“Uh, no. I failed to ask you if you were on birth control, and I couldn’t be happier with my mistake.”
Looking over my shoulder at him, I laughed hard. “Funny thing, I was.”
He leaned forward to look at my eyes, shifting my hair. “You were?”
“Yep, hadn’t missed a pill in years. Hadn’t taken any meds that would make them ineffective.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “So, it really was fate.”
I had no doubt.
He leaned back against the headboard, and I turned my head on his chest to face him. “Why didn’t you tell me about the twins?”
His chest rose and fell multiple times. “Too painful and it would’ve painted an uglier picture of Whitney. It’s never been my goal to deface her. She’s been mental ever since—rehab twice. The less people know, the less they judge. Outsiders can be cruel.”
Sighing, I agreed. “I know something about that, for sure. But, you also started a serious drinking problem after that, didn’t you?”
“I started drinking before she lost the babies. Dealin’ with her, the pregnancy, the drugs, it was too much and we were all over the place. My family was so stressed out from all the he said, she said fighting.” His finger wound and unwound a curl of my hair nervously.
“But, you got help?” I touched the scar on the right corner of his chin that was only visible after he trimmed his beard down to a goatee, one with short scruff.
“Yep, months after. But I finally went ninety days inpatient. They confirmed I was not an alcoholic but a stress abuser. I could go without, but when I hit, I hit it hard. It was how I dealt. So, I started using women instead. Get my fix, move on to the next flavor.” The shrug of his shoulders told me he hadn’t forgiven himself for the way he treated women in the past.
I studied his face and saw the stress lines in his forehead. We needed to talk about things that could cause him to go off or could come between us.
I sat up and straddled his lap. With both hands holding his face, I asked the hard question. “And now?”
“You want to know what the next fix is for me?”
I nodded, keeping his face directly in line with mine.
“You, our baby, and our home is where my life will be. I’ve never felt that contentment was a reality until now. Promise me you will never lie, and you will always put our family first, and I’ll do the same.”
“I promise. Je t'aime.”
Slowly, our tongues tangled as our kisses grew aggressive, and our bodies moved to find the position that brought us together as one. As I slid down on top of him, his hands held my sides, gliding us toward a perfect unison.
Hungry with passion for the completion that we could give one another, we moved in sync until I stalled, completely sated on his chest. Then he rolled me slowly to my back and pulled my legs close to my breasts. With a deep thrust, he created his pace until he reached his own satisfaction.
The smile that swept across his beaded lips said it all.
Snuggled in to his side, half asleep, I heard him talking as if no one was listening.
“The morning after we first made love, I called my mom, bawling like a baby. I could barely talk. She thought someone had died. I told her I knew you were the one. I was scared shitless because I’d never felt that way about anyone since Whit. When you disappeared for days, I was paralyzed.”
Hearing his every word, I also felt the fear his words conveyed.
It’s scary when you feel so strongly for someone that they hold the power to your existence. That is what I fought with my feelings for Tate. It’s hard to admit it, and when you finally do, you don’t breathe until you hear that person say he feels the same about you.
“When I went to clean up the coffee mess, did you know I could hear you and Marcus arguing? Then he came out and threatened me. I was so pissed, but now, I’m so grateful he was an ass. Best asshole I know.”
We both laughed.
“Yeah, you looked familiar, but everything happened so quickly. The blonde hair was gone, and you had a dermal piercing I didn’t remember. Wait, where’s the diamond?” He reached forward and brushed the area above my lip.
“You finally noticed. I took it out before we left Dallas. It was part of my rowdy past. But that life is behind me, and all I can think of is being in the future with you.”
“Can you deal with me being inside you right now…?”
19
We were at the track early, by one day, for Tate’s retirement announcement and party. It was the biggest testosterone-filled time I’d ever experienced. The camaraderie they shared as a team left him emotional when he talked about it. I thought he’d be distraught leaving the sport, but that morning of, his foot was in so much pain, he was ready to call even the party off.
“I’m getting too fucking old for this,” he grumbled as he got out of bed and hobbled to the shower.
He’d thrown his back out limping…at least that’s what he’d told the family and friends. I think he did it the night of our engagement during one of our kinkier sessions.
As much as I dreaded going to the track, it actually turned out quite fun. We spent several days there. While his team didn’t win the Le Mans race, they did manage to come in third.
The standard racing motto stood the test. “If you can’t be first, don’t ever be second or last.”
By the time we were on our flight back to Texas, I was too wired up to sleep. The media launch of Bolster’s Corvette Force game was starting the next week. So much buzz had already begun, I knew it was going to be successful. Everything we’d planned was coming to fruition and then some. We didn’t expect Game Day News to launch such a blitz, but they picked up the story of the game and had people waiting in line for tickets to release parties.
Tate and I had promised Marcus we’d come to New York for the launch parties, but I honestly didn’t know if I had another trip in me.
After a couple of days to unpack and relax at the ranch with Tate, life began to settle down. Tate was truly a hyper, go-getter type, and while I’d always considered myself one too, I realized that boy could spin circles around me.
