll be comfortable enough in your old room.”

  “I have to tell you—I won't be living here. I didn't say anything about that to Grazie—she noticed that I didn't bring a duffel, but I let her assume my things were being sent on later. I wanted to speak to you first.”

  Risa felt a twinge of disappointment. It did not matter; Chimene would be in Oberg at any rate. “You see,” Chimene went on, “I'm going to be teaching in the southeast dome, so I should be closer to my students in case they or their parents need to visit with me after school.”

  “Of course. So you'll be living there?”

  “No, in the main dome, but I won't be far from the tunnel. It'll be close enough.”

  “Well, you must come to see us as often as you can. Which household is taking you in?”

  Chimene did not reply.

  “Is this only until you decide to set up a household of your own,” Risa said, “or is there a chance this arrangement might be more permanent? Not that I mind—we would have liked to have you here, but you're certainly free to make your own decisions.”

  “Ill be living with Kichi Timsen's household.” Chimene tilted her head as she gazed into Risa's eyes. “They invited me to stay with them just before I left ibn-Qurrah, when I told them where I'd be teaching. I was grateful for the offer. I left my belongings there, but I thought I should come here to tell you myself.”

  Risa was stunned. “But you—I don't understand.” It could not be true; only those closest to the Guide lived in her house. “Is she so desperate for new members that she's inviting prospects to live with her now?”

  “I'm not a prospect—I'm a member.” Chimene slowly unbuttoned her vest and showed Ishtar's sash around her small waist. “I joined some time ago. The Guide wants me near her, and it's what I want as well.”

  “You don't know what you're doing!”

  “I know perfectly well what I'm doing,” Chimene said softly. “Do you think I decided this yesterday? I've been Ishtar's for years—the Guide saw what was in my heart long ago. It was only out of respect for you that I didn't wear the sash openly before. I knew what you'd say and do, and it would have brought you trouble. I've learned much from Kichi. I didn't want to hide it from you, but I told myself you'd know the truth eventually and see why it had to be this way.”

  Risa could bear no more. “What has that woman done to you?” How long had this been going on? When had Kichi first started to ensnare her daughter? She thought of all the times Chimene had gone off for a few hours, always with plausible excuses Risa had not bothered to check. How many people had known about this and concealed it from her?

  But it would not have been that difficult to deceive her. Her own complacency had made this deception possible. Once, little in Oberg would have escaped her notice, but she had been willing to leave many matters to others in order to savor her own contentment. It had been easier not to pry into Chimene's doings and risk opening old wounds; if she could not love her as much as she loved her other children, she could at least be a kindly and forbearing parent. She had deceived herself.

  “The Guide has given me her strength and her love,” Chimene said. “I'd hoped I could share it with you, that when you saw how happy it's made me, you'd see—”

  Risa jumped to her feet. “I won't have the sash worn in my house! All that damned nonsense—claiming the truth, turning people against each other—”

  “We're not the ones who do that—you do, by refusing to understand our way.”

  “I won't have it! Not in my house!”

  Chimene got to her feet and looked down at Risa. “Then it's just as well I'm not staying. I have no wish to disturb the harmony of your household. Under the circumstances, perhaps I should excuse myself from supper tonight.” She stepped toward the path, then turned around. “I can be patient. You can't resist us indefinitely. A time will come when everyone on the Council will wear the sash, when everyone here will be brought to the truth.”

  Twenty

  Chimene sat in Kichi's common room, bowing her head as the Guide offered an invocation. At least fifty people were there, although most members would be holding this weekly meeting in their own homes or be attending one with frie
nds. Her sisters and brothers in Ishtar were free to go to whichever meeting they chose, and often the Guide herself attended meetings elsewhere. Those who weren't yet members were also welcomed; when one room could not hold them all, the meeting was held outside. No one would be turned away; Ishtar raised no barriers to any who sought the truth.

  Chimene was trying to summon up a feeling of fellowship with those who were now gathering in Oberg, in the other settlements, and on the Islands, but other thoughts distracted her. She had been back in Oberg for three days now, and Risa had not responded to any of her messages; perhaps she had even refused to view them. Kichi was training her to be patient, but patience was often difficult. Chimene had explained in her messages to Risa that, although she would not hide her beliefs, she would refrain from speaking about them during visits, yet even that concession had brought no response.

  She tried to view the matter as Kichi might. Others in Risa's household, whatever their feelings about Ishtar, might think that Risa was being too harsh in shunning her daughter. Risa was caught in a contradiction, practicing the intolerance she condemned in others. Her housemates would see that and might even feel more sympathetic to Chimene.

  When she looked at the situation that way, Risa no longer presented a barrier, but rather an opportunity. Chimene could reach out to others in her mother's household and show them that only Risa was responsible for this breach. Her mother might be giving her the means to win the others for Ishtar eventually.

  At any rate, Risa's reaction had not been totally unexpected. Chimene had been prepared for anger and her mother's feeling that she had been deceived. Malik presented a more formidable barrier. She could have dealt easily with rage or bewilderment; she had not expected his laughter.

  “Ishtar?” he had said. The mocking expression that had distorted his handsome features was still vivid in her mind. “The fellowship of true Cytherians?”

  He started to laugh then; she had nearly turned off her screen. “You called to tell me that? Congratulations, Chimene—you've joined one of the most absurd assemblies of human beings that ever existed. I must, however, say this for them—they do provide some of us with a great deal of amusement and free entertainment. I attended a meeting of theirs recently, and I'm afraid I wasn't able to restrain my merriment, so I apologized to one of them afterward for my conduct. Do you know what he said? He told me, in the most solemn and deadly way, that laughter needn't be an obstacle to the truth and that he was happy I had shared some of their joy.”

 

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