He was riding four-wheelers and fixing fences when he should’ve had his foot propped up and healing. But he couldn’t sit down or be still.
So what was disturbing him?
“What’s up and don’t tell me ‘nothing’,” I said to him as he ate his dinner practically cold, standing at the kitchen bar. He’d been out hunting coyotes way after dark with his brother-in-law.
He chewed his bite of enchilada. “I don’t want to go to New York. I have this sick feeling that’s been haunting me for days.”
“Because?”
“Can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it’s because I found you there, and I don’t want to risk losing you there.”
I swung my leg over the bar stool and took a seat beside him, pulling on his jeans so that he’d sit too. “I could say you’re not gonna lose me, but we can’t predict the future. I’d rather just enjoy that penthouse with you for the weekend and drink Marcus’ expensive wine.
“You mean pretend to drink his wine, don’t you?”
Caught red-handed, I hedged. “Ah yeah, that’s what I meant. But don’t forget, the doctor said a glass every now and then was healthy. Hey! I’ve got something to show you, wait right there.”
When I returned with a black tank top that read “Arrow on board,” he almost fell off the stool.
“That cracks me up. Where did you get that?”
“Amanda. She had it made while we were in Paris. I think it’s fantastic.”
At least it changed his mood…
When the time came, I had rested enough to make the final trip to New York, and it didn’t disappoint. The launch party was a success, and the weekend celebrating with Marcus, Cord, and his team was a blast. Record sales always made people happy, but the attention to the new release was over-the-top insanity. Gamers!
Tate enjoyed being in the
spotlight again while autographing the games at one of the retailers. He had a serious following in the gaming world, which I didn’t discover until after we dove into the project. As much as he wouldn’t admit it, I knew he missed racing and all the “Bro club” nonsense.
Standing in the hotel bar where the rest of the gang was staying, we spent time getting to know all of the team and their wives and girlfriends. They scheduled a guys’ night out on Sunday for a group of the Bolster corporate guys to go to Happitizers Bar with Cord, Marcus and Tate.
“This is where the best ideas are born,” I overheard Cord tell one of his team members.
I was fine with spending the evening on my own. It gave me time to do something I’d wanted to get cleared up anyway. I just hoped seeing Mariah would give me the closure I desperately craved.
From going through the process from storyboards to launch, Tate had realized how good he really was at graphics and design. The marketing portion had been part of his career for years. When Marcus spoke about an opportunity to open a satellite agency in the Dallas market, we both said yes.
“It’s going to be sports only, and I’m not hiring a woman.”
“But I’m already pregnant. So, you don’t have to worry about me getting knocked up.” Lips out, I gave him my best pouty look.
He raised his brow. “Something tells me you two aren’t one and done. He’s got four sisters. You’ll be barefoot and pregnant more than once.”
Tate pulled me close to his side and kissed the top of my head. “Let her get through this one first, but I’m saying yes to the position,” he announced.
“Cheers!” Marcus raised his glass.
Back in the master suite at the penthouse, Tate relaxed on the bed while I snuggled next to him. “I’m gonna miss this bed,” he said.
“Why? Do you like it better than ours at home?”
“No. It’s where you first gave me one hundred percent of your trust.”
The night I was sleepwalking and went to him.
“My heart was already in love with you,” I whispered.
Here’s to the scratchpad…
Our beach wedding in Hawaii was simply beautiful. Rather than have a double wedding, we let Mia and Curtis have their day, and we got married two days later. Sharing the Christmas holiday and two weddings with our entire families was more excitement than I could’ve imagined. Everyone left for home after our ceremony, which gave us time to be alone and just enjoy the beach and each other.
At the reception, Tate made the announcement that our family was growing. He’d sat on that secret as long as he could. When he called the baby Arrow, I thought Lawrence was going to lose his mind with laughter.
“Please let it be a boy,” his dad begged.
His family was so accepting of Mom and me, it was surreal. I’d spent so many years alone that I didn’t know what a large, loving group of supportive people could feel like. Blood couldn’t make me family, but the heart could.
We returned home from Hawaii and settled into our life on his ranch. There was a lot of work needed to get it really livable and ready for company, and for the most part, it felt like we were living in a large cabin, only half of which had been renovated. But the work progressed, slowly and surely.
When I started sleepwalking again, Tate panicked. The third time, he found me outside, barely dressed, sitting in my car. Fear encapsulated both of us.
Was I subconsciously trying to run and if so, where?
That’s when we started counseling together. After several sessions, Dr. Sartain thought it was time I told Tate the truth about my visiting Mariah.
He paced the room, alternating from fidgeting with his hair to rubbing his face. “You were keeping up with her, her court case or what?” He was bitter that I hadn’t let it go like I’d promised.
“That day when I found her photos, I set a Google alert. For a while, it was dormant, but then I started getting information a few days later about how she’d turned State’s witness and would be testifying against the dirty cop and more. For some unexplainable reason, I’ve always felt the need to see her. I wanted answers to how everything went together. My puzzle of all of this was so broken.”
He jumped to his feet and threw a fit. “Of all the stupid moves, Willow. Let me guess—while we were in New York, you snuck off to see her.”
“Yes.”
“You lied about going shopping.” He was all but screaming.
“No, I went shopping, but I went to see her t—”
“There you go, making excuses for your omissions. What’s next, Willow? Is the baby even mine?”
How fucking dare he! My body began to shake violently at the revelation of his distrust.
I stood up and closed the gap between us. With my finger an inch from his nose, I lowered my voice for clarity. “You’ve got some nerve.”
My dad used to say that people divulged their truest questions and answers when they were angry. It was what gave them the courage they never would have otherwise.
So, now I know how he truly feels about me and the baby.
“God, I told you how I felt about going. I shared with you my angst of something bad happening,” he said.
“I wasn’t hurt. She was in jail and couldn’t get to me.”
“You’re an idiot. She got to you. THIS,” he waived his hand around the room, “this is how she got to you.” He paused again, his brow beaded in sweat that he dabbed at with the sleeve of his button up shirt. “Now, look what you’ve done to yourself. To us. It was easier to lie to me than to yourself. Did you get the answers you were looking for? Was it worth it?”
I shook my head.
“You broke your promise to me—”
Silence. Yes, I had.
“I’m so mad I just—” He walked out of the session and disappeared, but he’d left the keys to the car with the receptionist and a note that read, “Go home.”
Did that mean our home, my mom’s home…where was home without him…?
Once my secret was out of the bag, the sleepwalking stopped. However, the lie drove a wedge between us that I wasn’t sure could be closed.
I prayed it wouldn’t destroy us.
He spoke to me every morning, and he slept in another room without me every night. He was distant and hurt, and rightfully so. I’d violated our trust.
I knew he was drinking because I saw the empty bottles in the trash.
Please come back to me…
I left sweet notes for him in the pockets of his jacket or on the dash of his truck. I never saw them in the trash, but I couldn’t see where he was stashing them either.
Probably burning them, as mad as he was…
It was my belief that we should keep our marriage problems between us, so I didn’t talk to anyone else about it. But apparently Tate did. After a little over a week, his mom came to the ranch to have a late afternoon lunch with me.
“Has he settled down yet?” Sara asked as I offered her a seat at our new weathered zinc breakfast table that had arrived a few days earlier.
I’d refused to eat there alone, so I hadn’t even checked out how comfortable the hourglass chairs were. But, they definitely brought some style to the place.
“In what way?” It wasn’t my intent to give anything away. “He has his boot off, so he’s more comfortable doing all the things he was doing anyway, only now there’s very little handicap.” I chopped the veggies for our salad.
“He came to see me after he left you with the therapist. He’d been to the babies’ grave.”
Holy hell. I didn’t even know they had one. The thought of that scene sickened me so much I took a seat at the kitchen table in a hurry.
“He says he’s not controlling, but we know different. He’s scared out of his mind. I don’t think he could survive losing you or Arrow.”
“Then why is he being so distant?” His cold shoulder was hurting more than any word he could ever speak.
“He’s waiting for you to leave him. He’s t
esting you. I know it seems crazy, but he’s so in love with you, he can’t trust his feelings. In some way, I think he doesn’t believe he deserves to be happy.”
“But he does. I love him with every cell of my being. I trust him with my life… and that of our baby’s life.” Between my tears, snot, and emotions, I was a mess, but I knew Tate was my answer. “This is my fault.” I sank my head into my hands, full of despair.
Her confession gutted me. I finally felt his pain of that loss in every nerve of my body. I couldn’t survive losing him or Arrow either. Family meant everything to him, and he’d given up his career for ours.
“I’m sorry. I have to find him.” I ran outside and noticed one of his four-wheelers was gone, but when I walked around the house, I didn’t see him in the back pasture. Searching through the keys in his toolbox, I found a set to the other four-wheeler. Making sure I took things slowly, I drove it carefully, following a trail that we’d been down before.
The night was coming on, and the only sounds I heard were those of my sobs and the birds echoing my painful song.
I thought I knew where I was going, but it was well after dark by the time I realized I’d wandered off our property. The engine of the four-wheeler began to make a noise, and the headlight dimmed. That was the three-second warning that I’d run out of gas and was about to be stranded.
In the dark, I dug through the storage compartment under the seat, but nothing felt like a flashlight.
Triple shit.
January days in North Texas were often moderate, but the nights were cold. And typical me, I was wearing a sweatshirt, and yoga pants to accommodate my growing baby bump. The flip-flops on my feet were no match for the temps or the elements, and I didn’t know where the hell I was.
And the phone is on the bar…quadruple shit.
Bracing for the lecture I knew he’d hammer down on me, I thought about my rebuttal.
There’s never a reason to wait to make things right…
Tracks To Love: An Enemies To Lovers Alpha Hero Romance Page 12
